The "do you have a girlfriend?" question from family members
Oh god, let's NOT! I dread having to be asked that question, although my mother hasn't really asked me for about five years now, which probably means she already knows.
It's fine to have an affinity towards certain physical features, but it's not the same to write off an entire racial group because of it. That, my dear, is racism. Noting a race is still in your good graces and hasn't completely been written off only because you've found "very few" who we're worthy of your lust isn't saving your ass either. No one's asking you to change your preferences, just to not hold victim an entire group of beings because of it. If you can't do that, at least embrace the title of racist.
Grammaticaly the bolded part doesn't make sense, it's as if there are words missing/wrongly used or you didn't finish sentences before starting another, I don't get at all what you are saying... Can you rephrase? What I got from it: You are racist even if you do like a few people from that race, which is would disagree with... I never said I couldn't ever fall in love with someone from a different race, but chances are slim, also because most people I know are caucasians..
being myself is the hardest part. I feel like I can't hold hands with the person I love in public without getting ridiculed. I hate that. I always see the other hetero couples holding hands and being cute and want all those things but then I remember I'm gay and I'll get stares, comments and maybe worse. That part is awful.
Also awful:
masculine gay men thinking they're better than other gay men. great job upholding the patriarchy that keeps feminine anything oppressed and voiceless just because you want to fit in. a lot of "masculine" gay guys I know always talk about feminine gay guys like they're stupider, less acceptable blah blah blah. I swear our very own "community" is its own worst enemy.
This is another issue that needs to be brought up, when will it come a time when we come after our own community for a change?. We go after homophobic people all the time but never hold our community to a certain responsibility.
That is the case for a lot of bisexual men tho. So many of them refuse to admit that they identify with being gay because they don't want to shortchange their masculinity, and by emphasizing that you sleep with both women AND men (mainly women), you get placed a step above the abnormal, miserable, "men only" gay.
preach. while bisexuality does exist and should be respected all the bi guys I know talk about how much sex they like with WOMEN and oh yeah I kinda like guys, too, but mainly women did I say I'm attracted to women?
being myself is the hardest part. I feel like I can't hold hands with the person I love in public without getting ridiculed. I hate that. I always see the other hetero couples holding hands and being cute and want all those things but then I remember I'm gay and I'll get stares, comments and maybe worse. That part is awful.
Also awful:
masculine gay men thinking they're better than other gay men. great job upholding the patriarchy that keeps feminine anything oppressed and voiceless just because you want to fit in. a lot of "masculine" gay guys I know always talk about feminine gay guys like they're stupider, less acceptable blah blah blah. I swear our very own "community" is its own worst enemy.
The gospel
A lot of masculine gays/Tops consider themselves less gay because they don't act like what is perceived to be gay. I'm masculine too, but I don't consider myself any less gay because I'm attracted to men. Imo, if you're attracted to men, you're either gay or bi, there's no "I'm more man than you". It's ridiculous and this segregation should come to an end already.
In all honesty as a gay person you should be ashamed to invalidate someones personal struggles. Then again if all you're into is white guys it would be hard for you to see the picture due to your own bias.
This is why queer people of color get annoyed every time the subject of race gets brought up they get shut down and told how they don't know what they're talking about. An outsider looking in telling someone else they're wrong is a big part in why positive changes aren't being made.
Hate to break it to you but other white gay men themselves will tell you how there is a race totem poll in the LGBT community. Whites are at the very top and asians and blacks are the bottom you also have gay men of color who feed into the standard of beauty and only want white men especially gay asian males even though a good percent of gay white males aren't here for them.
Features have nothing to do with it you can be the most attractive black/asian man out there but you will get ignored for a slightly less attractive white guy because they are white.
Asian guys are afraid to message other men because they're afraid of being turned down for being asian (which happens alot) asians have a stigma of being twinks and small penises (I can tell you from personal experience that it isn't true)
Queer POC get stereotyped daily as either aggressive in bed (black men) or horny all the time (latin men)
You get pigeonholed into a box. Gay asians and gay black men are the least replied to on dating sites and even trying to talk to them on a platonic level you will get ignored.
And not just by white guys you will get ignored by other queers of color who are stuck on the white is right mentality.
So before trying to shut someone down as wrong why not ask why that is instead of assuming something you have no idea what is going on. We can all learn from each other.
Best post in this thread tbh. All you gays that have a "no blacks/Asians/only whites" preference should take notes.
Quote:
Originally posted by jayyyxtee
For me its seeing other people my age being open and public with their family and friends and be happy while I can't even talk about boys with my best friends
This one too. I'm bi but lean more toward gay and this honestly just sucks.
A lot of masculine gays/Tops consider themselves less gay because they don't act like what is perceived to be gay. I'm masculine too, but I don't consider myself any less gay because I'm attracted to men. Imo, if you're attracted to men, you're either gay or bi, there's no "I'm more man than you". It's ridiculous and this segregation should come to an end already.
Maybe twenty years ago it would have been super hard. But today's society is more accepting. That being said, it is still hard because being gay still isn't seen as just another normal thing about a person. It's still seen as exotic or weird, leading to the over-fetishization or being the punchline of jokes. Maybe in another twenty years it'll be alright for a gay to be gay.
We need to stop putting each other in a box its stifling our expression to be ourselves.
I agree!
I do have a question though... I never understood why gays start acting feminine once they are out.. Why the sudden need to put it in everyone's faces? Why adopt the behaviour and not just continue acting the way you have for all those other years
This is another issue that needs to be brought up, when will it come a time when we come after our own community for a change?. We go after homophobic people all the time but never hold our community to a certain responsibility.
Probably never. Think about the Glee example: Kurt is ridiculed constantly by other people on the show (for fun or for real) and by fans, nonfans and the media. He also happens to be the more feminine type of gay guy. Darren is totally acceptable because he acts straight, he acts masculine, and follows gender norms.
Sadly I don't think homophobia is going anywhere until SEXISM kicks the bucket a.k.a. never
I think the hardest thing for me is being bi and getting constant back lash from the LGBT community. People here don't believe bisexuality exists. Others believe its a front because I'm still "in the closet".
A lot of masculine gays/Tops consider themselves less gay because they don't act like what is perceived to be gay. I'm masculine too, but I don't consider myself any less gay because I'm attracted to men. Imo, if you're attracted to men, you're either gay or bi, there's no "I'm more man than you". It's ridiculous and this segregation should come to an end already.
just the fact that they want to be "less gay" is a huge problem in itself
For me its seeing other people my age being open and public with their family and friends and be happy while I can't even talk about boys with my best friends
For me its seeing other people my age being open and public with their family and friends and be happy while I can't even talk about boys with my best friends
! Trying to be a proud gay man in a society that thrives off of heteronormativity is an uphill battle. You can be gay, but you can't be too gay (i.e talking about your bf, complimenting other men, PDA) out of fear of making the breeders uncomfortable. Hence why you don't see a more intimate representation of gay couples on television.
I do have a question though... I never understood why gays start acting feminine once they are out.. Why the sudden need to put it in everyone's faces? Why adopt the behaviour and not just continue acting the way you have for all those other years
I see what you're saying it comes off as very fake unless that's how they always were and wanted to hide it. Even then shoving it in everyone;s faces is not the way to go, the best way to go about it is in a subtle manner. You're not a special snowflake for being out congrats is in due order but come on.
I'm bi but lean more toward gay and this honestly just sucks.
