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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 9
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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BATCH TWØ
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jpow – Just Scream
I was doing a little bop to the first verse until the “forever in a spin” line came and got me to a halT. This only a step or two above a “complete broken mess/without much repair” to give you a taste of your own medicine. The song lacked any sense of personality. There was really no way of knowing whether this was the theme song to a Harry Potter movie, a Twilight movie, or a bad bottoming sesh. This felt really lazy and uninspired, and I realize you weren’t really a fan of this challenge but I know you can do a lot better and it makes me want to “just scream” at you to put your heart into this again and produce another masterpiece.
Tylerbv – Vicious Game
I’ve been incredibly hard on you throughout this competition, and while I’ll admit this wasn’t anything mind-blowing, it was the first entry from you this season I genuinely enjoyed reading. My biggest problem here was in the chorus. You were being incredibly specific about the chorus without really identifying explicitly what was going on. “I need to make it out alive so I can keep her safe” doesn’t make much sense without the context of the movie at hand, yet I wouldn’t have known you chose the movie had you not already told me before reading the song. There were a few imprecise phrases that could have been strengthened, like “the risk is so high” which would have benefitted from a stronger, more descriptive word in place of “so” or “high”. This felt more like a song than anything you’ve submitted in the competition, and there were some clever lines as well (“the pounding cannons echo my racing heart” or “I’m running with my ghosts because I’m lost/I can’t figure out if winning is worth the cost”). Keep working on the little poetic imprecisions. A lot of time I feel like you have a really strong concept and a lot to say, but you struggle fitting everything within the boundaries a song requires. Still, I enjoyed this and love the growth I’m seeing.
HausOfNiko – Emotions
This kind of read like a piece of slam poetry to me for some reason. By the way I hate slam poetry. The chorus could have been a lot stronger. I loved the meaning behind your lines, especially “I’m sorry if acting human is unusual to you”, but each line seemed disjointed both structurally and semantically. There was a weird mix of extremely adult, vivid imagery and incredibly cheesy childlike visuals. You should have kept the tone more consistent throughout and appealed to the more childlike nature and audience of the movie. I don’t think the tone really fits a Pixar movie, and there wasn’t much other than the mention of the emotions themselves that told me this was written for Inside Out.
Citrus – Younger
Ugh, that “laid” line was like one double entendre away from being my favorite line this round. Anyways, this was the first comedy/novelty song this season I thought was actually done well. I screamed at the Reba and Kohl’s references, even if they’re a bit out of character for the actors in the movie. The flow in the chorus was really groovy and nice to read along to. There were a few throwaway lines, such as the first couplet of the bridge which hinted a bit too much at social standards for a comedy song, and I thought the first couplet could have been rephrased to be a bit cleverer. Also why did you link the google search for Grown Ups in the words Grown Ups? 
feelslikeadream – Metropolis
I’m sure you realize this, but the stressing and meter of your first verse made the word “city” really jarring in the last line. Since it’s repeated, it makes the line stand out but not in a great way. It’s really the biggest flaw here. Otherwise, I like how each verse vastly differs from the last but keeps consistency through its structure and the repeated line. I wish there was a bit more progression through the verses and voices, but I’m satisfied with the way you presented it.
Moonchild – River
Ironically, the flow rhyme in the verse flowed kinda weird. It seemed awkwardly worded, and I liked the meaning but it was kind of familiar. Your concept was nice but it felt a little overdone. I didn't like the "strife" rhyme, as it's one of those words that will almost always be a forced rhyme. I don't know a lot about the movie you chose but from what I can tell you seem to have fit the concept and storyline of it well, and while I admire that you refrained from retelling the story it still felt plain and ambiguous. A lot of the sections had strong elements (the first two lines of the "lanterns" stanza and the "dream" section) that ended in mediocrity or familiarity. The song wasn't bad overall but it definitely wasn't one of your strongest.
Dylbos – Double Agent
Man’s heart, not man heart’s, good God Dylbos. No but really I actually enjoyed this. It’s probably your strongest entry yet. The verses had great flow (minus “someone ordinary) and the imagery was extremely lush. I wish the chorus was a little more universal than “powerless tribe” but it definitely works for this challenge. The bridge could have been stronger, and felt like a lifeless impersonation of the rest of the song, but didn’t really detract from the song either. I’m glad you took some time to submit even if you were pretty late 
CountryBritney – El Laberinto Del Fauno
Wow, I love the whole feel of this. It feels very eerie and very atmospheric. You managed to make the emotion relatable and tangible all while making the movie the forefront of your song (take notes a certain contestant!). I’ll let Hor judge the Spanish portion of the song, but I felt it was a nice touch to the piece and I can see this working really well in a movie. I did find the chorus a little anticlimactic, but it doesn’t really detract from the song as much as keep it from reaching new highs.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Not Masc4Mascson actually loving my song  I can't take these MIXED MESSAGES 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
Not Masc4Mascson actually loving my song I can't take these MIXED MESSAGES |
A one minute they hate me then they love me tea
Nicki speaking that truth into existence. 
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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BTW I originally had "man's heart's" but I changed it cause I was like how the hell does "man is heart is" make sense 
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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swiftie13's Review
13. CountryBritney
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This is both eloquently written and committed to the the film. I knew you had it in you and you have proven that this week more than ever. You took a risk when implementing the Spanish but I think it paid off. This read as effortless and what I picture to be a soundtrack song.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
BTW I originally had "man's heart's" but I changed it cause I was like how the hell does "man is heart is" make sense |
the 's in that line shows possession, it's not a contraction 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Omg CitRu put a Reba reference in a song for Growns Up? I need to see this
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
Omg CitRu put a Reba reference in a song for Growns Up? I need to see this
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"If I look down I can't see my toes / When did Reba become my favorite show?"
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
"If I look down I can't see my toes / When did Reba become my favorite show?"
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Stan for Temporal's favorite artist!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
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Hi, I'm ___but everyone calls me ___.
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Is this me???
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Hi friends. I think we misunderstood what a jingle is.
A jingle is written to tie in with a brand. They're short, easy to memorize, and obviously call back to the product. Jingles do not insult the product, nor do they paint the product in a negative light. Some examples of jingles:
Quote:
Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer weiner,
that is what I'd truly like to be,
'cause if I were an Oscar Mayer weiner,
everyone would be in love with me.
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Quote:
I am stuck on band aid brand cos band aid's stuck on me
I am stuck on band aid brand cos band aid's stuck on me
Cos they hold on tight no matter what
On fingers toes and knees!
I am stuck on band aide brand cos band aid helps heal me!
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Quote:
I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid
They got a million toys at Toys R us that I can play with
I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid
They've got the best for so much less, you'll really flip your lid
From bikes to trains to video games
It's the biggest toy store there is (Gee Whiz!)
I don't wanna grow up, cause if I did
I couldn't be a Toys R Us kid!
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I don't really get the reluctance to the challenge, and not just because it was my idea: it was literally a test of asking "can you string together a short song following proper meter and rhyme scheme?". And the answer is apparently "no", which is kind of discouraging. Especially since this is one of the three most practical/applicable challenges in the competition, more so than "use erinaceous in a song about a graveyard", as fun as those types of challenges are. Jingle writing is a part of songwriting, and is how some songwriters/artists got their start.
With that out of the way, let's get to reviews! They're succinct and to the point: You earned or lost points according to different aspects of your jingle, how neat!
Comeback Round
Quote:
OreGuy –
+5 It’s a song…
+2 Which is actually a jingle
+1 Doesn’t insult the franchise/judges actually recommends the game
-1 Shuts out the rap genre, however
-1 Too many messages for a jingle
-1 Central line isn’t memorable enough to warrant repetition
KeshaFansRose –
+5 It’s a song…
-1 Which makes the product seem considerably unattractive
-1 Nazis not particularly popular in the mainstream at the moment
+2 Nazis had cool matching uniforms, the judging panel lacks such, will suggest organization of Formal Fridays at next panel brunch
+1 Is ballsy
-1 Not enough repetition of a catchy line or product name
UFO –
+5 It’s a song…
-1 Too wordy to make for an effective jingle
-1 Erases Temporal’s identity
+1 References to contestants and in-jokes are cute
-1 Alienates those outside of Platinum Hit
+2 Fourth stanza hits on the essence of a jingle the best
Musickid –
+5 It’s a song…
+1 …That’s pleasantly short…
-2 A bit too negative/uninviting, however
+1 Central line is actually catchy
Ceremonials –
+5 It’s a song…
+1 …That’s pleasantly short…
-2 A bit too negative/uninviting, however
+2 But he,y it gets back to being positive/encouraging
-1 Not nearly enough repetition to make for an effective jingle
Truffle. –
+5 It’s a song…
-1 Way too long, however
-1 Not nearly catchy enough to be a jingle
+1 Gritty realism is a nice touch
-2 Not very complimentary of the brand, though
+3 Actually writes out a drag for me instead of leaving it unwritten in the final product
Mxtthewdelrey –
+5 It’s a song…
+1 …And it’s the perfect length…
+1 …Actually shows the product in a positive light…
-2 Not enough repetition nor emphasis on the name of the product, however
Thecheetahwings –
+5 It’s a song…
+1 …It’s pleasantly short…
-1 Has weird structure for a jingle, though
+1 Is slightly catchy, however
-1 Negative parts could be done without
-1 Brand name could be more emphasized
+1 Subtle shade is subtle
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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Too scared to read the reviews after that introduction,
someone tell me what happened.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truffle.
Too scared to read the reviews after that introduction,
someone tell me what happened. |
The actual reviews are quite lighthearted, they aren't angry at all!
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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Oh wait, my review was kind of moderate.
I realized it was kind of long but didn't really want to take out parts,
although it could've managed without the outro nn.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Are they all +5?
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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I'd like to point out that I have the most positives at +9,
but my negatives bring me down to +5. 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Well damn, Top 3 for 8th, didn't think I'd see the day. I'm honored, though! I also seem to have a positive review from swiftie, but I don't think he mad much negative to say about anyone this week. I saw him post about being busy though, so I guess his scores will be the real indicator of how everyone did.
I might be able to float on by thanks to 8th's score! I really do love this game, and I'd like to still play it, but I just don't know what happened this week. 
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Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
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Quote:
-1 Nazis not particularly popular in the mainstream at the moment
+2 Nazis had cool matching uniforms, the judging panel lacks such, will suggest organization of Formal Fridays at next panel brunch
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