Sometimes I question if I like being gay. Partially because my parents, but also because ... I feel like I'll never find a relationship. Because of gay hookup culture, I feel like there's a lot expected of me, as if I have to give my body away just so that I can be close to someone. And that kind of love only lasts for a moment, fading away after we've taken what we wanted from each other.
Not only that, but I pass by many hot guys every day, and while I appreciate being able to gawk after them, I can't help but feel that I have absolutely no chance.
Water, water everywhere ... and not a drop to drink.
I try to read signals, I look for signs that they find me attractive. When I make eye contact with someone and they quickly look away, does this mean they were into me? Are they just socially awkward? Sometimes a guy is really nice to me, maybe too nice. Does that mean something?
I think I'm becoming increasingly cynical every passing moment, as I assign meaning to every single action a man could possibly do. Their facial expressions, the way they talk, the way they act. It has to mean something. I need to find a sign that I'm not completely hopeless, that there's somebody out there who loves me.
It's also hard being in the closet. Somehow, I feel guilty for who I am. It's selfish, being raised by my parents for two decades only to turn around and abandon their interests for the sake of my own, so I just keep my mouth shut.
I know what my mom expects from me. She wants me to marry a girl, and have kids with her in order to carry on the family name. She keeps asking me if I find the girls in my class attractive, if I'm dating my best friend Emma yet. And I say no every time. And she always tells me how she can't wait until she becomes a grandmother.
It ... just feels like I'm obligated to fulfill some kind of prophecy so that my mom can feel validated and complete. Is this what life is? Are we born just so that we can procreate and die? There has to be more to it than that, right?
It's funny isn't it, the way she lies to herself about who I am. The way she tries hard to find signs that I'm really straight. It reminds me of how I desperately try to find signs that a guy finds me attractive.
So I guess the two of us aren't that different after all. We both project our own thoughts onto people, expecting them to behave how we want them to.
We both know we're lying to ourselves, but it's easier to shroud ourselves in a lie than to face the truth.
Things can change, but that's up to me.
I need to stop overanalyzing people's actions and stop telling myself that I'll never find someone. Because if I act so hopeless and empty, then that's all I'll ever be.
And I love my mom, but what am I supposed to do? I could live a lie, marry a woman, have children, and not love them. Or I could tell her the truth. I can't sacrifice my happiness just to fulfill her unrealistic expectations of me, and she needs to know that.
Besides, she shouldn't feel validation from becoming a grandmother. She should feel validated because I know who I am. Maybe it wasn't what she was expecting, but that's none of her concern. She should just be happy that I understand myself more than ever.
And gay hookup culture is still a concern, but that's out of my control. I just have to keep building on myself, and hey, maybe one day I'll catch someone's attention.
Temporal
pur•i•ty trin•i•ty
mol·e·cule
ˈmäləˌkyo͞ol/
noun
plural noun: molecules
a group of atoms bonded together, representing the smallest fundamental unit of a chemical compound that can take part in a chemical reaction.
molecules make up everything from your dick to beyoncé's 20 grammys on her mantle. they're as pure as it gets, representing something that can't be spoiled or destroyed (sans nuclear war, but that was outlawed so ). the instrumentation here also lacks the grit or drive to distort that.
heal
hēl/
verb
(of a person or treatment) cause (a wound, injury, or person) to become sound or healthy again.
healing is an attempt or process to regain purity, to return to a natural state. every sound here is so simple and clear, from the lonely synth to empress of music goulding's voice in order to facilitate that.
sex·u·al·i·ty
ˌsekSHəˈwalədē/
noun
capacity for sexual feelings.
i know sexuality is seen as an impure thing by a lot of people, but i think stigmatizing something so innate as the reason we're all alive is contradictory and stupid. sexuality in itself is pure, but it's only feared because it's one of the few things that can't be totally controlled.[/endrant]
Kingie
THE TIME TRINITY *that's maybe also a bit dark if you wanna look at it that way I guess
The First Generation
The Second Generation
The song is Ratchet Behaviour by All Saints, youtube was being a little bitch
The Third Generation
Witch Privilege
Dark Trinity: Horror Meets Music
Bloody Mary
Bloody Mary is a popular folklore in which you evoke an evil spirit by chanting her name three times in a mirror in a dark room lit only with a single candle. Many movies have been made based off of this story, and is especially popular during Halloween. In Gaga's song, this is reflected in the dark sounds of the production, and the repetition of lyrics 3 times in the chorus (dance, dance dance/hands, hands, hands). The legend of Bloody Mary appearing has been explained away by saying that staring in a low-lit mirror for a long period of time can simply just cause someone to hallucinate. This reflects in Gaga's song, as well. because in the song, she describes it as a struggle between reality and fantasy.
Poltergeist
Poltergeist is a popular folklore character, as well. It is a "noisy ghost" that can cause anything from some mischief, to full on physical harm to a human. In Banks' song, this is reflected by the dark electronic production, in which there are a variety eerie and loud noises used to represent the poltergeist. In the movie adaptation, the little girl receives messages from the Poltergeist through the static in the television. This is represented in the song by the line "I've been getting messages from my deep waters", showing that Banks, too, is communicating with her own ghost. This communication with the ghost is how it gets into your mind, and really starts to play tricks on you. This is shown in the movie by ghost becoming violent to the girl's family, and in the song by Banks becoming aware that she is being followed by a spirit from her past.
Scream
Lastly, we have a different kind of folklore that inspired a movie, and a song that has many similarities, Scream. The lore for Scream was loosely based on a real life murder spree. It is a meta-critique on society as you see a hailstorm of press reporters invading people's lives to get the story they want, no matter the cost. In the Scream movie, the vilifying of Billy Loomis' father by the media turned him into a killer. Michael Jackson was equally vilified by the media surrounding his court case, and it really took a toll on his mental health, and lead him down a dark path. In the Scream movie, we see the Ghostface killer using a voice changer when he speaks to his victims. In the Scream song, there is a lot of vocal distortion, which gives a powerful impact to Michael's message to the media, his "victims" on this song. We also see that in both the movie, and the song, they are accompanied by a partner that they convinced to see their perspective, Michael has Janet, and Billy has Stu.
Hugamari
Hugamari's Pits Trinity
Kid songs with adult lyrics
Some songs are...forgettable. Some songs are bad. Some songs are TERRIBLE...but there are some songs that would make any sane person SICK if they actually took the time to look at the themes of them. These songs are sung by children, and it's really messed up if you think about it.
This song, called "OMG", is by Jenna Rose. Currently, in 2016, she is 18 years old...now take into consideration the fact that 5 years ago, when she was 13 at BEST, she had a song with lyrics like "You know that you want to, you know that you need to" and "Take a picture, it'll last longer". What does this person NEED exactly? You, 13 year old Jenna? And the part about taking a picture...yes, that is a good way to keep memories, but what this line represents in the IMMORTALITY OF PEDOPHILIA. (actually hebephilia if you want to get technical, but my point remains.) With these themes, it's not hard to feel uneasy during the song and video (which features her as a lolita ballerina.)
Moving on to a boy, "Spotlight" by Punch and Silento, may just seem like an innocent enough dance song with an infectious chorus and hard-hitting synths. However, when we take a closer look at the lyrics, you realize the song is much more disturbing coming from a 14-year-old boy.
"All night, I've been watching you..." is how the song starts off and RIGHT AWAY we see a problem. Stalking is not something to be romanticized. It is a genuine problem and to see that this idea is seen as okay for a young child to be singing about is revolting. Also, at the end of the intro, he says "turn up", which if you're hip on the slang, is associated with partying, drinking, smoking, and sexual intercourse. AND THIS IS OKAY FOR A 14-YEAR-OLD? Lastly, he has a line that goes "Age ain't nothing but a number" you know who else had a line like that? R. KELLY, WHO PEED ON A 15 YEAR OLD GIRL. This song is very deceptive in it's disgusting themes, but they're THERE.
Lastly, we have a duo. Tweenchronic released this song, called "Skip Rope", and even though I'm not entirely sure of their age, I honestly do not think they were older than 12. In the video, they are depicted doing many "adult" things, such as drinking 40 oz. beer, doing drugs, being in a gang, and getting arrested by police. The real disturbing parts of the video are the fact that it's being played off as something cute, fun, and innocent seeing as the children actually are doing innocent things, but they're shown in an adult way. What's more is that there is actually an adult IN THE SONG AND VIDEO and he is actively profiting off of the sexualization and edgification of these children. It makes the whole video extremely disturbing when you look at the full picture.
jpow
The Last Supper is a painting by Leonardo da Vinci from the late 15th century. It captures the moment Jesus told his apostles that one of them would betray him in the future. Bartholomew, James, and Andrew on the left are all surprised at the news. Matthew, Jude, and Simon on the right are confused and seek Simon for a possible answer. In the middle is officially declared as John, but conspiracy theorists have stated that this figure is not John but Mary Magdalene who was there at the supper but only there to clean the apostles feet. It is rumoured that Mary and Jesus were dating secretly and it had been covered up by early Christians. This painting is often called one of the most famous paintings in history.
What do you all think? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below
I think it's kinda a kii how empty it is in here. Always gets like this at the semifinals.
Anyhow I added jpow to the entries! Results will probably come Saturday (sorry). I've had a really stressful, busy week and I have plans tomorrow night.
I think it's kinda a kii how empty it is in here. Always gets like this at the semifinals.
Anyhow I added jpow to the entries! Results will probably come Saturday (sorry). I've had a really stressful, busy week and I have plans tomorrow night.
It's ok, some of us waited til last minute to do our entries so we deserve to wait
I think it's kinda a kii how empty it is in here. Always gets like this at the semifinals.
Anyhow I added jpow to the entries! Results will probably come Saturday (sorry). I've had a really stressful, busy week and I have plans tomorrow night.
I don't mind if results come this weekend. I'm caught up with work myself so I'm too busy to be around until the weekend anyway
I'm still here finding songs. Ugh.
fireaero
). the instrumentation here also lacks the grit or drive to distort that. 
