This is probably the last time I can tune in before going on my short trip. I'll try to get in via phone but it'll be hard.
Thanks for your comments GS and Huga. Kind of disappointed neither of you got certain references I put in there (30 pieces). But neither did anyone I sent the song to . I appreciate the comments though and I'll take them on board for next time, should I survive.
01. keshaspearsxo – Bottle (Ecstasy)
"And the first kiss, awkward lips," such beautiful and clever wordplay within this song. This is one of my favorites by you yet. The beauty of this love and all their colorful fragments piece together to create something that I feel is very vivid and descriptive. Euphoria and sensuality piece together a great tone of ecstasy. Well done.
02. inuborg – For A Little While (Depression)
The bridge was my favorite part of the song. It really pieced together all of these little moments in his head that just aren't coming together that really drag and burn. Love, and the pain and angst that come with it, is a dangerous beast that this individual has realized and it hurts him so. I think the chorus could have been a little tightened up - it was good but it could have been stronger. I was a fan of the verses. Good job.
03. URBAN – Believe (Free Yourself) (Freedom)
Kind of reminds me a little bit of one of Katy Perry's inspiration songs like Firework and Roar (not a drag even though that's different than the genre you set it out to be). You set the tone perfectly - it does just what it needs to do - if sometimes on the nose a little too much. This is a simple song and I can really hear this even before I listened to the chorus. It could have used more variety and differentiation but you met what you were trying to achieve with this song.
04. ausdaniel – Quarantine (Jealousy)
The jealousy is strong with this one. There is a palpable mood of anger and envy throughout this selection, twinged with bouts of melancholy and defeat. I really like the chorus and the analogy you are using with the heart being a place of a failed quarantine and the radiation eating you away inside. However, the analogy could have been developed further throughout the song and I think that really would have elevated the material to an even higher rate.
05. Dylobs – On My Own (Loneliness)
The best part of this song is the bridge. I think it really drives home that sense of urgency and dread that loneliness can create. "A false pretense, a shattered wall / the walls are closing in on me," it sounds great and it feels great. I think the ideas that you are communicating in your verses are good but I think they could use some more definition. I liked that you gave this emotion a bit of a resolution to it. An answer.
06. conatus – Sorrysong (Guilt)
Interesting title choice - Lovesong is such a popular song title and it was interesting to see it inverted like this. Your chorus is so beautifully developed. You plead, you beg, grovelling for forgiveness for the intense feelings that throb inside your skull. You realize that the choices you have made have consequences. The analogy in the first chorus of a man with a rock giving away to the weight is truly great. Guilt has never felt so heavy.
07. jpow – Resolution (Ecstasy)
The sexual nature of this song really speaks to me (no jokes). I think that sexual pleasure is probably the most physical, primal, and passionate form that ecstasy can take. Your words were very simple - reaching for you to advance, to give in, to listen. The bridge of the song literally sounds like a climax just before you're exhausted and it is awesome to me.
08. Buyonce1814 – How I Feel (Betrayal)
That chorus is vicious! There's a lot to like here, I think my favorite being the pre-chorus. You articulate the rage with your short language, each ending phrase rhyming together, like a shot from a gun. Perfect build up to the scathing chorus. Some of the lines, mainly in the middle of the first verse, didn't quite work for me - it was hard for me to hear some of it in a lyrical context. But betrayal was quite evident here - the mood, the tone, everything came together for the challenge. I enjoyed this.
09. Vulnicura – Control (Depression)
"Feel your caress with your index," amazing line, clever. The entire song was just perfect for me. I love your rhyming scheme, the structure to it, it just sort of clicks on your head. I can hear this as a song. You chose an interesting form of depression.. loss of control is probably the earliest onset of depression and it can be tricky to write. But this went above my expectations, one of my favorites of the night, and just a really good song.
10. Kunst – I Bet (Betrayal)
It was interesting to see the person behind the betrayal instead of the typical woe is me that can become prevalent with the betrayal emotion. It's out of the ordinary and give us a unique perspective to it. Kudos for that. The structure to your words and the way you paint them together work for me; however, at the same time, I think you could also step back a little bit and make things a little bit more simpler for yourself.
11. TheCheetahwings – Solidarity (Loneliness)
The best parts of this song are the chorus and the bridge. You could feel the loneliness from this individual - their fear, their pain, their acceptance. Your bridge especially has some very good word choices and phrasing. "Suddenly I remember what it was like
when every piece fit together just right," for me, stuck out the most in a positive way. The first verse is probably the weakest for me and that is due to some of your word choices that just didn't come together for me there. But this was a good song and I don't think that'll take away from it too much.
12. UFO – Dancing With The Daffodils (Freedom)
Dancing With The Daffodils, from an image standpoint, is such a cute thing to imagine. I can't think of anything more carefree than something that innocent and natural. My favorite part of your song were the mirrored verses, between the first and the second, juxtaposing "heaven" and "hell" here was really awesome and helped build up the theme to the selection. The song definitely fit in with the challenge guidelines and felt naturally easy, breezy, and unique.
05. Dylobs – On My Own (Loneliness)
The best part of this song is the bridge. I think it really drives home that sense of urgency and dread that loneliness can create. "A false pretense, a shattered wall / the walls are closing in on me," it sounds great and it feels great. I think the ideas that you are communicating in your verses are good but I think they could use some more definition. I liked that you gave this emotion a bit of a resolution to it. An answer.
Well this is different criticism to other judges. I'm surprised you didn't like the verses as much
13. Jaxswim – Touch (Confusion)
Confusion is really well put together here. The person is having issues deciding what they get from this other person, their touch, what do they feel? It's a game of yes and no. I like that. However, I think that everything in the verses did not really come together in one full thought and felt like several different thoughts racing around. I get what you were trying to do but I don't think it quite worked out. The confusion is there, yes, but I think it could have worked better if it were more uniform and together.
14. Tymps. – Lovesick (Guilt)
There are actually a lot of different emotions here at play. I enjoyed this. Emotions are multi-faceted and commonly branch off mildly into others - there is rage here - like there is when one feels guilt in real life. It's embarrassment. How could you have not known that "all princes lie?" I think the guilt that you feel here is almost like a shame of a sort. It's a bit vague; not really in a bad or good way. Great word choices, loved the image of "my bones are yours to pick" in the bridge and felt it had a good meter and was well written.
15. Achilles. – Running Free (Freedom)
The verses here are really well made. They come together and complete their thoughts, used different patterns than you had in the past. Chorus was pretty weak to me though - it definitely served its purpose, so it was not wasted in any way or form, but I feel like you could have developed something a lot stronger with the chorus after how much I liked the verses. The sense of freedom was definitely there, the chorus reminding us of them running free multiple times, as well as in the verses.
16. ceremonials – False Prophet (Betrayal)
Judas. The literal depiction and description of the man that betrayed the holiest and purest figure in biblical literature. The metaphor here worked. I think you have been improving throughout this challenge. There was some great choices here, "blistering silence and solitude" being one of my favorites, and the repetition worked instead of being a hinderance or a mistake. It added to the theme of betrayal. My favorite part of the verse was your second verse, which felt bigger and bolder than some of your past material. I'm excited to hear more.
17. MattyTacos – Cry Wolf (Jealousy)
There was a lot I liked with this song. The metaphor for jealousy with the wolf was apt. You used colorful language, had a good meter, thoughts finished thoughts. It felt a bit weaker to me than some of your earlier entries, however, and could have had a bit more meat to it. Hardly a knock down after all the good work you've done so far, as this is still quite good.
18. 8thPrince – Wont Hurt You (Guilt)
Gripping. There was a story to this song and I really liked the layers you built with it. You are open and honest about the awful thing that you did but you never specifically say it: the guilt is not just towards this particularly person but to the guilt you feel yourself. You are burdened. You are ashamed. And that's really different from what we'd expect with this challenge. The song worked structurally and there some interesting usages of imagery within here, "I'm too afraid to face the one person who ever came to my defense" is so raw. It's easy to envision yet painful to think about. Really great work.
19. Kworb – Reshape (Freedom)
You have such a lovely way with words, Kworb, you really do. The thoughts and ways you get around to expressing the themes of your work is really something else. Your strongest asset is the building you do with atmosphere and image - "blue depths," "rivers that roll down hills." This was a different perspective of freedom and I enjoyed seeing this twist with it.
20. Jack! – Night Night (Depression)
Dark ending and possibly controversial choice? However, it was my favorite part of the song because it felt very honest to the emotion. Depression is a serious beast and that's a part of the conversation not everyone is willing to go towards. Some of it felt a little bit formulaic, some a bit cliched, but overall it was a good effort. I think it would have been a little more interesting if you had gone darker places with it. That being said, I'm ironically happy that you chose to do so at the end.
21. ClarksonSlays – Pain Remains (Guilt)
"I prayed for you to come home, soon I realized I was alone." Interesting topic for dealing with guilt. I almost think you could have gotten away without telling us the subtext with 9/11. It's all so jarring, fragmented, scattered. There are times of connected thought. There are times of chaos. You showed this in your writing and I, as someone else who has a morbid interest in tragedies such as this, appreciate taking the time to look at something so disturbed and tragic through the eyes of something different than, say, depression. Survivals guilt is a very real thing.
22. swiftie13 – The Jungle (Desire)
This song is very sensual to the core. Desire, as sexual honesty, is a difficult thing to write about well. Something so primal does not always translate to beauty - sometimes lust is just dirty, sometimes it is gorgeously human. Here, I think you have some great ideas that are woven together well. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't, but your skill as a writer/lyricist shines through and I really enjoyed the different allegories you use to describe the jungle.
23. Moonchild – Lifeblood (Desire)
This was so beautiful. The sensuality here is so warm and inviting. The desire is based in lust but comes from someone or something much more fragile - there's innocence here. You have a real skill with storytelling and feeling. The emotions you give to us are so laid bare, thoughtlessly, honestly, and pure. Everything is so genuine and I love it.
24. Element – Roads (Confusion)
The metaphor here for finding the road, or path, here is a good choice for searching for clarity. There is nothing more confusing and frustrating than losing your way. I think you show us this emotion very well. I think, generally, you could have built up some parts of the song more - the bridge could use some work, namely. Overall, the song was good and you met our objective for this challenge.
11. TheCheetahwings –Solitary (Loneliness)
The best parts of this song are the chorus and the bridge. You could feel the loneliness from this individual - their fear, their pain, their acceptance. Your bridge especially has some very good word choices and phrasing. "Suddenly I remember what it was like / when every piece fit together just right," for me, stuck out the most in a positive way. The first verse is probably the weakest for me and that is due to some of your word choices that just didn't come together for me there. But this was a good song and I don't think that'll take away from it too much.
I'm actually so annoyed at Huga right now. Ever since he introduced me to those twinkie twins, I haven't stopped watching their videos. How am I expected to write quality songs when I can't stop myself from watching things like this:
I mean 0:44 alone These twins will be the death of me
Also I should have made it more clear it was about rape because I think people missed it
Well it sucks that my whole entire game is now ruined because of one song since it carries over to every round!
Assuming you make it through to Round 5, your score from this round will make up like 6% of your next HitList score and its weight will only decrease as the rounds go on. Previous scores will never dramatically affect the score for the round.
I have work all day tomorrow again so results will be later (about 24 hours from now, Sat 8am EST). Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about this.
Because of this I'll post my comments later on so there's not so much of a wait between comments and results. My comments should be up in about 9 hours from now, or Fri 3pm EST.
. I appreciate the comments though and I'll take them on board for next time, should I survive.
Interesting topic for dealing with guilt. I almost think you could have gotten away without telling us the subtext with 9/11. It's all so jarring, fragmented, scattered. There are times of connected thought. There are times of chaos. You showed this in your writing and I, as someone else who has a morbid interest in tragedies such as this, appreciate taking the time to look at something so disturbed and tragic through the eyes of something different than, say, depression. Survivals guilt is a very real thing.
I'm glad you liked it!
Previous scores will never dramatically affect the score for the round.
I hope GS's hints is from bottom to top. 