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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 9
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Before we get started, general critiques of the submissions for my label:
First of all, thanks for choosing my label! I'd like to think it was a challenge to write for the group I came up with.
My thoughts: In all honesty, I felt like you guys didn't really tap into the potential this label had. I was looking for you guys to shake things up and submit a non-standard PH song this week, as you had a lot of opportunity. Think about it: you were writing for a vocal quintet, a group that has rap capabilities, speaking parts, asked for more avant garde/experimental ideas, funky wordplay etc. It was very different from how we generally write for this competition, and even then, none of the songs really got clear of the typical Platinum Hit entry.
Saga Entertainment
Quote:
Vision –
What you did well: First of all, the opening message. Very professional and a nice touch!
Your choice of metaphor was a great one for John Doe: The nonsensical nature of Lewis Carroll’s work definitely fits their image as a band that is out of the ordinary and bizarre. Also great was how you extended it over the entire song, giving a consistent motif that can be expressed visually. A&R also liked your inclusion of spoken word passages. They will certainly be great parts for some of John Doe’s more vocally-challenged members!
The negatives: Content-wise, the aspect of your song that brought most alarm to A&R was the first verse: the final two lines read as too sexually aggressive for an act such as John Doe. A sentiment like that will definitely rub parents of their younger audience the wrong way.
Additionally, while we like the Carroll component of the metaphor, we don’t like what it represents. It’s not a matter of having to be straight-edge, but advertising that to parents so blatantly in the music isn’t the best move for the brand. Additionally, taking a position on drug use--in this case a negative stance—alienates some of the older audience, and just comes off as sort of “uncool” and preachy.
A&R is also weary of how short the song is. It is supposed to be a pop uptempo at its core, so an additional bridge and chorus to further show off the boys would’ve been appreciated.
Citrus –
What you did well: Firstly, A&R loved the concept! They thought a classic slasher concept would make for a great visual package as a Halloween single for the group. There are some parts of the song that really capture onto John Doe’s essence, we’re talking about the second verse: the entire section is very smartly written and brimming with self-awareness and character. It’s a memorable part! We especially liked “We yell at the girls for checking the noise instead of calling the cops//And don’t get us started on stupid boys who think now’s a good time to get off”. It’s witty, snarky, and has a trendy pop culture edge to it. That’s the type of edge we were looking for. But how did you fare elsewhere?
The negatives: We felt the single was too blatantly targeting John Doe’s younger female audience. “I want to take you to a scary movie” is a theme that resonates with their target audience, but not so much their male periphery audience, and we’re looking to not lose their support. Additionally, it’s a bit more juvenile of a sentiment, and won’t attract their older audience that is there for their music, not so much the boys themselves.
Also, we felt as if the slasher motif isn’t consistent enough. We thought the song should have either dug into evoking more classic horror elements, or instead should’ve focused on the idea of taking a date to a scary movie, perhaps making the song more lighthearted and styling it after 60s boy bands, which would’ve played up John Doe’s strengths as a quintet, with more interaction between the boys.
As the song is, the underlying message’s glumness conflicts with the fun aspects of a horror motif.
Jpow –
What you did well: Our A&R department thinks the concept of your piece is fantastic, and has a strong visual tie-in: it definitely could be used as inspiration for the album artwork. Anyways, the references to classic paintings are definitely different, slightly sophisticated, and keep John Doe somewhat tied into pop culture. We’re especially fond of the girl in question emerging from an oyster and gaining a pearl earring.
The negatives: We’re wondering if the piece is a bit too sophisticated, actually. We worry it may come off as “stuffy”, and that it lacks moments that emanate some memorable character. Our team was especially interested in finding tracks with bizarre word choice and interesting wordplay, and this might be a bit too scholarly for our group. It needs to be a bit looser.
Feelslikeadream –
What you did well: The team thought the song was great. Really well executed, especially the last stanza of the chorus, the last line is particularly nice: “never really home until you’re in your final resting place”.
The negatives: Doesn’t work as a song for John Doe. It’s simply too dark without any concessions to subtlety or beautiful unearthliness, which is what we aim for with all of John Doe’s downtempos. We were hoping for songs that chill, rather than ones so pessimistically bleak.
Nait Phoenix
Some lyrical missteps here, such as sentence inversion for a rhyme scheme, and some cases of straight up poor grammar ("More stronger"). You do have a strong sense of meter, which aids in catchiness, a great positive for attracting the pop audience. The chorus is also nice, simple, and easy to remember. I'd look forward to you doing more choruses like that.
But does it work as a John Doe song? In my opinion, no. It's too conventional, and doesn't have enough moments of sparkling character or interaction. I was hoping to see more of that, rather than the average PH song this week.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Quote:
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The team thought the song was great. Really well executed
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Slay! 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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bee tee dubzzzz this reviewing format is only for my label, the rest of you will just get standard reviews
Also @Vision you should know I wouldn't care if lyrics sound rapey/murder-y/pedophilic/[insert morally corrupt action here] under any other circumstances. My imaginary money is on the line here though so that's why I pointed it out. Don't think you have to adjust your style for that or anything, it's feedback for this single piece, not overarching advice.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
bee tee dubzzzz this reviewing format is only for my label, the rest of you will just get standard reviews
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so did any of our songs actually get chosen for the label?
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Quote:
Originally posted by jpow
so did any of our songs actually get chosen for the label?
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Looks like a NO, but I don't think we find out until results. I think mine would be a cute album track tho. Esp. a bonus track, since those can be more mature 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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John Doe's album cancelled.
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Wait, so I'm not in any label at all now? 
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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John Doe is a very picky artist
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
Wait, so I'm not in any label at all now? |
didn't you switch from my label on the last day or something?
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
didn't you switch from my label on the last day or something?
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I would've sent a PM to Temp if I did…
Don't take EVERYTHING I say in this thread seriously…
I've been on your label since day 1…
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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MESS!
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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I'll take the critique of being too sophisticated though. John Doe is coming for their high MC score now 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
I would've sent a PM to Temp if I did…
Don't take EVERYTHING I say in this thread seriously…
I've been on your label since day 1…
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
So, this is going to sound awful, but can I switch to 776 Records?
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This is legit your last post related to the challenge in the thread. Who's label are you on?
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
This is legit your last post related to the challenge in the thread. Who's label are you on?
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#Mess to Infinity
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 7,250
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
I would've sent a PM to Temp if I did…
Don't take EVERYTHING I say in this thread seriously…
I've been on your label since day 1…
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You stupid ****ing bitch
Don't be a Devon rn with saying something in the thread and then the excuse that you were joking
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
This is legit your last post related to the challenge in the thread. Who's label are you on?
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And I posted that right after you posted your "sample song"…
Jeez, I need to do better on my whole "shade" thing… 
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