Part Three: 12-1
Please note, this is worst meaning bad. Not worst meaning good. I've already done the Best Songs of 2013 earlier on.
I repeat:
THESE 12 SONGS ARE THE WORST SONGS OF THE YEAR. SO IF YOU'RE A FAN DON'T BE SO EXCITED TO SEE THEM IN THE TOP TEN HERE, FOR THEY ARE MAJOR SUCKAGE
Ahem. Figure it's necessary.
12 "1994," Jason Aldean
This is hands down the worst of the "list" songs. Plus, there's rap. Well, "rap."
Seriously, Jason, what is this? I mean I love Joe Diffie (and the fact that he STILL has his mullet) but seriously this is just a boring idea for a song (let's name drop all of Diffie's hits!) and as a tribute to him it's stupid. And the whole production of the lyrics (and how he says "holler" *shudder*) are soooooooooooooooooooo cliche. This is lazy country bro music at its absolutely worst.
11 "Don't Think They Know," Chris Brown ft. Aaliyah
STEP THE F AWAY FROM THE AALIYAH!
AND HOW IS THIS A COVER?
10 "Scream And Shout (Remix)," will.i.am ft. Britney Spears, Waka Flocka Flame, Diddy, Lil' Wayne and Hit-Boy
I actually think I vented everything I wanted to about this in the Worst Videos list. It's unnecessary, Diddy is annoying as hell, Britney's on auto-pilot and Waka is the only thing I can remotely stand on this.
9 "Ham," Collette Carr ft. Ben J
(Cover not on Wiki. Or anywhere.)
Um...no. No you are not. And not this is not. You can't rap (which was known from your No ID song with Frankmusik) and you can barely sing. This is annoying and you need to stop already.
8 "Cruise (Remix)," Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly
A useless remix to a useless song with a useless and dumb as eff pick up line for a chorus. Moving along.
But hey, they join Beyonce as the only artist I can recall making the Worst Of list in back to back years with the same song.
7 "Beat This Summer," Brad Paisley
I actually just categorically hate and despise this song, and tense up every time it plays. It's just a horrible trite, tryhard and aggravating song that needs to die.
But it's not the worst Brad song on this list. Everyone sing along as we discuss...
6 "Accidental Racist," Brad Paisley ft. LL Cool J
So if I follow the actual text right, blacks should be totally ok with white guys wearing a confederate flag cuz it denotes "southern" pride, forgetting that "southern" pride tends to have a negative connotation. And that white guys should not hold biases against black guys who look thugged out.
Hm.
While the vague notion of the idea (prejudices are bad, ya'll) is fine, the actual text is not. I'm sorry LL, but why the hell are we equating chains slaves wore with the gold chains on your neck and if one doesn't judge your for wearing them (which I don't think you've worn since 2001 but whatever) you won't judge this nameless white dude in the song for 300 years of slavery and inherent discrimination that was legislated on high and continues to this very day.Which makes LL's rap even more baffling, as his "solutions" as they are...are really dumb.
Look, I don't wanna be TUMBLR SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR and even if I wanted to I'd be disregarded since I'm a white man. A gay white man, but white and male means ixnay-on-the-message-interpreting-even-if-you're-teaching-politics-to-da-churren-ay. But there are ways to deal with racism in song and this is most certainly not the means to go about it. I know Brad took a lot of heat and has apparently learned something about this, which is nice, but the fact that anyone thought this was a good idea is baffling.
And at the end, the whole song is lyrically lazy.
5 "Banga Banga," Austin Mahone
Oh, hi America's Justin Bieber! So, why is this more bad than "What About Love"? He's trying to rap. And it goes as well as Jason Aldean. And the song is basically just "What About Love" after the girl ran the hell away from the clinger.
And the fact they say "banga banga banga banga" like it's a compliment is rather baffling.
4 "Titty's Beer," Montgomery Gentry.
(Not the cover. The cover doesn't exist. Plus it's A COVER. A COVER.)
Yes folks, that's the title. It's about a dude who get's his dad's beer recipe and wants to come up with a clever name to sell it under. And decides that nothing goes better with beer than breasteses.
That's the plot.
Add in the "country list" and "woman list" to it and we have some rank crap from countryland. AND THIS IS A COVER?!?!??!?!?!?!? (Hence everyone being blinded by the glamour that is Colton Ford up there) WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND...never mind. No minds were harmed in this nightmare.
3 "Acapella," Karmin
Firstly, the song is dumb. Secondly, the chorus is illogical. Thirdly I'm pretty sure she's off whatever key she thinks she's singing in the whole time. Fourthly, the "falsetto" part should be grounds to have her arrested for war crimes. Time to say buh-bye to your careers.
2 "I Hit It First," Ray-J ft. Bobby Brackin
And no one cares. Although we all blame you.
1 "Can't Believe It," Flo Rida ft. Pitbull
Seriously, it's just a song about ass. I mean, so is "Who Booty" but this is exceptionally lazy rapping by both of them, a horrible beat utilized and just deranged languageto "compliment" a woman's ass. Congrats Flo, you're worse than Ray-J!
Albums of the Year start tomorrow, and thankfully I don't need to comment on those