ATRL has absolutely surprised me, I'm loving most of the comments in this thread! I don't think anyone understands how hurtful it can be for some, especially to those who are insecure and feel rejected when they see "no ____" constantly.
This isn't an attitude that's just reflected online. As someone who works for and in the LGBT community, I have dealt with a lot of subtle face to face discrimination and ignorant comments. It no longer surprises me, there's ignorance in every community. I guess I expect more from people that have been marginalized.
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Originally posted by B'Day
It's hard. I always try to be optimistic -- if someone says: 'no Asians, no blacks' etc then I just take it as a blessing that I don't have to waste time on this racist scum bag and just move on
I agree. You get to save time!
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Originally posted by J a y
Referring to online dating, which is primarily used by individuals who want sex immediately. It's not a true reflection of the millions of homosexuals on this planet. If people spent less time judging life through a screen, we'd have far less issues to debate about online. Ironic, I know, but that's how it is. In real life, it is sexual preference. Noting 'no blacks, no Asians, no fems' or whatever else on your personal profile would be deemed discriminatory out of context but with an objective outlook, is actually much like real life - a sexual preference but with a blunt notice, including undertones of racism, stereotyping, etc.
You bring up very valid points and I love all of it.
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Originally posted by stronger23
"Preference" mean you prefer but are open to, saying "no blacks" "no asians" ...you clearly have a race issue .
Yes, putting that on your profile reminds me of the signs in the segregation era.
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Originally posted by Wotamin
People who write things like this in their profile are racist losers anyway, nobody should waste their time on them
No matter how much they say "I'm not racist" or "just my preference, sorry" it doesn't change a thing.
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Originally posted by stronger23
I'm rare, I'm attracted to personality before anything .
I wish more people were like that, focus more on the individual than their looks. They'd also save a lot more time. We put up with a lot of foolishness based on someone looks, which is silly because a lot of time the one's we're sexually attracted to are no good.
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Originally posted by stronger23
But the crazy thing about this , there are black ppl with "only white" and white ppl with "only black" lol
That's always been interesting to me. While I can respect that they want to mix, I always felt like they're limiting themselves or even sexualizing/fetishizing that group.
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Originally posted by DripDrip
People act like saying "I prefer whites over blacks" is as harmless as saying "I prefer oatmeal over cereal". You don't get the heavy implications you're putting out there with that. It bewilders me how closed minded white gays can be for a minority.
Some people have never experienced racism because of their appearance and some never will, I don't think they'll understand it.
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Originally posted by JonathanLGardner
If even young children of different races pick WHITE DOLL as the "PRETTY, NICE" one and the BLACK one as the "BAD, UGLY" doll, then surely by the time they are adults these stereotypes/opinions will be deeply embedded in their subconscious mind (as it clearly is already)
That's the ills of society, we're taught these things and don't even realize it.
I'm white and one time on grindr a guy with no profile pic & no info sent me "hi" and I wasn't checking my phone so I didn't see the message, but they assumed I had seen it.
When I did eventually check my phone, they sent me "I'm white". I think they were constantly refreshing and waiting for me to be online again. I asked them for a picture and some info like I would anyone who doesn't have that stuff filled out
Then they called me racist and blocked me cause they thought I was ignoring them until they said they were white. Which was like not the case y'all. I just felt bad for him
If yall don't stop begging these white folks to find you attractive.
I understand your angle on this, that poc should stop seeking validation from white people, but the gay community is quite small as it is and the out gay community even smaller, so having many potential options unavailable to you due to racism only further lowers your chances. I think that's where this frustration comes from.
Because I hate being forced to do anything. I'm a free person and I'm entitled to do everything I want to, as long as it doesn't hurt or harm others. Of course, such things as taxes cannot be avoided but I refuse to do anything in the name of ideology unless I support it.
And in all honesty, I'm entitled to my views as much as you are to yours. If you label me as racist, then don't cry when I name you raging leftists.
And my opinion stems strictly from my views. I don't like seeing "no whatever" comments on apps, but I tolerate it and support others rights to do it. Why? Because it's their freedom and their life.
These arguments make no sense to me. Like yeah you have the right to do just about anything. I mean you have the right to wear a white hood and burn a cross.
Saying "no _____" is hurtful anyhow, because it tells an entire group of people you've never met that they're ugly. I know so many minorities who have had to overcome so much internalized hatred of themselves because society tells them that it's right for them to hate themselves. "No ______" is contributing to that.
"I am attracted to this person completely, but if I found out that they were actually [insert race], I would lose some attraction for them."
That is overt racism.
"I am generally not attracted to the features that many [insert race] people have, but will date someone from that same race if they have features that I like."
That is preference.
"I am generally not attracted to the features that many [insert race] people have, and will therefore refuse to waste my time with them."
It's not racist. Anyone who says differently is ignorant.
And how can one hold a rational argument in here? It's supposed to be a forum, a place to discuss about things.
There's really nothing to discuss. If you refuse to date an ENTIRE race of people, you are racist. It's just that simple.
Saying something like "I just don't like them" is invalid - you haven't seen every black, Asian, etc person in the world so how you can already not like them?
I understand your angle on this, that poc should stop seeking validation from white people, but the gay community is quite small as it is and the out gay community even smaller, so having many potential options unavailable to you due to racism only further lowers your chances. I think that's where this frustration comes from.
I get that, but I have noticed that alot of the times when minorities complain about it, if you flip the question around and ask them if they date their race or another minority they get flustered because they know damn well they don't use their own race themselves.
I'm not saying all people because hell yeah I argue against that mess, but it doesn't effect me much because whether a white guy likes me or not I don't care. It's those who want that white prize that seem really hellbent on constantly talking about this to the point where it seems like they aren't arguing against the racism, but arguing against the fact that that white boy don't want to swirl if that makes sense.
I have decided to stop fuming over racist gays. If they don't want to date outside their race, GOOD! More cuties for us open-minded gays. The new generations will just catch up to us.
there are black people who say "no blacks" too though
I get that, but I have noticed that alot of the times when minorities complain about it, if you flip the question around and ask them if they date their race or another minority they get flustered because they know damn well they don't use their own race themselves.
I'm not saying all people because hell yeah I argue against that mess, but it doesn't effect me much because whether a white guy likes me or not I don't care. It's those who want that white prize that seem really hellbent on constantly talking about this to the point where it seems like they aren't arguing against the racism, but arguing against the fact that that white boy don't want to swirl if that makes sense.
It's not a matter of thought, it's emotion. One can be accepting of all races but not find one attractive.
This is really not a good excuse. White women who can't control their urge to clutch their purse in fear whenever a black stranger is close are still following their emotions and are still racist
These arguments make no sense to me. Like yeah you have the right to do just about anything. I mean you have the right to wear a white hood and burn a cross.
Saying "no _____" is hurtful anyhow, because it tells an entire group of people you've never met that they're ugly. I know so many minorities who have had to overcome so much internalized hatred of themselves because society tells them that it's right for them to hate themselves. "No ______" is contributing to that.
Yes, you have the right to do this. It is morally wrong, at least to me, but it's the freedom of speech.
Not ugly. Beauty is subjective. There are white people who don't like whichever minority and there are people from the minorities who don't like white people. There was a thread in here a few weeks ago about a dating site for black people only. Isn't this about the same situation? Aren't those black people being racist, according to y'alls logic?
It's funny though black people are the most diverse "racial" group, yet they get treated like the most homogeneous group.
So true. If you're light-skinned or "well-behaved," you'd be surprised at how many people say stuff like "Woah! You're so different from the rest! " or "I can't even believe that you're black!" and my favorite "Oh, I don't mean you when I say blacks, I mean the bad ones."
There's really nothing to discuss. If you refuse to date an ENTIRE race of people, you are racist. It's just that simple.
Saying something like "I just don't like them" is invalid - you haven't seen every black, Asian, etc person in the world so how you can already not like them?
It is racist to say you don't like all black people, that I agree on.
But sexual preference is a different thing. One person may just not find black skin and specific facial features attractive and that's all. There isn't any big deal about it. Life goes on!
So true. If you're light-skinned or "well-behaved," you'd be surprised at how many people say stuff like "Woah! You're so different from the rest! " or "I can't even believe that you're black!" and my favorite "Oh, I don't mean you when I say blacks, I mean the bad ones."