[Hugamari]

Originally posted by CountryBritney

Wait, so are reviews coming today or tomorrow?

Unless plans changed, results are today. Reviews from everyone except 8th have been posted already.

[Citrus]

I will be work working tonight but will be here in spirit xoxo

[CountryBritney]

Originally posted by Hugamari

Unless plans changed, results are today. Reviews from everyone except 8th have been posted already.

Yeah I meant results

Okay, thank you

[ceremonials]

Originally posted by swiftie13

I might as well solve this for y'all

UFO
MattyTacos
CheetahWings
Musickid
Buyonce
Moonchild

Mess. Not them all being strong contestants.

[Moonchild]

How am I #1 for one judge and bottom 5 for another?

[jpow]

Originally posted by Moonchild

How am I #1 for one judge and bottom 5 for another?

controversial chanteuse.

[Dylobs]

Originally posted by Moonchild

How am I #1 for one judge and bottom 5 for another?

That's some next level polarising

[feelslikeadream]

Originally posted by Moonchild

How am I #1 for one judge and bottom 5 for another?

How do you know you're #1 for someone else? Were more hints posted and I missed it?

[Vulnicura]

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

How do you know you're #1 for someone else? Were more hints posted and I missed it?

Jackson gave Moon a 10!

[feelslikeadream]

Originally posted by Vulnicura

Jackson gave Moon a 10!

Oh. Well I was Hor's #1 and Jackson's dragged iT, so it looks like those 2 judges balance the scores out

[8thPrince]

Batch 1+2

Vision –

This definitely read like a continuation of your source material, so I’m happy with that aspect of the challenge. I like that you used the idea of history repeating itself as a setup for your own song, the cycle of mistakes sounds realistic, as you could perceive that the original protagonist’s relationship in Fast Car was built on underlying flaws.

I think the best lines here are conversational, something you haven’t explored up until this point: “You're married to regrets now instead of your wife” and “If he don't provide then you gotta move on” are curt and bring some needed character. What I suggest you look out for is to spread detail out evenly: “a bad habit” isn’t the level of storybuilding you need to be at in this stage of the competition.

Hugamari –

A mixed bag in all honesty, and that’s probably stemming from choosing a weak song to adapt a sequel for.
Moonlight doesn’t really beg for a sequel, especially if the events in said sequel simply turn the original premise on its head. It’s just not the most creative take.

Some of the language and turns of phrase used here don’t complement the original source: the most obvious thing I can point out is that Moonlight is simplistic, and rooted in concrete recounting of actual events, while your song is hyperbole and metaphor. “Tears had streamed like shooting stars” is the most prominent line that made me think that it really doesn’t match the style of the original. I was hoping to read sequels this week that worked as companion pieces for the originals, but this exists in a vacuum on its own. It’s a bit too much “Platinum Hit writer” when it should be an Ariana Grande song.

UFO –

I feel again that this is a case where the wrong song was picked to adapt with a sequel. There just wasn’t enough substance in Aguilera’s song, forcing you to create something entirely new: and that’s your downfall.

This is way too far removed from the original song in both style and topic. The tone is entirely different, and the story basically erases what little narrative there was in I Turn to You. The essence of the original is completely eradicated. Other judges might point to the content of the song as being what makes it a lesser entry (Yes, the idiocy/sea line is notably poor.), but in my eyes, your misstep with song choice was your main snafu this week.

Musickid –

Again, poor song choice. Also, you misinterpreted the song: The singer threatens to breakup with the boyfriend in the original, and it’s not over infidelity. She clearly holds the power in the original song, yet is somehow the one who’s hurt in your sequel. Sequels really do require continuity.

Additionally, you completely uproot all style and tone in the original, and those are two things that must remain consistent in a series. A dark-comedy thriller doesn’t suddenly become a satirical horror in its sequel, despite the two tones and genres being in similar spheres. I think the keyword for this round will be style: not only should we be paying attention to using metaphors, but also “what words are used to string these metaphors and imagery together?” That is style, and I encourage you to listen for it in songs in the future. Recognizing style will help you grow and diversify as a writer.

Buyonce –

This really works as it reads like a Mariah song: you stuck with what you knew and convincingly wrote in her style. This is probably the entry that closest resembles the feeling of the original source this week.

Now, to me personally, it comes off as more of an expansion of Languishing than a full out sequel. The original song sets up a question itself (“I was wondering would you cry for me?”), and I was hoping that could be answered in an unambiguous way in your piece. Either way, though not exactly quite the sequel I was looking for, it gets a bit closer to the mark than most entries due to it actually reading like a possible companion piece for the preceding work.

Nait Phoenix –

I don’t feel like this works as a sequel, as I get the feeling that it’s concurrent with the events of your original song. It goes into more detail than the original song does, but it doesn’t give an explanation of what goes on after the first song ends, which is what I’m looking for this week.

Stylistically, it’s a bit wordy as a companion piece for the original song. The original works on a central metaphor of a cassette with the mentions to tape, leads, noise, etc… I think a single unifying motif like that would’ve taken your song a long way.

Citrus –

Neat idea for a sequel. I like how your sequel matches the original in tone and style (Though I am disappointed you missed the opportunity to make your main hook “In the good old USA”!). Jaded, it works well.
This might be a bit too similar to the original with how it’s structured. It wanders into straight-up remake adaption territory rather than a true sequel, in fact. The lines about the VA man rub me this way the most.

Again, you had a clever idea here, but I feel as if it’s not distinct enough in direct continuity from the original to count as a sequel. I do hope you continue to make risks such as this in the future, as I enjoyed the tone of piece, and I feel like it suited your strengths as a writer.

Jpow –

Cool song, first of all.

This definitely works with how complementary this piece’s tone and style is to your original source. The premise for your sequel is also believable. I do wish you would’ve picked a song with its own lose plotlines rather than conjure your own “what-if” scenario, but it does still work as a sequel which clearly is a consequence of the events of the original. Good choice in repurposing the wolf lady character here, as that’s by far the most interesting visual of both the original and your sequel. You did a nice job with switching up your style, and I hope you can show us some more sides to your writing in the future, as you did this week.

Mxtthew –

I have never heard a Cupcakke song up until this point, and after listening, I have to say: you’re a weak ****ing **** if you can’t handle this ****, you ***** bitch piss ****. Thanks for introducing me, she’s great!

Unfortunately, this, not so great. After hearing some of her stuff, I would’ve loved to get a Cupcakke song in Platinum Hit, but I feel like this song didn’t lend itself well to a sequel. It reads more like a retread of Juicy Coochie.

Additionally, I feel like you weren’t well equipped to take on a rap song like this: you realized you needed profanity for this song, but artists like Cupcakke and Lady, etc, aren’t just about saying naughty words: they string them together in ways that are offensive and make you angry. There are two levels to a Cupcakke lyric: the shock from profanity, in addition to moral shock. For example, in Juicy Coochie, Cupcakke says her ***** is tight like an 8-year-olds. It’s a line that works because A) She says a naughty word and B) she relates it to and sexualizes a child, which is where the punch of the line lies. You needed tons of these to pad out a full song, and you only hit on one (“**** out but I ain’t no tribal”). It was a huge challenge to take on, as writing so many lines with two layers of shock factor would seriously get exhausting, I bet! You unfortunately changed the style and tone of Cupcakke’s lyrics by focusing more on “ick” factor than true moral reprehension.

Cheetahwings –

I said this last week, but I love your formatting.

I think you chose the wrong song to adapt a sequel for. Call Me Maybe simply doesn’t have an outstanding plotlines that need wrapping up after the song’s conclusion.

More disturbing is how wildly you miss the theme, tone, style, etc., basically the entire entirety of the original work. This just doesn’t read as a Carly Rae Jepsen song at all: it’s a pessimistic reimagining of the events that unfold in the original. I just don’t like it at all. It’s a huge misfire, sorry. If you get eliminated this week, and it’s looking likely after my reading of this, I hope you’re thinking of participating in the comeback round, as the panel really does like your stuff. Bring your all when the time comes

Vulnicura –

Not exactly what I was looking for in regards to sequels this week, it reads more like a retread than a continuation of a narrative.

I’m assuming you kept the style and tone of Lorde’s original as I feel the same sense of ennui creeping in that occurs when I read her stuff, so good job on that front. I would’ve liked you to pick a song that actually asked for a sequel, which is something a lot of people seemed to miss this week, so sorry for sounding like a broken record.

Jaxswim –

Alright, this was a good choice for a sequel. I definitely could link your piece to the Del Rey one if presented with both.

In addition, it matches the original in style and tone, so good on you for playing to your strengths, and writing a song that could actually be put in a collection with Florida Kilos. It’s still not entirely consistent however: most notably the middle eight which doesn’t read like a Del Rey lyrics from what I’ve heard from her: “you make my tears dry” and “sure as blue” and “locked up in this hell/love trumps prison cells” don’t seem like sentiments her original character would share, and they run in opposition to your own character’s assertion that prison doesn’t trouble her. Be less concerned with expanding the length of your song, and focus on making sure the parts you add actually make sense in the grand scheme of song. Keep an eye out for stylistic and thematic consistency, basically.

MattyTacos –

Saw this was going to be another sequel for a pop song, one named “Cool” at that, and got worried, but both the original and this were surprisingly mature takes.

I like the sentiment that people can be big enough to not resent a relationship that goes wrong, and are even able to keep themselves together and still not be afraid to try again when their seemingly foolproof plans fall through. In a nutshell, I quite like your characters.

This definitely feels like it could be a continuation of Cool, in both style and plot (And thank god you didn’t write something like “Not Cool”, which would have destroyed the message of the original.). Could be a bit meatier, but the presentation honestly matches the depth of the original.

Country –

Misses quite a few properties of the original song, as I see it. Most notably is the plot: the male character was never “solely hers” as it’s clear in the original that the speaker is a side-player, and that the male already has a girlfriend.

You also misinterpret the real source of Lambert’s jealousy: she isn’t concerned with the physical details of the other woman (Scan the original for a description of his girlfriend’s features: there are none listed for ANY of the parties involved.), and she’s not really jealous at all. It’s more like pity, as I see it. The other girl is submissive and not very interesting, while Miranda can still put up for herself. Miranda sees the other two as settling, not the other way around (“Desperation showed its truth”).

Not what I was looking for in a sequel this week, but mainly due to a misreading of the original’s style and plot.

Achilles –

Like what I said with Citrus’ song, clever idea for a sequel, but its own exigence is what makes it read like a reboot of the original, than a continuation of the original story (Another song I could think of that would suffer from this problem is We Didn’t Start the Fire, songs like that.).

The song is just… too universal/applicable still to really warrant a sequel. I think you just picked the wrong song to adapt, and it’s certainly not necessary to read the companion piece when I read either installment, which shouldn’t be possible with a good sequel. What I said to Citrus still stands: nice idea, but not compelling.

Ceremonials –

There’s one single outstanding question in the Fleetwood Mac song, and that is “can this person move on after the person they built their life around is removed?” And the answer here? Uh, maybe?

Filled with some rather ponderous platitudes and sloppy clichés, this is a pretty awkward piece with how banal it sounds, for the most part. “On the other side” “faith moves mountains” “facing demons” “changing ocean tides”: they’re sayings that have been used a hundred times before, and they simply don’t register as I read this. I don’t even think it holds up as a sequel, except for maybe the first two lines of the bridge. Its’s too boilerplate to be a direct continuation of the narrative of Landslide. It’s a problem that this could just as well be a sequel to Katy Perry’s Roar or Wide Awake.

Tylerbv –

A kid-quel is perhaps one of the laziest ways you could do an adaption, so I’m not particularly impressed with the living plot device you use to get more narrative out of an already narrative-thin song.

I don’t think this complements the original well. It becomes too serious where the original was goofy, it’s a critical misfire on tone analysis. The one part I can see matching the original is the clearly unintentional hilarity of the mom driving her kid back to their house and still being stupid enough to be seriously considering the benefits of banging this stranger. Hilarious, unintentional, but hilarious. There are some moments of purposeful brilliance, such as the “cold hard cash” line, but overall this week, I was looking for contestants to spin interesting new stories, and this wasn’t engrossing enough, nor suitable in style to where it could be identified as a derivation from the original.

HausofNiko –

This is in an awkward position where it’s better than the original song: but the song is so far removed from the original that I wouldn’t be able to identify it as a sequel.

With a good series, the original should be needed for context, and the sequel should be the part we never knew we needed. Your song really does read like something entirely separate from Dance to the Dark, with how sparse the original is compared to yours. It’s not a good choice of song for a sequel. Content wise, I think this is your strongest entry thus far, however. Just be more wary of fitting the brief and playing to your strengths.

Moonchild –

I think this was a good choice of song for a sequel adaption. Cher focuses on the suspense of the rendezvous, while you cover the ultimate dissolution of the relationship. It works, and matches in theme and style.

Now, it reads a little short. I feel like a bridge, if you could have managed it, would have made me feel like I’d not been cheated of a full song, but only if it kept the consistency of the rest of the piece. As is, it’s short, sweet, and simple, and that’s alright by me. Just take from this piece the importance of style, and you should be good to go.

Feelslikeadream –

The Barellies song doesn’t exactly scream for a sequel: like I mentioned for a couple other entries, this is more like a mid-quel that just examines in more detail what’s described in the original song. I was hoping for contestants to take on storytelling songs and adapt those with follow-ups.

It’s the usual caliber of quality you write, though it’s starting to fade into a thudding pleasantness at this point. The impact’s just not as great, and I want you to try and shake up your style next week (You’ll have the opportunity to, by the way.), as you missed out on stepping out of you comfort zone this week.

Dylobs –

Hilariously cheesy and schmaltzy, which means it captures Mariah’s spirit and style perfectly. It reads just like a Carey piece, so good job on that.

It’s an interesting premise, and you twisted the original into where it would actually warrant a sequel. The original song is built on a cliché, and you manipulate it to point out that the “set it free” saying is selfish and asks for a bit too clean of a resolution. While I dislike the writing style, I do like that you were able to adopt Mariah-isms so easily and craft an interesting take for a sequel.

[mxtthewdelrey]

An actual helpful review Thanks 8th, I totally understand where you're coming from about the song. Hopefully I will continue to get the chance to show versatility

[Jaxswim]

But where is my review?

[feelslikeadream]

Thanks 8th. I was trying to write in Sara's style this week, but I understand/agree with your comment re: my comfort zone. I think since this is my 3rd season playing I kind of have my aesthetic that I like, but there's always space to try something new~

But I still think the song's a sequel
Sara's: sun is out, waiting for moon to rise, waiting for lover to come
Mine: moon is out, hoping the sun won't rise, lover has arrived, don't want lover to leave

[Gladion]

Yay 8th liked it

[8thPrince]

Originally posted by Jaxswim

But where is my review?

It's right there

[Jaxswim]

Originally posted by Jaxswim

But where is my review?

It has appeared



Thanks for the thoughts, 8th. I don't know that I agree about inconsistency in "voice" (like, whether Lana would sing it) but I do see what you mean about the character.

Overall looks like I got 4 mostly positive reviews, yas gawd

[mxtthewdelrey]

I'm gonna be so emotional if I get eliminated

[MattyTacos]

MattyTacos –

Saw this was going to be another sequel for a pop song, one named “Cool” at that, and got worried, but both the original and this were surprisingly mature takes.

I like the sentiment that people can be big enough to not resent a relationship that goes wrong, and are even able to keep themselves together and still not be afraid to try again when their seemingly foolproof plans fall through. In a nutshell, I quite like your characters.

This definitely feels like it could be a continuation of Cool, in both style and plot (And thank god you didn’t write something like “Not Cool”, which would have destroyed the message of the original.). Could be a bit meatier, but the presentation honestly matches the depth of the original.

Yes, at you actually liking my song.

And what do you mean by meatier? Like it should've been longer?

[Dylobs]

8th stanning me the semi back handed compliments in there thank you!