[VERSE]
Spent my years in a dead man’s town,
Friends are gone, I’m still around,
If time’s an investment then my life is a bust,
I’m a cold metal man all riddled with rust,
[CHORUS]
Here in the USA,
Still living in the USA,
Nothing’s changed in the USA,
Here in the USA,
[VERSE]
We see no war so there must be peace,
Try to ignore the blood in their streets,
Those kids in the sand, yeah we shot ‘em all down,
But it don’t matter ‘cause their skin was brown,
[CHORUS]
Here in the USA,
Still living in the USA,
Nothing’s changed in the USA,
Here in the USA,
[VERSE]
Poured my blood onto the dirt for Uncle Sam,
But I still can’t see my V.A. man,
He’d probably tell me that it’s all red tape,
And I’ll probably die blaming it all on fate,
[CHORUS]
Here in the USA,
Still living in the USA,
Nothing’s changed in the USA,
Here in the USA,
[BRIDGE]
I rode in the parade for years in a row,
Smiling and waving, man, I was a pro,
But at some point the smile turned into a sneer,
That hangs on my face like a cruel souvenir,
Now I can’t stomach to see everyone,
If my hands were steady I’d take my gun
And do it quick, one last kill,
For the shining city on a hill,
[CHORUS]
Here in the USA,
I’m gonna die in the USA,
You see, here, in the USA,
Time moves forward but the times don’t change.
Jackson and I exchanged ass shots in Dub and he cosigned this for anyone else having trouble like me -
Quote:
A forced rhyme is like when the reader can see behind the curtain at the operator. Or if the director's hand was visible in a frame of the movie. It's essentially when it feels like you're writing a song instead of telling a story.
Definitely those in the bridge, I didn't mind Down/Brown since the lines work together well and the "Brown" statement was huge. I agree with what you said about "Bust/Rust" JacKKKson.
The reviews were exactly what I expected. I knew my concept was kinda cool, but I couldn't quite get it into words. I'm assuming I'm getting cut, but I liked the challenge of this round.
Also slay at my bridge being my season highlight so far.
FYI tho a bust is an investment term referring to a downturn in stocks and stuff. That's why I used that, to continue the investy thing of that line. Not just to rhyme!
also @swiftie and thaT other judge who thought I was lazy with my title, IDK what Tempo sent you but directly before the first verse, I had the title "The Butterfly Effect" in bold and underlined so with your shady shade
The River is such a good sequel but the stanza before the first chorus is awkward.
Not that i know anything about structure or whatev.
Bruce has high highs but some VERY low lows. Tbh if not for his all over the place vocals these lines wouldn't work
Quote:
I come from down in the valley
where mister when you're young
They bring you up to do like your daddy done
Me and Mary we met in high school
when she was just seventeen
We'd ride out of this valley down to where the fields were green
My song def needed another hour or two, i totally agree. I didn't even look over it, I had to write the verses 30 minutes before the deadline
This is my fault tho, i'm not making excuses. The reason why I did it so late is because this is the week before finals and we are doing a ton and next week is finals week so... ahhh
Thank you for the reviews judges. I'm happy you liked my concept and I know the execution could of been a lot better.
with your shady shade
