[briannaisboss]

Originally posted by Karma Chameleon

Here's the link to a song I wrote:
https://soundcloud.com/waynedawson/promise-me-this

Please give it a listen, would love to hear your thoughts guys

I love it.

[Tymps.]

Originally posted by AdamAL4

Flawless Huga I wish I wrote myself Actually it sounds like something I would write

But waiT! I need feedback on these lyrics! They're due in music class in 2 days!

I have a melody and everything!

Dirt Road

Sitting quietly
Pretending that I can’t hear
All the yelling that
Is always hurting my ears
So I grabbed a bag
And decided I should jet
So I plotted escape
Thinking maybe they’ll forget

To check for me

I’m going down that old dirt road
I won’t make a sound
I don’t want to go home
I’m going down that old dirt road
Don’t want to be found
I don’t want to go home

So I packed my bags
With everything I could need
With some chocolate bars
And a few books to read
I reconsidered but
I decided it was best
To get away from all
Get the burden of my chest

So I just left

I’m going down that old dirt road
I won’t make a sound
I don’t want to go home
I’m going down that old dirt road
Don’t want to be found
I don’t want to go home

Maybe I’ll find a better place
Where all the memories can be erased
Where I can float off into space

I’m going down that old dirt road
I won’t make a sound
I don’t want to go home
I’m going down that old dirt road
Don’t want to be found
I don’t want to go home
I’m going down that old dirt road
I won’t make a sound
I don’t want to go home
I’m going down that old dirt road
Don’t want to be found
I don’t want to go home

[Hugamari]

Adam the professional lyricist

You know, a lot of things you read, it seems kind of hard to imagine what they would be like in song form. I felt it was pretty obvious that it was a song just from reading it, if that means anything. Seems kind of dark for school, but then again, kids in my Creative Writing class write about suicide, murder, drug abuse, etc. so I really can't judge.

[Nait Phoenix]

Aside from "get the burden off my chest" (I am a spelling FREAK!), I only have a few minor etches.

The "chocolate bars" part caught me off-guard, and not in a good way.

It sort of throws off the feeling for the entire song (which I'm assuming is a pre-teen, of arguing parents, running away), so I would either change that line, or the part altogether ('cause putting what you need doesn't seem as relevant to the listener as the part of you running away...) and make it more about how you're feeling at the moment like "It's time I get rid of this pain that makes me bleed" or something.

The bridge is good, but it needs something... like it's good, but at the end I feel it needs... something...

Originally posted by AdamAL4

Maybe I’ll find a better place
Where all the memories can be erased
Where I can float off into space...

And what...!? You see where I'm getting at? It feels like you put the "float off into space" part solely to rhyme and not to prove a finer point (I'm not saying you did, I'm saying it sort of feels that way), so it feels less like a good line (which it is) and more like a tagline. I'd suggest building more on what you want, what you're searching for, what you're hoping to gain, maybe more on the reconsidering... there's so much to play with for this bridge!

Again, these are just pointers coming from someone who's been doing this amateurishly for seven years, so don't read TOO much into it, but take into consideration anything I said, okay?

[Tymps.]

Well in my mind the kid is overreacting to everything. I had trouble conveying that through the lyrics so I didn't bother
The kid's also supposed to be really young, shown by the fact he only packs chocolates bars and books
If they don't want to use it they don't have to

[Tymps.]

amateurishly for seven years

Nait you're killing me
Thank you for the suggestions, I will be using them
The chocolate bar/book part was supposed be showing how young he is, that he thinks all he needs is chocolate/books.

[Hugamari]

I don't think I would be able to write a song like that. I mean, I do make up stories all the time seeing as how most of my songs involve love and dancing, two things I suck at. But y'know, it's whatever. I may have to try it sometime. Although my main goal is to write a "pretty" song, with images and feelings that are fluffy enough to make Snuggles puke.

[DripDrip]

This thread is running again I see

[iHype.]

I'm gonna make listen to Mariah for some songs inspiration.


Ughh tell me why I leave my songs all messy around my room, and there was a sheet on the floor and I know my mom probably saw it. #Embarassing.

[Tymps.]

Originally posted by Hugamari

I don't think I would be able to write a song like that. I mean, I do make up stories all the time seeing as how most of my songs involve love and dancing, two things I suck at. But y'know, it's whatever. I may have to try it sometime. Although my main goal is to write a "pretty" song, with images and feelings that are fluffy enough to make Snuggles puke.

I don't really write happy lyrics. The closest I get is caustic, sarcastic and/or angry

I write happy music, though

But when I try to write happy lyrics You saw Plat Hit...

[Nait Phoenix]

Originally posted by Hugamari

I don't think I would be able to write a song like that. I mean, I do make up stories all the time seeing as how most of my songs involve love and dancing, two things I suck at. But y'know, it's whatever. I may have to try it sometime. Although my main goal is to write a "pretty" song, with images and feelings that are fluffy enough to make Snuggles puke.

Oh, you have no idea what you're in for when I start dishing out songs in February.

[theo.]

[Karma Chameleon]

Do you guys find that you exaggerate situations/emotions in your lyrics or are they a fair representation of whatever inspire the song?

[Hugamari]

A lot of the time, I don't even write how I feel. Every song about love I have wrote, I wrote during a time where I did not love anybody.

But to be more on point, I feel that a bit of exaggeration can be a good thing (Bruno Mars does it a lot), but too much exaggeration might just end up sounding tacky (most rappers). I personally don't really feel I exaggerate too much.

[Karma Chameleon]

https://soundcloud.com/waynedawson/w...stupid-in-love

There's a link to another newly recorded song of mine. Again id love to hear your opinion, which you prefer stuff like that

[theo.]

Originally posted by Karma Chameleon

Do you guys find that you exaggerate situations/emotions in your lyrics or are they a fair representation of whatever inspire the song?

Fair representations, but to other people they might seem exaggerated.

[Hugamari]

Bump.

Bullet For Wensley

For a man like you, life was always hard
Never had a big house or a working car
I guess that's why you were always so good at thinking on your feet

Growin up you hung with the wrong kids
Life was always drugs, sex, and violence
No surprise how things turned up so dark and so wrong...

So you spent 10 years getting high off cocaine
Injecting needles directly into your vien
Doing whatever it took to numb the heart break and pain

You met a man named Wensley
He was an angel sent, he
Got you on your feet and he changed your whole life


So you're taking a bullet for Wensley
For him you'd throw away your life
It was already hard enough for me
But this is the hardest of goodbyes

So you're taking a bullet for Wensley
You owe it to him in your eyes
One last time come here and hold me
Before I send you off to die...
Before I send you off to die...


If I recall correctly
The man that we call Wensley
We met through him and it seemed so meant to be

Then one day you got a phone call
Wensley said he'd got into a brawl
Shot 2 men down and that he had to hit the road

So you told him not to worry
To hide somewhere and to hurry
You were gonna admit to something you didn't even do...

Now this man named Wensley
Was hiding away from the world, he
Knocked you off your feet and changed your whole life

So you're taking a bullet for Wensley
For him you'd throw away your life
It was already hard enough for me
But this is the hardest of goodbyes

So you're taking a bullet for Wensley
You owe it to him in your eyes
One last time come here and hold me
Before I send you off to die...
Before I send you off to die...

No matter how much I beg, you just won't break
You'll pay the ultimate cost for his mistake
Even if I screamed, pleading for you not to go
Nobody can change your mind; yah that much I know...

Just promise me one thing; promise that you'll kiss me
Grab me by the hand; tell me that you'll miss me
I'll miss you too, babe; as long as I'm alive
I'll never have another, to replace you by my side

(You may be unreachable...but I'll never let go.)

So you're taking a bullet for Wensley
For him you'd throw away your life
It was already hard enough for me
But this is the hardest of goodbyes

So you're taking a bullet for Wensley
You owe it to him in your eyes
One last time come here and hold me
Before I send you off to die...
Before I send you off to die...

So you're taking a bullet for Wensley
For him you'd throw away your life
It was already hard enough for me
But this is the hardest of goodbyes

So you're taking a bullet for Wensley
You owe it to him in your eyes
One last time come here and hold me
Before I send you off to die...
Before I send you off to die...

[seaɴ.]

Originally posted by Karma Chameleon

Here's the link to a song I wrote:
https://soundcloud.com/waynedawson/promise-me-this

Please give it a listen, would love to hear your thoughts guys

HOLY ****!!!!!!!!

I love it. I wish I could get someone to produce for me. Do you just send them the acapella?

[seaɴ.]

Nightmares

Nightmares

Lost in the loneliness
Scared to come out of it
They'll find out who I am
They'll never understand

But I try so hard to be
Like everyone but me
Wasn't worth it, now I see
All of the anxiety

All these nightmares are coming true, right before my eyes, right before my eyes, drowning in my lies, dr-dr-drowning in my lies,

All these nightmares are coming true, right before my eyes, right before my eyes, drowning in lies, dr-dr-drowning in lies

I used to worry about which gender I'd marry
Looking back, it was kinda scary
I guess I just hoped that one day I'd change
Felt kinda deranged
Just can't believe that I waited 15 years to tell them who I am, all the time it spanned

All these nightmares are coming true, right before my eyes, right before my eyes, drowning in my lies, dr-dr-drowning in my lies,

All these nightmares are coming true, right before my eyes, right before my eyes, drowning in my lies, dr-dr-drowning in my lies,

All these nightmares are coming true, drowning in lies, I watch my own demise, right before my eyes

History

Loving you is easier than cherry pie
I want to spend forever with you, never question why
Kiss you on the grass as we look up at the sky
Oh how I wish I'd never have to say goodbye

You had the nicest eyes that I've ever seen
You're almost an adult, but I'm still a teen
I forget the age difference when we're together
You turn the cloudy skies into beautiful weather
Pit in my stomach, feeling kinda insane
But when I think of you there's no more pain
Our relationship lets hope we can maintain
Spending my life with you, dancing in the rain


Chorus
I love you, and you love me
Do you wanna go down in history
As the first guy who made love to me
As the first guy who gave love to me
As the first guy who saw what I see
Oh, let's go down in history

Sex Machine

Sex Machine($)

Verses
I'm not the type of a girl who wants to **** you (everyday of the week)
I'm not the type of girl who shows her titties (just because you asked me)
I'm not gonna be the one you ask to blow you (cause you like what you see)

I'm not gonna be another one of your dirty little prostitudes you line up in your truck for 50 cents cause you wanna ****.

Chorus
I'm not gonna be your dirty little sex machine, yeah I like to do it but only if the guy really cares about me.

I'm not gonna be your dirty little sex machine, yeah I like to do it but only if the guy really cares about me.

Verses
I'm the type of girl who doesn't put out (on the first date)
I'm the type of girl who'd rather laugh (than **** and do foreplay)
I'm the type of girl who hates those guys (who just wanna get it in)

I'm not gonna be another one of your dirty little prostitudes you line up in your truck for 50 cents cause you wanna ****.

Chorus
I'm not gonna be your dirty little sex machine, yeah I like to do it but only if the guy really cares about me.

I'm not gonna be your dirty little sex routine, yeah you're kinda cute but isn't making love supposed to mean something?

Dirty Little, Dirty Little Sex Machine, Never Gonna Be, Never Gonna Be,
You're never gonna see, never ever gonna see, me as your Dirty Little Sex Machine.

For Nicki

For Nicki

Bitchin', Bitchin', All That Bitchin',
These bitches so pressed, they stay sinnin'
They just mad cause I'm winning
I'm skinnin'
I've stayed hood since the beginnin',
Oh Mariah, lookin' so mad, this a girl on fiyah
Maybe I shouldnt've accepted gettin' hired

(Roman voice)
Try to steal my spotlight but I'm only gettin' higher

I'll give you a backstage pass so you come and meet me
Stick this gun in your face and then see how you treat me
Don't eat me, sweet pea
Take a seat please
Killed your career, de-ceased
Got these hoes shakin' at their knees, with ease, Please
Taking out you hoes, make you wheeze
Shittin' on you hoes, feces

Why Am I Still Here?

Why Am I Still Here?

[V]
You left me and told me that you didn't want to talk anymore
I told you I wanted one more chance, don't leave me hanging here wanting more

[H]
So **** you and all your fake little friends, you can take your bitterness out on them. But I got one more question for him,

[C]
Why am I still here?

You treated me like I was a piece of ****, you told me that we're over and that's it. Now you wanna talk to me again, where the **** are your fake little gangster friends?

[V2]
Your sense of humour isn't all really that funny
Stick a gun in my face before I laugh at one of your jokes, hunny
**** you and all your fake little friends, ******** spreading like aids on those men, you've probably ****ed cause no really loved you
And by the way I cheated on you too
Maybe that's what I get, but for that I have no regret, you're a stupid son of a bitch, but I still fret

[C]
Why Am I Still Here?
You treated me like I was a piece of ****, you told me that we're over and that's it. Now you wanna talk to me again, where the **** are your fake little gangster friends?

Emptiness

Emptiness

No words coming out
My life is lifeless and dull, without a doubt
These feelings are dry, I wish I could cry
But no tears are coming out

Day after day, I watch the time fly With a blink of an eye, life can pass you by.
And for me it feels like I'll never know why.

Chorus
Can't you feel this emptiness? All alone, this nothingness. Nothing to live for, always left wanting more.

Can't you feel this loneliness? All alone, this neglection. Nothing to live for, wanting perfection, wanting perfection.

I have a lot of unfinished business.

[NotTonightTho]

I play instruments but I suck at songwriting