[ceremonials]

Omg yall the next season of AHS is being revealed next week

They usually announce them in March, besides Asylum which was surprise released in August. I was beginning to think Ryan gave up on it

[Temporal]

Alright, idk what's going on with 8th, ha scores and reviews, but I assume and hope I'll have them in the morning. For the time being:

Score Averages
swiftie13 - 7.31
Temporal - 7.03
Jackson - 6.18

[Cupid]

I see the Witness high wore off from Jackson

I see the Adam Richards departure high came over Hor

[TheCheetahwings]

"Affliction of a saint bound to God’s design," and "The conviction of a saint born to sacrifice," are excellent writing, both in the language and the way you implemented them at the end of each verse. Also, I don't know about you, but the last time I checked the Moon wasn't really made out of cheese so I don't know where the gold moonlight comes from, it's usually always silver-y in my experience. I feel like this is extremely well written as a whole but the chorus didn't feel like lyrics to me. Still, I love the direction you went with here. Love became the metallic subject and although that sounds strange, you made it work. The dialogue was a tad basic but it was an easy transition (and you used it three times, so you must have known this, too). This reminds me a lot of Temporal's writing style, not gonna lie.

Late in responding to this but I'm glad you liked it I definitely agree the chorus could've used some work but I was running out of time Thanks for the feedback

[Tymps.]

Coming soon

[Tylerbv]

23. Tylerbv - From the Ground Up

the concept slays. This is from the point of view of a house, yes? Well, you pulled it off really well. I was really moved by this entry because you really accentuated what it means to have a home and how such a place feels. Some weak spots included the pre-chorus which makes no sense at all (re read it and you'll see) and the bridge which was a tad on the basic side. "Grass grew through what I thought was barren land," could have be worded a lot better. Nonetheless, I love the structure and the message. It was quite endearing. Good job!

This was a nice review, but the hints make me think otherwise Yeah the pre-chorus is weak and last minute tho

[Tylerbv]

Tylerbv – From the Ground Up
Is this like a children’s poem for future emo kids? That’s basically how it read. At times it was too dark to be lighthearted (covered in debris and regret) while at others it was almost comically elementary (I watched families judge my worth/I got to watch all my neighbors find happiness). You took the concept of your song so far that it lost its meaning. Instead of being a song about a man that feels like an empty lot you practically personified the lot and made it a glorified cartoon character. That mixed with the cringey lines above made the song entirely unsuccessful in conveying its point or having any sort of impact, but I guess you followed the challenge criteria well at least.

ff I screamed @ part of this. The accuracy >>
The song is actually based on a child in an orphanage tho (not explicitly stated) which made it kinda personal to me

[8thPrince]

Surprise, chingus

Batch 1

Hugamari –

This was an interesting twist on the Grass type: plants and green being associated with vitality, you flipped the concept a bit and used it as a metaphor for the entire human life cycle, focusing on death. While cherry blossoms do symbolize the fleetingness of life, I think you may have dwelled on the end of life too much for this piece, when the temporary nature of beauty could’ve used more emphasis. Even so, taking lessons from nature is highly characteristic of romantic literature and poems, and makes for a nice thematic accent. The first stanza was the strongest of your piece, due to the complementary sheets/flutter/paper lines. Overall, perhaps too somber, when a lighter touch was needed. I think you misfired with the chorus, so in the future, read over your song looking for a consistent tone. If you find two tones, consider which one should be the dominant one, and make it more prominent.

Vision –

Unfortunately, this suffers from a lack of commitment to the theme. Yes, the setting is an ocean: but the plot is a retelling of a war. If anything, I see this piece to be more aligned with the Fighting type. Concepts like pride, valor, victory, and violence are absolutely linked to that typing. While you still technically fit the requirements of the challenge, it’s not a particularly clever utilization of the typing, which is what I was looking for in entries this week.

As for your song: there’s some overarching unity between this piece and your entry last week, due to them having a bit of an anachronistic feel. Last week’s was a murder ballad, this one is reminiscent of a Homer-esque epic, what with the aspect of divine intervention. While it worked last week due to the novelty of a murder ballad, this week your mini-epic was dry. I’d attribute this to the action sequences being a bit standard. Those types of scenes need to be written either as extremely vivid metaphors, or in a very concise way, mimicking the speed of the actions. The closest this piece gets to that is the line about steel knives. Not sure if you’ll be going in that direction for your future pieces, but it’s still something to consider.

Witch –

You did commit to the challenge by centering your song around obsession and sickness of the mind, but it’s a bit too collected, if you know what I mean. I wanted you to really sell your concept and go all out with the theme of obsession, and this is a bit tame, with parts being easily read as your average lusty bop. Something more extreme was needed to distinguish this song, as the word choice and your character honestly do not feel too out there. Additionally, I have to touch on metering: getting a consistent amount of syllables between lines, as well as making their stressing match, is going to be necessary if you want to advance past the first few stages of the competition. Good meter makes writing more pleasing to read.

As a general critique, your future songs should be aiming for doing too much, rather than simply meeting the requirements.

Vulnicura –

This is what I was looking for this week, when I referred to songwriters going all out in the construction of their songs each week. This had a brilliant central metaphor in the cordyceps: while technically fungi, the piece focus on themes of parasitism, which is definitely associated with the Bug type.

The repetition you used strengthens the hopelessness of the narrator, and the bridge is the highlight of the piece with its declarative tone. Of course, I have to mention the final couplet; the “wroth” line was extremely forced, and not even properly employed (Wroth is archaic and is an adjective, it’s grammatically incorrect to use it the way you did.). Obviously, you should make sure you know what words mean before you use them in the future!

Navy –

Yes, you incorporated your Ice type theme into your song: but it all relies heavily on a cliché. You fell into a trap of going for the obvious with this song. The song for the most part is stated very plainly: “It was [etc]”, “then I saw [etc]”, “so I [etc]”, “you are [etc]”. You’re failing to inspire the senses or a sense of curiosity in your readers, there’s no tension. You’re giving us an answers up front, an annotated version of the song, rather than trusting us to work to a conclusion. That epiphany is what marks a truly great song, not what you’ve done here. Even on a technically level, this is surprisingly shoddy, with a rhyme scheme that ranges from weak to non-existent.
You surprised me with your interesting concept and imagery on Week 1, but that seems to have disappeared over the course of this week and last. If you make it to next week, I want to see you tap into wherever Black Sand came from.

Nait –

I think this fails to communicate the qualities of the Bug type through either content, theme, tone, or structure. There’s a very tenuous connection by referencing a butterfly, but even that slight adherence to the challenge is sullied in the succeeding lines by mentions of swans and the actions of soaring-yes, insects fly, but there’s no way anyone would describe them as soaring. I tried to give you some slack and read it as being through an insect’s perspective, but that doesn’t work either, as it’s clearly from the perspective of a human, not a personified cicada.

I think the real problem here is that you didn’t rise to the challenge: I feel like this is a song you would’ve turned in on any given week. While it’s great that you know your artistic voice, I’m looking for some kind of progression from week to week. The challenges are meant to help facilitate that progression by making you think of ways to overcome obstacles, whether that be packing the same amount of impact into fewer words, as the Twitter challenge tries to accomplish, or communicate concepts via the execution of your piece, such as this week’s challenge. How can I give you advice, however, when you’re essentially circumventing the challenge entirely and just turning in the same song you would’ve written a week ago? It may seem like a short time, but we constantly evolve as writers: I simply don’t get any sense of evolution this week. It’s stagnant.

This is my advice, and warning for next week: Regardless of what the Platinum Charts might show, you won’t improve if you keep trying the same things without risk. Next week, turn in something that’s truly different from everything else you’ve done this season.

UFO –

I wouldn’t be completely honest if I did not address how difficult it was to read though this. To me personally, less will always be more. I want a song to have a strong impression over all its parts, and that becomes difficult the longer a song becomes. In this case, I had forgotten details that happened earlier in the song as I was reading through it. It’s too much. There are some great lines here, such as “He clutches my throat, I begin pouring out my soul” and the haunting irony of the phrase “on that last day I promised I'd never leave”, but they’re so spread out that it hardly justifies the length of the piece. The lack of consistency with your rhyme scheme also made it a less appealing read.

I do really like the concept, and how you incorporated (Pun intended) your concept. Wandering the earth as a phantom while those you love eventually forget you before you’re ready to move on yourself is some horrifying stuff. But it would have been much more effective by cutting out all the fat and making it a succinct read. That’s all I ask of you to do next week: give us something that packs as much punch into as few words as possible.

Lovesong –

I’m not sure if this was an entirely good fit for the Fairy type. The language used makes this night out on the town sound too adult, too worldly for a concept I consider to be more about innocence, purity, and otherworldliness. The mentions to moonlight and fairy dust come off as perfunctory, simply there to meet the requirements for the challenge. To best illustrate this mismatch, I’d point to the third verse: “you made it hard to breathe, every touch a galaxy” is just too rooted in worldly pleasures to communicate the Fairy concept. It’s all nicely written, don’t get me wrong: but it’s just not the level of commitment to the prompt I was looking for this week.

Citrus –

This song has me in a bit of a bind. It has a really great concept and is amazingly written, but I keep hesitating to answer if this really as committed to your theme as it could be. Yes, the house is made of rock, and the wife’s promise of faithfulness “wasn’t written in stone”, but the tone and actions of the narrator are just so wildly opposite of the concept of the Rock Type that it makes me feel like you matched a really good song to the wrong type. Yet again, this a very conversational piece, and I think that it’s a particularly strong strength of yours. I hope you keep playing to that.

PS: “Ain’t no law…” may be my favorite one-liner of the season thus far.

Achilles. –

This song is totally something I would’ve written (And actually have!), so it’d be completely hypocritical for me to give you any sort of flack over the cheesiness. I really like this, and how thoroughly you bought into your magical, reality-defying Psychic type piece. The choice of words and haughty tone helped to further elevate the admittedly out-there premise, and I had no trouble getting invested in this piece.

There’s no reason to draw this review out: you accomplished what I was hoping would come out of this week. Nice work.

Country –

What this piece lacks in tone consistency outside of the chorus, it more than makes up for with its sheer overall etherealness. Wow, is this pretty. It truly lives up to being titled a lullaby. I feel like the explicit references to death and more violent verbs like “torn” take away from the subtle atmosphere, but at the same time, I understand why you would want to include them. I do feel like the underlying plot here would still be apparent with the same levels of nuance demonstrated in the chorus, however. You really communicated your Fairy type theme well: I want to point out it’s apparent even without the “fairy in the sky” line. The unearthly mood of the song is what powers this piece.

Mxtthew –

I want to applaud you on how radically you’ve improved your technical skills since week one. This is pretty near flawless in regards to meter and rhyme. I do miss the unique voice you put into your songs, and I hope it can make a return next week.

Again, it’s all very nicely written, but the concept of a lover being metaphorical poison is played out by now. This is a surface level concept that someone would immediately jump to given the prompt, and I was hoping for more creative takes this week. That’s really my sole problem with this song: it’s very fine, but missing an original spark. I was sure your unique manner of building characters could bring bite to a song about poison, but that didn’t happen this week. I’d like to see the return of your memorable personalities next round.

Matty –

Here’s a lesson that everyone can take from: 99% of the time, atmosphere will always trump concept. I define atmosphere as being

A) Tone: how the author/narrator describes events in the piece
B) Mood: how the audience perceives the piece

I could care less about what emotions the concept might try to invoke: it’s truly the atmosphere that shapes your audience’s feelings. I feel like this is a Flying type song in nothing more than name. Look at the mood and tone of your piece: full of regret, resentment, sadness. The Flying type, and flight in general, is characterized by freedom and lightness. Honestly, I’m visualizing a lead weight after reading this, rather than a feather. You’ve mismatched your song to the wrong theme, is what I’m saying. It’s a competently written song, but it’s not fitting your brief. I want you to take the lesson above about how important atmosphere is to the next week: this was a misfire.

Feels –

You really shifted the Grass type aspects of your song to playing a small role in your piece. While it is a metaphor in your chorus, they’re not as prominent as the themes of young love throughout the rest of your song. If anything, this song would be better classified as a Fire type song, due to it focusing on passion, and even having references to heat and fire scattered throughout. I was looking for a song that buys into aspects of the Grass type, whatever you interpreted that to be, not a metaphor that’s limited to one part of the piece.

Like I’ve said for many other songs this round, it is well written, and I like the overarching story you’re working for, but it doesn’t fully commit to communicating a theme.

Jaxswim –

Very nicely written. The piece reads well. My main problem is with your choice of type, however.

I really do appreciate the consistent fairytale motifs. I can tell you worked to make your concept apparent, but I feel the tone of the piece is off. When I think “Fairy”, I think wide-eyed and innocent, and what you’ve given us is a flirty, sexually-charged song. It’s a stretch for me to really buy into, and I would rather have gotten a piece where both motif and tone matched for this round. Whether that means that you changed the flirtatious tone of the piece into something befitting of the Fairy-type, or if you changed the motifs to fit the tone and communicate a different typing, I don’t care. I just want consistency overall, not solely in diction, or meter, or voice. Keep that in mind in the coming weeks.

[Dylobs]

OMG This Beyonce level drop out of nowhere

[8thPrince]

Hints!

Achilles 150
Citrus 719
Country 702
feels 407
Huga 251
jaxswim 670
lovesong 122
Matty 666
mxtthew 93
Nait 127
Navy 144
UFO 487
Vision 55
Vulnicura 291
Witch 648

[Dylobs]

Achilles - Mewtwo
Citrus - Diancie
Country - Dedenne
feels - Roserade
Huga - Celebi
jaxswim - Floette
lovesong - Mr Mime
Matty - Vivillon
mxtthew - Haunter
Nait - Pinsir
Navy - Articuno
UFO - Giratina
Vision - Golduck
Vulnicura - Ninjask
Witch - Meloetta

I have no clue at all.

[minho]

Thank you 8th. I think my problem was trying to execute a concept but not make it too obvious what my type was. I thought trying to be a little different and #edgy would be a good thing, but I see what you mean

edit: each of those pokemon correspond to the type we signed up for... maybe its their placement in a particular pokedex?

[Gladion]

if he beyonce's batch 2 too

I won't complain

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by 8thPrints

This was an interesting twist on the Grass type: plants and green being associated with vitality, you flipped the concept a bit and used it as a metaphor for the entire human life cycle, focusing on death. While cherry blossoms do symbolize the fleetingness of life, I think you may have dwelled on the end of life too much for this piece, when the temporary nature of beauty could’ve used more emphasis. Even so, taking lessons from nature is highly characteristic of romantic literature and poems, and makes for a nice thematic accent. The first stanza was the strongest of your piece, due to the complementary sheets/flutter/paper lines. Overall, perhaps too somber, when a lighter touch was needed. I think you misfired with the chorus, so in the future, read over your song looking for a consistent tone. If you find two tones, consider which one should be the dominant one, and make it more prominent.

I was expecting you to go in on about what a wasted concept I had, but I'll gladly take this! Maybe I did focus on the death part a bit much, but I wanted to present the idea overall as something to not really be afraid of, with the way life can come and go so quickly be a beautiful thing, so that's why there was a lot of "pretty" imagery.

But you were the one I was most worried about, and I'll take this as a positive review. Thank you.

[Hugamari]

Maybe this time, it's BST?

Once again, mine is 600.

[Gladion]

interesting

[8thPrince]

btw these aren't scored yet, so they're in order of preference. None of you were tied.

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by 8thPrince

btw these aren't scored yet, so they're in order of preference. None of you were tied.

So are the Pokemon themselves not indicative of preference, but moreso how you feel about the Pokemon themselves - like Dedenne could be above Mewtwo?

[8thPrince]

Originally posted by Hugamari

So are the Pokemon themselves not indicative of preference, but moreso how you feel about the Pokemon themselves - like Dedenne could be above Mewtwo?

Oops. I mean the songs are ranked in order of preference when you find the order of the Pokemon, with no ties involved. The Pokemon aren't in order of preference.

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by 8thPrince

Oops. I mean the songs are ranked in order of preference when you find the order of the Pokemon, with no ties involved. The Pokemon aren't in order of preference.

Oh, okay! Lemme see what I can do then.