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Discussion: Coming Out
Banned
Member Since: 4/27/2012
Posts: 33,811
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Quote:
Originally posted by Priyanka Chopra
I told my parents years ago. I basically said Deal With It.
What kind of fake, ideal CW television show script situation.
Being gay is still a big deal because being straight is the default and it's expected/wanted by parents and, actually, pretty much everyone including the gay person in question. There's a reason why most gay people are in the closet and there is a conversation whenever gay people come up. Let's not forget that thread where you claimed that gay people are a result of being molested during their youth.
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I've never said that was the reason. I said it was a reason, as I have known several gay men to say that about themselves.
But it's still not a big deal. Making it a "moment" creates an environment of unnecessary conversations, secrecy and drama. It's 2016. Time to adjust to society. Don't make yourself a special snowflake. And if you know there are people who will have too negative a reaction, just don't tell them. But also don't make it a sob story. Just don't fill them in on that aspect of your life. It's not an obligation. Why tell them? To fulfill some "journey" the gay media has told you you're supposed too? You're an adult (or soon to be) and you must accept that some people can only be on your life in certain capacities.
But hey, that's just my say.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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the ignorance of some people here
seriously get the **** out if you don't have anything nice to say or understand other people's struggle
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Member Since: 1/5/2014
Posts: 1,435
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I created a thread like this the other day but in mine I said I didn't know why the **** did we had to come out and then I realized that I slightly started to come out as I can see will be a long process but it is started and the family part will be the most difficult one
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Banned
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 18,001
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Quote:
Originally posted by LoKoPaNdA
I used to think like this, but never coming out, ever? That just sounds too sad. Maybe someday you can move to a larger city?
Anyway I do agree that I wouldn't want to make it an event. It makes me anxious just to think about it.
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I meant never coming out to my family and not in general.
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 9,758
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They know.
Deep down, they know.
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Member Since: 5/15/2011
Posts: 277
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I never really came out... I sort of did, but not "conventionally". I just came to terms with my sexuality and lived my life... eventually I got so comfortable that i'd just discuss my sexual preferences nonchalantly with people... this includes my parents.
I don't have old fashioned parents though. So that's helpful.
I suppose fear is natural, but even with worst case scenario (parents disowning)... assuming you've been pro-active and built up a support system outside of your home... it won't be anything you can't overcome. Eventually you've got to live for yourself...and not worry about other people...even your parents.
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Member Since: 2/4/2014
Posts: 8,486
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Quote:
Originally posted by Giselle
I've never said that was the reason. I said it was a reason, as I have known several gay men to say that about themselves.
But it's still not a big deal. Making it a "moment" creates an environment of unnecessary conversations, secrecy and drama. It's 2016. Time to adjust to society. Don't make yourself a special snowflake. And if you know there are people who will have too negative a reaction, just don't tell them. But also don't make it a sob story. Just don't fill them in on that aspect of your life. It's not an obligation. Why tell them? To fulfill some "journey" the gay media has told you you're supposed too? You're an adult (or soon to be) and you must accept that some people can only be on your life in certain capacities.
But hey, that's just my say.
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It's not a reason and it's debunked by actual psychiatrists. The vast majority of adults who were molested as children are not gay. Those 5 gay men telling you that they're gay because they were molested are clearly still upset about being gay and trying to rationalize it. What kind of pseudo-science.
You're still creating a Hallmark Channel type of scenario, which is a strange contradiction because you were the one complaining about turning things into stage productions. Being gay might not a big deal to you, but in the real world, it is a big deal to most people regardless of what they might claim. Let's not be delusional here. Those unnecessary situations, drama and secrecy are created from fear of being open about a person's homosexuality (with good reason) and not because of the actual act of coming out. People come out because they're tired of that drama and secrecy and want to stop lying.
I don't where "special snowflake," "adjusting to society," "it's 2016" and "sob story" came from. Coming out isn't a sob story. It's coming out with the truth. It doesn't have to involve crying like on Youtube videos. It's simply admitting you're gay. And clearly gay people are "special" since it's 2016 and most people still make such a big deal about it. Gays have to adjust to society because being straight is the default and coming out with the truth when your parents and even friends assume/expect that you're straight IS that adjustment.
And your advice about not letting people know if they react negatively? Really? How do you know how people will react? How do you avoid telling your parents and friends? This might be shocking, but some of us actually have parents and friends who take a strong interest in our lives. And how do you avoid letting people know if you have a boyfriend? Avoid PDA and call him your "roommate"? I thought it was 2016 and gays need to adjust to society?
Telling the truth is never an obligation. It's done to clear the air and avoid that "secrecy and drama" that you were talking about. No one wants to live a secret life avoiding the truth, lying and changing the subject, which is the purpose of coming out.
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Member Since: 3/4/2011
Posts: 13,093
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Coming out sucks. It's almost always awkward even when the other person is supportive and accepting. There's never a right time to bring it up. Straight people will never know the struggle. Despite how awful it is, it's always worth it and in the long run it feels amazing. Nothing is worse than being ashamed of who you are and lying to the people close to you.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 40,566
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Wishing you all the best.
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Member Since: 11/6/2011
Posts: 4,246
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I told my parents and friends a few months ago.
My friends didn't care, they were like: So what?
My parents didn't took it well at all... after I told them my mom started calling me ***, ******, etc.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,994
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At first I was scared to but I developed some attitute towards the end of high school and just didn't give a ****. Plus I got a boyfriend so then on I really didn't care but he even told me I don't cover up my tracks because I used to post intimate photos of us two on snapchat
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Member Since: 2/7/2012
Posts: 9,594
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I'm 22 and I came out in October last year just before my B day, first to my mum, then to my best friend, and after that to the rest of the people I'm close to and I just have to say that I've never been happier in my life. I can finally talk about every aspect of my life to people I care about and that's like the best feeling in the world. Though I'm really lucky since people around me are so accepting and nothing, literally nothing changed in my life for the worse.
And to people saying 'you don't need to come out', yes you do. Sadly being gay isn't and will never be the norm and we need to prove to straights that we do exist and that we can be their son, friend, cousin etc. You are not only helping yourself but to other gay people around you because as more and more people come out straight people will realise it's really not such a big deal and we'll come to the point where no one will be scared to admit they're gay. But as for now it's such a long way to go and if you have a chance to pave the way you should do it. Even if people around you are homophobic. Eventually they'll realise their mistakes and if they don't you don't need them in your life anyway no matter who they are to you.
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Member Since: 7/9/2010
Posts: 31,471
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I didn't really come out to my parents but I kinda did. From a very young age, I literally shouted from the rooftops that Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, and half the guys in my elementary school were attractive. I don't remember how they felt about it. They did have suspicions (why wouldn't me), but the confirmation came during my sophomore year of HS when they found texts of me saying I'd spread my legs so fast if Ryan Guzman wanted it it was incredibly awkward and they didn't take it very well, but they just stopped talking about it. To this day, my dad thinks it's a phase and asks me which Victoria's Secret angel I want to date
Coming out to my closest friends on christmas 2011 slayed tho
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Member Since: 4/14/2011
Posts: 48,397
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Priyanka better clock!
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 20,892
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Quote:
Originally posted by Priyanka Chopra
It's not a reason and it's debunked by actual psychiatrists. The vast majority of adults who were molested as children are not gay. Those 5 gay men telling you that they're gay because they were molested are clearly still upset about being gay and trying to rationalize it. What kind of pseudo-science.
You're still creating a Hallmark Channel type of scenario, which is a strange contradiction because you were the one complaining about turning things into stage productions. Being gay might not a big deal to you, but in the real world, it is a big deal to most people regardless of what they might claim. Let's not be delusional here. Those unnecessary situations, drama and secrecy are created from fear of being open about a person's homosexuality (with good reason) and not because of the actual act of coming out. People come out because they're tired of that drama and secrecy and want to stop lying.
I don't where "special snowflake," "adjusting to society," "it's 2016" and "sob story" came from. Coming out isn't a sob story. It's coming out with the truth. It doesn't have to involve crying like on Youtube videos. It's simply admitting you're gay. And clearly gay people are "special" since it's 2016 and most people still make such a big deal about it. Gays have to adjust to society because being straight is the default and coming out with the truth when your parents and even friends assume/expect that you're straight IS that adjustment.
And your advice about not letting people know if they react negatively? Really? How do you know how people will react? How do you avoid telling your parents and friends? This might be shocking, but some of us actually have parents and friends who take a strong interest in our lives. And how do you avoid letting people know if you have a boyfriend? Avoid PDA and call him your "roommate"? I thought it was 2016 and gays need to adjust to society?
Telling the truth is never an obligation. It's done to clear the air and avoid that "secrecy and drama" that you were talking about. No one wants to live a secret life avoiding the truth, lying and changing the subject, which is the purpose of coming out.
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Clock a bit.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 40,566
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Quote:
Originally posted by Priyanka Chopra
It's not a reason and it's debunked by actual psychiatrists. The vast majority of adults who were molested as children are not gay. Those 5 gay men telling you that they're gay because they were molested are clearly still upset about being gay and trying to rationalize it. What kind of pseudo-science.
You're still creating a Hallmark Channel type of scenario, which is a strange contradiction because you were the one complaining about turning things into stage productions. Being gay might not a big deal to you, but in the real world, it is a big deal to most people regardless of what they might claim. Let's not be delusional here. Those unnecessary situations, drama and secrecy are created from fear of being open about a person's homosexuality (with good reason) and not because of the actual act of coming out. People come out because they're tired of that drama and secrecy and want to stop lying.
I don't where "special snowflake," "adjusting to society," "it's 2016" and "sob story" came from. Coming out isn't a sob story. It's coming out with the truth. It doesn't have to involve crying like on Youtube videos. It's simply admitting you're gay. And clearly gay people are "special" since it's 2016 and most people still make such a big deal about it. Gays have to adjust to society because being straight is the default and coming out with the truth when your parents and even friends assume/expect that you're straight IS that adjustment.
And your advice about not letting people know if they react negatively? Really? How do you know how people will react? How do you avoid telling your parents and friends? This might be shocking, but some of us actually have parents and friends who take a strong interest in our lives. And how do you avoid letting people know if you have a boyfriend? Avoid PDA and call him your "roommate"? I thought it was 2016 and gays need to adjust to society?
Telling the truth is never an obligation. It's done to clear the air and avoid that "secrecy and drama" that you were talking about. No one wants to live a secret life avoiding the truth, lying and changing the subject, which is the purpose of coming out.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 680
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I came out to my mom 2 years ago and she still can't deal with it (2 men should never make out because she thinks so)
She basically told me 2 days ago that it was the only part of my education (and my syblings') she thinks she truly failed at.
I used to care about her opinion, but it's no longer the case, so I'm not even affected. She will be the one havinf regret when I won't return her calls in a few years.
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Member Since: 3/8/2014
Posts: 6,940
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I haven't told my dad because I know that he is homophobic. He is a christian and he once told my aunt that he is afraid that I'm gay. I don't live with him anymore and lately I feel like I want to out myself but idk how to do it. I feel bad for y'all. It's great that we have ATRL tho. The gay community on ATRL slays, good luck y'all
Priyanka Exotic queen
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 2,855
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Unless it affects your safety or living situation, I would recommend coming out sooner than later. It's coming on 11 years since I've been out and I give less cares as time goes on. It took awhile for my mom to start facing reality that I'll never be with a woman, I just had to stopping being scared to stand up for myself and start voicing my opinion. After some time you just get comfortable living your truth and learn to respectfully disagree with anyone who isn't here for it.
Don't worry, in time it will all work itself out.
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Member Since: 6/18/2012
Posts: 10,049
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My family wants me so much that i will go to heaven that they are always settings steps instead of me They think if i will be the child like they want me to be, i'll go to heaven. They are extremely religious and are always telling me ******** I'm also religious and nothing is stopping me. Like why would being gay stop someone from believing in god? I hate my parents when they are talking **** like this. I don't care much about them though but they told me that they would never accept me if they would hear something like that from me. Its sad because i love my family a lot, but they canbe so strict and ignorant that it makes me scream. I told them though if i would have a child and if they would be gay/lesbian that i would keep loving them forever.
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