1. Hugamari - Yozakura
This slayed me the second time around. Okay, but how did you nail the Last Airbender song-style so well? Your entry is quite beautiful even if out of the box. I, for one, was more impressed by the emotion than the actual language used (a reverse 8th experience). Your flow was impeccable as well. Some of the language is contrived as hell, however, such as the fuchsia skies line which I don't like at all, even if it does hold some meaning (pink seems to be important here?). Anyway, congratulations on another strong entry.
2. Vision - Armada
Did I find this lyrical? No. Was this very well written? Yes. [/BernieSanders]. Hm, this worked well as a poem in my opinion but I loved it so much that I probably won't hold it heavily against you. I was worried when I saw water type that you'd fall into a bunch of cliches but this was original, bold, and as previously stated very well written. Sure, the language was AP English style, but here it works because it goes with the whole regal-ness of the subject. I could see Florence writing something like this, to be honest.
3. Witch_Privilege - Patiently Waiting
This in no away affects your score, but I hate the way you format your songs, it makes it unpleasant to read. Can you not put a space between each and ever single line in your future entries, please? Anyway, your actual song didn't impress me either. The language is rather flat and your actual message wasn't all that either. It just seemed patched together, I don't know how else to explain it. It's too blunt for my taste and I barely got psychic out of it.
4. Vulnicura - Cordyceps
Yas at you slaying emotion despite having such a unique writing style. "The devil's butterfly, it violates my mind," and the chorus are the only stains in your entry to be honest. Yet, both part are salvageable because I like what they had to say. Just try better wording next time. Both verses were literally perfect, the rhyme scheme, the language, the message, and even the flow, which was a bit choppy at points, still made sense to me. I could feel metaphorical bugs crawling underneath my skin as I read this. Keep delivering this, please.
5. Navyofbadgals - Icy Walls
Gee, I wonder what your type is based on the title!
Ok, this song wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good either. It was so messy in meter, rhyme scheme, and word choices that I couldn't take your message, which is far too cliche, seriously. This, too, felt patched together with a whole bunch of lines and no focus in my opinion. The way you used your imagery was rather bland, I just didn't feel any connection to this despite being able to relate to the subject matter.
6. Nait Phoenix - Cicadas Lullaby
Aw, this was quite enjoyable to read. The flow was easy breezy albeit peppered with easy rhymes. I loved the chorus a lot, especially the first two couplets. I feel like that would have been enough for a chorus to be honest. I will say, the repetition of the word butterfly in the second verse after it had been in the chorus is redundant and generally should be avoided, unless you're attempting to bring something full circle, and in this case you are not. I felt sad while reading this, though, and that's a good thing. Keep this up!
7. UFO - Return to Earth
Despite its length, this felt like it was quickly put together without any editing nor second thoughts. It felt too poem-y due to the lack of structure. If you had written this in paragraph form, it would even pass as prose to be honest. Nothing held this together, except maybe the storytelling which could have been expanded on. I expect a lengthy song like this to go somewhere, but its rather redundant in its message. I feel awkward that this was dedicated to the deceased member because I don't really like this. However, the message was nice.
8. lovesong - Running/Memory
Hmmmmm... this was a bit basic and vague for me. I do love the chorus, in my head it sounds like a bop with a powerful melody. You also did well with imagery; I felt enclosed in some form of glitter made out of star dust while reading your entry. However, the word choices and language style were not optimal and left me wanting more. It was messy, structure wise, and that could've been something that would elevate this entry. Hm. Hm.
9. Citrus - Rock Slide
The intro was flawless, even the "well, ****," to be honest. I am going crazy over this concept. Literally every line was a zinger. The way you employed the house both figuratively and literally and weaved it in and out so flawlessly. This is excellent writing. Even the colloquial parts fell right into place. I really don't have anything bad to say. I just GET it, you know?
10. Achilles. - Alakazam
This felt like a Disney song, not a great one, but maybe a good one. There were far too many cliches for this to stand out, although I appreciate the cohesive implementation of them, meaning they weren't out of place and it didn't sound patched together. There was a lot of personality in this and I appreciate that, but it could have been a lot stronger and I wish I could verbalize my thoughts more strongly. Something about it just fell flat. I love the references but maybe you could do without so many of them, because it almost starts to sound completely unoriginal.
11. CountryBritney - Lullaby
Had the usage of the word "fairy" not been there, this would have been a whole lot stronger. I felt very connected to your message and some of the lines were heartbreaking such as "We'll always be searching for your face / Amongst the moon and the stars." This wasn't your best entry, but I definitely feel like this is only the beginning for you.
12. mxtthewdelrey - Harvey
Is Havey a closest gay who won't let you love him?
That's what this read as. Good job on delivering your message. I liked the flow of the song, so when some lines got out of it, it was rather noticeable and they could've been easily fixed without altering what they had to say; "The demon who just won’t seem to let him free," could be corrected to "The demon [inside] who won't let him be," and it will flow MUCH better. The chorus wasn't great even if I do see what you were going for. It wasn't poignant enough to be that short. Anyway, good job!
13. MattyTacos - Where the Gods Played
Okay, read Visions review. I loved this song much despite me not getting any "lyricism," from it. It was so well written and the image this painted on my mind was incredibly serene and precise. Some lines like "hurt him to the core," are meh but overall, there were very little missteps in your technicalities and your message.
14. feelslikeadream - Wild
This was not a concise as it could have been. There were small mishaps here and there that accumulated such as a messy rhyme scheme and awkward phrasing ("getting lost in each other was the dream,"). Some lines like the one about choking out your song were so random and didn't fit well into the vibe of what you had going. I do love when you went on a little detour and listed "as wild as..." it was refreshing and well done. Verse two was rather weak and redundant -- I think that was the part that brought the song down the most, it could've been fine without a second verse to be honest.
15. Jaxswim - Enchanted Heartbeat
Although the fairy tale shtick has been overdone, I enjoyed this. The beginning was also A LOT like Taylor Swift's
Enchanted. The story progressed gracefully so good job on that. I like how for your verses, the lines said a lot through saying very little. It was enjoyable reading that. "Out hearts may not make perfect shapes," was a cool, creative line. I love how the choruses changed subtly and how in the verses some ideas were reiterated. This wasn't like OH MY GOD AMAZING, but it was well done.
Wasn't expecting Swiftie to Beyonce us like that
And the rhyme scheme was ABAC in the verses and ABCB everywhere else (other than the couplets in the chorus), which doesn't seem messy to me. I guess it could be cleaner to use the same scheme throughout? Glad you liked that second part of the chorus though! I think it might be my fave part too!
Let me just find the post confirming it and you should be good.
