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Tournament: 💎 DIAMOND HIT 💎
Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by Auburn
Poor me getting no praise for any of the parts I did  , congrats Slaylobs
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 don't be silly! It was definitely a solid group effort and if it wasn't for Citrus picking up that little thing, my change would've cost us a whole point 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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If connor and I are safe this week, I really want to write another controversial crazy song.
I want it to be unique, good or bad, I will find out after writing it, but I want it to stand out! 
The Spiritual successor to Double On Tundra is coming!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Friendly reminder Jackson is a rat
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Yep! Can't believe neither me nor Niko picked up on that.
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I ended up googling it just to make sure it wasn't something British anyways 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Hugamari's Comments
Round 3, Batch 1
(I knew forced duets was a mistake, but damn.  )
UFO & funnellegs - Brain Freeze
So, I can see both of you in this song: funnellegs’ sometimes overly simplistic word choices (rhymes, particularly) and UFO’s tendency to use disjointed imagery. (The references to cold made sense, but I’m talking about out-of-place one-liners, such as the opening line.) I particularly feel like funnellegs came up with the song idea, as it's the same song he’s been writing since the beginning of the season, which is a shame because I know if you guys took UFO’s knack for original, wild ideas and put them together with funnellegs’ ability to make something sound like a real song, you could’ve had a really solid entry here, but to me, you actually took the worst part of both of you guys and combined them into this. Saying all this, however, it’s not all gloom and doom, because truthfully, it just felt average, so that’s something to think about: your worst is just average.
PhreshDiamond & Abyssy - Sniper Sight
Phresh, verse 1: http://img.sndimg.com/food/image/upl...xZ6_Random.jpg
Abyss, verse 2: http://f.tqn.com/y/chemistry/1/W/o/K/2/ice-on-fire.jpg
Phresh, verse 3: http://img.sndimg.com/food/image/upl...xZ6_Random.jpg
That’s my general feel for your verses on a technical level, because I found the whole thing to be a scream.  It’s everything I could have asked for in a #Phreshbyss collab. I think I may like Abyss’ verse more simply because of the inside jokes (btw, we should totally get on Minecraft???), but each verse has its highlights. The chorus was kinda boring ngl, should’ve just used the intro bc it was better. Phreshbyss Out the Runway would’ve been a better name for the song, too, because it would go with your discount Rihanna title theme @Phresh.
Xedretinz Lododnz & Speezy - Fantasy Mirror
This is something I would expect from Round 1, and I know this is only Round 3, but I would’ve hoped we’d start getting away from that territory. This is a typical self-empowerment anthem that is also confusing to read due to the way things are worded. “Pain” and “scars” are buzzwords that make the whole thing feel typical and boring, which is not the reaction you want to get. Rather than tell us that something hurts, or you’re in pain, you should tell us why. Let us, as readers, imagine what we would feel in these situations and decide if that would be painful. As for scars, just find a different word because it’s just played out at this point. I do think, from a technical side, this entry was alright apart from the grammar issues, but the word choice is really what brings this whole entry down for me.
Corsola & jpow - Dear Cara
I actually LOVE this idea, because it has this innocence about it with a dark tone. I do wish that it felt child-like (particularly, the 4th verse felt like she was either a grown adult or from the 1700s or something). You could have even given two distinct personalities (by language choice) to these characters: Cara being like a parental figure to Alice, who lost her parents and maybe took to Cara for guidance and support, maybe with a bigger vocabulary, and Alice being a confused little girl who uses more simplistic language when talking/writing. However, I still think you made your idea work fairly well. I did say this before (to Round 1 #1 songwriter ceremonials) that a rhyming letter is unrealistic, but I don’t think that’s a big issue. One final thing I want to touch upon is that the exposition felt a bit blunt. A hint of subtlety would’ve gone a long way for this. However, this was creative and I did enjoy this entry, way to go.
SaintWest & Kunst - Home
[pre-reading note: I’m actually really intrigued by this collaboration, because I see great potential in you both.  ] “haze/maze” “faded/resuscitated” “bloom/room” wtf is this, delete. “I forgot my address today/but I remembered your face” is also a strange line to me. On that point, though, this whole entry is strange because I don’t get what this concept is. Is this from the perspective of a ghost? The “thousand years” parts point me to that. It may also be an exaggeration, which is fine, but I can’t tell. Without the metaphors, this also reads like a typical love song. I’ll just give you the benefit of a doubt and say it’s from the perspective of a ghost, because it makes the entry a bit more appealing.
MattyTacos & TheCheetahwings - Permanent Holiday
...and the award for longest consecutive AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA rhyme scheme goes to you guys. It really dragged on, having the second chorus, bridge AND the first two choruses again, all in a row, with the same end rhyme. I don’t think it paid off for you. This is technically sound, but I can’t help but think of This Is What You Came For, but if Taylor wrote it for herself, when looking at it. I really do not have much else to say because you did the challenge fine, but...the rhyme scheme dragged it down a LOT.
beatinglikeadrum & RihsusChrist(ATG) - I Am The Wolf
You didn’t have to make it a duet. I suppose you may have known that and went for it anyway? Regardless, I figured I’d mention it. Anyway, since you guys were so courteous as to designate who did what (or I guess, who was supposed to be performing what because I don’t know who wrote what), I’ll separate you guys.
Beatinglikeadrum: Let me start off with the most petty point I can think of: How can you be a king and a prince? That’s not how monarchies work. I’m going to be generous and say that the first verse was highly metaphorical, rather than literal, but I can’t really figure out what the metaphor means (I suppose the explanation is supposed to help?) The second verse was worse than the first verse.
RihsusChrist(ATG): Was this necessary? You really didn’t think to handle this subject with a bit more tact and grace? I’m not going to tell you to not have fun with your entries you submit; after all, this game is what you make of it, but this really just felt like a parody, and considering the topic you decided to tackle, it was tasteless. I suppose I should try and tell you, on a technical level, where I think you went wrong, so here we go. “fine/sigh” was not a good rhyme, because sigh was not a strong enough word to use there. “Oh, we’re in a night club and some crazed maniac is going around killing people? *sigh*” is about as uncaring as you were writing this rap. “Not gonna lie, seeing you suffer, you try to utter, as blood gushes further!” I know you resolve this sentence in the next line, but you used an exclamation mark, which dictates the end of the statement, but this is an incomplete sentence, and you shouldn’t end a line like this regardless. “Beg for forgiveness, but I'm f***ing vicious, your carcass delicious!!” should be “Your carcass is delicious”* or, “Your carcasses are delicious*”, not that carcass was a great word choice to begin with. The swearing was unneeded, as was the howling at the end, and I think that was the most disrespectful part of the whole entry. I wish we could score you guys separately, because beatinglikeadrum didn’t deserve this.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Glad I'm not alone on my Rihsus-Beating review! Great minds think alike 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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hug are your b2 rihviews coming tonite
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Thank you Hug
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by ceremonials
hug are your b2 rihviews coming tonite
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no sorry
Quote:
Originally posted by jpow
Thank you Hug |
thank you for not being awful
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Member Since: 1/16/2011
Posts: 24,638
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
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My only top ten of the game coming right up
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 6,659
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Quote:
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However, this was creative and I did enjoy this entry, way to go.
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Elimination CANCELLED
thank you king hug my fave judge
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Wait did matty and cheetah really do an AAAA rhyme for the second season in a row? 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,500
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Ty for the reviews Huga & Temp  I definitely understand both of your complaints. Hopefully it's still strong enough to keep us from being eliminated 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Quote:
Originally posted by ceremonials
Friendly reminder Jackson is a rat
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Friendly reminder that talent always wins
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by Auburn
My only top ten of the game coming right up
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Same hihi
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
no sorry
thank you for not being awful |
rat
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Heads up Huga, I will definitely be awful
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
Heads up Huga, I will definitely be awful |
I'm corrupt and will give you and Auburn a 10 because I like you guys.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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"Biscuit" continues to come up under my "Watch It Again" on YouTube even though I've watched it like 72 times now
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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Cant wait for the dragging from Cupid
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