[feelslikeadream]

Originally posted by JustLuke

Wait, what song are you talking about

You got me worrying right now

The song you quoted? Was that yours? I remember the lyrics but don't have the titles in front of me.

[Pecinta Mariah]

I felt like to raise my HATEU score in your MC rate fefe
but when you drag my song, I'll drag it down to zero

[OreGuy]

And please change the color of the font (Bloom's), it doesn't go well with my color scheme

[Truth Teller]

Bloomers' reviews

Part 3

Boy Blue - There are a couple issues with the grammar; for example, it should be "God's" and not "Gods" and "I'm at a loss" instead of "I'm at lost." Also, you have an interesting idea for your central metaphor but I'm not sure it comes all the way together: the "art" line and the "beautiful war" line are hard to follow and I'm not too sure what the title phrase has to do with the rest of the song. It was interesting with a unique voice though

Breaking - Well, I understand that this is a break-up song. But who exactly is doing the "breaking" here? The verse implies both ("If I said our love was burning out" implies the singer is doing it, while "give me a warning..." implies the other person). I did think you hit on a neat idea with alluding to the geological breaking and breaking up, but that idea in the chorus doesn't seem to have much to do with the verse. You could clean this up and make it solid though Score:

Clouds - I kind of wish the meter was more consistent in your chorus. I do like the "Let me sing what other have sung" lyric a lot, it comes across as defiant and individualistic even though that's not what the direct meaning is. That being said, I feel like the song is darker than it lets on. The last two lines of the verse and last line and chorus make me think of death as a release from the problems in the verse. It's an interesting direction but you could be more clear in your verse especially.

Collide - The subject matter of the song has been done before, I thought of Nicki's "The Night Is Still Young." But, living it up is a common subject in pop. The structure of your lyrics feels pretty effective and tight as a whole and you capture the feeling of the song's intent here pretty well. The "Look into my eyes" line feels off (and like a safety hazard), especially as they are wandering through the night, and the title phrase is a little random but great start.

Down For The Count - Reading the first couple lines, I'm getting major "Roar" vibes. The verse is a little too wordy in parts for me and I think that hurts the flow of the verse and pre-chorus. Also, make sure your lyrics are logical: glue isn't usually used to fix holes! But, I did like the chorus a lot though. It's catchy and has a nice use of the song title.

Holy Swords - I think the title sounds cool, but it does feel a little forced to sound cool rather than natural. Watch out for that. That being said, I'm a huge fan. Your word choice was interesting without being overdone, the song had a distinct voice and personality, and told a very interesting story that flowed logically. Make it flow better and you have a winner.

Need You Tonight - The imagery in the verse was very stylish and borderline surreal. Although, the lyrics in the pre-chorus feel a little out of place with the medical metaphors that aren't referenced elsewhere. I like the romanticism of the chorus. Well done and nice start.

Innocence - Your song has a great flow thematically and it is very cohesive. I love you for that. Actually, you are really on to something with this song and I love the mood, the subject, and the feeling you captured. There are a couple rhymes that could be improved upon and it may be a personal preference, but I would love if your chorus escalated from small ideas to big, but those are small details. I'm a fan now.

Into The Crowd - I think you should keep your like ideas together (all the we alls" should be kept together, if you keep them. You do seem to jump from idea to idea here without really transitioning: one second you're talking about a crowd, then a DJ, then pretty faces. It's also difficult to determine which part is verse and which is chorus. I do get the point of your song and I like the message, there is something solid here.

Journal - The scrapped book lyric hits close to home I think it's important to think about who you are addressing though. You are talking about a love that you need, but sometimes you directly address him "you tried to deceive me," sometimes, you reference him in the third person: "I'm with him" and this makes the song unfocused. I liked the emotional language and the central comparison is interesting though and could be relateable in a teen market.

Poison Ivy League - As soon as I read show tune, my interest piqued! It's corny and really theatrical, but that makes it work perfectly! To be honest, you didn't need to list the genre and I would have gotten it. I was thoroughly entertained. The song was fully realized: I loved the rhymes and the story. I laughed my (gasp) off at parts too. Also, "a bitch needs his degree" True though

Run - The "twin soul" line in the verse feels a little clunky. Also, you have a more simple and relatable song on your hands, I would say streamlining it by simplifying words like "obstacles," "reflection," and "illogical" could only help! That being said, I loved the repetition of "run," and I liked the progression of the song. Overall it's a simple, yet effective song

Sea Of Lies - If you are going to go the dramatic emotional route, commit to it more. Use more emotionally charged words and sell the song. You did a good job of this toward the end of the chorus but they could be used throughout more. Logically, I wouldn't say oceans rise above anyone; instead, a word like swallow or consume might work better. I would like to see more water imagery and the first part of the verse almost felt like you wrote it before you decided on the metaphor.

Snapchart Remix (feat. FKA Dancehall) - Is this a postmodern commentary on the state of celebrity culture, our own interconnectedness. I feel like Radiohead might try remixed Snapchat conversations on their next album to make their Kid A 2.0 and I think this song could be a hit with the "lives in a trailer in the middle of the desert demographic." Also, nice score with that feature. I didn't know he did them

Song Of Misery - I liked the dark and brooding tone. It was threatening and confrontational in a good way! The only thing I'm confused about is that last line of the chorus about sanity. Surely someone (something?) as confident and omnious as the subject of the song wouldn't need to be concerned with sanity.

Take Off With Me - It's a simple song but it's done well for the most part. The second line in the verse is missing a word and your verb tense switches around a little too much in the verse so work on that and your songs will pop more. Solid chorus though. I'm sure it's all you had to do to stay in the competition.

The Best We'll Ever Have - I like the use of the title phrase and the theme of the song. You do use a couple phrases that have been done before: the "tunnel" and "rubble" lines in particular and you might want to think of a new way to say those things in addition to refraining from calling a love interest "my friend"

this. - The line about doing the most damage is inspired and I loved the ride double entendre in the opening line of the verse. I also liked the progression of the story from the verse to the chorus and your flow was solid overall. The savor line in the pre-chorus feels a little forced and out of place and I would like a break in the chorus between the "this relationships" to let everything sink in. A couple grammar issues could be smoothed out, nice start though.

When The Morning Comes - It's a minor thing but the monster line sticks out to be because it's counter-intuitive. The dark is usually when they come out. Otherwise, I liked the chorus first, it seemed to set up the verse which was pretty sweet.

You Don't Know Bitch - I like the title. Oh. I like that you took a hip-hop approach. Try adding some consonance, alliteration, some word play, and maybe an allusion or two to add some more character because just rhyming and bragging isn't enough (and some of the rhymes, flow, and verb tense can be improved). I did like your scrappy personality and style there. I see potential.

[Temporal]

Conatus will probably finish Top 5 in this competition at least.

[Truth Teller]

Originally posted by OreGuy

And please change the color of the font (Bloom's), it doesn't go well with my color scheme

Changing your color scheme for one minute to read the reviews is much easier than me going back and changing my whole formatting, especially given that I've been formatting for 4 hours.

[Lukey]

Originally posted by Truth Teller

It's all love ultimately

It better be, these eyes can kill.

[Pecinta Mariah]

I take it as a good review from Bloomers, thanks!
let me explain to you later...

[Lukey]

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

The song you quoted? Was that yours? I remember the lyrics but don't have the titles in front of me.

I made those lyrics up on the spoty...

If someone has copied me... There's going to be trouble.

[Lucky#17]

WAIT. The deadline WASN'T tonight at 11:30PM?

[Bloomers]

Originally posted by Hugamari

Let me say something specific about Bloomers commentary: I agree territory/story was forced, but that wasn't the rhyme I wanted to use.

I wanted territory/allegory (as that was my original intention and I loved it), but I couldn't get it to work, and I basically went for the next best thing, which was using territory/story as a rhyme and connecting story and allegory together to build up upon that simile I'd introduced. I can only hope it was taken the right way because I was worried about it, but kept it because it was my favorite part of the song.

I liked what you did with the words overall though.

Originally posted by Jezang Looz

I purposely made this a fun uptempo song I guess there weren't many entries like this but that was the intention. We never got to finish the song so I wouldn't say the lyrics are inconsistent since the story wasn't finished (I was leading to why the singer feels sad about being in love).

This song is a "I'm so in love that it's all I think about and it makes me sad that I can't let you go" song served to you as a summer hit. Glad you thought it was solid overall though it means a lot to me! Hopefully I can do better in the future. Thank you Bloomers

I didn't mean anything bad about calling it a fun uptempo song. I was just pleasantly surprised that it came across as more uptempo.

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

The whole idea was that it was two people who had a relationship with a lot of ups and downs, but throughout it all they still had a really deep connection and bond, which to them, was like the affects of drugs. That's where the whole "you are the drug that..." thing comes from, and the whole veins/blood imagery as if that person is a drug within their veins. Whether or not they were together or not, there was still a bond and from the position I wrote in, they were experiencing cravings (like a drug) for their love again. That's basically what it was and why "go back to when you were mine" was used. They may not actively had been together at that time, but they were still tied, so not necessarily contradictory. (another example is the "i lay covered in your ever-changing hues" line. i don't explicitly say in the song whether they are together or not in the song, because i didn't think it was important. the ever-changing hues is a metaphor for the changing tides of the relationship, the colours would represent it going from possibly good to bad, so something like blue to red, or even black. it's also supposed to represent the high feeling associated with a drug, the ever-changing hues are like the colours you feel when high. the song is pretty in-depth and has multiple meanings)

I get the feeling you hated it, but there doesn't seem to be too much negative criticism here other than being *different* and I have no problems with that so thank you nn.

I did not hate it at all. I actually really liked your song. I didn't use the word different to mean anything other than it was written in a unique way. I did understand your metaphor. The part I referenced was just a minor issue I had when reviewing that did take me out of the mood of the song, but that was just me.

[moijejoue]

Originally posted by Truth Teller

That would never happen. I already said :


.

Oh, I thought we were still going in alphabetical order.

Phew.

[UFO]

"Twin soul"

[Truth Teller]

Originally posted by Lucky#17

WAIT. The deadline WASN'T tonight at 11:30PM?

I take it you didn't read either of my 2 PMs or checked the thread at all in the last 6 days

I really wanted you to compete, it's a shame

[OreGuy]

Originally posted by Lucky#17

WAIT. The deadline WASN'T tonight at 11:30PM?

Yes You've been eliminated

[Pecinta Mariah]

Originally posted by OreGuy

And please change the color of the font (Bloom's), it doesn't go well with my color scheme

highlight the post/copy paste it to your notepad
that's what I do

[Vespertine]

Snapchart Remix (feat. FKA Dancehall) - Is this a postmodern commentary

It's like you read my snaps to Dancehall

[posh]

Another positive review. Thanks, Bloomers!

I had a clear vision with my song, and it makes me so happy to know that at least 3/5 of the judges saw it.

[Lukey]

Thanks Bloomers for that nice lil comment, I understand about the pre-chorus but I was hoping to maybe add something in the next verse to relate, but that's fine.

Thank you.

[Lucky#17]

Originally posted by Truth Teller

I take it you didn't read either of my 2 PMs or checked the thread at all in the last 6 days

I really wanted you to compete, it's a shame

I was in the thread on Wednesday... when I was convinced it was Tuesday.


Perched for the season tho; am really excited to see how close the rankings were considering there were so many entries.