| |
Discussion: Coming Out
Member Since: 11/27/2010
Posts: 9,806
|
Quote:
Originally posted by LaNathan
I'm not officially out, but I'm working on it.
Only my close friends and my mother know. I started coming out to my friends when I was 15 and I told my mom when I was 16, at artRave of all places.
Unfortunately, I cannot tell my dad because I risk getting kicked out. My father already threatens to kick me out because I'm "the biggest mistake of his life", so I'm trying not to push it, especially since he's really physical / abusive. Although my mother says she wouldn't let him kick me out, she always sides with him and turns on me whenever there is an argument, so I'm just waiting till I'm about to go to college before telling him and the rest of my family (who aren't tolerant of gays as well). I hate not being open about it, because it's slowly destroying me with all this stress to seem straight to my dad and other family members and concealing how I truly feel. As much as I'd like to check out guys and stuff when I'm out with my family, I just have to talk about girls and try to force myself to be interested in them.
Also, my mom gives me **** saying how terrible it is to have a gay son since she wanted legitimate grandchilden. She can't seem to grasp the concept of surrogates and insemination, so she's basically a lost cause. She keeps trying to out me to my father all the time, which really pisses me off. It really makes me question whose side she's really on since she knows how she'll react.
College is going to be the best years of my life (I hope), since I'll finally be openly gay and find real relationships and just overall finally lead a positive life. I'll finally be able to hang out with other guys (since my father hasn't allowed me to hang out with guys since a gay rumor in 9th grade), party, go on dates, have a first kiss, etc. My parents always comment on how sad and depressed I look and even my mom can't understand why so it makes me extremely pressed. I really can't deal with all their hate and prejudice and it gets super overwhelming trying to keep up with a lie.
 |
OMG that sounds so sad. That sounds just awful. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/4/2014
Posts: 8,012
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Adonis
OMG that sounds so sad. That sounds just awful. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
|
Thank you, I appreciate someone caring! It really sucks, I'm just staying optimistic that college allows me to catch up on these lost experiences I haven't gotten to have in high school. Once I leave, I really do not plan on coming back any time soon (except holidays possibly). New York or somewhere out West will be my ideal goal, so I'm as far away from him as possible.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 2/4/2014
Posts: 3,737
|
Quote:
Originally posted by LaNathan
I'm not officially out, but I'm working on it.
Only my close friends and my mother know. I started coming out to my friends when I was 15 and I told my mom when I was 16, at artRave of all places.
Unfortunately, I cannot tell my dad because I risk getting kicked out. My father already threatens to kick me out because I'm "the biggest mistake of his life", so I'm trying not to push it, especially since he's really physical / abusive. Although my mother says she wouldn't let him kick me out, she always sides with him and turns on me whenever there is an argument, so I'm just waiting till I'm about to go to college before telling him and the rest of my family (who aren't tolerant of gays as well). I hate not being open about it, because it's slowly destroying me with all this stress to seem straight to my dad and other family members and concealing how I truly feel. As much as I'd like to check out guys and stuff when I'm out with my family, I just have to talk about girls and try to force myself to be interested in them.
Also, my mom gives me **** saying how terrible it is to have a gay son since she wanted legitimate grandchilden. She can't seem to grasp the concept of surrogates and insemination, so she's basically a lost cause. She keeps trying to out me to my father all the time, which really pisses me off. It really makes me question whose side she's really on since she knows how she'll react.
College is going to be the best years of my life (I hope), since I'll finally be openly gay and find real relationships and just overall finally lead a positive life. I'll finally be able to hang out with other guys (since my father hasn't allowed me to hang out with guys since a gay rumor in 9th grade), party, go on dates, have a first kiss, etc. My parents always comment on how sad and depressed I look and even my mom can't understand why so it makes me extremely pressed. I really can't deal with all their hate and prejudice and it gets super overwhelming trying to keep up with a lie.
|
im here for you
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 2/4/2014
Posts: 3,737
|
Thank You All for sharing <3
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 15,921
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Adonis
That's not necessarily true. Many families have rejected gays who've come out. I say just be yourself. That means talking about crushes and boyfriends like you would normally talk to your family about other things. Include and educate. This gives them time to evolve on the idea that you might be gay and come around and realize they love you regardless of who you have a romantic relationship with. Many gay people haven't even given their families a chance to really know them or be included in their lives fully. Again include and educate. That doesn't need a "coming out". You can be out without the drama.
|
LOL oh yeah, I will be like normally talking about my crushes and boyfriends without coming out? really?? what kind of logic are you using sis? 
your version of coming out might be good if you live in a liberal country like US, but for other where's homosexuality is still a taboo subject.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 15,921
|
Quote:
Originally posted by LaNathan
I'm not officially out, but I'm working on it.
Only my close friends and my mother know. I started coming out to my friends when I was 15 and I told my mom when I was 16, at artRave of all places.
Unfortunately, I cannot tell my dad because I risk getting kicked out. My father already threatens to kick me out because I'm "the biggest mistake of his life", so I'm trying not to push it, especially since he's really physical / abusive. Although my mother says she wouldn't let him kick me out, she always sides with him and turns on me whenever there is an argument, so I'm just waiting till I'm about to go to college before telling him and the rest of my family (who aren't tolerant of gays as well). I hate not being open about it, because it's slowly destroying me with all this stress to seem straight to my dad and other family members and concealing how I truly feel. As much as I'd like to check out guys and stuff when I'm out with my family, I just have to talk about girls and try to force myself to be interested in them.
Also, my mom gives me **** saying how terrible it is to have a gay son since she wanted legitimate grandchilden. She can't seem to grasp the concept of surrogates and insemination, so she's basically a lost cause. She keeps trying to out me to my father all the time, which really pisses me off. It really makes me question whose side she's really on since she knows how she'll react.
College is going to be the best years of my life (I hope), since I'll finally be openly gay and find real relationships and just overall finally lead a positive life. I'll finally be able to hang out with other guys (since my father hasn't allowed me to hang out with guys since a gay rumor in 9th grade), party, go on dates, have a first kiss, etc. My parents always comment on how sad and depressed I look and even my mom can't understand why so it makes me extremely pressed. I really can't deal with all their hate and prejudice and it gets super overwhelming trying to keep up with a lie.
|
omg, this is just like me except I didn't come out to anyone except my ex-BFF
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 11/16/2011
Posts: 32,177
|
My family pretty much knows. It's an unsaid thing that they know. But my plan was to tell them once I found a good boyfriend to introduce them to. BUT ALL THESE BOYS BE ****BOYS RUINING MY PLAN.
I know my family won't care. It was always just the way I wanted it to be.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 25,504
|
I came out to my mom last year and she was incredibly supportive. Ever since, it's been so normal that I always forget that I came out to her
My straight friends definitely know I'm gay, but I ain't coming out until I feel like it.
I've came out to a few girl friends of mine and they were also supportive. But some of them don't realize why "it's such a big deal" and **** like that which is both good and bad, cuz they think that we don't face that much hate and we don't have to be afraid, which is not true
I am still scared to be out to everybody and I come from a country that is closer to the Russian type of thinking than the Western part of Europe.
in fact if I didn't live in the Netherlands the past 3 years I would still be in the closet to everyone and I wouldn't have had any intercourse or anything with the same sex (or the opposite, cuz I don't like ***** it's very simple).
If I know that my future here in the Netherlands or anywhere else is SAFE I'd come out, but I am not sure I can be myself in my hometown in Bulgaria (even tho Bulgaria is miles better than Russia, it's still bad).
Edit: I came to my mom on Skype (cuz we are in different countries currently) and I said "You know mom how I've always been different, right ?  And then I was like "I like boys" and I started crying like a baby) She was like "You should NEVER, EVER be ashamed or worried about anything and all sorts of similar things and she was like "Why didn't you tell me earlier" and she felt bad for not being able to support me longer 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,930
|
My mother is the only one in my family to know, but she's also the only one I'm still in contact with.
I'm out to everyone else, except teachers/school staff because I go to a catholic school.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 11/17/2011
Posts: 32,412
|
Quote:
Originally posted by AvrilLaQueen
LOL oh yeah, I will be like normally talking about my crushes and boyfriends without coming out? really?? what kind of logic are you using sis?
your version of coming out might be good if you live in a liberal country like US, but for other where's homosexuality is still a taboo subject. |
I think what Adonis is meaning by "coming out" is a huge fiasco letting everyone know that you're gay in a manner that's quite abrupt. And while a major part of the U.S is "liberal" not all of it is, and there are parts of the country where you can be just as unsafe, or not feel welcomed.
But I understand that in some cultures, being gay is an absolute forbidden taboo and the mere mention of homosexual relationships or people will bring about awkward conversation. Take it one step at a time and always look for support groups, whether they be online or in person.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 6/15/2010
Posts: 14,318
|
My closest friend, my brother and mother know I'm bi (I'm not), in a few years I will ease into it and tell them I'm 100% gay.
Always remember that guilt is your best weapon. If your parents give you hell, constantly remind them that they made you and it's their fault that you're gay.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 11/17/2011
Posts: 32,412
|
Quote:
Originally posted by YoYo
My closest friend, my brother and mother know I'm bi (I'm not), in a few years I will ease into it and tell them I'm 100% gay.
Always remember that guilt is your best weapon. If your parents give you hell, constantly remind them that they made you and it's their fault that you're gay.
|
I find that this often doesn't work for religious parents. (not all, just saying from what I've seen). They'll usually blame some sort of outside medium. If you're lucky it's pop music and not the devil
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 2/20/2012
Posts: 24,225
|
It seems so weird to me that people feel this afraid of coming out. I guess I'm just lucky.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 3/29/2012
Posts: 28,833
|
My family has probably known since I was like 5 as I've always been different from other guys and look at my sig, I know it's stereotypical and I hate that but with me it's a fact  I'm know they'll be accepting but it's just hard for me to open up sometimes.
But yeah if you're parents is negative towards gays you should make sure you have a plan B, or maybe try to hint some at it and see how they take it. Like my mom has worked with gays for 20+ years and my dad thinks it's silly how Russia treats gays and we voted for the liberal church to win during the church elections (I'm not really a Christian but I had the chance to vote so why not) so now gay marriage might become even more normal here 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
|
My family was a mess. I kinda started dropping hints last summer by posting tons of pics of me and my ex online, and letting my parents meet him when they came to visit me. I guess they stalked him online and found out he was gay and just finally fir it all together. Then one day my mom called me and asked if I wanted to go to lunch, which was confusing because she lives 500 miles away. She told me she was on her way to see me and would be there in 45 minutes. So she came and picked me up and told me she knew, and then started crying and saying how she was disappointed in me and that God had told her someday I'll marry a woman. She then told the rest of my family for me and made everything about her, like she was the victim. Fortunately me and my ex were going camping that day so I got to get away from her. She's doing a little better now and she's seeing a counselor to help her try to understand better, but last I heard she was still disappointed in me and cries about it sometimes.
Other than her everyone's been great though. My dad, my grandma, all my friends have been really supportive and excited for me.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 4/14/2011
Posts: 48,397
|
I am lowkey wanting to cry reading some of your stories
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
|
Quote:
Originally posted by LaNathan
I'm not officially out, but I'm working on it.
Only my close friends and my mother know. I started coming out to my friends when I was 15 and I told my mom when I was 16, at artRave of all places.
Unfortunately, I cannot tell my dad because I risk getting kicked out. My father already threatens to kick me out because I'm "the biggest mistake of his life", so I'm trying not to push it, especially since he's really physical / abusive. Although my mother says she wouldn't let him kick me out, she always sides with him and turns on me whenever there is an argument, so I'm just waiting till I'm about to go to college before telling him and the rest of my family (who aren't tolerant of gays as well). I hate not being open about it, because it's slowly destroying me with all this stress to seem straight to my dad and other family members and concealing how I truly feel. As much as I'd like to check out guys and stuff when I'm out with my family, I just have to talk about girls and try to force myself to be interested in them.
Also, my mom gives me **** saying how terrible it is to have a gay son since she wanted legitimate grandchilden. She can't seem to grasp the concept of surrogates and insemination, so she's basically a lost cause. She keeps trying to out me to my father all the time, which really pisses me off. It really makes me question whose side she's really on since she knows how she'll react.
College is going to be the best years of my life (I hope), since I'll finally be openly gay and find real relationships and just overall finally lead a positive life. I'll finally be able to hang out with other guys (since my father hasn't allowed me to hang out with guys since a gay rumor in 9th grade), party, go on dates, have a first kiss, etc. My parents always comment on how sad and depressed I look and even my mom can't understand why so it makes me extremely pressed. I really can't deal with all their hate and prejudice and it gets super overwhelming trying to keep up with a lie.
|
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/4/2014
Posts: 2,465
|
Quote:
Originally posted by LoKoPaNdA
I am lowkey wanting to cry reading some of your stories |
MTE 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 9,481
|
Quote:
Originally posted by ■YoungCalifornia■
It's NOT THEIR BUSINESS on what your sexual orientation is.
|
If you say so, it's really not that easy.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 7,055
|
Quote:
Originally posted by ItsJim
If you say so, it's really not that easy.
|
How?
If your parents don't accept you, then cut them out of your life. They were never your parents in the first place. The "bond" and "connection" you had was FAKE the whole time because they thought you were straight. But now all of a sudden hate you because your Gay? BYE!!! A REAL parent loves their son/daughter unconditionally.
"I don't wanna disappoint my parents"
You weren't put on this Earth to please OTHER PEOPLE.
It's NOT THEIR BUSINESS what your sexual orientation is.
LGBT are the same as Straight people.
Straight people don't come out, neither should LGBT.
|
|
|
|
|
|
