I. INTRO
II. MAN & WOMAN OF D. YEAR
III. BEST FILMS OF D. YEAR
IV. BEST YOUTUBE CLIPS OF 09
V. V.D.'ography: MUSIC VIDEOS OF 09
VI. D. OUTSIDE: SONGS 125-101
VII. TAKE THAT D!: the experience
Ah yes! It's the me show, again...Hello, remember me? D. AntiNice? THE ****? THE GREAT?
Enough hooting my own torn, stop cnowballing your sum into your dog's mouth and come play with me! ME, DAMMIT! /evan.
I 'm back with the ****-est commentary this side of Ann Coulter's left labia and Kramer's longest ass pube!
This time, I present you the list of my SIX favorite YouTube clips of 2009. NOW, the greatest things I think stay mostly relegated to my mind, but time and time again, D. commends those who take their drive, their vision (cut me some slack, I don't do webcams, ***iolis) and turn it into stimuli for the soul.
These videos, whether mind-numbingly horrendous, or outright brilliant, each called for a hand over cheek, mouth agape reaction out of me be it only once or even up till now. D. commands you watch ALL CLIPS - or die of H2N0!
Your choice.
///
6. "OBSESSED" by Pedro "Not The Gay Amputee." The OTHER Pedro.
"Hai Hai!"
Oh, the myriad of ways I could go in on this video...I'll take the high road for this one, if only 'cause.
ANYWAY. There's many things Pedro Martell, star of this video, isn't:
a singer.
A looker.
Much of a sneakerhead.
But regardless of any bones you may have to pick with him or this video, you can't deny his bravery for posting this up on YouTube, cestpool of ignorance, hatred and unfiltered criticism.
"Obsessed (OMAGAH THAT'S MAH PARKING SPOT remix)" was uploaded on YT shortly after the June premiere date of Mariah Carey's original rendition and, from the first view I couldn't help but . I just 'd the night away! Then, upon viewing it again (), and again (), and again (:-\), and again (), it dawned upon me - this video, permed hair and all, is a STATEMENT.
The audacity of this existing in the first place exceeds any potential head[! shoulders! KNEES AND TOES. KNEES AND TOES.] shaking from the horrified, cruel masses. More than any video in the YouTube LEXICON, Pedro's daring vid is on this list because IT MERELY EXISTS. And, truthfully, that's more than I can say for any other clip I've viewed in my life.
Give him a hand...
....
......
.....
or a bucket of thighs.
5. Drake's Hot 97 Freestyle Incident
I may be fond of rap's answer to Frankenstein's monster now, but circa April, I had every reason to clown him. More than any parody clip that surfaced in its wake, Drake's Hot 97 freestyle is a joke in and of itself. From the Blackberry scrollball recital to "Degrassi...all the way from" to Drake's little Canuck ass desperately trying to get a word in edgewise while Funkmaster Flex does his negro DJ yodel, this is comic gold.
It may have been a miserly year for hip hop with Drizzy atop the charts, but it was a **** up to remember watching Wheelchair Jimmy veer into foreign territory...Speaking of...
4. "Hot Teens Gone Wild on Degrassi"
"...'cause I'M. GHEY."
Someone give Shane Dawson his own show already.
3. J. LA does SELENA!
My best friend & future roomie JENNIFER CELADILLA has concoted many an awesome clip (when she came up with awesome clips) in the double-oh 9, but NONE impressed me the way her tribute to fallen Tejana superstar Selena spoke to me. Equal parts spot on with Selena's stage presence and pure J. La quirkiness, it not only relives the best of a best, it also serves as a segway from a past's one-time superstar to a future force to be reckoned with.
Bueno. The ONLY and I mean ONLY thing keeping this clip from #1 was that it, and the song that it incorporates DOMINATED my 2009 . Con eso dicho, I don't know where to begin explaining this video.
Is it a parody?Is he deadass? IS THIS SAMBO AND CAN WE RESURRECT LUISITO MARTI TO DO IT BETTER? In short, bachata's (pop. form of music native to Dominican Rep, natch) most polemic song of the year came in the form of a plastic easter egg with *** for yolk - "Quiero Volar" is in anomaly, an enigma and a landmark all at once. A supposed lament over ostracism in D.R.'s predominantly Catholic, homophobic(-ish) society, the fresh faced bachatero takes the piss (and then some!) out of the term pajaro (pato, palomo, etc.) to plead his case for not liking carteras de jamon.
In this "song", possibly fictional in its sentiments and (I hope to black nappy Jesus) satirical in its lyrics, Andy wants to "volar" (fly) and defends potential naysayers of his "lifestyle choice" by [not] likening homosexuality to paternal incest ("soy gay, pero esto que [no, repeat ad nauseum] me gustara a...mi papa").
Given time constraints, I couldn't do a "WORST SONGS OF THE YEAR" list this go-round but, in all fairness this would be #1. Scorned by retrograde-minded Dominicans and fudgepackers with sense alike, it's a minstrel show that embarasses an entire culture, an otherwise respectable genre of music and disgraces a sexual orientation all at once.
Although!
Who said you can't marvel at a good car crash every now and then? Not me. Not D.
It all began as a joke - JD (blue shirt, fitted) y sus panas ditch homework to film their own joke vid to rapper Sensato Del Patio's song "Watagatapitusberry" - a song admittedly about "nothing" as guest rapper Black Point put it in a YT vid that surfaced in this clip's wake. The result? An niche-ready intelne phenom that catapaulted the otherwise-laughable song to runaway success.
As JD explained in a post-"Watagatapitusberry" interview with remolacha.net, he was the visionary of the surprise hit vid, and that this clip was merely one of many DIY masterpieces he and his mans have created. True, but in skimming through his other work, nothing screamed TIMELESS like this.
This is a moments vid, chock full of replayable WTF-worthy events bound to either turn you off or ping it to a friend. (Cue the random Vogue-esque pose at 1:45, the bromosexual leapfrog of 2:22 or my personal favorite, 0:44.)
This is a niche vid - while enjoyable to many, if you don't get that (1) the artist who sings this isn't in the video (2) aside from the obvious adults, everyone else in this vid isn't even of legal smoking age and (3) while universal in its appeal, this is ultimately best understood by Dominicans and those often around Dominicans enough to absorb the culture. Either you get it, or you OBVIOUSLY DON'T. And I quote:
Quote:
Originally posted by Jaded Person on thelifefiles.com
This video is extremely indicative of the state of urban youth. Effeminate boys that will undoubtedly start experimenting with each other sexually if they haven’t already. I shake my dome piece this is Sodom & Gomorrah for real.
And lastly, this is a "favorite one" vid - it's impossible to go through the duration of "Watagatapitusberry" without falling for at least one of these kids' personalities. My future baby daddy when-of-age? The one that seems clearly not... all that there - y'know 0:44?Subject of submission at 2:30?Adorable at 2:24? He make me a proud cradle robber, you'll see!
It's rare when internet memes transcend demographics and even the focal point of it all, but "Watagatapitusberry" has time and time again, proven to be a true pleasure for those who watched this vid, a blessing in disguise for the no-name original artists and a proud moment for all involved in this video. 2 MILLION VIEWS and counting... and with good reason.
I. INTRO
II. MAN & WOMAN OF D. YEAR
III. BEST FILMS OF D. YEAR
IV. BEST YOUTUBE CLIPS OF 09
V. V.D.'ography: MUSIC VIDEOS OF 09
VI. D. OUTSIDE: SONGS 125-101
VII. TAKE THAT D!: the experience
Y'all wanted it? Yew got it. My best, my, my CIEN favorite songs and TWENTY FIVE albums of D. year ranked in ascending order.
Before we get started, here's a little backstory to how this would've gone down originally: you see that graphic? Notice how the buildings behind Aventura seem to have a red-bluish glow about them? Wanna know why the title seems to pop out at you?
This list, this countdown, this EVERYTHING was supposed to be THREE DIMENSIONAL. Yes, 3D. Originally a collabo between me and a member known for his graphic prowess, my list was poised to be the sickest **** this side of Susan Boyle's ****oris, but it all fell through.
Between the fall-out with who was gonna collaborate with me and pure laziness on my part, my vision was shattered.
I crashed down.
I tumbled.
But I did not.
Crumble.
I really couldn't go out looking like a lame so I had to come up with something...anything...quick. This is it. This is also IT. D. AntiNice and http://d-antinicerocks.com (bookmark it. music blog of the next decade real talk. AND YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE SONGS OVER THERE) present to you... TAKE THAT D!: the experience.
100// drake. best i ever had. So Far Gone
Billboard Peak: #2
Last.fm plays: 19
WRITE-UP
K. So. He was much more eloquent as a retardTerry Schiavoa gunwound afflicted basketball player on a fictional show set in a fictional school where damn near everybody's run train on Heather Sinclair.
I didn't buy this "song", I didn't buy him and by golly, ***** still needs a Brazilian wax on his Sabretooth face, but what would a year-end be sans Limpy Drizzy? After all, "Best I Ever Had," high on lyric confidence but loowwwwwwwwwwww in delivery/conviction did inspire the title of this entire she-bang, so yeah, credit where it's due.
Yeah, and you may be on this list - TWICE! - now, but I still don't know why you're rapping instead of coming in last at the Special Olympics, Wheelchair Jimmy.
Imma let you finish, but DRIZZY don't. get. GASSED. /funkflex.
99// grizzly bear. two weeks. Veckatimest
Billboard Peak: # you got jokes!
Last.fm plays: 10
READ HERE.
Shittin' on this song...
STAY MAD![/CENTER]
98// la roux. in for the kill. La Roux
Billboard Peak: not yet released stateside.
Last.fm plays: 6
HEY YOU!
...in which Elly Jackson gets fingerpopped by Edward Scissorhands.
97// (hed) p.e. renegade. New World Orphans
Billboard Peak: #36 (Active Rock?)
Last.fm plays: 20
AY!
I Photoshopped that gutterpunk from the video into the graphic. It may look like I'm throwin' shade, but I made it look like Jahred was merely casting shade. Clever, right~!
TURN AROUND N WUT?
BITE YEW. :scary:
96// new boyz. you're a jerk. Skinny Jeanz & No Sperm
Billboard Peak: #24
Last.fm plays: 8
FANTASIA WOULD READ THIS IF SHE COULD.
Ha. This looks like the top-half to a cover of some bottom-rung underage homiesexual ****!
Not to say all underage **** is bottom rung....
um, not to say that it's bottom rung cuz they're black...
uh...
not to say gay **** is trashier than straight...wait!
*
Just found who Natalie Nunn is. Heard she got punched really hard. (
)
/evan.
. I just 
), and again (
), and again (:-\), and again (
), it dawned upon me - this video, permed hair and all, is a STATEMENT.
. Con eso dicho, I don't know where to begin explaining this video. 
WRITE-UP
@ the New Boyz write up 