Yeah when I was in jr high. I was always one of a handful (less than 5) black kids in my entire school. I didn't really "see" color until maybe 7th grade. Someone who I considered a friend called me the N-word and I subsequently beat that ass. Then it there was this girl I really, really liked but her dad wouldn't let her date me bc of my skin color. It bothered me on a deep emotional level. Why was I different? Why couldn't I just be seen for me?
I was "too white" for the black kids, but obviously too black for others. It was a major mind **** for me. And I wished I could be like everyone else.
After that talking with my mom I got a better understanding of my identity struggle (I come from a multi-racial family) and I began to take pride in being a POC. Sadly though, I still remained "too white" for other POC -- bc I spoke "properly" and dyed my hair colors and had "white" hairstyles. That low key always ****ed me with. Kinda still does.
But I don't wish to be anyone other than what I am now.
OMG this post describes me perfectly. Especially the bolded part. I say it ALL the time..
Not really but when I was little whenever I imagined myself I'd imagine a blonde haired blue eyed white boy and whenever I had dreams I dreamed of white people and thought it was odd if I didn't have white people in my dreams. Not because it was self hatred but more because the majority of the people I saw on TV doing fantasy and epic stuff were white and I was really into fantasy and magical things I thought you had to be white to do that.
When I was little I did. Being a little black girl and only seeing white women on the cover of magazines, or wanting to watch the Victoria's secret fashiom show and only seeing white women there, wanting to watch an award show and only seeing only white performers there and only them being awarded, it hurts. I would browse forums to look at men's opinions on if they found black women attractive and would ever date one and the majority would say no.
In middle school I began to hate all of my african features and skin. I started researching ways to bleach my skin, get a nose job to my nose won't be as wide, how to make my lips thinner. It was absolutely horrible.
I don't know where I got my black pride from in high school but it came hard. I take pride in my african features, skin, and hair like never before. Maybe limiting myself to black media for a while, only black music, movies, shows, and role models. Upping my black history game to the max. Or just taking my history classes and realizing white people are nothing to envy at all. And realizing that white privelage and institutional racism was the reason for most of the things I listed earlier, not black people being inherently ugly or untalented.
So to answer the question when I was little yes but now HELL NAWWWWW.
I'm latino (Mexican) and had always been a little darker than most of my cousins. I went to high school in the mid-2000's during the whole Myspace emo phase where pale was the thing to be. I used to wear long sleeves in the dead of summer and avoid the sun like a plague during those years to avoid getting darker. I used to put the flash on super bright in my photos to make myself appear whiter. I used to not like being brown but now I embrace it, even though I'm not even really that dark. I'm glad I grew out of that phase though.
Not really but when I was little whenever I imagined myself I'd imagine a blonde haired blue eyed white boy and whenever I had dreams I dreamed of white people and thought it was odd if I didn't have white people in my dreams. Not because it was self hatred but more because the majority of the people I saw on TV doing fantasy and epic stuff were white and I was really into fantasy and magical things I thought you had to be white to do that.
like it was a compliment