I just wanna be in love honestly and I want to genuinely think that my boy is the most beautiful in the world and not cuz society standards make him look hot.
Cuz i've tried to have types so many times, I've been superficial and stuff, I always follow some models on insta and so on, been to hook ups with some really ****ing hot guys and at the end of the day I feel empty and I haven't been inlove, like trully in love. I am in the closet so it's harder too and yeah I deleted every app and I haven't hooked up with anyone for half a year now, but cuz I am busy and have anxiety and other ****, I also don't go out much so yeah I'm being lonely and busy
I've found out that no matter how handsome a guy is, if there are no deep feelings, it means nothing. It helps me tho, because I understand that it really isn't just about the looks. And u know how sometimes you find someone extremely hot after awhile only cuz you already know them and it makes it so much more special and you are really like, he is so handsome
And not just in a " i wanna have sex with him" way.
Sorry for the corny mess
I needed to let it out.