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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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Quote:
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If you make it to the next round, really try to push yourself, come up with more creative lyrics, use some metaphors, and try to include some imagery so your lyrics make the reader “see” your song. But keep at it.
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Not me having another average song  S6 Speezy needs to save me
I will though to try
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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I should've repeated "all of these things are only made up of dreams" 12 times maybe then I could've have a REAL song 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Can't wait for all the copycat entries next week. Impactnatus strikes again. "Fight Back", "Douche Back", "Delete It Back". I'm an Adele in a sea of Emelis and Sams.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Sam's Comments
Batch 3
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35. Witch Privilege – Platinum Hit
I mean, if you wanted to quit, you could have just asked.
36. Colton Haynes – High
It was a pretty unremarkable entry if I’m honest. You fell into the trap that so many do of writing an upbeat song and exchanging strong lyricism for simple catchy cliché lyrics like “no time to waste”, “fly away with me”, anything to do with fire or burning etc. Everything is so familiar. Most of the rhyming was pretty simple but it works, everything just works, but it doesn’t excite. I hope you understand what I mean by that. If you’re going to write upbeat you need to make sure that it still has strong lyrical quality, strong sense of flow, unique rhymes, clever lyrics/puns/whatever. Upbeat songs can still make you think, make you smile, make you surprised. It wasn’t a bad entry; it was just very beige for me.
37. wesleywalrus – Center Of The Sun
YES Wesley, this is how you prove that our comments in the first round were wrong and don’t pull a Witch_Privilege and be bitter about it  This is what the point of letting everyone continue on to the second round was all about. I don’t know what the other judges are going to think but this was a complete 180 from your intro for me. It was obviously still a fun, upbeat or midtempo kind of song, but you used some interesting language like “reverie”, had good prolonged rhyming in the first verse and the chorus is actually pretty solid. You used a good metaphor with the center of the sun and it also doubled as a repetition which helps make it catchy. Good imagery in the second verse. There’s so much improvement and it’s clear to see. It’s not a perfect entry but I can see how you’ve listened to the judge’s advice and applied it to this entry and you’re definitely getting something for that. Well done.
38. Tymps. – The Lottery
I got “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” teas from this first part.  “Thanks for your positive feedback”  I hope you don’t take offense at this, but this song was honestly so weird, and I kind of loved it. It’s so true though, it’s like a genetic lottery. A vulture is never going to be a songbird. A cactus ain’t ever gonna be a pretty flower. But they have to embrace that they’re never going to be perfect. It’s got a cute meaning. It’s thought-provoking. I enjoyed this immensely.
39. Blue. – My Head Is An Animal
Breakdowns are not lyrics, please don’t include them. I like the imagery of steel towers scratching the clouds, that’s a creative lyric. Probably the standout in the song. I’m not really sure if I get the head being an animal motif you’ve gone for, are you suggesting you’re an animal trapped inside a city slicker human? I think you could have gone for something else with that. I do like the underlying theme of unleashing the animal inside, but I just feel like your execution needs some work. Repeating “my head is an animal” doesn’t add anything to the song. The chorus is nice though, and the verse above it is quite good.
40. Moonchild – Over The Moon
You executed this challenge very well, it reads like a full song and you didn’t even need to use any repetitions. In fact, you’re well under the limit. You have a solid storyline that progresses with every verse, like it should, and every lyric is contributing to the story. The over the moon motif is used well and not senselessly or overzealously. The rhymes are strong and don’t appear to be forced and there are plenty of great lines here. A very, very solid job. You’re another one to watch.
41. ClarksonSlays – Village By the Mountain
This was another pretty interesting concept. I like that you’re not afraid to do something slightly out of the ordinary, like submit a lullaby you’ve created or a dream someone’s had. It definitely makes you stand out. Will it always be for the right reasons, though? I’m not sure. I like this song but I can’t help but feel that everything is so contrived when reading it. Like it was written for the purpose of trying to stand out and be different for the sake of it.  That aside, some of the verses are very wordy and in a challenge were words are everything I don’t think you make the best use of them there. As a result, your bridge was a very short segment repeated four times. It wasn’t a bad entry by any means but I think you’re dancing on the edge of writing a rhyming poem or story rather than an actual song. For what it is, you’ve done a good job, and my score will reflect that more than anything. Just keep these things in mind.
42. Jack! – I Wish
This was a very good entry, and I did prefer it to your entry last week. The first verse isn’t my absolute favourite if I’m completely honest, but I like most of it. I’m just not sure what some of the lyrics are getting at. The chorus is good and the “I wish” motif is used well, as are the rhymes. The second verse which describes what I’m assuming is you looking at an Instagram pictureis really great and I love how the whole verse follows that one idea. The bridge opposing the wishes with things you wish weren’t there is a really clever contrast. Overall I thought it was a great entry.
43. MattyTacos – Martyr
This was really great. I liked it better than last week’s entry (and you won last week!) so that’s a good thing. It was an interesting concept but it still felt like a proper song and you used your words well as everything is relevant to the story you’re telling. You’ve made use of some good rhymes with interesting rhyme schemes too. The chorus is good and does its job but I feel like there could be something else there, perhaps relating to the title a bit more. “I’m a martyr” wouldn’t have sent you over the word count, for example. Just a small comment there. The bridge is a nice addition and it elevates the song as well. Keep up the great work.
44. Marvin – Fading
It puzzles me that you repeated the verse twice when you still had another 41 words to write a second verse and your first verse was only 15 words anyway. You could have written two more verses with that. Your chorus is also very repetitive (and you mentioned it’s essentially sampled from Rihanna’s song of the same name). It just seems like an odd choice given the challenge was to make the most of your words and if anything you’ve done the exact opposite of that. You could have done so much more with this… cut the chorus in half or add some more unique lyrics to it and add another verse or even two. The bridge is nice.
45. HausofNiko – Letters for an Empty Heart
This is honestly one of the best entries of the round. You’ve really, really stepped it up. Every word counts, you’ve got a good concept that’s executed very well, nothing feels contrived and it’s just really effortless, like a lost letter floating in the wind. You somehow even made “four-leaf clover” work without sounding at all forced, it was such a pleasant moment. That second verse is a goldmine. Super impressive writing.
46. Element – Kneel
I’m sorry but the “Get down on your knees babe” just feels so out of place for some reason, and I can’t NOT hear it sung in the Ariana voice. The “What are you living for” lyric gave me a Katy tea, too. I liked the song overall. The “glass/past” comparison was really, really clever and I liked that a lot, my favourite part of the song. I don’t think you necessary made the best use of your words but you did a fine job. I think you could have cut back on some of the repetitions or similar lyrics and written a proper bridge, but overall it was a nice entry.
47. Keshafied – Alone
This is actually a really well put together song. It’s not the most unique concept ever but you’ve put your own spin on it, which is what you have to do when writing about these sorts of really common theme such as breakups. I like how in the bridge you used both whiskey and champagne to compare the bad and the good. The rhyming there is pretty good too. It’s a very raw song, which I like, but I have to say that there is a lot of familiar language here too. Despite its imperfections, I enjoyed this entry.
48. BlueM – Demons Are Out
I’m so glad you ended up submitting this, because it’s fantastic. Is it a continuation of your intro? It appears to be. This is even better than your intro though, every word is so important and the lyrics are great, the rhymes are tight and the flow is very evident. The second verse is even better than the first and keeps the song moving, it’s brilliant. The bridge is the perfect contribution. A really solid entry, and you made every word count. Well done.
49. Nightingale – Flat
This was a good entry. The highlight for me was definitely the second verse, it’s so effortless and raw and true and I love everything about it. The first verse is pretty good too. The rhyme scheme in both verses of AABCCB is great. I think you use the same for the bridge, actually, but I prefer the verses. The choruses are fine and so are the alterations, I like them with the alterations actually, but the verses are definitely the standout. Overall it’s a good entry and I really liked it.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 3,834
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Quote:
6. KeshasFansRose – Freedom of Love
I’m still not really sure “what” the freedom of love is… the freedom to love whoever we love and be accepted for it? I like the meaning of the first verse but I’m just not sure how it ties in with the chorus. It starts off like an introspective song realising your dark side, but the chorus doesn’t appear to reflect that. Are you the villain because you didn’t listen to the freedom of your heart? I don’t think you used your words very wisely because there are some unnecessary parts moments where lines could be reworded to cut them down (and the use of “oh” is pointless), and I don’t think you have made every word count because I’m still not sure what the song is about. I like the parallels of the rhymes in the two verses though.
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Lemme just start packing my bags and provide everyone with an annotated edition. This is starting to frustrate me.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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The judges are giving me Simon Cowell teas this time around
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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I've done my part, you can choose to listen to the comments or ignore them. Three short stanzas is not a full song, sorry.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 59,596
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Hopefully my reviews will be a shower of Paula Abdul goodness in comparison!
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Bitter Pill was inspired by my UK members of Random Thots . Thank you  .
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Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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Quote:
26. Pencita Mariah – Rays
I liked this entry and it was an improvement on last week’s for me. I think you should have begun the song at the first verse because the chorus is so long in comparison to the short verses it just feels like one too many repetitions. Also, the verses and chorus tend to blend into one another because they all end the same way, I think a bit more distinction between the verse and the chorus would have been nice. It was a lyrically solid piece and the meaning was there. There’s room for improvement but it was a good entry.
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OMG thank you Sam, this gave me hope
I'll take note every single criticism from you 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Can't wait for all the copycat entries next week. Impactnatus strikes again. "Fight Back", "Douche Back", "Delete It Back". I'm an Adele in a sea of Emelis and Sams.
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Why am I screaming
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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hopefully there is a comeback round
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Quote:
Originally posted by Speezy
hopefully there is a comeback round |
If you win, you'll be accused of giving BJ's
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by Speezy
hopefully there is a comeback round |
Should be interesting to see how a comeback round works out this season with no favouritism.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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Who's next? Lovesong? 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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I guess I should be grateful I got positive feedback but can't help but feel I'm not standing out 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 12/2/2010
Posts: 17,916
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Quote:
22. Urban_Fan – End Of The Line
You build me up, you break me down, my heart it pounds, yeah you got me! In-ten-SHUN-uhl, in-ten-SHUN-uh-lee, you will hurt me, in-ten-SHUN-uh-lee.**Sorry, I couldn’t start this critique any other way. When listening to your Soundcloud link, TiK ToK and Unconditionally’s melodies came to my mind in those parts. That aside, this is yet another good example of how you don’t have to write an emotional ballad to do really well as some like to think. This is clearly an upbeat song and it works. Your melody is very clear from the way you’ve written the song (even without the Soundcloud link) and the lyrics are good. I’m not 100% sure about the usage of “reached a stop” in the chorus. I think if you’d done something like “Just stop” and then had a pause between that lyric and the “end of the line” one, it would have been even better. You stuck to the limit well and it reads like a full song. Nice job.
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Yass! BOP king!
Thank you for your feedback!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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It's 2:45am I'm going to bed, other judges can post their own comments if they wish. Otherwise I'll be back online in like 6 hours so I can post some then if they're in my inbox.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by Vulnicura
I guess I should be grateful I got positive feedback but can't help but feel I'm not standing out |
That's not necessarily the end of the world this early in the game bb!
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