What a brilliant review, and the fact that it is going over the heads of most people here is just the icing on the cake.
If I were to write a review for Artpop it'd be very similar to this one. There's just not much to say about any of the songs, there's nothing special to write about. It's an album. It has songs that you can listen to. Some songs are a little better than others and some are horrendous. What more is there to say?