1. Bey Admired - You and Me
Although there were some clever lines, this felt flat overall. Almost all of it, if not all, has been said and done. There's always a risk when using straightforward language that it will become basic and this was basic indeed. I get the vibe you were going for but it didn't suffice, not for a songwriting competition. "Scortese" was so out of place, where did the Italian come from? It felt especially random after such simplistic language beforehand.
2. Tymps -
Pee a Little
I found the two different styles of writing clever; one was more elegant and composed while the other perspective was rather unruly. While this was no
Metacognition, I enjoyed some of it. Yet much of the song, specifically what the one in the pee-yellow color said, was a bit too vulgar and joke-y for me.
3. OreGuy -
Inside of You
This was not fun to read. From the messy rhyme scheme and meter to the language used, it all felt bland. The outro was probably the final nail in the coffin for this entry. I'll commend you on using cohesive imagery but maybe use more captivating language next time. This was creepy not in a good "artful" way (I don't mean to sound like a pretentious mofo, but you know what I mean, hopefully).
4. Vision -
Field of Emeralds
What. The. ****. You're sick, lol. Okay so it started out very cliche and without much rhyme scheme to hold it together but your style is quite beautiful. "Oh so magic and moody," is terribly worded and "oh" is usually never a good substitute for a syllable, including your usage of it. You used "oh" again in the beginning of the second verse (ur so funny). However after that, practically every line was kind of amazing for the remainder of the second verse, keep that up. It was lyrical, full of imagery, and the dialogue was incorporated well. It painted a nice image in my head. The ending was so unexpected, and I could see where the conflicting interests finally came into play. It was cleverly done. I don't know if I like the use of "fields of emerald green," until the last chorus though.
5. E-Raine -
Pandora's Box
Rap entries are treacherous because yes, rap has its own style but it's so easy to mess it up. This wasn't well written by any means but I can see it being a legit bop. Being that this is a songwriting competition, I find the actual lyrics weak, tired, and uninspiring. I did enjoy the pre-chorus a lot, though. There were many forced rhymes and the "on a mat," line has got to be the most cringeworthy thing I've read and I've read MattyTaco's
Cry Wolf.
6. KeshasFanRose -
Rough Love
Okay, cool imagery I guess, at least you stuck with a concept throughout. Lyrically, this was bad. You had potential to make something out of the extended metaphor but almost every line was bland and the phrase "rough love" almost felt contrived, I dunno. It doesn't go well with the
let's make art with our sex vibe. When I think of artful sex, I think of gentle. Also, the home run line, delete it; it was only there to rhyme for I saw no other references to baseball or sports in general (except maybe water sports, "make the love flow through my veins," "feel the pounding in my lungs," idk).
7. NaitPhoenix -
Fighting
EW @ the formatting. Never again pls. I'm sure a judge will mention this, but it's past not pass. Small mistake, anyway... I like the little intro a lot. After that, the first verse gets messy and lacks both structure and compelling language. The prechorus, while quite simple, is actually very effective in the responses. I don't think the chorus is strong, especially when repeating "you're why I'm in this war" twice in a space of four lines. There is a lot of easy rhyming, not necessarily forced all the time, but definitely too easy and predictable. The concept was average and the execution even more so.
8. Xedrentinz Lododnz -
Sad Goodbye
There were some clever lines in here but it was mostly full of cliches we've all heard before. I ask you to do one thing before submitting an entry: make sure someone proof reads your songs. They could be so much better without the simple English mistakes. Also, clean up your structure; it makes the song feel like a puzzle rather than one piece. I do like that some parts from verse one were echoed in the second verse.
9. Urban & Navyofbadgals -
Dark Room
Our first collab, I see. So, the flow of the first verse was majestic thanks to Urban
s rhyme scheme and meter, keep that up. It read so well out loud and the lyrical content wasn't bad. I feel like the prechorus would have made a better chorus; the actual chorus was not needed. Navy's verse was just as solid as Urban's though it felt a little less put together, but not by very much. I will say, had you not labeled this, it would not have felt like a duet and the challenge calls for two distinct voices and perspectives. Both of you wrote about the same thing (loneliness). This was enjoyable to read, however.
10. mxtthewdelrey -
Prayer Pose
Again, this challenge asked for two distinctive voices and without the labeling, I would have read this as one person singing it. Still, I was slayed by some of the lines, especially the titular one; it was quite an original way to describe a blow job. The meter wasn't too shabby and I felt like your language justified some mild inconsistencies. Some parts were far too vulgar (it would've been better to be subtly dirty throughout) but I enjoyed this entry a lot. All of the bridge was pretty tragic, not gonna lie. Had that not been there, this entry would have been so much better and the repetition of "I" is a no-no as well.
11. Moonchild & conatus -
This Is How It Ends
The opening was very strong apart from the "Caesar heart," which was rather cringe-worthy. The flow was there, and although the rhyme scheme was awkward, the lyrical content was great. I like the extended metaphor you two used to describe your relationship. It was done well without getting tired or inconsistent. I do feel like some of the language was contrived and some lines were awkward like "I’m at your feet for forgiveness of these sins of mine," and it ruined the flow of the song. This wasn't amazing but it was great.
12. Hugamari & lovesong -
The Life I Could’ve Known
OMG, I was confused by the messy structure in the beginning (but hey at least you tried something different) but after that, I was intrigued throughout because of the great storytelling aspect (a Genesis tea)! "And there among the Ash [sic] / A letter addressed to me" was bad but it allowed the song to progress. Work on more compelling ways to forward the plot, though. The second perspective was really unique in that it was a letter, kudos for an original concept! I don't get the ending though, is that still what is written the letter because the "and then you answered" makes me believe it's the mother in present time and if so, you didn't do a good job at presenting that. Anyway, I was really moved by this so good job.
13. Musickid203 & Lucky#17 -
Venom
I like how although this is a tired concept, it didn't read that way. You two have such unique styles so when I heard you were collaborating, I expected great things. Although I feel like you could have reached a higher pinnacle, this entry was not bad at all. Some of my favorite lines included "It's child's play and I'mm confined in your puzzle," and "You move quick like the wind through my goldie-locks / Seems that brunette gives you more than what I've got," that show both your style and clever use of language. I think some words like "rebuttal," Armageddon," and "masquerade," were a bit forced and the structure got messy in the second verse, but overall it was nicely done.
14. MattyTacos & theCheetahWings -
1955
Wait, was was your title again? It wasn't made obnoxiously clear in your song [/sarcasm]. Slay the low key social commentary without being annoying about it. To me this read as two gay lovers who were obviously not socially accepted in whatever year you mentioned [/sarcasm]. I liked this a lot. There wasn't an overwhelming amount of useless imagery (except maybe kaleidoscopic vision) and you intertwined both parts so gracefully throughout. I love how vivid the language you used is, making it easy to see this play out in my head. The line about fireflies and blankets was so romantic
I like how most of the rhyming was effortless and the structure was pretty clear. Both of your styles shined in this one.
15. Tylerbv -
Square One
Both verses were excellent, me thinks, despite the lack of meter; the language rolled right off the tongue. I felt the complacent attitude. The chorus was a bit messy and it seems like you put it together last minute or something, it was not graceful nor well written. You seem to be saying the same things over and over again after a while and there's no real progress in the story that the bridge is practically unnecessary. Nice concept, though. Rarely do people write about marriage in this competition.
the messes I miss when I'm asleep 
I know our transitions weren't the best, and that was a struggle for us.