Hey, Navy. I feel like my last post was just me being angry at the world and my life right now, and I just needed some time to think about all the things that I'm dealing with. I felt like I wasn't clear why I'm leaving or semi leaving because I'm not going to be active 24/7, and I thought by shutting people off that care for me even if I don't know all of you in real life was the best thing to do. But NO, I was wrong. I'm just gonna say all the things that in my mind right now that been troubling me in months. Where do I start? The fact that I'm in closet and I can't be out and proud? The fact that I can't love who I want? The fact that I'm dealing with my aunt death that made my mother a wreck? This is the third time I've been in the hospital with her. She doesn't eat or even speak due to her sister death. Or the fact that my father being the asshole he is and doesn't treat her well or even us? Or the fact that he kicked my brother out the house in 2014 and I barely can see him because he lives far away? All these things are in my mind and there's no one and I said no one in my real life could listen to me or even talk to me. Even (my friends?) are using me during semesters and that's it. That's why I always say I want to leave from here, but I can't because everytime I log off from here I deal with all of these things and I can't take it no more. I want this bad dream to end, but I don't wanna do something stupid that will end my life. I'm not selfish! Everytime I think about ending this nightmare I try my best to think about other things, but I guess I can't escape from them. I'm so grateful that I've this platform to be myself and there are people that actually care for me or make me forget my life. I don't wanna shut no one in here.
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On the positive side, my Home CD just arrived in the mail. I'm gonna post some pics later today.
