ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Wesley's Comments
1. BritneysDaddy
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You didn’t entice me in the beginning, but the more you wrote, the more I became interested. Chase is a unique character, you clearly state that, but there’s no clear point or concrete point where you express that.
"When your life is on the line, you will believe anything and do whatever it takes to survive,” is such a great line.
Ultimately, you leave the audience wondering about Chase, his father’s death, his mother’s secrets, and the war. Good start.
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2. Genetic
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Clearly your graphic is incredible. You put a lot of time in effort in your work, but something falls flat. Okay, Aron is possibly possessed by an Idol? I think you develop too much of the story within your teaser. I think it would’ve been an amazing entry if you stopped right after the “Kill them! Kill them all!” part. That would’ve established a curiosity to the story.
When you read or see a teaser, you want to to wonder what happens next, not tell right away.
Overall, right storyline, I’m intrigued, but not entirely.
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3. Bloomers
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Great overall introduction to your Hospital. I have an overall sense of it’s operation, and what it’s sought to do. There really is no oomph to your entry though. You had 25 words left, so maybe one sentence about a victim would be interesting, but you leave me wondering what’s coming, which is the ultimate goal!
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4. Navy
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I’m extremely confused, and I really don’t know if that’s a good or bad confused. Why is Helena so distraught? Why is she contemplating suicide over a picture? What are the whistle-blowers?
You leave me wondering about a lot of things, which is great, even though it seems incredibly weird — but, it is AHS.
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5. Noah
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Bravo! This is really good. I feel a slight charm to it, yet it’s forward and straight to the point. The whole story is great so far. I see a visual to this, which the other entries have really failed to do so far.
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6. Ore
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“The Road” is probably the most broad and confusing topic out of everyone, because it could cover a wide variety of things. It’s a weird topic, but I’m intrigued.
"No one is safe. It will be a hell of a ride!” is a bit cliche, but overall it’s an okay start.
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7. Prismatic
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nteresting. The perplexity to the story has me inching for more. The following:
"They say that I'm just a "teenager experiencing anxiety on my first flight". I can't wait to land...if we ever do.”
Is a really good line, and I’m happy that I enjoy this, because AHS: Flight seems a bit impossible over multiple episodes, but I’m slowly believing that it could happen! Good job!
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8. Icarus
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Wow! This is very good. You were the only one to use descriptions in the text, while everyone else just had straight-up words. The static and transmission descriptions had me interested from the very beginning. Just overall, amazing. Keep it up!
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9. Girlicious
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This is great! It’s giving me Asylum teas, and I love it. I think you have a lot of things to keep the story going on and on, since the teaser is open-ended. The topic of religion keeps me easing for more.
Good job!
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everyone!
