So basically, it was May 2014 and at this point I had bigger fish to fry than some boy. I had come out as bi/gay (I was confused and I still am kind of
) and I thought that was the answer for the reason why I was so feminine and felt different. I realised slowly that I was trans and that I was always meant to be a girl, and I guess I still hadn't learned the first time I came out to people that bitches talk. I told Azealia girl (don't judge, we were on and off again friends) because I came into school and just broke down crying in front of her because I was really depressed and scared at this time, and she was supportive. However, homegirl blurted it out once in a conversation at lunch, but the other girls didn't really catch on to it and nothing spread around
I told someone else I could really trust (she never told anyone and she told me personal stuff about her self as well) and then I told someone I was friends with from school (don't know why, I knew she couldn't ****ing keep a secret) and things went **** up. A girl who was in her class overheard her telling one of my crushes friends all my dirty laundry (that I liked his friend and that I wanted to become a girl) and he obvi told his friend (not sure if he just told him the former or latter). The day after it happened (she told him in last period and I got the news after school) I walked into that building like a warrior and confronted the hoe, and her trifling ass tried to completely deny it and said that he just guessed I was a tranny and that I liked his friend
So then her scared ass shouts at this guy because he had begun telling his friendship group and he CRIED for the rest of the day. That day we had a fire drill and he was still crying from the lashing she gave him at break. I walked past him and his friend and it was so awkward because they were looking at me, my crush included
In last period, I asked my crushes friend to stay behind so we could talk. I was let out first and I was waiting for him, and he came out with my crush and he was laughing at me
Anyway, he ****ed off and it was me and his friend. He said that she told him I liked his friend, but he seemed to have conveniently forgotten the other thing (did she threaten his life?
) The thing was though he was smirking at me the whole time so that pissed me off and I knew then that my crush and his friends weren't taking this maturely. Luckily enough I never heard anything about this again and my secret was safe
(I was more bothered about people finding out that I felt like a girl on the inside than the fact I had a crush on that boy).
He had a girlfriend who was in our year and she was ugly af
and then another girl in the year above after her who was extremely basic looking and who I'd never seen before. I think they pretty much stayed together until I left school (spoiler
). My interactions with him from here were just awkward glances, but we were still sat together in Art (I never made a peep because I was too nervous and it was just me, him and his friend because Azealia girl was skiving from school for like 3 weeks and the other girl also moved to sit with her friends.) and one day his friend threw his pencil across the classroom and he didn't want to pick it up so he asked me if I could. I was honestly surprised he was even acknowledging my existence and his friend asked him why and he said "because I know he's that kind of guy" (feels so weird to type he/him pronouns out now
) but I said no. I mean, I wasn't trying to be rude but it was his pencil and I couldn't be assed either. When I said no his face dropped and he looked angry af
This could've been an opportunity to patch things up but my stupid ass said no and left it at that
Maybe I should have told his friend to go get it since he was responsible, but I was too nervous to look this guy in the eyes yet alone talk to him. After that it was back to square 1 like when we had first met, when he looked at me it was a look of hatred and he didn't speak to me again (not like literally a year later
). Our seating plan in Art changed and we weren't sat together in any lessons, but it was still hard to get over him because I saw him 5 days every week
The last time we spoke he hurt my feelings so ****ing bad. We were in French in the computer room and I was sat with my girls and the boys were sat on the other side, and they were talking to the boys and I was minding my own business and doing my work (I rarely talked to boys at this point just because of the rejection and because a lot of them didn't like me because of what I was). I don't know how it got to this but he brought up the fact that he had a love bite on his neck and he said I gave it to him and he was asking me if I did, and I turned around and just looked at him shadily, flipped my imaginary weave and turned back around again. He was like "wait, why isn't he denying it" and it was so stupid but I went red and I felt like **** for the rest of the day. I was used to this teasing from boys at school, it was stupid and obviously bashing me was proof of their masculinity to their friends or whatever, but it really hurt coming from someone that I had feelings for. I knew he didn't like me for a while and I was semi-over him, but now the dislike was mutual. I hated his guts.
Our very last interaction was on my last day at that school (Summer of this year). I had told my friends I had to move because my parents got a new job, but it was really so that I could transition and move to a new school as a girl (we didnt have this all figured out at first, but rn I'm passable so yeah that's what is happening
). I was sat with all my girlfriends, talking about the memories and of course HE and his friendship group were sat on the table next. Often times at break and lunch he'd linger because my friends enjoyed flirting with him I guess, and he was stood around the table talking to one of my friends. He was walking back to around his table and he was stood in between both of the tables. Now, in the dining hall they had these big ass black bins to stop people from littering, and the bin was next to his table, so he kicked next to ours, right behind me. I was thinking "hmm no" and when I tell you I booted that stinky bin with one leg to the other side of that hall. I didn't look at him because I'm shady af like that but I could tell he made a face at me because his friend was looking at him and laughing. Bitch ass...
So yeah, that's my story about my crush. I have had ups and downs when it comes to how much I think about this ****er, but at the moment it's been quite a lot. I still haven't moved from the area I live in so I don't go out around there and I'm homeschooled atm, but I'm starting at a new school soon and it just finally kicked in that I wouldn't be going back to my old one and that I'd never see those people again, and I guess it just got me thinking about him. I had to post this because I needed to get it off my chest. After that not picking up the pencil incident I thought I was the mean one but he was a dick and I'm finally coming to terms with what happened and stuff and getting him out of my system. Straight crushes are toxic. Maybe he did like me or maybe he was just leading me on, either way I'm a strong female now and I have better **** to be thinking about. I have other crush stories to share that aren't as negative as this but that's another post. I need to go to bed so good night and I hoped this might have helped some of you girls out there who are going through a similar thing I did. Stay strong and never put a **** boy like this in front of yourself. Love YOU!
*
omg sis get that d!
As a happy couple who share experiences. This is the first time I have felt love like this.