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Discussion: Why are gay couples reffered to as 'partners' ??
Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 7,679
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jameson Teqkilla
Why do y'all care so much about this "in your face" stuff?
Gay is gay. A gay man with a beard and a Harley Davidson motorcycle is as exactly as gay as a gay flaming twink. Stop trying to make these tiers and rankings out of it.
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EXACTLY gays these days smh.
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Banned
Member Since: 6/25/2011
Posts: 37,192
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Quote:
Originally posted by monsterLd
Wait most of you haven't heard straight couples call each other their partner? Where do you live like?
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It's not common in the states. Fairly common in the UK and Canada AFAIK.
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 3/22/2012
Posts: 53,769
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rihinvention
Of course you're allowed to want to use that term. It was just an opinion and a pet peeve. I can't explain why the word "partner" makes me think of that. It just does. Sorry that it offended you, but I was just being honest with what I think/feel/imagine when I hear the word "partner."
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But what's even wrong with what you imagined? Why does it hold a negative connotation in your mind to be open, to go to pride events, and to have a desire for people to recognize the fact that you're gay? People in modern society still make assumptions about people, and sometimes people aren't comfortable with that. Sometimes people want to be clear they're gay because being shoved into the hetero box is uncomfortable and weird when it doesn't actually fit you. The point of the "fighting" isn't to be seen as the same but rather as equal, so wanting to be different and be your own person doesn't negate that or contradict that in any way.
I mean, none of this even touches on the fact that "partner" is absolutely NOT a gay-exclusive term or one that is indicative of non-heterosexuality, but that's entirely another issue that's already been addressed several times.
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Member Since: 12/1/2010
Posts: 23,572
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jay Fenty
i absolutely have never heard straight people in real life refer to their lovers as 'partners'
and when straight celebs get married its always 'female celeb gets married to boyfriend of 5 years' etc... , never 'partner'
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This. I have yet to hear any straight people say 'this is my partner.' If a guy said 'I'd like you to meet my partner of 5 years,' no one is going to assume he's talking about his girlfriend!
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 32,982
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This is one of those things I always get mad about. Partnerships have a connotation of shared business benefits, not mutualism in love. It's so dehumanizing to automatically label my boyfriend as my "partner" just because we're historically atypical.
Quote:
Originally posted by Retro
But... we're not allowed to just want to use that term? I'm not comfortable, at all, with using "husband" in any context if I get married. I don't imagine it's a stretch that some people aren't comfortable with boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not indicative of gender or sexuality whatsoever and straight people use it as well, so I don't get your claim that it implies gayness (and I find your image of what the word implies to be kind of offensive, too).
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The difference is that straight people get to choose which term to use whereas gay people get the term "partner" automatically labeled to them. It's dehumanizing because it covers up the gender, sex and sexuality of your lover, mostly for the sake of hiding gay relationships. It doesn't matter how many straight hipsters want to try and use it to look PC and cute, it's still incredibly offensive.
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Banned
Member Since: 6/25/2011
Posts: 37,192
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sazare
But why the need for a universal term all of a sudden? Why are gendered terms for a spouse/partner being phased out at all?
I almost exclusively see gays use terms like "partner" or significant other," almost as if they're afraid of revealing the gender of the person they're dating. It seems a bit indicative of some underlying internalized homophobia.
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This is such a stretch considering that in the United States the implication of "partner" is that it's a same-sex partner.
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shigo
EXACTLY gays these days smh.
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I seriously feel like we need to have a talk as a group of people because we are too busy trying to make tier lists.
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 3/22/2012
Posts: 53,769
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Quote:
Originally posted by Eternium
This is one of those things I always get mad about. Partnerships have a connotation of shared business benefits, not mutualism in love. It's so dehumanizing to automatically label my boyfriend as my "partner" just because we're historically atypical.
The difference is that straight people get to choose which term to use whereas gay people get the term "partner" automatically labeled to them. It's dehumanizing because it covers up the gender, sex and sexuality of your lover, mostly for the sake of hiding gay relationships. It doesn't matter how many straight hipsters want to try and use it to look PC and cute, it's still incredibly offensive.
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It's dehumanizing if it's a straight person automatically applying it to your relationship without your consent, sure, but that's a US-centric view for the most part (as it is not exclusive to gays anywhere and particularly less so outside the US) and that's not at all the same as when an LGBT person uses it to refer to their LGBT partner or another LGBT couple.
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Banned
Member Since: 6/25/2011
Posts: 37,192
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Quote:
Originally posted by Eternium
This is one of those things I always get mad about. Partnerships have a connotation of shared business benefits, not mutualism in love. It's so dehumanizing to automatically label my boyfriend as my "partner" just because we're historically atypical.
The difference is that straight people get to choose which term to use whereas gay people get the term "partner" automatically labeled to them. It's dehumanizing because it covers up the gender, sex and sexuality of your lover, mostly for the sake of hiding gay relationships. It doesn't matter how many straight hipsters want to try and use it to look PC and cute, it's still incredibly offensive.
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So do gay people. Introduce your husband as your husband.
And no, the word partner was not invented to "hide" gay relationships, nor is it offensive in any way, shape or form. And mess at you implying that it's only used by "straight hipsters" trying to be PC. Plenty of gay men embrace and use that word.
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Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 19,477
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jameson Teqkilla
It sounds like you're far too obsessed with being "normal" and minimizing the fact that you're gay.
And what you said made absolutely no sense since boyfriend directly says "I am a man who is dating a man," while partner is gender neutral. You're calling more attention to being gay by using boyfriend.
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Being gay and normal aren't mutually exclusive things though. It's perfectly normal to be gay. If I really am obsessed with being normal and "minimising the fact that I'm gay" then why would I, as you said, draw more attention to that fact by using the word "boyfriend" when it makes it more obvious?
My point had nothing to do with gender neutralism. I simply don't like the word "partner." I could list a whole bunch of other reasons why I don't like it. It also makes me think of elderly de facto couples. It makes relationships seem like a business partnership or company merger.
Some people just don't like certain words lol...like I said before, a lot of people don't like the word "moist." My sister HATES the word fiancee - the entire time she was engaged to her (now) husband, she referred to him as her boyfriend until the day they got married. I happen to really dislike the word partner. That's all
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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When it comes to the word "partner" I feel like some are just looking for something to be offended by.
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Banned
Member Since: 6/25/2011
Posts: 37,192
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rihinvention
Being gay and normal aren't mutually exclusive things though. It's perfectly normal to be gay. If I really am obsessed with being normal and "minimising the fact that I'm gay" then why would I, as you said, draw more attention to that fact by using the word "boyfriend" when it makes it more obvious?
My point had nothing to do with gender neutralism. I simply don't like the word "partner." I could list a whole bunch of other reasons why I don't like it. It also makes me think of elderly de facto couples. It makes relationships seem like a business partnership or company merger.
Some people just don't like certain words lol...like I said before, a lot of people don't like the word "moist." My sister HATES the word fiancee - the entire time she was engaged to her (now) husband, she referred to him as her boyfriend until the day they got married. I happen to really dislike the word partner. That's all
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The problem is, you said this:
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But if you say "partner" it just seems like you're going "I AM A HOMOSEXUAL, I AM A MEMBER OF THE LGBT COMMUNITY AND I MARCH IN GAY MARRIAGE RALLIES EVERY WEEKEND." Almost like they want to be seen as different, just so they can fight to be seen as the same. Whereas boyfriend/girlfriend is like "well, I am the same and I don't really give a **** what anyone thinks about it."
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You directly implied that using a word (that's actually gender neutral as opposed to your word of choice) draws more attention to being gay, and that drawing attention to it is a bad thing. You also implied that participating in the gay community, pride parades, etc. is a bad thing and that you look down on other gay men for being more visible.
If you had simply said "I don't like the word," we wouldn't be having this discussion. The fact that you used that word to jump into a hypocritical rant on other gay men, and used that rant to imply that being openly homosexual is a bad, undesirable, or obnoxious trait is the problem.
And sure, gay is "normal" but it is still statistically an abnormality, and is treated by society as abnormal. And you see all over ATRL people casting judgement on others for being too visibly gay.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 34,855
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jameson Teqkilla
This is such a stretch considering that in the United States the implication of "partner" is that it's a same-sex partner.
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That's because it's about one of the only terms that it's possible use to refer to the person you're dating without explicitly revealing their gender.
I just don't think it's a coincidence that gays seem to be the ONLY group of people uncomfortable with using gendered terms when describing their "partner."
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 9,758
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Straights call each other partners in my country too. Why are y'all getting so riled up over something that is nbd, especially when you put it in perspective?
Some places in the world don't even let gays be "partners/boyfriends/girlfriends" never mind what they call them. Can we please spend our time being angry about that?
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Banned
Member Since: 6/25/2011
Posts: 37,192
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sazare
That's because it's about one of the only terms that it's possible use to refer to the person you're dating without explicitly revealing their gender.
I just don't think it's a coincidence that gays seem to be the ONLY group of people uncomfortable with using gendered terms when describing their "partner."
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Significant other
Spouse
Fiancé
Lover
Boo
Babe
Baby
Sweetheart
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Member Since: 8/9/2012
Posts: 18,572
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I've never heard the term partner other then gays but I think it's tacky and will use boyfriend or man instead.
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Member Since: 3/31/2012
Posts: 23,576
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It sounds better.
Have you ever heard someone saying "straight couple"?
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Member Since: 10/2/2011
Posts: 4,285
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Quote:
Originally posted by Haburo
Some places in the world don't even let gays be "partners/boyfriends/girlfriends" never mind what they call them.
Can we please spend our time being angry about that?
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Banned
Member Since: 3/4/2014
Posts: 4,756
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Quote:
Originally posted by Eternium
This is one of those things I always get mad about. Partnerships have a connotation of shared business benefits, not mutualism in love. It's so dehumanizing to automatically label my boyfriend as my "partner" just because we're historically atypical.
The difference is that straight people get to choose which term to use whereas gay people get the term "partner" automatically labeled to them. It's dehumanizing because it covers up the gender, sex and sexuality of your lover, mostly for the sake of hiding gay relationships. It doesn't matter how many straight hipsters want to try and use it to look PC and cute, it's still incredibly offensive.
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Words can have more than one meaning, and sometimes those are similar. It's not like the word "gorgeous" is dehumanising because it is also used to refer to deep "gorgeous" colours, I think the issue is that some of you aren't still used to that word because you don't hear many people around you saying it, but you're giving it too many negative connotations.
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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Quote:
Originally posted by Haburo
Straights call each other partners in my country too. Why are y'all getting so riled up over something that is nbd, especially when you put it in perspective?
Some places in the world don't even let gays be "partners/boyfriends/girlfriends" never mind what they call them. Can we please spend our time being angry about that?
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!!!!
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