Presents:
-30 Singles of the Year
Part 2
Click or scroll up for the first part.
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Scream and Shout
will.i.am ft.
Britney Spears |
As everyone else did, I was sorta here for Britishney. But then william comes on and ruins things. And then Britishney takes a nap and Britney is too damn sharp in the chorus. And seriously, as a man who loves Girls Aloud and crazy structure songs, I cannot for the life of me understand where the verses are. It's just a lot of bridges and choruses, which is fine if done properly. And it's really not done anywhere close to right in this case.
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Genesis
Grimes |
WHY ARE WE STILL TRYING TO OUT-GAGA GAGA? Ahem, but enough about her clothes. WHY ARE WE STILL TRYING TO MESS UP PROPER DANCE MUSIC? There is something within the song that's not horrible, but the production and the volume on the lyrics just throws everything off.
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Drive By
Train |
Can we start with the fact that he's just a shy guy looking for a 2-ply? Sounds like someone shot their wad a little to quick.
The song is typical Train, and as such it's stupid. The lyrics flow weirdly, you never know what's quite going on with the story and the chorus is just silly.
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One More Night
Maroon 5 |
What the hell is up with this useless calypso beat? Why is he flatter vocally than normal? Why is the rapid fire delivery of the bridge only working in remixes of the song? So many questions, no answers.
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Call Me Maybe
Carly Rae Jepsen |
It's too cute and trite for it's own good, she's 26 going on 13, the decent guitar riff is buried under sio much synth you'd think it was all keyboards and it's just useless filler. Filler trapped in my head again, but still.
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Don't Judge Me
Chris Brown |
Really child?
Ok, I could just discuss the title, which is dumb. But he's never ever been good on a ballad. And while he might be asking someone (Rihanna? His Fans? Me? His Haters? Santa Jesus?) to forgive him for punching the hell out of Rihanna's face so he can sell more, it's really pointless seeing how his actions have been for the last two years.
If one wants to title their song "Don't Judge Me," then one really should not act like a five year old on Twitter.
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Triumphant (Get'Em)
Mariah Carey
ft. Rick Ross
and Meek Mill |
Mariah, the hell is this? You're barely on the damn thing, neither rapper adds anything of use and well, you know you can't hit those dolphin notes like you used to. So what is this mess?
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Blue Velvet
Lana Del Rey |
She somehow tricked H&M into letting her be the face of their Fall line and she made the creepiest flipping video for it. But we're here to discuss the fact that she still sounds like she's drowning (and having seen her on Jools I know this is not her normal badness) and she sucks all the emotion out of this song. Horrible choice.
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Live While We're Young
One Direction |
It's a song about sex. I know this, you know this, they know this. But them trying to layer it like it's "What Makes You Beautiful Part 2" makes it humorous and dumb.
And can someone explain why that one boy had a skunk stripe in his bangs?
|
Starships
Nicki Minaj |
Granted, when drunk I sing every word like I mean it but really, this is the dumbest song she's released on purpose. Name dropping Bud Light, pointing out starships were meant to fly, pointing out how high she is. Really Nicki, you're far to clever to be releasing crap like this.
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Cake Like Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga |
No.
Seriously, quit it.
No rapping for you, missy. Especially trying on purpose to be ratchet. It's faker than your hair color.
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We Are Never Ever
Getting Back Together
Taylor Swift |
I hate it for many reasons: we all know it's about Gyllenhall, we almost all know it's a basic setup (yay rumors of bearding, contracts being discussed, Taylor's usual brand of stupidity about writing about boys who dare decide her Stage 5 Clingyness is not a cute look, etc), the lyrics don't actually flow with the melody, the chorus is obnoxious, the whole "talk" in the middle of the song throws everything off.
And once again, some more, like always, just get laid if you're that mad about a breakup. Nothing says revenge like sleeping with their friends. THAT kind of Taylor I could be into.
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I Knew You Were Trouble
Taylor Swift |
OF COURSE YOU WOULD CRY ABOUT A BOY OVER DUBSTEP. I'm personally shocked this wasn't produced by Skrillex.
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Boyfriend
Justin Bieber |
"Swagger" should never be in the same song as "eating fondue." And while his Timberlake impression is clever, the song is attrocious. And clunky. And stupid. And he still can't hit half the notes write. Plus *NSYNC did this way better with "Girlfriend" nearly a decade ago and damn it I feel hellaold.
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Back In Time
Pitbull |
First you ruined "Love Is Strange" from Mickey and Sylvia, thus ruining Dirty Dancing forever. Then you try rapping over it horribly. Then it's sold to Men In Black? Poor decisions made all around and the worst thing I heard this year.
If I'm lazy, it's albums. If I'm not, its guilty pleasures. But there is a post tomorrow