I know you have went off the deep end with your current hair color. And your potato sack. But what in the name of Paris made you wear those...hose? leggings? what the **** is that?
Yay for the ****ty hooker heels, but the love for Miss (well, Mrs) Joss is continuing to be chipped away by her current act as a low-rent Lohan. That or what Pink would wear if she did a song for Dreamgirls.
With the Eurovision song selections underway, I has decided to do my own updates on the board hurr rather than on the main forum :-p
(all images used are from All Kinds Of Everything...which is a modification of the Eurovision logos anyways!)
Road To Helsinki News
Romanian Chaos
Romania selected 24 songs to compete for the right to go to Finland. Then they disqualified one since it was a copy of a Belgian song. Then they disqualified another due to the act not comming to required rehersals. NOW they have nixed 3 songs that had made the 12-song finale due to them being played before October 1,2006 - the EBU has that date as the earliest a song competing can be heard. So, with two favorites (Well-o-Wee from those Cotton Eyed Joe Swedes RedNex and Dracula My Love) out, the writer of DML is threatening to pull his OTHER song that made the finals out unless TVRomania reinstates Dracula. Then you have country band (but of course they have country in Eastern Europe) Desperado and their freaky-eyed lead singer considering pulling one of their two songs from the finals to avoid a split vote. And THEN you have the new favorite (and my choice) "Lubi Lubi I Love You" under threat of being DQed by Eurovision due to its soundalike nature to some other song. So a 12 song final is currently at 9, could fall to 7 before Saturday, and could be redone anyways. Does anyone WANT to rep for Romania, besides the chick who has a boring song about dulce and the flamenco singer singing in Spanish?
Where is the UK?
Apparently, the BBC is taking their sweet time to do something. No word on how the Brits are doing their Eurovision song since Morrisey said to the press he'd like to write the song. Jarvis Cocker also wants to write it. Queentastic (not Queen tribute band, just some Nordic queens) wants to sing it. Apparently, so does Ace of Base. Or Scissor Sisters. No one is saying and that bugs. Russia, Armenia, the Ukraine (also Finalists) and Austria have been rather silent on their picks as well. Switzerland, Cyprus, Turkey, Andorra and Bosnia & Herzegovina all have singers and in some cases songs (the Turks are having a Valentines Final) but no one knows when we hear them - rumors abound that the Swiss entry from DJ Bobo will actually premier on the Greek National Final, as could the Cypriot selection.
Busy week
France and Greece prepare to announce the final songs tomorrow - and the French apparently decided to try to take things more seriously to win while Greece gets crybabies. Norway and Denmark have their second chance shows (well, Denmark as the second chance shows on the radio) over the week. Sweden gets set for round 2 of the huge Melodifestivalen, Finland finished their last semifinal, Lithuania has a quarterfinal where everyone advances (lord in heaven, they are so complicated), and Spain gets their possible singers for all their female-singer-aimed songs set with a boyband and a could of blokes set about lookin for a man. Over Valentines week we get the Turkish song on Singles day, Ireland picks a boring ballad done in Gallic on the 16th, and the next day sees Iceland pick somebody more dull than Silvia Night and Finland pick someone with less makeup time than Lordi. Hurray!
Rating The Songs
As the official songs for Eurovision become known, I shall write up my own reviews and rank them (yes, all 42 songs competing). Green are for songs that must go through the semifinals on may 10 and Orange are for the automatic qualifiers to the Finals on May 12.
01 Malta - "Vertigo"
Congrats to Olivia Lewis, who finally gets to compete at Eurovision after a decade of trying. And with this novel oriental flamenco number, should easily be into the Finals and a threat to the Top Ten. It's a weird love song which is definitely sold by the beat, which complements Olivia's wonky vocals. The staging for Malta Song Fo Europe was horrible and that could hurt them come Helsinki - less gong and fans, more flamenco and add a strong female background singer, and we're talking possible winner.
02 Estonia - "Partners in Crime"
They missed the final with their overly perky "Through My Window" last year and that's a damn shame, since I'm not sure Pink can get them in this time. OK, her anme is really Gerli Padar but she looks and sings like our own troublemaker. The problem for the song is that it's rather forgettable (unlike opera dance from Slovenia or the mess out of Poland) and rock ballads from women just falls flat on stage (as Germany about it from 2005). It's gonna need a killer stage show to make the finals.
03 Slovenia - "Cvet z Juga" (Flower of The South)
This was the #2 song based on the live version. It falls after I hear the actual studio version. Ethnic dance opera is a tough sell as it is (Bulgaria tried that last year with their undappreciated "Let Me Cry") and it's a tougher sell when, at least on the live final, your background singers sing wildly out of key. But the recorded version, be it due to the sudden and rude introduction to an accordion or her off-kilter screaming that should be her singing an aria, Alena Gotar just doesn't work. Slovenia could have went
Ramones-rock, U2-rock, or gotten in EBU trouble with a schlager song that ripped off "Show Me Your Love"s beat and "Invincible"s costumes, flags and wind machine. But they went the other way. Obviously in at 7 songs, it might be tough to hang as other nations unveil theirs.
04 Albania - "Balada e Gurit" (Ballad of Stone)
The problem with ballads at Eurovision is that, usually, the dancing sucks for them. The problem with the fourth Albania entry is that it's too much of a slow burn. They already have to cut a minute and a half from the song as it is, and it only gets good around minute 3 of the song. With a proper cutting of the song, this could sneak in as the token ballad of the contest.
05 Moldova - "Fight"
This song sounds a tad similar to Estonia's, but is too dependent on a poor man take on Evanescence and too much violin. It's not horribly bad (like "Loca" which was so bad it made it back to good) but the quasi-ethnic rock chick ballads tend to fall flat on stage. The show for it must exceed expectations or Moldova's gonna have to start again in the semis.
06 Belarus - "Work Your Magic"
I'm half tempted not to review this since the rumor mill is that the singer for this Bond-esque disco number's agent wants to pull him from the contest. As well as the song. I don't know why, but there's talk that as Belorussian tv and Dmitry Koldon's agents work out more cash, a replacement song and singer and title are in the works. Splendid, no? The actual song in question is fine if you liked Russia's entry from last year and you don't mind a Bond Theme Song for 3 minutes. They could, with this song, finally make it to the big stage after 3 tries, but a switch again (Dmitry changed songs between the qualifiers show in December and the jury show before his crowning) could damage their shot. Better than last year's song, though.
07 Poland - "Time To Party"
"If Fergie did the Back 2 Basics" might be the best description. We have a Russian woman telling us to party cuz she's hot, an American man screaming at us, and then for the chorus we're in a jazz club. Maybe "If Paris Hilton did Back 2 Basics" is more appropose. Poland has finished just outside the qualifiers in the last two semis, but should be much much farther back this year, even with the neighbor-votes.
*also note that the song critiques come down as soon as new songs debut in the 42*
This Saturday we go north for two finals - Norway (expect Dusty Cowshit to win and be forced to change their name to meet EBU rules) and Denmark (where SwedenPop could reign supreme) and then, provided they don't all get DQ'd, Romania. Come Sunday, Kworbyland will have a song selected by a performer off her album in Dutch and newcomer Georgia (no, not THAT Georgia) will hopefully present an early favorite for the title.
Lol, an update for one song? Never! But rather than the Valentines with Kenan that I thought was going on, the Turkish broadcasters and he already picked their song, which gets revealed now the day Serbia picks their song. The song - Shake It Up Sekerim - is supposedly a "cheerful" uptempo song, which makes me have visions of Sakis' "Shake It" from Kyiv.
Greece and France have...odd?...choices
Wednesday was the reveal day for France and Greece. And sufficient to say, there's a high probability they both could be dueling for last with a majority of their songs. The French get several ballads (one which is okish), a couple of rawk chicks that never work, their own version of "We Are The Winners!", some bad rap and a bunch of singing majorettes. My hope is they go with Les Fatals Picards with their ode to British/French love done in a cockney French, or with Medi-T which has the best sounding song.
Greece on the other hand has a horrible horrible schlager song (when I say schlager, think Ace of Base or some really bad ABBA) about "First of all/she's a lady" and how women rule the world - which is what Germany might send, a horrid horrid girl singing some hairbrained quasi ballad, and a weird pop/rock song which could do well in Helsinki but will obviously flop in Athens, since they love their crappy dance. Ai!
Dates for Finals
Armenia is apparently, if I did my German translation of ESCAustria right, doing two semis and their final in two weekends. None of the major sites have added this, so i could be hallucenating.
Georgia moved theirs from Sunday to March 3. I don't know why.
Projecting the National Finals
Denmark picked a former winner and a drag queen for their final 2 slots going into the finals. With three Swedish schlager songs - Copenhagen Airport, Two Are Stronger Than One as well as Drama Queen, I think they will split it up and send the Danish schlager (gawddamnit) "Vi elsker bare danske piger" from the last Danish winner of Eurovision, Jřrgen Olsen.
Norway has punk pop, schlager, boring ballads and Dusty Cowshit. While Cowshit is the fave, the Norwegians could swing in favor of the schlager "Vil du ha svar" from Jenny Jenssen or the very Simple Plan-ish "Wannabe" from CRASH!
Romania went from 12 to 9 and still appear to have kept Desperado from ditching one and the guy who wrote "Dracula My Love" from pulling out his other entry. And that could work, as my fave "Liubi Liubi I Love You" from Locomondo is a big hit-or-miss song. And it does have the sigma of possible dq'ing by Eurovision over original performance date. So maybe challengers "Crazy" from Morandi & Wassabi, "Where Were You" from countryland Desperado or...bizarely enough...the Spanish entry "No podre vivir." Of course, they do half public vote, half jury vote, so it could come down to the panel's opinion on the whole matter.
I love Sandra Oxenryd & Mariana Popova and Europe didn't vote for them!!!
In 2005, the same with Selma, Angelica Argubash and Omar Naber.
France should send for a second time: Natasha St-Pier. Also Amel Bent & KYO
Spain should send La Oreja De Van Gogh, Amaral, Chenoa or David Bisbal. Or make again Operación Triunfo [ Rosa from season 1 got 6th, Beth from season 2 got 8th and Ramón from season 3 got 10th], because Son De Sol and Las Ketchup were at the bottom of the table.
UK, poor UK, for me I send Franz Ferdinand, Snow Patrol or Westlife, also Rachel Stevens but the send not well-known artists (Daz Sampson, Javine, James Fox...)
Germany should send Monrose. The girl group is having success in Switzerland, Poland, Austria, Checz Republic and France so, they can have some points.
Russia should win [poor Alsou and poor Dima Bilan, almost for the win]
and well, Portugal, oooh Portugal, never in the top 5.
If Andorra wants to be on the final, Andorra should stop sending cantalan songs. Let's see if punk (Annonymous or whatever the band is called) can get some votes.
And I don't want Teapacks for Israel, I want Liel Kolet
Anyways, I've now seen all the competitors on YouTube, and hells yes Bulgaria (Mariana) got robbed. I know everyone was mad that Kate Ryan (Belgium) and Sylvia Night (Iceland) didn't advance, but I'm more stunned that the extremely impressive number from Slovenia failed to make it. That, Andorra (yes, jenny was sorta offkey at first but sold the **** out of it come the end) and Albania should have made it over Armenia, Ireland and Sweden...lord, Invincible was bizarre.
Lordi was a worthy winner, Russia bugged, Bosnia bored me to tears, Romania should have tied Ukraine for runner up, Malta wasn't that bad and France did so much better than I heard. Should have been higher than Spain and the UK in the ranks of the big 4.
First reviews for France and Greece
So, I finally have heard all the songs and seen all the into clips for the ten French songs and the 3...um...yeah, Greek choices.
Firstly, I shall say Greece is seriously posed to finish dead last this time. "Yassou Maria" from Sarbel might be the gayest thing i have seen, and I preferred DQ to win Denmark. He failed to get two memos - he does not have titties to shake and that George Michael's personal style is no longer popular. His song is so a rip off of "Shake It" if it was done by Elena. "With Love" from Tamta might just be the most boring ballad in years. "No Madonna" from Christos Dantis is the best of the three, but he's a scary looking clown and the song is still **** compared to most the Qualifiers so far.
As for France...lordie, they did take this thing seriously. All ten songs are rather excent. Well, Les Wampas is annoying but considering Lithuania placed with their own VOTE FOR US, why not have a French version. However, I'd say Medi-T, Les fatals Picard or Estelle Lemée would be the best choices - Medi-T is a club bangers, Picard is orginal and mixes English and French, and Lemee's 60s inspired cuteness is rather adorable. Plus, she could rock some cute boots and we'd have a replacement for Ukraine 2006. Les Verdettes could be fun in actuality but I'm concerned about the vocals. Jennifer Chevallier or Charlotte Becquin could be good choices but could be odd when it comes to stages. MAP or BZR could be odd...it's ethno rap. So does it appeal to Easten Europe and their love of drums and gypsy fiddles (which is also the problem with Valerie Louri's) or do they get confused what they are yelling at them?
I'd say send Estelle or Medi-T. But the fave is Les VOTE FOR US Wampas. Hm...
Updatin' the NatFinals
The Ukraine has a final! March 9. They could be sending a anarchic drag queen. Hurray?
The UK IS STILL QUIET but the newest rumor mill is that the BBC has asked someone connected with Doctor Who will be doing it. Personally, I'd love for David Tennant to do it, since I don't know if he can sing. Everyone assumes is Billie Piper, but I doubt that.
Russia is rumored to be sending Dima Bilan again. Oi.
Rating The Songs
(Green are for songs that must go through the semifinals on may 10 and Orange are for the automatic qualifiers to the Finals on May 12)
01 Malta - "Vertigo"
02 Romania - "Liubi Luibi I Love You"
Look, another gimmick! But this take on Six4One from last year's Switzerland has a slight twist - six different languages! And NONE OF THEM is Romanian! English, Spanish, Russian, French, German, Italian. All basically the same song section. But unlike a lot of the gimmicks coming around
03 Denmark - "Drama Queen"
Schlager! From a drag queen! Who can hit the big key chain. DQ actually has a decent song but the question is how much schlager in the semis will exist. Too much, even with the glitter crown or his rather festive dress, may prevent this song from moving rightfully on into the Finals.
04 Estonia - "Partners in Crime"
05 Slovenia - "Cvet z Juga" (Flower of The South)
06 Albania - "Balada e Gurit" (Ballad of Stone)
07 Netherlands - "Nooit Meer Zonder Jou"
Dutch is a harsh as hell to listen to, apparently. Edsilla is rather odd sounding to hear, but the song isn't too horrible. I think, its in dutch so I don't know. A lot of this may depend on if she does chose to change the song to English.
08 Moldova - "Fight"
09 Norway - "Ven A Bailar Conmigo"
Apparently Guri Schanke did the Norwegian Dancing With The Stars and finished close to winning. Then she got a Swedish schlager song to do for the song cuz she always wanted to do Eurovision. And then make sure that it sounds a lot like the winner of Eurovision 2002 - Marie N's "I Wanna." I personally hate it and, considering there appears to be a lot of schlager showing up in the semifinals, am not sold that Norway will be making it to the finals.
10 Belarus - "Work Your Magic"
11 Poland - "Time To Party"
This week finals!
Ireland prepares to bore us all with something come Friday. On Saturday, we have Iceland and Finland giving us their finals. Sweden gets to Semi 3, while Lithuania continues to confuse the world with their first semifinal. Spain re-presents the final 5 songs with the final 5 singers while having like every other qualifier for Eurovision apparently performing at it.
In two weeks, we have a very crowded week. On the 24th we have Macedonia, Bulgaria, Latvia, Spain, Montengro and Armenia have finals, while Belgium and Cyprus and possibly Switzerland presents their final songs. Maybe!
I personally love the Morrisey rumors. Its just so random that he was pissed that the BBC didn't ask him to write the song for Eurovision - which makes me think he's at least writing the song for it.
Oh, the Swiss are sending a "Balkan" sounding English disco number to the contest, and they're revealing it on March 10. I really wish these damn broadcasters would make up their mind.
Seriously, they said it best. This is Drag Queen Barbie. Hell, this is Low Class Drag Queen Barbie. Where, Mz Joss, is the rest of your skirt? Yes yes, you have lovely legs and such but I feel that a bad wind gust will let us know if you dyed the carpet to match the drapes.
Speaking of the drapes, PLEASE GO BACK TO BLOND! That color makes me think of clowns, and considering the dress you are wearing, you went from Danish Clown to Sex Clown 2. And no one wants Beyonce's sloppy seconds.
So we have all the Balkan nations voting for each other. Russia and the former republics all exchange 12s. The Nordic states exchange 12s and normally ignore Finland. The UK and Ireland exchange 8s. Spance and France get token points from Andorra. Greece and Cyprus exchange 12s even before the contest starts.
Whats the problem? Oh some countries go first!
The EBU - runners of Eurovision - decided that when the draw comes, the first five semifinalists drawn and the first 3 countries drawn in the finals get to pick where in the contest perform.
And...how is this fair?
Yes, since the semis started in Istanbul, 3/4s of the finalists perform between #14 and the end. And yes, the last few winners have come from the back of the pack. But really, with Ireland sending a song that is somehow worse than Poland's entry this year (more on that disturbing development lower down), how do they benefit by picking to go last? Because the fourth actual nation drawn may be the first nation to perform that night? Furthermore, what if the first three slots are supposed to be by semifinalists? Do they get to pick where in the order they go on May 11 after the reveal?
Annoyed? Yes I is. For it is silly and stupid.
UK Announced Making Your Mind Up, 4th Edition, at the End of February
Are they even competing?
By saying that full info will be available around the 28th means the UK has TEN WHOLE DAYS to pick a song before the cutoff. Yes, still enough time if they are planning to do a who shinding and not just do the Irish/Dutch/Israeli/Georgian selection of picking a singer and letting them sing several songs. Which is what I'm starting to think they are doing. At least tell us a name that is competing in it!
Oh, and they are supposedly taking this very seriously. No doubt...
Ireland Scores Last Places!
Seriously Ireland?
Look, we all had fun with Brian Kennedy and his "Every Song Makes Mikal Kill People," also known as "Every Song Is A Cry For Love," which peformed after a screaming woman and 5 guys who jacked off for a music video screamed a lot about shoes and after a crazy woman who can't say "miracle" made it sound like Bushie was all set to invade someone's heart. But what...what the hell is this?
Firstly, not many (as in no one) in Ireland knew of Dervish. They be folk and Celtic and while that's not bad I always hope to see Riverdance instead. Then they get three ballads and a slightly mid-tempo song. All have annoying amounds of drums and flutes and just bug.
And then you pick the sorta political ballad? No they CAN'T STOP THE SPRING but combining Eurovision and Environmentalism has already been called by Andorra and they are sending punk music. Which will be miles more entertaining.
The actual song bashing will take place Tuesday, where my opening hate will probably condense into utter loathing the likes of which haven't been seen since Beyonce started doing "Listen" all over the place.
Predicting more National Finals
Like I know. I've heard very little from the Finns or the Icelandics. I do know Jonsi, who performed for Iceland in 2004, is the fave to win the Icelandic banner again, but I doubt his song is as awesome as Silvia Night's was. Finland is expected to continue the rock experiment this year, but the faves Lovex and Jann Wild don't so much rock as they do time travel to a land where the 80s never end. The might live with that Sarbel guy from Greece.
Speaking of time travel, Sweden Melodifestivalen, Round 3 is this weekend and we have some lady name Nanne as the fave and the other guy - Magnus - from Alcazar (which is and will forever be awesomeness! Crying On The Discotech is sex!) who said he played gay (or was it Andreas? no matter) will see if 80s dance works better than Andreas' Timberlake number to get to The Globen. Most experts say no, but I have full faith the Swedes will reject the schlager this round. Hell, they have Anna Book already.
The other Semi is from Lithuania. Provided they don't change their rules again. Anyways, the fave song - Love Of Leave from 4Fun - is in this heat and should score well enough from the public to advance. You'd be hard-pressed to say who else is making it, since we have the return of the juries to pick half the finalists.
More EBU Messing Around
New rumors about - apparently the EBU Execs are considering rearranging the semifinals since there's currently 28 nations competing in it and there could be more. Especially since they are considering bailing the Top Ten Non-Quals and the Big 4. Meaning only the hosts can make the final stage. Of course, the BBC and TVE woun't like the possibility of funding Eurovision and not making the finals. Meanwhile, the Balkans probably think that considering the UK and France have bombed lately, they have no business making the finals automatically. Of course, the UK could just break up and Spain could seperate and we'd have a Western Balakanization, making it all even!
Anyways...the main rumor on this is saying that the TWO semifinals be divided by time zones - meaning that the Iron Curtain and Former Soviet Satelites would be in one final, everyone else in the other. Of course, considering the seven republics that made up Yugoslavia are in the same time zone as France, meaning this would be mute. Of course, there's also more "Western Time Zone" nations than Eastern, so maybe they get moved.
I say just stick all 41...42...50...whatever nations in a bowl and draw them at random into two Semis. That way we have a true random chance for qualifiers. Or we'd get all seven Yugoslav state making the same group!
Spanish hijinks
Why can't Spain send this:
Well, at least the song. And maybe the uberbrill performance Gisela did with "Tu voz se apagará." I say it's between this nice Eastern-tinged dancehall number or "I love you mi vida" to go to Helsinki, and both songs are the perfect thing to get nation back into the top 10. Of course, we the public must also see WHO they pick to sing a song. We have the favorite Mirela, Nazaret, and NASH that are expected to duke it out. The problem is that NASH...um...they come with 4 penises. And really none of the songs - the other 3 being "La Reina de la Noche," "Busco un hombre" and "Una Lagrima" are really workable. I mean, we could send them with Busco and not change it, which would mean a boyband lookin for a man. Hee.
Personally, cancel the final and send Gisela with NASH as her backing dancers/backup vocals.
Updatin' the NatFinals
YAY! WE KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE UK! Ok, it's still completely unknown WHO is competing in the Making Your Mind Up sometime next weekend...provided we guess what's going to be announced on the 28th (same day as the Israeli Final). Now, we also know Daz won't make a repeat annoyance, Billie Piper is not involved and Morrisey is not, sadly, making the UK awesome. Which means we still have Jarvis Cocker, possibly the Scissor Sisters or Queentastic, the rumor that a chick from Atomic Kittens (the ugly one), some jackass not named Peter Andre from "I'm A Celebrity" and Big Brovas, which would have worked 4 years ago. Not so good for the 50th entry to the contest, UK.
Oh, and France moved theirs back a day in order to air a special on Cancer on France 2. es si en gagnat is on France 3. Good move, I say.
Rating The Songs
(Green are for songs that must go through the semifinals on may 10 and Orange are for the automatic qualifiers to the Finals on May 12)
01 Finland - "Leave Me Alone"
Evanescence does an Avril song, and it works! Its a tad depressing for a Eurovision song, since it's about an affair and all. And everyone seems to dislike it but me. So nyah, we have a decent top ten run right here!
02 Malta - "Vertigo"
03 Romania - "Liubi Luibi I Love You"
04 Denmark - "Drama Queen"
05 Iceland - "Ég Les Í Lófa Ţínu"
Icelandic rock ballad! By an old guy! Good song, in Icelandic. Shall reserve complete judgement on it until we know for certain, but I like the sound of Icelandic more than Dutch.
06 Estonia - "Partners in Crime"
07 Slovenia - "Cvet z Juga" (Flower of The South)
08 Albania - "Balada e Gurit" (Ballad of Stone)
09 Netherlands - "Nooit Meer Zonder Jou"
10 Moldova - "Fight"
11 Norway - "Ven A Bailar Conmigo"
12 Belarus - "Work Your Magic"
13 Poland - "Time To Party"
14 Ireland - "They Can't Stop The Spring"
OK, so the lead singer is supposed to sound like the chick from The Cranberries. But The Cranberries didn't annoy the hell out of me, and they at least had some decent rock licks. Hell, can you imagine the Irish sending "Linger" to the contest? of course not, since they pick obvious drivel like this number. The melody fades in and out, there's no punch nor substance. Hell, this could have been an Irish schlager number and I would move it up. As it currently stands without revision, they somehow out-******* Poland for the worst song in the contest.
Watch them make top 5 with it.
This week finals!
Eight songs! We got 8 songs for next week! Cyprus presents their song (along with that damn song from Belarus again) on Friday. The on Saturday we stay in the East with Latvia, Bulgaria and FYRMacedonia, along with the possibility of a boyband singing about being the queen of the night over in Spain. Then on Sunday Armenia and Montenegro (sans Serbia) have their Finals, while Belgium's very own KGM present some jazzy number. Then the 27th has a very Greek Final (they might just have their song make the other 8 songs onto the review session) and then the next day we head into the missile zone as Israel picks their song. Then another lot of songs on March 3 get picked!