I need somewhere to write all of this down because it's been like 3 and a half years.
I'm bisexual - and quite comfortably, since I've actually only had sexual experience with girls so far, not that it makes you not 'gay' but I very much enjoyed it and I know ATRL's attitude to bisexuals so I felt the need to explain that - and I've only ever been in love with one guy. It started when I was 12 (I'm 15 now, I'm just very mature as is he) and we've been on and off friends for all that time. For a while we didn't talk, and we've had school trips and days out when we've really got on.
He's everything. He's 6"2' and I'm 6"4' which is perfect to me; he's got a lanky body with toned muscle but not too much; he's got incredible legs, most guys my age either have no definition or their legs are way too skinny, but his are toned with a little jiggle in the calf and good lord, it's perfect; he's got golden brown curly hair that he never ever bothers with but it's incredible to me; he has slight buck teeth and has braces now but they honestly work on him, it's hard to explain without photos but whatever; he's got a fleshy jaw and you can only sometimes see his jawline, kind of like Ansel Elgort; his sense of humour is so perfect and he's got such an awesome taste in music (his favourite album is WTT!!!) and I'm honestly so damn in love with him.
I told him about this not last summer but the one before, and he actually wasn't surprised and was comfortable with it. He always jokes about sex around me and once said he 'had a long tongue so he can eat my ass' (yes. He's 'straight' and he really said that.). I assume he's straight and several times he's actually had seconds of the girl I've been in a relationship with, and vice versa, which I find really suspicious
Anyway, recently we've reconnected and been getting on so well, laughing at school and I've just fallen completely in love again and I don't know how much longer I can stay quiet. To make it worse this
bitch that I hate and hates me is getting close with him, but I spoke to him earlier and he was telling me how much he enjoyed us being back to how we used to be and I just melted. I have no ****ing idea what to do, but I love him so much and I just want to spend the rest of my life with him. He's everything to me and I never want to lose him.