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Fan Base: Archived: Stand Your Ground (#16)
Member Since: 3/16/2012
Posts: 5,660
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The black transvestite line KILLS me. 
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Banned
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 18,001
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Quote:
Originally posted by AMENHOOKER
OMG @ this post from 2 years ago coming true.  |
so ****ing iconic 
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Member Since: 2/13/2012
Posts: 62,082
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The David Bowie-esque reaction to Nicole's death. 
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Banned
Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 20,327
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nicole
Katy adjusts the implants in her barely-there top and turns the corner toward her new boyfriend Carrot Top's house. And just like Gaga's career, she's gone.
The next morning, Beyonce and Blue are out for a walk in Central Park. Strolling hand in hand. A casual mommy and me day. A picture-perfect postcard. Poor Hallmark. Poor Norman Rockwell. Except this "spontaneous" outing was carefully planned for the past 4 months by her multimillion-dollar PR team. According to their studies, Beyonce's 'good mom' public image is down 12% in 2014, so something must be done if Sierra Mist is to pay the $75m she's demanding. Beyonce smooths down her T-shirt which reads Harriet TuBeyman in pink letters over black. According to her PR team's studies being photographed wearing that T-shirt could result in a 17% positive image increase with older African Americans, and there's a 32% chance it could catch on with young gay whites trying to look cool on college campuses.
As Bey and Blue walk by the lake, Bey's watch beeps. 11:00am. She dramatically turns to Blue with a warm, affectionate smile and clears her throat, giving Blue her "cue." Blue looks at her, confused. Beyonce just stands there, the smile frozen on her face, trying to suppress her anger. She clears her throat louder. Suddenly Blue remembers. When the lady I must call mommy gives me the cue, I smile back. Using Pavlov's electric shock therapy method, Beyonce had spent all morning trying to condition her to smile at the cue. Blue gives Beyonce the sweetest, most adorable smile.
At that precise moment, a photographer emerges from behind a bush and snaps mother and daughter giving each other the world's most loving smile. He photoshops Beyonce's laugh lines out of the picture, widens her thigh gap and emails it to all media outlets. Beyonce gives him a quick satisfied nod and keeps walking. Mission accomplished.
Bey and Blue are heading toward the duck pond when suddenly an abnormally large rodent scurries toward them. It's almost human-sized. Could it be a new breed of giant radioactive NYC rat? People in the park shriek and run away in terror, but Bey and Blue seem unfazed (they wake up to Jay-Z's face every morning). Something about the creature looks...familiar to Beyonce. That looong snout. That droopy eye. Those rabbit teeth.
And then it all comes flooding back. Police tape. Coke cans. A honey bun. Poison. The American flag.
"Lady Gaga!" Beyonce exclaims, feigning delight and hoping she doesn't ask about the Telephone sequel for the 600th time.
The homeless Lady Gaga (who is over) hops closer. "So Beyonce, how about that Telephone sequel," she wheezes through her elongated snout. She wears a trash bag covered in feces (at least some things haven't changed, Beyonce thinks to herself).
"Telephone?" Beyonce asks. "Yes, that's right. My phone. It's ringing." She pulls out her phone and pretends to talk to someone. "Sorry, gotta run!"
Frazzled, for a second Bey forgets that she's in public as she YANKS Blue by the uncombed knots in her hair, running away from the creature in the park.
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Member Since: 6/14/2009
Posts: 12,765
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Nicole and crew were writing these in early 2014  When we saw Kesha's deposition in late 2014 and it read exactly like a SYG fanfic
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Member Since: 8/23/2011
Posts: 52,519
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Quote:
Originally posted by Badger
Omg when Beyonce electrocutes Blue Ivy |
omg yes that one
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,374
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Quote:
Originally posted by ezra
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The Blue Ivy but was better than the Ratga bit
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Banned
Member Since: 6/9/2011
Posts: 17,950
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Those fan fics are hilarious.
The weird thing is I don't remember having read all that many Britney ones. 
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Member Since: 4/20/2011
Posts: 26,993
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Quote:
Originally posted by ezra
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Quote:
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The homeless Lady Gaga (who is over) hops closer.
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ATRL Administrator
Member Since: 6/29/2002
Posts: 77,601
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See You Again is about to become the 2nd most viewed video of all time 
Then again Blank Space isn't much better
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 32,654
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The fact that some of these fanfics read exactly like today's current situation 
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Member Since: 4/20/2011
Posts: 26,993
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Quote:
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Except this "spontaneous" outing was carefully planned for the past 4 months by her multimillion-dollar PR team. According to their studies, Beyonce's 'good mom' public image is down 12% in 2014, so something must be done if Sierra Mist is to pay the $75m she's demanding. Beyonce smooths down her T-shirt which reads Harriet TuBeyman in pink letters over black. According to her PR team's studies being photographed wearing that T-shirt could result in a 17% positive image increase with older African Americans, and there's a 32% chance it could catch on with young gay whites trying to look cool on college campuses.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,488
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Nicole 89 Days, 14 Hours [consistent offensive and disgusting posts]
What is this about a perma?
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Member Since: 4/14/2011
Posts: 48,397
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Quote:
Originally posted by collin
The David Bowie-esque reaction to Nicole's death. |
She isn't perma'd right?
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Member Since: 3/30/2011
Posts: 33,325
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Quote:
Originally posted by G.U.Y. Gaga
Nicole 89 Days, 14 Hours [consistent offensive and disgusting posts]
What is this about a perma?
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I said this a few pages ago but was Tori Kelly'd (ignored). 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 32,654
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Secret (Shh) by Charli XGODX......OMF.
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Banned
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 18,001
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Quote:
Originally posted by G.U.Y. Gaga
Nicole 89 Days, 14 Hours [consistent offensive and disgusting posts]
What is this about a perma?
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omg they changed their minds????
#FreeNicole
EDIT : updated 2/24 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 28,773
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kworb
See You Again is about to become the 2nd most viewed video of all time
Then again Blank Space isn't much better |
He always wins
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Member Since: 3/30/2011
Posts: 33,325
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Quote:
Originally posted by 2014
omg they changed their minds????
#FreeNicole |
She was never perma'd?
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Member Since: 5/29/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Katy struts out of the studio like she’s on a catwalk, smirking slightly, picturing that Hot 100 #1 at the end of the runway. She’s satisfied.
She turns the corner and smacks right into three trash cans. Katy shrieks “Oh my gooooodness” and lets out a giggle. But then she hears a faint, haggard “Katy?” It’s Lady Gaga (who’s over). She looks like she just woke up. Because she did. “Katy, is that you? It’s me, Gaga!”
Katy looks her up and down. She barely recognizes her without the makeup and costumes. At first glance Katy thinks she’s pregnant, but quickly realizes it’s just that her boobs rest on her belly button. Katy’s eyes dart to her hair. It’s frazzled, with a lump at the top. Katy wonders for a second and then it clicks: “Ah, she tried to make a hair bow,” Katy thinks. But like her career, it just didn’t work out.
“Katy, how are youuu?” Gaga purrs. She tries to reach out and grab Katy’s ankle, but Katy quickly steps out of reach. Katy quips, “Um, hi. I’m good, I guess” as she bats her eyes. She’s looking down at Gaga, who’s sprawled across three pieces of cardboard.
Gaga smiles for a second. Her lips move as if to speak, and then her face contorts and she starts to bawl. “Katy, please, please. You have to help me. Get me out of this dump. I’m tired of living this way.”
Katy pauses, smiles, and bubbly replies, “I thought you just loved the music, not the bling?” as she bats her eyes at Gaga. Gaga starts on a meth induced rage and yells “You ****ing bitch, if you only….” but catches herself. She laughs and goes, “I mean, I love my art. I would die for my art. But not by starving to death on the streets.”
Katy thinks for a moment. She thinks about 2009. Gaga’s year. Two Hot 100 #1s. A massive music video. The VMAs. She thinks about the Alejandro video, cheap fart jokes, meat dresses and egg vessels. Ah, the past.
She offers a friendly smile. “I think I know how to help. Get up.” She stares into Gaga’s dead eyes and grabs her hand. Gaga slowly rises, like a phoenix from the ashes. This is it. Help has come.
Katy continues to smile and walks over to the cardboard. She flips it horizontally instead of vertically, and then picks the trash cans up and rearranges them. She turns around to Gaga and says, “You’ll be just fine with these new and exciting positions. Now you can lie with the wind instead of a way from it! It’ll probably help your hair!”
Katy flips her luscious brown hair, turns away, and carries on with her night.
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Jewfo.
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