Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Since I'm impatient...for anyone that cares
 Buyoncé - Round 1Buyoncé - Round 1.
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42. Sleep (Interlude)
It’s definitely unconventional but I think it actually worked fine. The Snow White parts felt a bit unnecessary and borderline cliché but overall it has a unique feel to it which is great for showing what you are capable of, I just needed a little bit more.
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Quote:
42. Sleep (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Loved the use of syntax here, short sentences, phrases, one-off ideas. It sounds exactly like what it feels like wrestling with sleep. Long thoughts contrasted by short.
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Sleep - I YELPED AT "**** OFF, IF YOU MAY"  But more on your song as a whole, it's a very different topic, and I like that. With all these ones about love (or lack of) or dying, it's nice to see something a bit more simple, yet chaotic in its own way.
But this song brought up a good topic - censor bypassing. You did a pretty good job at it, but it's still evident that you edited something. By default, everything is size 2, and it looks like your song is in size 3 . Obviously, making it the same size would make it not so evident.
...I keep going off topic, but I do agree with it being disjointed, but that was your aim so...good job?
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Quote:
42. Sleep (Interlude)
This is so fascinating  . It was by no means perfect but it instantly makes you one to watch in this competition. You weren’t afraid to play with the structure and with the rhyme scheme, but online other competitors you pulled it off and kept it feeling like a song as opposed to a poem. The various styles of writing confused me a bit (such as the one line of slang and the one random allusion to Snow White) but those complaints are only minor. Great job overall.
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Quote:
42. Sleep (Interlude)
Yes. Yes yes yes. I loved everything about it. It had a really great yet distinct flow that was still easy to follow, and I think you’re right, it had that slight disjointed feeling like dreams where you end up somewhere and you don’t know how it happened, but it was done in a way that still made the interlude work as a whole. Creative, relatable, strong prolonged rhyming, nothing is forced… you took me on a journey and I want to know what’s next. Amazing job.
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Sleep
Sleep (Interlude)
This right here is the moment that I dread
The moment that I hate
When the night is so dead
My thoughts overtake
Spiral deeper into bed
As I speculate and exaggerate
Life and it's events
Or lack of.
Mo' money mo' problems
It's a fad.
No money more problems
It's sad.
Lack of.
Lack of love
Lack of money
Lack of sleep.
I need to sleep
A deep sleep
That sleeping beauty type of sleep
That Snow White poison apple type of sleep
A sleep so deep that's it's hard for the thoughts to creep
The deepest sleep that wouldn't make me leap
The moment my Charming comes and kisses me on the cheek.
These thoughts just won't go away
Why do they stay?
Fuck off, if you may?
Wide awake, here I lay
Tossing
Turning
The bed squeaks as I sway
It's ridiculous
Frustrating
Infuriating
I feel the tears falling down my ears
And I think back over the years…
…Oh shit, not this again
Running around in circles
The clock tick tocks
Fuck.
I'm sick of this shit.
Just close your eyes.
Don't think.
Just be.
Fall asleep.
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. I don't think any song of mine got that kind of praise last time 
Never again.
