[Temporal]

Originally posted by Element

Fff there's no way I'm number one.

You're #2 like Conatus

[ceremonials]

I think I can make it into the top 20, maybe. Depending how harsh LS was.

[Aurora]

lovesong's Comments

Batch 1

1. Monster (Interlude)
The back and forth dynamic was really creative and probably the strongest aspect. However, I was a bit skeptical about the amount of repetition used. Repetition is obviously a great effect to really get your point across but I would be careful about not relying too much on it and keeping in mind that it is just supposed to be a compliment rather than the framework for your song.

2. Eyes Show (Intro)
I liked the way you used imagery to reel us in from the start. There were definitely select lines that I really liked, however I would caution to double check the ordering of word placement. Sometimes, we tend to frame sentences in certain ways because it sounds more sophisticated but it can in turn read a bit awkwardly (I’ve had the same kind of thing in my own writing). What I’d suggest is reading your songs aloud to see if it feels natural.

3. Avant Garde (Intro)
I was not really sure what the concept or intention was. I feel a bit of an ARTPOP kind of thing here but it’s not structured very well and needs a bit more focused content to back it up. In the future it might be more beneficial to really think your concept through and write it out first and then begin writing. Organizing your thoughts will help your song come across better.

4. Fake Reality (Intro)
Your descriptive imagery was nice and set the tone really well. I especially liked the ending with the “fake reality” aspect playing. I felt it started a little weak however, and only really picked up at the “I, I, I” part. Momentum can be hard to keep track of in a song but I would really advise focusing on the first section of your song to reel the reader in and keep their attention. In the future I’d also suggest making sure that you aren’t getting too overly ambitious with your concepts. If the theme you’re going for is too broad then it will be harder for you to write convincingly.

5. Young Heart (Intro)
Now this was really cute. The concept was lovely and the contrasts between a child’s mind and a sort of… adult’s mind were really nice. Your imagery is great too and reinforces the concept really well. However, I felt like it was lacking a bit on the melodic side, not quite feeling like a song or lyrics. It’s well structured and written, but I think if you push to make things feel more lyrical it will all come together nicely. I’d also advise checking things like rhyme, just to make your song feel more like a song.

6. Free (Intro)
This is a really cool intro; it’ll definitely start off an album nicely. The countdown was a bit cheesy but it can also work nicely depending on the context. I like the inspirational feel of the song and the imagery that you used was a very nice start. I think you can definitely push yourself more to really tap into your inner self to pull emotion out. I’d also advise you to double word placement and rhyme, little things like that can make all the difference.

7. Chains (Intro)
The dark setting was really intriguing and you had some nice imagery and select lines to reinforce that. It’s a song that shows a lot of promise but might need some more hammering out to really really get your thoughts together in a convincing way. I see a lot of potential though, and this is a nice start.

8. The Opposite of Emo (Intro)
Very… unique. I’m feeling like it just doesn’t quite read like an actual song. I think you need to push yourself more to write with purpose and write more detailed work. I know it’s just an intro, but I was left thinking “so what?” so make sure to think your concept through first and then begin writing.

9. NeverEnding Limit (Intro)
It’s a promising start and really showed your potential well. I like the inspirational feel well, and the structure really helped to differentiate you from the other entries. I would possibly suggest pushing a bit more to include more. I know that you did include audio but remember that we’re basing our ratings on your lyrics themselves and in that regard I think you can do more. However it is definitely a nice start and I would like to hear more from you.

10. Wilderness (Intro)
oh hey This is really well thought out and really well done. Your imagery is impeccable, and the lyrics are organized well. I’m loving that you really went for it and appear to have written from the heart. My only real critique are a few grammatical and spelling errors here and there (“perceiver” I think you meant “persevere”) so definitely make sure you double check and edit your work a few times before you send. I suppose it also aligns a little more with a poem at times than a song, but that’s not really anything too jarring and it’ll come with practice. Definitely a strong start, keep it up!

11. Thinking About You (Interlude)
This actually felt a bit like a full song…remember to think about what the challenge asks and make sure you reel it in when necessary. There is nice emotion here and it comes across well however I think you need to keep structure in mind. Some of the lines felt a lot longer than the preceding ones and therefore the logical flow of it falters a bit. Check things like meter and syllable counts, they aren’t necessarily concrete rules but they’re useful guidelines to help keep things going along smoothly.

12. Empire (Intro)
It’s simple but that isn’t always a bad thing. The spelling part was a bit off and not really strong in my opinion, but the verse was nice and the hook is a good start too. It’s overall not bad but I know you can push to do better.

13. Kingdom Bells (Interlude)
There is some nice imagery here and I like what you’re going for but I felt like I needed more. This is your time to really experiment and think outside the box. Put everything that you feel into it, put all your emotion into the writing and it will pay off nicely.

14. The Real Thing (Intro)
It’s interesting but I felt like there was a lack of focus. Organizing your thoughts before writing helps to guide your lyrics nicely, I’d definitely suggest planning first.

15. Regret (Interlude)
I think this was a little too short, I don’t see it fitting the criteria. It’s a nice start but it doesn’t have enough content for me to really pinpoint where you can improve or what you did well. I think if you expanded on these thoughts it would have come together nicely.

16. Salaam (Intro)
It’s fairly unique which I appreciate but I felt there is room to really push yourself to bring out more. It’s an okay start though and I can see you getting better with practice.

17. Origin (Intro)
It’s nice how it builds up and keeps the momentum but the imagery was very unfocused in my opinion. It was a unique entry though, I would just suggest double-checking what you’re trying to say before you start to write it and editing afterwards.

18. The Last Days (Intro)
This was really sweet, I like emotion that you have and it follows throughout the song nicely. With some more practice and polishing I can see some really great things from you. Overall a really nice intro.

19. Memory Attack (Intro)
The use of a spoken part is totally fine but what it appears to be is just a paragraph. I’d recommend splitting up your spoken part so that they look and feel like lyrics in the future, it’ll help with things like rhythm in the song. Meter is another area to work on, but that will come with practice.

20. Neptune Blue (Interlude)
While unique, I felt like you could benefit from narrowing down your focus. Right now there is a lot going on and it makes things feel cluttered and confusing. Focusing in on one particular aspect will help guide everything in the future and allow your imagery to follow in a concise and logical way.

21. Infinity (Intro)
Yas Mariah get that promo. I like how it opened up with a bold question, and I like the way the rest was organized. It’s a nice intro and it feels inspirational and sets the tone nicely. There were a few errors here and there but that’s more of a minor thing. Just try to read your song aloud and it’ll help guide you in future writing.

[swiftie13]

Originally posted by ClarksonSlays

You're #2 like Conatus

Wasn't he #2 like 3 weeks on a row or something? :rip;

[Element]

Originally posted by ClarksonSlays

You're #2 like Conatus

That was my peak in season 6. A Lights tea

[Aurora]

Originally posted by ClarksonSlays

You're #2 like Conatus

I would take CS's word with a grain of salt, he still thinks fefe is the secret judge.

[Jaxswim]

Mess at me staying up for 3 lines

Good night now Platinum Hitlers!

[swiftie13]

13. Kingdom Bells (Interlude)
There is some nice imagery here and I like what you’re going for but I felt like I needed more. This is your time to really experiment and think outside the box. Put everything that you feel into it, put all your emotion into the writing and it will pay off nicely.

Thanks for the feedback. I'll work giving more next round if I'm safe! I thought being laconic this round would help since it's an interlude

[ceremonials]

Mess, another mixed. Bye top 20!

[Temporal]

Originally posted by swiftie13

Wasn't he #2 like 3 weeks on a row or something? :rip;

4

Originally posted by Element

That was my peak in season 6. A Lights tea

Originally posted by Sam 

I would take CS's word with a grain of salt, he still thinks fefe is the secret judge.

Don't even try it fat

[Aurora]

lovesong's Comments

Batch 2

22. Doubt (Intro)
I like how even though you took a simpler approach, it’s still very focused and comes together nicely. It’s actually quite sweet, and I would think it works very well as an intro. It held nice flow and was organized nicely but I could see you pushing it further, taking it just a little bit more to really create something incredible.

23. Devil, Come With Me (Intro)
Great atmosphere set up, the imagery is very nicely tied in and helps to get the emotion across. This is a good way of including elements of a full song but condensing it down to fit with an intro (i.e. the repetition). It’s a chilling song that is done really well and concise. I look forward to hearing more.

24. I Can Be Good (Interlude)
I like that you went with a sensual theme but I want you to really take it far. One of the best pieces of advice I got last season was to embody the character that I am writing for and I would impart that on you as well. Really take it all the way and just go for it. At the moment it’s hinting at sexy but not quite getting there, so I think if you push yourself it’ll really help. I would also consider line length, as of right now it’s a bit abrupt in the way the sentences are structured. Using transitional words would be very helpful.

25. Wonderful (Intro)
I could definitely imagine this being an intro to an album and I like the little bit of the spoken word. It’s a cute concept but a few lines felt a bit awkward (“swallowed something vile”). Make sure that every single line in your song has a purpose and contributes to the overall concept and theme appropriately. In my own experience, don’t try to make certain words fit even if they probably won’t, sometimes it’s best to just scratch a line and change it completely.

26. I Only Come Out At Night (Intro)
This was cool. I liked the atmosphere, how it was dark and mysterious but I get the hidden meaning and I think you did a great job of incorporating that into the lyrics. Nothing really to critique you with here, you have strong imagery, rhyme is good, it’s actually very very strong for a first round entry!

27. Oasis (Interlude)
Your imagery was very unique and I applaud you for that for making your song stand out. I’m glad that you labeled it, as an interlude because I definitely think it would work best in a track list where things have already been established. The imagery is nice, and I like how it was consistent. One thing is that sometimes when we try to write descriptively, it can actually feel a little impersonal. I would just suggest thinking about that in the future because writing from the heart can make all the difference. Great start!

28. Wishing Away (Interlude)
This is an interesting song and I like the way it’s structured, particularly with the repetition towards the end of each section. However, I felt that the imagery was all over the place - that might not be a bad thing but for a song so short it makes things confusing. The other thing that I know gets mixed opinions sometimes is to look at word choice. It’s not that I don’t understand them, it’s that they feel awkwardly placed (“malignant”, “squander”) this is more of a personal thing though and easy enough to adjust. Just think to yourself whether the words you are using are completely necessary or whether it would actually be more effective by using a different word in it’s place (i.e. read the song aloud).

29. Intro
This was a little bare for my tastes. I felt a few of the lines were a bit on the cliché side and I really think that to make an impression you need to give it your all and avoid unnecessary lines that don’t’ add value. Remember that we are just writing the bare bones - the lyrics themselves, so try to put your emphasis on those.

30. Poison (Interlude)
A little on the simplistic side, which isn’t always a bad thing, but in this case it just felt bare. Really dig deep and think creatively, I’m sure you have incredible ideas, it’s just about not being afraid to really go there and embrace what you want to say.

31. Uptown Haze (Intro)
A little too empty for me. There wasn’t really much to go off on here and it’s hard to really speak about what I would suggest you to work on. Really identify your concept and think about what you want to say before you start to write - by organizing your thoughts you can create a natural feeling with your lyrics.

32. Drink Me (Intro)
Kind of a cool structure here. I’m not sure if this was intentional but the opening line about rabbit holes and having the lines that follow kind of funnel like that was really cool. It’s a bit quirky and unique but I like that because it helped your song stick out. I would suggest looking at your concept more thoroughly because some lines felt a bit awkward and I had to reread a few times to make sense of them. Organizing your thoughts ahead of time makes it clearer what you’re trying to say.

33. Astral Lullaby (Intro)
This was beautiful. I love the spiritual imagery and the language here worked well. The progression throughout was really great and you were able to keep up momentum nicely. Not much to work on here, just keep pushing yourself and you’ll do great.

34. Intro
This sounded like a lovely intro. The feeling was really nice… concise yet sufficient. There’s room for more imagery to really hammer in what you’re trying to say but it’s still a strong start.

35. Addicted to the Future (Interlude)
I would suggest thinking your concept through before writing. In some cases the lines just felt disconnected. Making sure that there is nice transition between lines is essential for making your song feel like a song. I’d also say the rhyming was a little on the simplistic side. Not necessarily a bad thing I guess but it can make the writing look and feel a bit juvenile.

36. Little Girl (Interlude)
This was quite well done. The imagery was very strong and chilling at times, I like how it progressed throughout the song as well. I would suggest reading the song aloud to see if the language and structure of each sentence makes sense (“since I last saw you so” - do we usually talk like that?). Sometimes, and I’ve had this too, we get a tendency to frame a line in a way that we think sounds sophisticated or fits the theme better, but from a writing perspective it can make things feel awkward.

37. Aphasia (Interlude)
The emotion that was coming through was spectacular, the C section and final A section in particular were simply chilling. I like the fact that you explored the perspective of someone else and what they’re going through and I think you did a good job of that. There were a few awkward-ish lines in the very first section that stood out to me in the wrong way and I would suggest looking over to see if you can get those points across in more concise ways that may be more effective. But you did a great job for the first round and it really reeled me in nicely.

38. Love Wounds (Intro)
The concept is kind of interesting and I liked what you did with the imagery in the verse but the sampled hook felt a little out of place and actually kind of ruined the emotion. In terms of your lyrics I would also check meter because some of the lines felt a bit unorganized.

39. The Desperate Housewife (Interlude)
This was very unique and the concept was quite distinct. I like the way you structured things, especially with the progression of describing the past and then leading into the questions towards the end. I think its strong and works nicely as an interlude but at times I felt like it was a bit more of a poem rather than a song, so make sure to check that in future writings.

[ceremonials]

Goodnight fats. See yall who don't get eliminated tomorrow!

[Temporal]

33. Astral Lullaby (Intro)
This was beautiful. I love the spiritual imagery and the language here worked well. The progression throughout was really great and you were able to keep up momentum nicely. Not much to work on here, just keep pushing yourself and you’ll do great.

This is a kii coming from Lovesong But YAS at this review

[DevonDreams]

Originally posted by GotSkill

1. Monster (Interlude)
The way I read that “it was yoouu” had me cackling for a minute, but I hope the way I read it wasn’t your intention . I could see this actually being an interlude, so it fits the challenge extremely well, but I don’t find the song itself to be particularly interesting. Repetition in a song is important, but you took it a little too far, especially with such a short song. This song encompasses only a singular idea and moment. When doing so you should add more imagery or poetic devices to make it more interesting. A song that tells a story or that has more complex themes has less need for those things, so I would recommend trying to do that next if you don’t want to up the poeticism.

Originally posted by Hugamari

Monster - I read this a few times, and I'm now wondering who "you" refers to in this song. It'd be a much more interesting approach if "you" was referring to yourself, and how you let the person you love be consumed by this "monster". However, I do feel that there could be more impact in your lyrics, to make it more emotionally pulling. It's a good foundation, it just lacks a kick in any form of direction.

Originally posted by Sam

1. Monster (Interlude)
I liked this. The standout for me was, “What was I supposed to do, you wouldn’t listen to the truth”. It’s a simple idea but it’s relatable and has a good rhyme that doesn’t feel forced. I definitely see it as a spoken interlude, which is fine for this challenge, and it did leave me wanting more, but not in the way I meant. I’d like to see more from this interlude; another stanza or two with some more creative language would have really elevated this entry.

Originally posted by lovesong

1. Monster (Interlude)
The back and forth dynamic was really creative and probably the strongest aspect. However, I was a bit skeptical about the amount of repetition used. Repetition is obviously a great effect to really get your point across but I would be careful about not relying too much on it and keeping in mind that it is just supposed to be a compliment rather than the framework for your song.

Thanks for the feedback.
Taking it all into consideration.

[Gavin.]

1 meh
2 decent
1 negative

Well I think I'll at least get a shot at redemption and get to stay for another round hopefully

[Aurora]

lovesong's Comments

Batch 3

40. The Unknown (Interlude)
I see lots of potential in your concepts and your writing but little technical things can really help you to focus and allow your songs to go far. Check things like meter, they help to balance out your lines, which make things feel more connected and help the rhythm.

41. Play Ball (Intro)
I was getting Lana teas and Taylor teas throughout. Nothing wrong with being inspired but be careful not to rely on signature styles too much because it prevents your own personality from showing. I think there are some nice parts but again check things like meter for maintaining rhythm and just try to polish out the structure for the future.

42. Sleep (Interlude)
It’s definitely unconventional but I think it actually worked fine. The Snow White parts felt a bit unnecessary and borderline cliché but overall it has a unique feel to it which is great for showing what you are capable of, I just needed a little bit more.

43. Visionary (Intro)
This was really quite strong, the imagery was very well done - not overdone(!) but still helped to reinforce your thoughts and emotions. I thought the IV section had a good use of repetition and overall it was tied together nicely. Just a few organizational things that could be polished but still quite strong.

44. The Beginning (Intro)
I really really liked this one. It was concise but still packed with emotion and brilliant imagery. Very focused, straight to the point, but still has the right amount of lyrical intrigue. I see lots of potential and I am really looking forward to hearing more from you!

45. Blue Eyes (Intro)
Works really nicely as an intro, I love the repetition of that one particular section and it leaves the song on an unanswered note for the tracks to follow. Overall it shows promise and I can definitely see great things from you with practice.

46. Nomads (Intro)
This one is pretty interesting and unique. My favourite aspect was the final section because it really relied on some nice imagery that helped put your concept forward. I could see some great things from you in the future with practice, nice start!

47. So Stay (Interlude)
This is great for a first round entry. Its nicely concise but still has enough for me to work with. The repeating of “so stay” was lovely and everything felt tied together nicely.

48. One Day (Intro)
It’s a good start, and a good intro but I felt like I needed more. I see nice ideas but I need more content or more concise lyrics to really reinforce them.

49. December (Interlude)
My only concern is that it read a bit too much like a poem rather than a song. It’s also a little on the short side which made it feel a bit bare.

50. Masquerade (Intro)
Really strong, especially for a first round entry! It’s mysterious, enchanting, it’s really everything, and you focused nicely on putting your concept forward and maintaining it’s momentum. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

51. Haunting (Intro)
nnn in the future I don’t think you necessarily have to draw out words to how they would be sung, but it was a cute touch. However, I like it. The first verse/section was interesting and tied together nicely. It kind of tapered off towards the end but overall I think it’s a nice start.

52. Twilight (Interlude)
Really really strong. Worked perfectly for an interlude, it’s concise but not lacking which can be a hard thing to accomplish. I like your imagery and I like that you focused the meter well. Only minor thing is the line “it’s getting faded” where I think it would sound better as something like “it’s fading”. Other than that this is great!

53. Fool's Luck (Intro?)
There were a few cliché lines here and there that kind of affected the way the song was written. I get what you’re going for but I was left without any real thoughts or emotions. Definitely try to push yourself and think about what speaks to you personally, it’ll help guide your writing nicely.

[Temporal]

3 very positive
1 generally favorable


Can't wait for Fefe's scalping!

[DevonDreams]

Is the average table coming tonight? or. this morning?

[ausdaniel]

4 positive reviews I'm really thrilled tbh They weren't stellar but they aren't going to get me eliminated so that makes me really happy.

One thing in lovesong's review confused me though (but of course I will take it on board) but what does "I’d also advise you to double word placement and rhyme, little things like that can make all the difference" mean?

[Aurora]

Some tea while you process the comments, I just did a quick check and 3/5 judges actually preferred the #2 over the #1. But the judges who preferred the #1 over the #2 scored the #2 much lower than the #1 (1-2 whole points).