^its ok ehh i got used to them and at least i KNOW that im gonna have more surgeries in the future (changing the batteries on defib. and pacemaker) so its cool
oh yeah i also forgot i had a hernia...ill add that to the list
Classes almost over | Best of 2007 Top 200 Coming Soon!
It's about to finish! There are just two weeks left this semester was very hard...i took 10 subjects and i'm hopefully doing great at all of 'em...exams starts next week so wish me luck
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I'll start my Best of 2007 C/D on December 20-31st...Since i didnt spend much time here as i did last year, you may not know which songs are gonna be on the list (It's clearly obvious that ******* wont be there...)
Anyway...who do u think will be my #1 song of 2007?
Whoever reads this...please I need your help to check this...it's my english homework please!!!! I need it to be perfect....can u check it and make corrections please?
This is the story about the Bughers, who were going back home and got the surprise of their lives when another car was going on the wrong direction coming towards them and crashed into the Edward’s van, which was going just behind them.
It all happened at midnight and hopefully Dianna Bugher could avoid and save her family from a disaster; but Joy Edwards could not. As soon as she crashed into the suspicious red Honda, Greg and Dianna called 911 and in spite of knowing the car could blow, Greg started helping people get out of the destroyed car. A girl named Courtney was the first one to be saved and told the Bughers that her mother, sister, brother and his friends were still inside.
Greg’s children, Gavin and Parker, were worried about him because the car was now on flames and Greg had to stand on the top of the car. Even worse for him was to know that the flames were now on the inside so he had to hurry up. He noticed a young man trying to get out by himself; but had not enough strength to do it; so Greg, along with a stranger, took him out; just when a police car had arrived.
The rescue continued; after rescuing another young man and a girl, the flames kept on growing inside the car, and hopefully Greg remembered about the cooler he had, which he used to calm the fire. Even harder was pulling out a 300-pound young man, for which Greg needed help from others rescuers. Lots of ambulances and firefighters arrived; and knew there was someone still inside, but Greg was now lacking of air; so decided to take him to the hospital along with the injured people he had rescued.
The next day, he was told that Joy Edwards, the Pontiac van driver, had instantly died on the accident. Courtney, Joy’s daughter, had some broken bones, such as her brother Brandon and his friends; but hopefully they are all expected to recover soon. The girl driving the red Honda was Nicole King, a woman who, as the lyrics found on the back seat of her car, was supposed to be disappointed with someone she loved and was obviously trying to end with her life.
I suggest breaking down the first sentence into two sentences.
Second paragraph: rephrase[It all happened at midnight and hopefully Dianna Bugher could avoid and save her family from a disaster; but Joy Edwards could not.]
look at pronoun use [As soon as she (She who? and how did "she" become Greg and Dianna) crashed into the suspicious red Honda, Greg and Dianna called 911 andin spite of knowing that the car could blow, Greg started helping people get out of the destroyed car.]
Third Paragraph: Greg’s children, Gavin and Parker, were worried about him because the car was now on flames (on fire or in flames?) and Greg had to stand on the top of the car.
[Even worse for him was to knowknowing that the flames were now on the inside so he had to hurry up.] rephrase the ending perhaps? sounds a bit weird.
Fourth paragraph: rephrase [but Greg was now lacking of air; so decided to take him to the hospital along with the injured people he had rescued.]
Fifth paragraph: [The next day, he was told that Joy Edwards, the Pontiac van driver, had instantly died on the accident.] Where did the Pontiac van come into the story? It seems so random, other than you explaining how Dionne was lucky compared to Joy.
Overall: Did you mean to say "thankfully" instead of "hopefully?" "hopefully Greg remembered" sort of creates the image that one hopes he would remember, rather than that he did end up remembering... It is the same thing with "but hopefully they are all expected to recover soon. " where you cannot really use "hopefully" and "expected" in the sentence without creating some sort of paradox. In that case you could just remove "hopefully" but it still seems like you meant to use "thankfully."
I tried to help as much as I could but I may still be wrong. Hopefully it all helps!
surgeries are my hobby 
this semester was very hard...i took 10 subjects and i'm hopefully doing great at all of 'em...exams starts next week so wish me luck 
(It's clearly obvious that ******* wont be there...)
Turning 18