Thank you so, so, so very much for expressing your concern. I appreciate it so much more than I could get across. Everyone in RT means so much to me even though I'm not as active in here as I used to be.
Today has been one of the weirdest days of my life. I feel numb and emotionless. I cried finally a few minutes ago, but now I'm back to feeling how I felt earlier.
I went into the state police department to talk to a detective who asked me to come in. I found some things out that I was not even slightly aware of. He was HIV positive... Him and I were not sexually active, as I have no sex drive due to the side effects of medications that I am currently on. Transmission of semen never occurred. I have never been so thankful for my lack of a sex drive than I am today.. But to be safe of course, I will be getting tested tomorrow for HIV. I am so scared... I do not know how to feel. Is it bad that I'm angry at him? For not having the decency to tell me something so crucial, regardless of how much we were/were not sexually active? He also lied about other things such as his age. This is all so shocking to me, because he truly expressed feelings of caring and love for me that I have never felt given to me from any other person. And I don't know whether or not to blame myself because I know for a fact that this would not have happened had I not broken up with him last week. But I was only doing it because I thought it would be saving him the heartache in the future that I would have otherwise caused. I just.... don't know anything right now.....
