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Discussion: ATRL Songwriter's Thread | Jacktrus gain dual #1
Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by doodledot13
Owh  what's it about? |
It's been posted in the games section if you want to check it out 
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Banned
Member Since: 12/27/2011
Posts: 2,197
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JOINING 
Preliminary Sign-Ups for ATRL's Next Hit Producer:
1. Mastamaind
2. gettsleazy
3. Mr. Crabs
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/31/2012
Posts: 12,510
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Quote:
Originally posted by AdamAL4
I made the logo for the game
Leave feedback pls thnx 
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I LOVE THIS 
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/31/2012
Posts: 12,510
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Quote:
Originally posted by AdamAL4
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Wouldn't you want to milk this thread for all its worth? 
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by theoyella jukebox
Wouldn't you want to milk this thread for all its worth? |
I am by shamelessly promoting the game here
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Should I just count sign-ups here as actual sign-ups?
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Banned
Member Since: 2/25/2012
Posts: 5,503
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(i want the producers on here to produce beats for my album tbh)
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/31/2012
Posts: 12,510
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Quote:
Originally posted by AdamAL4
Should I just count sign-ups here as actual sign-ups? |
Yeah
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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^Done. Why are we so sad?
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Member Since: 3/26/2012
Posts: 37,592
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The logo gives me life 
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Banned
Member Since: 5/15/2010
Posts: 15,858
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Castle Of Sand
Let me face the wall
The shame of knowing
People are staring at my back
Thinking of what I probably did...
To deserve this fate
I only wanted to make this life
Run its better course away...
From the stoned filled road
I did everything to make me happy
In the end, I fought hard but lost anyway
After many promises and dreams
I built a castle made of sand
Under the burning sun
It was harder than clay
But when the rain fell
Everything was lost...
I tried my best to save it
Rebuild it but it was not the same
All the people look at it
As some copy that didn't match...
What we had...was so beautiful
Like an opal, perfectly flawed
What we had... was forbidden
Unstable, passionate and dangerous...
We, No...I lived believing in a lie
And I got through everyday not doubting it
Until it all the truth came down crashing on me in one fell swoop
Our castle of sand is gone...
And I'm here...All of it, I memorized
It was ****, i felt ****, I am ****...
Gazing at the same wall while people watch me in an endless loop
My castle of sand...is gone.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by brIt-()nstar
Castle Of Sand
Let me face the wall
The shame of knowing
People are staring at my back
Thinking of what I probably did...
To deserve this fate
I only wanted to make this life
Run its better course away...
From the stoned filled road
I did everything to make me happy
In the end, I fought hard but lost anyway
After many promises and dreams
I built a castle made of sand
Under the burning sun
It was harder than clay
But when the rain fell
Everything was lost...
I tried my best to save it
Rebuild it but it was not the same
All the people look at it
As some copy that didn't match...
What we had...was so beautiful
Like an opal, perfectly flawed
What we had... was forbidden
Unstable, passionate and dangerous...
We, No...I lived believing in a lie
And I got through everyday not doubting it
Until it all the truth came down crashing on me in one fell swoop
Our castle of sand is gone...
And I'm here...All of it, I memorized
It was ****, i felt ****, I am ****...
Gazing at the same wall while people watch me in an endless loop
My castle of sand...is gone.
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 I like how it seems so unforced, probably because of the lack of rhyme, but still
Oh, and I wrote sometin and it goes like this
 Everything I Have DreamedI could make a river of all my tears
And build a bridge with excuses
I could hide behind all of my fears
But all of it would be useless
I could say “I give up”, and never try
Or I could just play the victim
And I could do nothing, and wonder why
I can never seem to win...
But that is not who I am
And nobody can change that
I’ll do whatever I can
And nobody can stop that
You can judge all my choices
And show me all my mistakes
But through all the negative voices
I’ll do whatever it takes
To be where I’ve seen only in my dreams
To have all the stars in the sky in my arms
To rise to the top of the world I won’t stop
For anything
Anything
Anything
You see I believe only in my dreams
I’ll get what I want for the thrill of the hunt
I’ll defy, I’ll stand high, and in the end of it, I’ll
Have everything
Everything
Everything
Everything I have dreamed
I could cry and say that I won’t succeed
And only look at the bad side
I could act like failure is guaranteed
Although I know I never tried
I could just forget it, forget it all
And not do anything for me
And then I could complain, and whine and bawl
And be too reluctant to see
But that is not who I am
And nobody can change that
I’ll do whatever I can
And nobody can stop that
You can judge all my choices
And show me all my mistakes
But through all the negative voices
I’ll do whatever it takes
To be where I’ve seen only in my dreams
To have all the stars in the sky in my arms
To rise to the top of the world I won’t stop
For anything
Anything
Anything
You see I believe only in my dreams
I’ll get what I want for the thrill of the hunt
I’ll defy, I’ll stand high, and in the end of it, I’ll
Have everything
Everything
Everything
Everything I have dreamed
No matter how hard it seems
No matter how long it takes
I’ma live out all my dreams
I’ma raise up all the stakes
No one will forget the change I made
To be where I’ve seen only in my dreams
To have all the stars in the sky in my arms
To rise to the top of the world I won’t stop
For anything
Anything
Anything
You see I believe only in my dreams
I’ll get what I want for the thrill of the hunt
I’ll defy, I’ll stand high, and in the end of it, I’ll
Have everything
Everything
Everything
Everything I have dreamed
To be where I’ve seen only in my dreams
To have all the stars in the sky in my arms
To rise to the top of the world I won’t stop
For anything
Anything
Anything
You see I believe only in my dreams
I’ll get what I want for the thrill of the hunt
I’ll defy, I’ll stand high, and in the end of it, I’ll
Have everything
Everything
Everything
Everything I have dreamed
Only good for the first verse + first part of the chorus tbh.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/31/2012
Posts: 12,510
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Quote:
Originally posted by brIt-()nstar
Castle Of Sand
Let me face the wall
The shame of knowing
People are staring at my back
Thinking of what I probably did...
To deserve this fate
I only wanted to make this life
Run its better course away...
From the stoned filled road
I did everything to make me happy
In the end, I fought hard but lost anyway
After many promises and dreams
I built a castle made of sand
Under the burning sun
It was harder than clay
But when the rain fell
Everything was lost...
I tried my best to save it
Rebuild it but it was not the same
All the people look at it
As some copy that didn't match...
What we had...was so beautiful
Like an opal, perfectly flawed
What we had... was forbidden
Unstable, passionate and dangerous...
We, No...I lived believing in a lie
And I got through everyday not doubting it
Until it all the truth came down crashing on me in one fell swoop
Our castle of sand is gone...
And I'm here...All of it, I memorized
It was ****, i felt ****, I am ****...
Gazing at the same wall while people watch me in an endless loop
My castle of sand...is gone.
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very poetic
What genre would this be? 
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Banned
Member Since: 5/15/2010
Posts: 15,858
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
I like how it seems so unforced, probably because of the lack of rhyme, but still
Oh, and I wrote sometin and it goes like this
Everything I Have Dreamed
I could make a river of all my tears
And build a bridge with excuses
I could hide behind all of my fears
But all of it would be useless
I could say “I give up”, and never try
Or I could just play the victim
And I could do nothing, and wonder why
I can never seem to win...
But that is not who I am
And nobody can change that
I’ll do whatever I can
And nobody can stop that
You can judge all my choices
And show me all my mistakes
But through all the negative voices
I’ll do whatever it takes
To be where I’ve seen only in my dreams
To have all the stars in the sky in my arms
To rise to the top of the world I won’t stop
For anything
Anything
Anything
You see I believe only in my dreams
I’ll get what I want for the thrill of the hunt
I’ll defy, I’ll stand high, and in the end of it, I’ll
Have everything
Everything
Everything
Everything I have dreamed
I could cry and say that I won’t succeed
And only look at the bad side
I could act like failure is guaranteed
Although I know I never tried
I could just forget it, forget it all
And not do anything for me
And then I could complain, and whine and bawl
And be too reluctant to see
But that is not who I am
And nobody can change that
I’ll do whatever I can
And nobody can stop that
You can judge all my choices
And show me all my mistakes
But through all the negative voices
I’ll do whatever it takes
To be where I’ve seen only in my dreams
To have all the stars in the sky in my arms
To rise to the top of the world I won’t stop
For anything
Anything
Anything
You see I believe only in my dreams
I’ll get what I want for the thrill of the hunt
I’ll defy, I’ll stand high, and in the end of it, I’ll
Have everything
Everything
Everything
Everything I have dreamed
No matter how hard it seems
No matter how long it takes
I’ma live out all my dreams
I’ma raise up all the stakes
No one will forget the change I made
To be where I’ve seen only in my dreams
To have all the stars in the sky in my arms
To rise to the top of the world I won’t stop
For anything
Anything
Anything
You see I believe only in my dreams
I’ll get what I want for the thrill of the hunt
I’ll defy, I’ll stand high, and in the end of it, I’ll
Have everything
Everything
Everything
Everything I have dreamed
To be where I’ve seen only in my dreams
To have all the stars in the sky in my arms
To rise to the top of the world I won’t stop
For anything
Anything
Anything
You see I believe only in my dreams
I’ll get what I want for the thrill of the hunt
I’ll defy, I’ll stand high, and in the end of it, I’ll
Have everything
Everything
Everything
Everything I have dreamed
Only good for the first verse + first part of the chorus tbh.
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 Yours is very good as well. 
I think the problem I see about your lyrics is there's a lack of half-rhymes. I like the use of that internal rhyme in your chorus although Imo, "the thrill of the hunt" needs some restructuring. 
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Here's some lyrics for a song I made the other day:
Free
Verse 1:
Heaviest grains
Up from the sea
In what looks like a tidal wave
Flooding the beach
Verse 2:
Blankets of snow
Cover the ground
This may seem peaceful to you, though
But I'm falling down
Chorus:
Sometimes I dream of just being free
Running away from the catastrophe
Sometimes I see it in the trees
But mostly I find it in the seeds
The dream of being free
Bridge:
[Instrumental Break]
Birds chirp, the branches shake
But I'll never get away
The frogs and the toads croak
But I'll never get away, no
Birds chirp, the branches shake
But I'll never get away
Chorus:
Sometimes I dream of just being free
Running away from the catastrophe
Sometimes I see it in the trees
But mostly I find it in the seeds
The dream of being free
Verse 3:
I'm stuck in cement
Metal and stone
It seems so absurd
That I'm so alone
It's inspired by my fave's newest album
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/31/2012
Posts: 12,510
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I  the chorus !
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Member Since: 12/29/2011
Posts: 1,932
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This is another rap song
I wrote for my mix tape
I already recorded just waiting for it from my producer
This is my I'm the best, attitude, song!!!
"Blastoff"
My flow so slanted you can call it Harajuku
And I’m going super saiyan like my mama named me Goku
I’m blazing. I’m amazing. I’m so motha****ing crazy
If you got a lot of money, then I’ll let you call me baby.
I’m long and I’m strong and I got it going on
******s think they know me but I think the got me wrong
Bitches try to play me it’s the reason that they gone
By the end of this song
He a loser and he no good. He a liar, and I’m too hood
To be waiting on a maybe. I’ve been feeling good lately.
Some people try to change me so I throw them in my basement.
I’m ready for my blast off, my blast off
Some haters think they real tough, Should shut up
I’m ready for my blast off, my blast off
I’m ready for my blast off, to take off
You know I love my girls but no hetero
And I’m fine all alone like serio
Cause he a earphone and I’m a stereo
You can call me el Rey..Mysterio
See I’m super and I’m duper and I’ll make brain go stupid
It’s the reason that I do this to get your mind feeling lucid
It’s like blah blah blah blah
Yeah my flow so hard it will knock you out
I’m a winner, you’s a loser. You a ninja? I’m yakuza
Like Buffy I’m a slayer. You know I’m not a player
If I see a bad bitch, I’m gonna have to lay her
I’m ready for my blast off, my blast off
Some haters think they real tough, Should shut up
I’m ready for my blast off, my blast off
I’m ready for my blast off, to take off
Someone get my rocket ship. Cause I be spitting crazy ****
I’m ready for my blast off, my blast off
I’m ready for my blast off, to take off
You wanna go? You wanna battle me?
I’ll start a holocaust. Make it look like WW3
I’ll be Hitler. You can be Ann Frank
Hiding in the attic. I’m coming for you with my tank
I'm a winner, and I'm so fly, You a loser, so just don't try
From east LA city. So they call me Danny pretty
I murder all these songs. I don't even take pitty
Someone get my rocket ship. Cause I be spitting crazy ****
Someone get my rocket ship. Cause I be spitting crazy ****
I’m ready for my blast off, my blast off
I’m ready for my blast off, my blast off
I’m ready for my blast off, my blast off
I’m ready for my blast off, to take off
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by theoyella jukebox
I the chorus ! |
Thank yaw! 
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Love it, Danny, except for this part
Quote:
Originally posted by Danny789
You wanna go? You wanna battle me?
I’ll start a holocaust. Make it look like WW3
I’ll be Hitler. You can be Ann Frank
Hiding in the attic. I’m coming for you with my tank
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