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Discussion: Being gay - the hardest thing?
Member Since: 8/22/2011
Posts: 9,429
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Quote:
Originally posted by longjohn9898
I thought this would be an interesting thing to discuss along the lines of what has already been talked about :
http://thenewgay.net/2010/11/everyon...acist-boy.html
I believe it's important to respect people's personal preferences when it comes to attraction, since it is, after all, something that can't be changed, but it's also important to realize that these preferences come from somewhere--a society that values certain physical qualities and bodies over others.
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But there is a difference between a preference and just being flat out close minded. No one is saying there is anything wrong for preferring a certain race over another, or finding someone of another race unattractive. However when you exclude an entire group of people and group them all as not attractive it's painful, seeing as we all don't look, act, dress, speak etc... the same.
The issue is people don't get the point others are trying to make like I did above. They don't even understand the word preference even really means. All in all I don't care too much you were never right for me anyways if you could really do some ish like that, and yes I am saying the same thing even if the person had a preference that landed in my favor
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Member Since: 10/1/2011
Posts: 33,423
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Another day another kid from my town came out
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by longjohn9898
I thought this would be an interesting thing to discuss along the lines of what has already been talked about :
http://thenewgay.net/2010/11/everyon...acist-boy.html
I believe it's important to respect people's personal preferences when it comes to attraction, since it is, after all, something that can't be changed, but it's also important to realize that these preferences come from somewhere--a society that values certain physical qualities and bodies over others.
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I said this before, but I need to quote it again
1. If you're looking for one night stand/sex partners only:
- It's totally normal and okay if you have preferences. But instead of saying "no Asians", "no Black"... which is completely rude and unnecessary, you should emphasize on your preferences, such as "prefer white", "prefer black"...
- Not people who are in the same race look the same. You can see Zayn Malik has nothing in similar with Bruce Lee, or Ken Watanabe looks totally different from Mario Maurer. Expel the ENTIRE race group when it's obvious that you've not met all the people of that race to know that they are all unattractive to you is dumb. How could you know that there's no one in that race you will find attractive? You don't find Zendaya sexy, but you may find Rihanna hot as ****, simple as that.
- If you find the person who messages you unattractive, just politely say "no", instead of yelling that "hey, if you're Asian/Black/Latino/White..., don't try to talk to me."
2. If you're looking for a date:
- Again, it's totally okay and normal if you have ideal types of people you want to/expect to be with. Finding the other one sexy is important in any relationship. But when it's come to love, what's inside is all that matters. If you fall for one's personality, you will find that person attractive - physically - to you.
- Not all people in the same race have the same kind of personality. Not all Asian kids are nerds, not all black guys are violent, not all white girls are cute and sweet. You see a small group of people and think that the whole race is all the same - that's totally ******** and racist.
****
so it's okay to have preferences - everyone has preferences, but it's how you show your preferences to receive respect from other people. treat other people the way you want to be treated as they always say.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 59,596
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Quote:
Originally posted by jayyyxtee
Another day another kid from my town came out
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Good for that soul. Wish you the best for when you choose (or not choose) to come out sis - it made things a lot better for me personally but I can see how it can be bad for others. Do what is best for you at your moment in time.
Meanwhile.. on topic.. the worst thing about being gay (romantically) were all the people that pretended to get to know you and then left you high and dry after you did what you wanted with each others bodies.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by jayyyxtee
Another day another kid from my town came out
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where's your town?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 14,321
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Quote:
Originally posted by getback
I feel this
My friends keep telling me that I have to go to the gay bars/clubs to find a boyfriend, but the problem is that I don't feel like I belong to places like that I'm the wallflower, I'd rather go to the museum or something like that
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Let's go together then, wallflower club :P
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 14,321
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Quote:
Originally posted by Meowster
We are in good company sis. At least my moms side (and my dad himself) are extremely accepting and super sensitive to my feelings. Sometimes a little TOO sensitive.. but I'd much rather that than cold anger.
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Good you're in good company.
While my family accepts me or at least says it is only the person's business I have heard the occasional "isn't it weird?" or confused stare when two gay people are on tv kissing. I guess since my uncle never did that in front of them and I'm single, they're not 'used' to it...?
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Member Since: 3/6/2011
Posts: 4,948
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gangsta4alife
But there is a difference between a preference and just being flat out close minded. No one is saying there is anything wrong for preferring a certain race over another, or finding someone of another race unattractive. However when you exclude an entire group of people and group them all as not attractive it's painful, seeing as we all don't look, act, dress, speak etc... the same.
The issue is people don't get the point others are trying to make like I did above. They don't even understand the word preference even really means. All in all I don't care too much you were never right for me anyways if you could really do some ish like that, and yes I am saying the same thing even if the person had a preference that landed in my favor
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Quote:
Originally posted by getback
I said this before, but I need to quote it again
1. If you're looking for one night stand/sex partners only:
- It's totally normal and okay if you have preferences. But instead of saying "no Asians", "no Black"... which is completely rude and unnecessary, you should emphasize on your preferences, such as "prefer white", "prefer black"...
- Not people who are in the same race look the same. You can see Zayn Malik has nothing in similar with Bruce Lee, or Ken Watanabe looks totally different from Mario Maurer. Expel the ENTIRE race group when it's obvious that you've not met all the people of that race to know that they are all unattractive to you is dumb. How could you know that there's no one in that race you will find attractive? You don't find Zendaya sexy, but you may find Rihanna hot as ****, simple as that.
- If you find the person who messages you unattractive, just politely say "no", instead of yelling that "hey, if you're Asian/Black/Latino/White..., don't try to talk to me."
2. If you're looking for a date:
- Again, it's totally okay and normal if you have ideal types of people you want to/expect to be with. Finding the other one sexy is important in any relationship. But when it's come to love, what's inside is all that matters. If you fall for one's personality, you will find that person attractive - physically - to you.
- Not all people in the same race have the same kind of personality. Not all Asian kids are nerds, not all black guys are violent, not all white girls are cute and sweet. You see a small group of people and think that the whole race is all the same - that's totally ******** and racist.
****
so it's okay to have preferences - everyone has preferences, but it's how you show your preferences to receive respect from other people. treat other people the way you want to be treated as they always say.
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I'm pretty sure I agree with both of you. Maybe I didn't make my stance clear but I'm a QPOC and I totally understand where you're coming from. My point was that it's hard for people to change their attraction, but by realizing that these attractions come from society and media portrayals we can see how certain races are valued in the gay community over others. The first step in overcoming the problem is recognizing it.
I never exclude anyone based on race, but I find most white men to be fairly ignorant on these issues and therefore incompatible with me. Living in communities and spaces where there is more QPOC representation has been eye opening for me and I find myself most attracted to other people of color--male and female.
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Member Since: 3/31/2012
Posts: 43,847
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Quote:
Originally posted by Brunette Ambition
This.
The hardest thing for me as a bisexual guy is to find another gay/bisexual guy who doesn't live light years away.
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This
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Member Since: 8/22/2011
Posts: 9,429
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Quote:
Originally posted by longjohn9898
I'm pretty sure I agree with both of you. Maybe I didn't make my stance clear but I'm a QPOC and I totally understand where you're coming from. My point was that it's hard for people to change their attraction, but by realizing that these attractions come from society and media portrayals we can see how certain races are valued in the gay community over others. The first step in overcoming the problem is recognizing it.
I never exclude anyone based on race, but I find most white men to be fairly ignorant on these issues and therefore incompatible with me. Living in communities and spaces where there is more QPOC representation has been eye opening for me and I find myself most attracted to other people of color--male and female.
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I agree entirely with what you said
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by LuLuDrops
Let's go together then, wallflower club :P
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we need a club like that tbh
Quote:
Originally posted by longjohn9898
I'm pretty sure I agree with both of you. Maybe I didn't make my stance clear but I'm a QPOC and I totally understand where you're coming from. My point was that it's hard for people to change their attraction, but by realizing that these attractions come from society and media portrayals we can see how certain races are valued in the gay community over others. The first step in overcoming the problem is recognizing it.
I never exclude anyone based on race, but I find most white men to be fairly ignorant on these issues and therefore incompatible with me. Living in communities and spaces where there is more QPOC representation has been eye opening for me and I find myself most attracted to other people of color--male and female.
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I had to google to find what QPOC means
It's basically impossible to change their attraction, and whoever trying to change one's attraction is just plain dumb.
But I see what you mean. It's true that media performs a huge role in defining the attractions/preferences.... whatever the word you use is (I'm not good at this). Not only race, but also other physical features also. 99% you see white muscular men with 6 packs and big ***** being praised to cloud 9, while others don't stand a chance to be exposed to the mass media. even worse, they become stereotype jokes
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Member Since: 12/2/2011
Posts: 52,765
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Quote:
Originally posted by LuLuDrops
My biggest insecurities come from the gay community actually.
I don't like the taste of alcohol so no drinking and I've always preferred hanging/dining out instead of clubs, but so far everyone I met acts like if I'm the only one in the world who does that.
Then there's my gay uncle who takes it upon himself to give me advice I never asked for and says I'm living in a fairytale because I said I hope I find "the one" the first time. Happened with my parents, so why not me?
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I can strongly agree
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Member Since: 3/21/2010
Posts: 19,112
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Quote:
Originally posted by VodkaOn
I
I feel like the gay community from the inside is filled with a lot of self hate, drug and alcohol abuse, racism, privilege and body image issues. I feel like the younger generation should have better gay role models.
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is really funny, because the other day me and my best friend were having this SAME exact conversation. When you go out to gay clubs, drug abuse, and alcoholism are huge. Its sad, because I feel its like late 70s, early 80s club days when drug use was huge. its a shame really. of course not all gay clubs have these problems, but I have to have noticed this inside of our community. The problem with me, is how are we as a community going to grow and thrive when lots of the members are huge drug abusers and alcoholics. With this new generation, they were taught that the gay community has open arms to you, and there is all this support, when in reality, once your inside, youre sterotyped and out casted on your looks, acts, and feelings, just like you were outside of the community.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bdawg
is really funny, because the other day me and my best friend were having this SAME exact conversation. When you go out to gay clubs, drug abuse, and alcoholism are huge. Its sad, because I feel its like late 70s, early 80s club days when drug use was huge. its a shame really. of course not all gay clubs have these problems, but I have to have noticed this inside of our community. The problem with me, is how are we as a community going to grow and thrive when lots of the members are huge drug abusers and alcoholics. With this new generation, they were taught that the gay community has open arms to you, and there is all this support, when in reality, once your inside, youre sterotyped and out casted on your looks, acts, and feelings, just like you were outside of the community.
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not just the gay community, the whole society is a big addiction mess. how many people are there sober? I swear I'm probably the only one in college who don't smoke or use drugs
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Member Since: 8/22/2011
Posts: 9,429
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Quote:
Originally posted by getback
not just the gay community, the whole society is a big addiction mess. how many people are there sober? I swear I'm probably the only one in college who don't smoke or use drugs
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I don't even have a problem with smoking weed or drinking, but a lot take it way farther than necessary and too often. I don't like to be prudish or judgmental because I have skeletons and do stupid things, but after a while with some it's like come on now
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Member Since: 3/21/2010
Posts: 19,112
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Quote:
Originally posted by getback
not just the gay community, the whole society is a big addiction mess. how many people are there sober? I swear I'm probably the only one in college who don't smoke or use drugs
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well, when you look at it that way.. I feel the same though, I feel like everyone around me my age has fallen in addiction land.
Quote:
Originally posted by Gangsta4alife
I don't even have a problem with smoking weed or drinking, but a lot take it way farther than necessary and too often. I don't like to be prudish or judgmental because I have skeletons and do stupid things, but after a while with some it's like come on now
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So true. I too, have no problem with people drinking or smoking weed, as long as its done the smart way, you know? like im all for people to go out, be young, and have fun drinking.. but when its get to the point that you lay around all day and party all night all the time and aren't doing anything with your life, its a problem.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bdawg
well, when you look at it that way.. I feel the same though, I feel like everyone around me my age has fallen in addiction land.
So true. I too, have no problem with people drinking or smoking weed, as long as its done the smart way, you know? like im all for people to go out, be young, and have fun drinking.. but when its get to the point that you lay around all day and party all night all the time and aren't doing anything with your life, its a problem.
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My point is that I'm okay with people smoking or drinking, it's their own problem if they want to die sooner (I drink occasionally too ) but they act like you HAVE TO drink and use drugs and party and **** in order to make friends some people, like me, just don't like that, and they ended up being left out of the scene
EDIT
just saw this on Facebook. this is just sad
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Member Since: 4/13/2012
Posts: 3,421
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the smallness of the gay community in every city and the fact that none of the hot guys want to date, just hook up with everyone... Everyone knows and has done it with everyone, even in bigger cities. It's ridiculous.
Also the ideals about what is an "attractive" guy and the whole thing with using words like "twinks" and "bears". I personally wouldn't classify my type as either of those, I like young not very hairy guys that are kind of muscular but also kind of chubby, just kind of beefy is the word for it I guess. But every gay man wants to be cut and have six pack abs and I'm not about it on other guys... AT all.
I HATE abs. They look unnatural to me.
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 32,106
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Quote:
Originally posted by iseeyouupsidedown
the smallness of the gay community in every city and the fact that none of the hot guys want to date, just hook up with everyone... Everyone knows and has done it with everyone, even in bigger cities. It's ridiculous.
Also the ideals about what is an "attractive" guy and the whole thing with using words like "twinks" and "bears". I personally wouldn't classify my type as either of those, I like young not very hairy guys that are kind of muscular but also kind of chubby, just kind of beefy is the word for it I guess. But every gay man wants to be cut and have six pack abs and I'm not about it on other guys... AT all.
I HATE abs. They look unnatural to me.
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Sort of my type too!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 18,667
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I think the biggest issue with being gay is finding a partner that you can trust, someone who's willing to be with you in a romantic nature. It's difficult especially if you're from a religious background. The views imposed upon by your parents in southern asian cultures can really affect you and make you feel alone. And most gay guys in south london are either closeted guys who are only really interested in sex nothing more.
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