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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 9
Member Since: 2/7/2014
Posts: 3,371
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Quote:
Originally posted by ausdaniel
omg just link me, i really cbf hahah
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honestly I don't wanna go searching, it was just something stupid Element said 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Can't wait for the results!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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IF results come tomorrow (Friday, May 20th) - which they might not - they'll come sometime around 12AM EST/11PM CST.
It all depends on what happens with me tomorrow since my roadtrip is wrapping up (sorta) and I'm meeting with my family that day, and when 8th gets his reviews done. I also have to do a **** ton of formatting and what not. I gave the judges until Saturday night to have entries finished, so we're running very ahead of schedule.
I'll let you all know more as soon as I can. Thanks!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Mess, i'll have to wait until tomorrow to review Ariana's album since its not up yet and I can't stay up that late. Edit: Is Focus not on the album? 
I'm excited for Jackson's reviews though!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,500
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Quote:
Ah, this is how you implement an unusual structure: you use it consistently.
Your concept is nice: I like the idea of a person pretending to be distant, yet having someone push through to them. (The tie-in to the glass you mentioned, which is both cold and transparent, is also a nice touch.)
Overall, you made no glaring missteps, and stuck with your concept and structuring. Good job.
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I was nervous for your thoughts after batch 1 so I'm glad you liked it  Also glad you liked the structure since I was trying something new.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by lovesong
Mess, i'll have to wait until tomorrow to review Ariana's album since its not up yet and I can't stay up that late. Edit: Is Focus not on the album?
I'm excited for Jackson's reviews though! |
It's only on the Japanese edition.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Quote:
Originally posted by UFO
It's only on the Japanese edition.
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Aww.
I'll tack it on to the end of the tracklist for my review and give it the 10 it deserves. 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 35,912
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1. intro - flop████████████████████████████▌
2.████████████████████████████▌
3. ████████████████████████████▌
4.████████████████████████████▌
5.████████████████████████████▌
wonderlust - SEA MAJESTY ████████████████████████████▌
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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When you're someone's number 1 but then they change their score
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Wanna serve up another "A Higher Power" this season tbh.
Are there any eliminations this round? What happens with the scores of this round?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Update: 5 more entries to judge, give me some time gurls Just trying to judge you as best as I can
Quote:
Originally posted by ausdaniel
Wanna serve up another "A Higher Power" this season tbh.
Are there any eliminations this round? What happens with the scores of this round?
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There are not. The R1 and R2 scores are being averaged and there will be a mass elimination similar to last season
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jackson
Update: 5 more entries to judge, give me some time gurls Just trying to judge you as best as I can
There are not. The R1 and R2 scores are being averaged and there will be a mass elimination similar to last season |
Amen.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Let me grab some tea and read through the other reviews, it's my favourite part 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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OK, reviews are done! While I format them here's a bit of tea: 3 of you would have made my last set of hints, with a song scoring a 7, one scoring an 8, and another scoring a 9. I also gave my lowest score of a 2 this batch. Overall I was more impressed with B3 than B1 and it was around the same level of B2. Stay tuned for reviews in about 5 minutes 
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Wait was I actually in Jackson's Top 10? Idk I saw my name in someone's Top 10 hints?? Or is it bottom 10? lol
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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BATCH THRΣΣ
Quote:
41. Vulnicura – The Vagrant
At face value, this reads well as an outro. I like how you chose to begin your song at the end of a story, and even by telling the end you can tell what happens in the beginning. I could feel the emotion in your song, but I felt like it would have been stronger with more unique imagery. This feels like a darker version of the Prodigal Son parable in the Bible, and had you been more descriptive in a less generic way or had you tied it in with a familiar story (it could fit in with a lot of ancient poems, epics, or scriptures) it would have been stronger. There were two awkward lines as well; the hound line which could have been worded better, and the last line. Especially for an outro having a week ending line is a bad sign and severely weakens your song. It is clear throughout the song that the vagrant is alone, and as I told fefe the word “alone” seems generic and weak without being coupled with a stronger concept. Last season you had some of the most original, thought provoking pieces of the season and I’d love to see you return to that style in the future. In addition, try to experiment with structure a bit more as this was fairly safe.
42. Musickid203 – Playboy Paul Interlude
It’s quite a rare thing to see a sexual song that can be both subtle and erotic, but I think you pulled it off rather well. The most innovative and interesting lines were “this cherry bomb is ready and set/to live fantasies we spoke on text” and “you’re everyone’ right hand and center of view/is it a hoax to believe we can come true”. Your language was incredibly descriptive and metaphoric which worked well with the subject matter, and the song still made sense throughout. Still, there were some problems with a good amount of the song. There were a few forced rhymes in feast/beast, and the way you rhymed up with itself. There were quite a few clichés as well, from “the cage is broken” to “tame this beast”. Your meter was tight and the song flowed well, even if it was a bit vanilla. It’s obvious you have the basics of songwriting down, so I’d love to see you experiment with a more creative flow next week and use some more original imagery.
43. Speezy – You Run, I Run
I’ll start with the most glaring issue. “This is what your love do”, which appears to be the center of the piece, is worded strangely and grammatically incorrectly. Because of this it distracts from the rest of the song. The entire first verse is filled with cliché after cliché and forced rhymes. I don’t even need to quote any specific part because it’s literally the entire verse. The rest of the song is pretty basic pop writing. It works but only on a rhythmic level and doesn’t really give much of an emotional experience. I didn’t like the M16/machine rhyme either. You did have an interesting and unique concept and spin on the classic love song. You had pretty good flow throughout as well. Remember to focus more on the actual lyrical content of your song, as it seemed like most of this was just trying to fit the meter you set.
44. Colton Haynes – End of Me
“I can hear the commotion, but none of the words makes sense” basically sums up your entry, including the line I quoted because words do or don’t “make” sense, not “makes”. There was an egregious amount of clichés in here, from “pounding drums” to “want to be free” to you literally taking a line out of a Maroon 5 song. A lot of the empowerment here felt corny and overused, and although it was meant to be empowering it didn’t feel personal or emotional. I do have to commend you on having the most interesting rhyme scheme and meter this round, though. The ABCDABCD rhyme scheme of the first verse mixed with your unique flow made the song fun to read as long as I ignored the generic lyrics.
45. Obsession – Act of Contrition
Obsession sis  . From the description of your song I was already drawn in. Even for all the gay themed songs I’ve read judging this game I’ve never read one quite like this. It represents the reality of a lot of people, and even though I’m sure you’ve never been in this situation it feels as though you have. The remorse and feeling of self-hate here is almost tangible. The only part I didn’t like was “scrub away his touch” and the touch/much rhyme. The stressing in those two lines also feels off and awkward. I love how this almost feels like a Bible verse in tone and language, but it also feels very modern. Also, as I told another contestant, scars is almost always a forced rhyme and comes off as awkward. The entire second and third stanzas snatched me, so great job. Just be careful of awkward rhymes next round!
46. C/H/A/N/E/L – Welcome to Darkness
I felt like this was dark for the sake of being dark. There really wasn’t a lot of substance here, and I’m still not sure what the point of the intro was other than being creepy (and that instrumental was NOT the tea at 1AM with the lights off  ). The meter was fine but it felt fairly elementary, and a more unpredictable one could have benefitted you and fit the sinister tone better. Since you mentioned expanding upon this as the season goes on, I really hope you move from pure dark imagery to more hopeful songs as the end of the intro suggests. Also a little thing, "cuz" doesn't really fit the mood of your song. Cause would have fit better.
47. lovesong – Through the Maze
For someone that’s lived in 4 different places in the past year, the first stanza really hit home to me. I loved how simplistic the language was here. There was nothing unnecessary and it was straight to the point, yet your point came through extremely clear and I felt a lot of emotion in your song. I’d advise against using longer, clunkier words as end rhymes such as conversation and fabrications, as they appear contrived in relation to the rest of the song. Although I loved the maze/made line, the flow of the song was disrupted a bit in the way you worded them. I feel like the meaning of those two could have been communicated in a way that was a little more concise. The last stanza of the song was by far the highlight and most powerful section. “I’m not where I thought/I don’t know what I’m looking for/I’m not who I thought” is so simple yet so beautiful, and connected deeply with me, as I’m sure it would anyone that is going through something similar.
48. Lucky#17 – Waiting…
The first thing I thought while reading this was “this is so long for an interlude’. In reality, although it was a bit longer than many entries, it was mostly the structure of your song that made it both difficult to read and interrupted the flow of the song. The same lines could have been communicated both more concisely and in better fashion to suit the audience. The meter in the first part of the song feels messy and out of place as well. Overall it felt like a fairly straightforward sexual song. It was passably descriptive, but none of the imagery you used was particularly captivating or striking. I enjoyed the spoken part of the song, but as I said before it should have been structured differently. To change the structure of my favorite part, “So let’s have this rendezvous/All we gotta do is get naked/No expertise is necessary” would have flowed and read much better. I also think “Me on You” is a better title for this, but that’s just a personal preference 
49. Alesus – Weeping Willow
The song kind of started off on the wrong foot for me. The first verse all seemed pretty familiar, from the gun to the pills. It just seemed like generic imagery to set up a dark, self-depreciating mood. This continued into the second stanza, although I did find the “blood in my dreams” line to be quite clever. Fortunately, the chorus was much better. “While others cry for love, I cry out for peace/They cry for those they’ve lost, but I cry for me” was both original and fantastically emotive. I enjoyed how you played into the concept of the weeping willow by communicating with it in the song and asking why it weeps. I almost wish you had stopped the song there, because the bridge seemed filler and contained the forced badly/gladly rhyme and ended in a PH cliché cry for death.
50. URBAN – The New-New Me
To get the petty grammar nazi thing out of the way, it’s whose, not who’s. Whose is the possessive form of who, while who’s refers only to the abbreviation of who is/has. I know that distinction is breaking down in English grammar but it’s still a no no (or a new-new  ). I didn’t really like the concept of the title. Although I get that it’s almost like a second reinvention, it could have been communicated more eloquently. “Proud and running free” feels so generic and familiar. This song should be anthemic, but it feels more generic to me than anything.
51. Ventitonic – Self-Closure
The majority of this entry felt extremely contrived, as if you were throwing in big words for the sake of appearing intelligent. And when you paired words like “incandescent” with slang like “meant ‘em” it feels sloppy and uneven. The “willing” line felt bloated with its multiple 4+ syllable words as well. This feels like such an odd entry, as parts of it feel very euphorian and advanced, while others hardly rise above a forced rhyme (say and blame). The rhyme scheme as a whole was all over the place, and ending the song on a line about showers felt out of place, as did the whole “took… into” sentence format.
52. Element – Limelight
Everything about this was fairly mediocre. The concept wasn’t incredibly original, and neither was the imagery. I definitely caught the Ellie “sample” with “holding on for my life” (whether it was taken from Ellie or not, it was cliché). I’m not sure exactly what “thread of green” will get you high, and I’m not quite certain wither you’re referring to spring grass or getting stoned in the springtime. If the former, your wording was imprecise, and if the latter it feels out of place in the song. You did have good meter, and the flow of the song felt free from any rigidity and fit the concept well.
53. DevonRoars – Pandorum
The flow of the first two lines feels uneven. This was one of the shortest entries this week, but I feel like you still managed to communicate your message well and I didn’t necessarily feel the need for the song to be longer, so that in itself is a feat. I didn’t like the colors/other rhyme, and although the words “pretty colors” fit with the childlike nature of the song, you probably could have picked a better way to word it. I enjoyed the end of the song. “I see the world for what it is” is a powerful line.
54. Midnight – Untitled
You had a really solid concept here, but you didn’t really follow through with the execution. The phones/drones rhyme was incredibly cringe worthy, as was Rome/foam/comb. A lot of the song simply didn’t make sense, such as “hometown voices gently sing/recurring penalty”. I can definitely see what you were going for with this song but it didn’t feel very authentic for me. Next week make sure you have someone look over your song to point out the more glaring errors before you send the song in. Remember to narrate your own song instead of letting your rhyme schemed do it for you, and you may see a storyline start to develop.
55. Pecinta Mariah – Song of Soul
I wanted this entry to be longer. This felt like a soliloquy, and there really wasn’t enough time for you to really develop the thoughts going on here effectively. You never really explained what this “song without words” was referring to, instead just describing it as something that cannot be described. While interesting in concept, it doesn’t really translate to a song that must be judged. I did really enjoy the imagery in the last stanza, especially “On the surface of this calm lake/Where I will plunge myself to” (even though “into” would have fit the flow better  ).
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Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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I thought I wrote "Where I will plunge myself into" instead of "myself to"
sorry for the typo , I typed my lyrics directly from my mobile phone. It was rushed, Rainbow teas.
but thanks to all the judges for the feedback!
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Judging from comments, I'm either second to lovesong or Obsession. Leaning more towards lovesong since he got a Top 10 placement in Temporal's too. Happy for y'all, either way! I haven't seen Obsession's so idk what I'm competing against on that front. 
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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