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Discussion: Being gay - the hardest thing?
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 7,779
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Quote:
Originally posted by VyktorJonas
my worst thing I think it's cause I'm versatile and I'm short, I hate that, I'm like 5'7" or something
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Don't hate that! I LOVE it actually! I LOVE short guys..I'm 6 ft tall, so I want a short guy
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 7,499
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ummm your parents and family not accepting you i think trumps all these little issues. if you dont have like the support of your family how are you ever supposed to develop confidence and strength as a person without some type of struggle?
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Member Since: 3/7/2012
Posts: 2,113
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- The fact that once you've come out, people see you differently - no matter what they say. I also feel like I'm treated differently.
- The stereotypes gets me the most. People have this misconception that gay people are extremely promiscuous and very sexually driven... NOT true. I haven't had a one night stand in my life and I will only have a sexual relationship with someone if we're in an emotional relationship and if I (and they!) feel committed.
- I'm not overly feminine, but I do take pride in my appearance. The amount of nasty things I've had said to me in College and in nightclubs because of the way I look. How the hell does sexuality define your appearance.
- The worst one, it seems very hard to find another gay person who is like me. I'm very romantic, sensitive and I crave a loving relationship. I feel like heartache is a big problem (I suppose it's a universal thing, but I feel it's emphasized for gay people as gay relationships are more difficult anyway).
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13
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I have a bit different story to tell than most people, and I consider myself extremely lucky because my mother and family accept me, and I live in L.A. which is pretty much as liberal as America can get.
While I do empathize with people who have a much more direct struggle like their families not accepting them or internalized homophobia, I think the hardest thing about being gay is being placed in a socio-political bubble of who you are and what you are supposed to be in order to fit into the community. I feel like the gay community from the inside is filled with a lot of self hate, drug and alcohol abuse, racism, privilege and body image issues. I feel like the younger generation should have better gay role models. I know the entire community is not bad, but it could be better. I have talked to guys my age (18-21) who decided to join and move into gay communities such as WeHo only to be disappointed in the way they felt excluded because they didnt look or act a certain way, and either lose themselves trying to be something theyre not, or feel even more alone because theyre excluded from the gay community which they should be a part of.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 18,655
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Quote:
Originally posted by bijonse
ummm your parents and family not accepting you i think trumps all these little issues. if you dont have like the support of your family how are you ever supposed to develop confidence and strength as a person without some type of struggle?
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Your patents accepting you is no where near as worse as you not accepting yourself....learning to accept yourself is probably the hardest thing...for some anyway
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by VyktorJonas
my worst thing I think it's cause I'm versatile and I'm short, I hate that, I'm like 5'7" or something
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that's not even short, that's average
and if your hardest thing to face is your height, your life must be easier than 99% of the population
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Member Since: 3/7/2012
Posts: 2,113
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I will openly admit I hate being gay. I would give anything ti change myself. The misery being gay has caused me is just ridiculous.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 14,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by BeyNavi
Your patents accepting you is no where near as worse as you not accepting yourself....learning to accept yourself is probably the hardest thing...for some anyway
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Thankfully i never questioned myself since i was like 11 or 12 i kinda knew i was gay and i never even had a problem accepting myself
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by VodkaOn
I have a bit different story to tell than most people, and I consider myself extremely lucky because my mother and family accept me, and I live in L.A. which is pretty much as liberal as America can get.
While I do empathize with people who have a much more direct struggle like their families not accepting them or internalized homophobia, I think the hardest thing about being gay is being placed in a socio-political bubble of who you are and what you are supposed to be in order to fit into the community. I feel like the gay community from the inside is filled with a lot of self hate, drug and alcohol abuse, racism, privilege and body image issues. I feel like the younger generation should have better gay role models. I know the entire community is not bad, but it could be better. I have talked to guys my age (18-21) who decided to join and move into gay communities such as WeHo only to be disappointed in the way they felt excluded because they didnt look or act a certain way, and either lose themselves trying to be something theyre not, or feel even more alone because theyre excluded from the gay community which they should be a part of.
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this tbh
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 553
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nup living in thrid worl countries with no access to clean water is. next
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by BlackStar_93
I will openly admit I hate being gay. I would give anything ti change myself. The misery being gay has caused me is just ridiculous.
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the self hate is real
if you still have problem with yourself being gay, your life will never get better.
when people around want to drag you down, you have to rise up. proves that you're not the kind of person they think you are
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 3,400
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For me, it boils down to my mother not supporting my lifestyle and having to hide this from my father. Family-wise, it is something that is going to be present day-in and day-out for as long as I am in contact with them. With friends, they are accepting, supportive, and all that but one thing that bothers me is that, solely for the fact that I am gay, I am sometimes not considered a "guy" and put into the "girl" category. It has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity, it is only because I am gay, so I must be girly because of the stereotypes that exist.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 7,779
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Quote:
Originally posted by BlackStar_93
I will openly admit I hate being gay. I would give anything ti change myself. The misery being gay has caused me is just ridiculous.
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I feel you
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 2,215
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*How limiting the dating pool is, most want just want to f*** and not get into a serious relationship.
*Coming out to Asian AND religious parents
*Holding hands in public
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 14,321
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My biggest insecurities come from the gay community actually.
I don't like the taste of alcohol so no drinking and I've always preferred hanging/dining out instead of clubs, but so far everyone I met acts like if I'm the only one in the world who does that.
Then there's my gay uncle who takes it upon himself to give me advice I never asked for and says I'm living in a fairytale because I said I hope I find "the one" the first time. Happened with my parents, so why not me?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 59,596
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I don't give a damn what the public thinks. I will hold hands, embrace, and kiss my boyfriend whenever and wherever I want - that does not phase me in anyway.
What DOES suck is that I'll never be able to have my grandparents or my dads side of the family's blessing. Me and boyfriend will never get invited to spend time with them. It's like they don't understand how much it hurts him to be denied by my family. Guess no other choice but to deny them.
It also sucked coming out. It changed how people acted towards me and made several people think that being gay was all who I was now. Being gay is 25% of who I am. Really.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 14,321
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Quote:
Originally posted by Meowster
I don't give a damn what the public thinks. I will hold hands, embrace, and kiss my boyfriend whenever and wherever I want - that does not phase me in anyway.
What DOES suck is that I'll never be able to have my grandparents or my dads side of the family's blessing. Me and boyfriend will never get invited to spend time with them. It's like they don't understand how much it hurts him to be denied by my family. Guess no other choice but to deny them.
It also sucked coming out. It changed how people acted towards me and made several people think that being gay was all who I was now. Being gay is 25% of who I am. Really.
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*hugs*
I talked to my therapist and she said as hard and sad as it is, it's better to stay away than be in bad company, family or not. You should never be exposed to so much negativity.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 59,596
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Quote:
Originally posted by LuLuDrops
*hugs*
I talked to my therapist and she said as hard and sad as it is, it's better to stay away than be in bad company, family or not. You should never be exposed to so much negativity.
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We are in good company sis. At least my moms side (and my dad himself) are extremely accepting and super sensitive to my feelings. Sometimes a little TOO sensitive.. but I'd much rather that than cold anger.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by LuLuDrops
My biggest insecurities come from the gay community actually.
I don't like the taste of alcohol so no drinking and I've always preferred hanging/dining out instead of clubs, but so far everyone I met acts like if I'm the only one in the world who does that.
Then there's my gay uncle who takes it upon himself to give me advice I never asked for and says I'm living in a fairytale because I said I hope I find "the one" the first time. Happened with my parents, so why not me?
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I feel this
My friends keep telling me that I have to go to the gay bars/clubs to find a boyfriend, but the problem is that I don't feel like I belong to places like that I'm the wallflower, I'd rather go to the museum or something like that
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Member Since: 3/6/2011
Posts: 4,948
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I thought this would be an interesting thing to discuss along the lines of what has already been talked about :
http://thenewgay.net/2010/11/everyon...acist-boy.html
I believe it's important to respect people's personal preferences when it comes to attraction, since it is, after all, something that can't be changed, but it's also important to realize that these preferences come from somewhere--a society that values certain physical qualities and bodies over others.
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