There are a lot of g*ys on this forum, this topic might be offensive to them!
I can't tell if you're kidding or not, but there's no need to censor the word gay.
Another thing that pisses me off, in school when someone calls something gay and the teacher tries to shut them up and be politically correct and say "You mean it's happy?" Like, I understand they have good intentions and all, but it's like they're acting like being gay doesn't exist. Like the word still only means happy, and that's just stupid. The longer that the word is taboo, the longer the struggle will be.
But see, that's not fair to say. Some black gays are lucky to be raised in black meccas, but I was raised and live in a VERY predominantly white state...93% white, .8% black.(Idaho).
I got on grindr yesterday after reading this thread to evaluate how bad my dependence on white men was and I found only 2 other black guys out of all the listings. However, one was 31 so there wouldn't be much we could relate on. Meaning I only had one other surefire option... and that's not taking into account looks, personality, and interests. Should I be relegated to only that one guy?
I don't think anyone is trying to guilt anyone else into doing anything. It's a legitimate concern. I think by bringing up the issue, we raise an awareness to the problem. And maybe even change people's whole perspective on dating interracially. It's no different than the process of changing a homophobes opinion on gay people. Or like how you say you were, at one point, exclusively attracted to white men yet somehow found your way out of that mentality. That's the kind of change we're hoping to achieve by presenting the problem plain and clear.
I can't tell if you're kidding or not, but there's no need to censor the word gay.
Another thing that pisses me off, in school when someone calls something gay and the teacher tries to shut them up and be politically correct and say "You mean it's happy?" Like, I understand they have good intentions and all, but it's like they're acting like being gay doesn't exist. Like the word still only means happy, and that's just stupid. The longer that the word is taboo, the longer the struggle will be.
when i outed myself back when i was 14 years old, my world fell completely apart. i was living in a little town and i felt like i am ****, everybody treated me like ****. now years later, i'm living in a city, have friends that care about me a lot and never had any weird or bad conversations about being gay. i didn't get attacked since i moved.
my problem: stereotypes
of course, in a bottom's sexual fantasy, he wants a top who's a little bit dominant but also passionate, romantic. so i was reading every page of this thread and some self-descriptions of you people here are so sweet. you deserve to have somebody who loves you. either you're power-bottom that is sensual and jealous or you are the hot top guy who doesn't care about anything. and i hate that.
written by myself who will celebrate new years eve in a few hours without a guy who's gonna be there for a kiss. it's cheesy, i know.
i just wish that there would be a bigger mix of gay people...sometimes, it feels like people fit themselves into a category they don't really want but they do it because somehow, the 'gay society' tells you so...
- Growing up in the church. Having to deal with 'passive aggressive' friends who smile in your face & then post anti-gay Facebook statuses.
- Gay jokes get so stale. My brother turned to me the other day & said "Hey, no homo, but this Jimmy John's mayonnaise is SO good!"
- Being a part of a right wing, super conservative family who are nice & supportive, but don't "agree with my lifestyle"... as if being gay completely sums up my lifestyle...
- Opinions from straight people on how easy/hard it is to be gay. Being lumped in with "traditional" gay stereotypes.
- Believing in monogamous, long-term relationships when it seems like every guy around you is only interested in having quick sex with the next hot guy. Gay men can be really cold & calculated, or at least my first bf was.
- (continued from that)... The idea that I'll have to be with several guys before I find the right match... or even worse, never finding something long-term & being one of those lonely older gay men desperate for a date. It's so scary.
- Being the awkward elephant in the room with all of this political mess lately.
- The dog-eat-dog atmosphere of the gay community at times. Everything feels like a competition sometimes... to have the best body, the most money, the most awards, etc... It can be draining.
I think I have a lot that I need to work through, probably just as a result of my family/my religious upbringing/what I've experienced so far, etc. Deep down, all I really want is love in a committed relationship. And that's the hardest part of "love" for everyone, I think... but I also think it's much harder for a gay man to find that.
everything you said, i can totally relate to that.
But see, that's not fair to say. Some black gays are lucky to be raised in black meccas, but I was raised and live in a VERY predominantly white state...93% white, .8% black.(Idaho).
I got on grindr yesterday after reading this thread to evaluate how bad my dependence on white men was and I found only 2 other black guys out of all the listings. However, one was 31 so there wouldn't be much we could relate on. Meaning I only had one other surefire option... and that's not taking into account looks, personality, and interests. Should I be relegated to only that one guy?
I don't think anyone is trying to guilt anyone else into doing anything. It's a legitimate concern. I think by bringing up the issue, we raise an awareness to the problem. And maybe even change people's whole perspective on dating interracially. It's no different than the process of changing a homophobes opinion on gay people. Or like how you say you were, at one point, exclusively attracted to white men yet somehow found your way out of that mentality. That's the kind of change we're hoping to achieve by presenting the problem plain and clear.
I get what you're saying, and you're right. I meant to say only that minorities gays, in my experience, seem to have this obsession with getting white men to like them, wasting time wanting someone who doesn't want us. The point you brought up about minorities rejecting our own doesn't seem to be mentioned much, just the fact that most white gays don't like us.
If we were straight, I don't think this would be a problem, since women are less likely to be obsessed with looks as men are, but since men are visual and want beautiful and since society puts white people up as beautiful, we minorities gays are pretty much screwed. I'm not obsessed with straight guys, just jealous. All those numbers in their phones and most of them treat the girls like crap. And we gays have trouble finding just one guy who's gay or whatever.
when i outed myself back when i was 14 years old, my world fell completely apart. i was living in a little town and i felt like i am ****, everybody treated me like ****. now years later, i'm living in a city, have friends that care about me a lot and never had any weird or bad conversations about being gay. i didn't get attacked since i moved.
my problem: stereotypes
of course, in a bottom's sexual fantasy, he wants a top who's a little bit dominant but also passionate, romantic. so i was reading every page of this thread and some self-descriptions of you people here are so sweet. you deserve to have somebody who loves you. either you're power-bottom that is sensual and jealous or you are the hot top guy who doesn't care about anything. and i hate that.
written by myself who will celebrate new years eve in a few hours without a guy who's gonna be there for a kiss. it's cheesy, i know.
i just wish that there would be a bigger mix of gay people...sometimes, it feels like people fit themselves into a category they don't really want but they do it because somehow, the 'gay society' tells you so...
I feel this, think it's spot on but some gay people may call you hetereonormative (even tho it makes no sense lol)
Perhaps the hardest thing is being on the fringe of an established gay community. I was under the intention that come college, I'd encounter a slew of people whom have the same struggles I do. Someone I can relate to at a much deeper and personal level. I don't really conform to gay stereotypes, or so I believe myself, and—for the time being—living in the heart of the Bible Belt only exacerbates the issues. And admittedly, the lack of belonging which leaves me unfulfilled sometimes takes a toll on me. It is difficult, I will not lie. It's really why my ex and I are still best friends after breaking up some months ago, because even though I have a wonderful support system, he is bisexual and at the end of the day, there will always be that visceral, fiery connection between us that I can never have with a straight person.
Also the additional burden of being a double minority.
In my opinion, being gay isn't the hardest thing, being bi (which I am) is. When you're gay people don't react to you the way they do bisexuals. With bisexuals, you have people on both sides that look at you as if you don't belong. Both gay and straight people think that because someone is bi that that means that we're just a group of sex crazed people who just what to have to sex with everyone and that's obviously not true. Then there's the idiots who ridicule us for being bi by saying it's not possible to like both sexes equally when quite frankly i do. Being bi, I'm able to see everyone the same, as they are. Something not everyone can do. Everything gays get, bisexuals get too plus a little more. I just really hate when people say that you have to be one way or the other when it's not that simple. I wish it was but it's not.
Today i was at my family's new years dinner and there were a lot of babies and i just though i was never going to have that even though i don't even like kids and when my parents ask me how many kids will i have i just say i don't know and they don't even know am gay (thinking of doing it before i turn 18 in may) and i just feel like they'll won't treat me the same and they'll be disappointed in me
And i'm not scared of coming out to my mom because she has told both me and my brother that it doesnt matter if we're gay in front of other family members and my dad isn't homophobic but i feel like he won't look at me the same way
But yeah for me so far from the narnia perspective the hardest thing to do is coming out to your family and it's even worst when they're homophobic
Today i was at my family's new years dinner and there were a lot of babies and i just though i was never going to have that even though i don't even like kids and when my parents ask me how many kids will i have i just say i don't know and they don't even know am gay (thinking of doing it before i turn 18 in may) and i just feel like they'll won't treat me the same and they'll be disappointed in me
And i'm not scared of coming out to my mom because she has told both me and my brother that it doesnt matter if we're gay in front of other family members and my dad isn't homophobic but i feel like he won't look at me the same way
But yeah for me so far from the narnia perspective the hardest thing to do is coming out to your family and it's even worst when they're homophobic
at least you know they won't kick u out of the house that's better than many people
The fact that it's necessary to have to come out to your friends and family. If society didn't make being gay such a big deal we wouldn't feel so discriminated against and we'd be more comfortable and confident.
The fact that it's necessary to have to come out to your friends and family. If society didn't make being gay such a big deal we wouldn't feel so discriminated against and we'd be more comfortable and confident.
In all honesty as a gay person you should be ashamed to invalidate someones personal struggles. Then again if all you're into is white guys it would be hard for you to see the picture due to your own bias.
This is why queer people of color get annoyed every time the subject of race gets brought up they get shut down and told how they don't know what they're talking about. An outsider looking in telling someone else they're wrong is a big part in why positive changes aren't being made.
Hate to break it to you but other white gay men themselves will tell you how there is a race totem poll in the LGBT community. Whites are at the very top and asians and blacks are the bottom you also have gay men of color who feed into the standard of beauty and only want white men especially gay asian males even though a good percent of gay white males aren't here for them.
Features have nothing to do with it you can be the most attractive black/asian man out there but you will get ignored for a slightly less attractive white guy because they are white.
Asian guys are afraid to message other men because they're afraid of being turned down for being asian (which happens alot) asians have a stigma of being twinks and small penises (I can tell you from personal experience that it isn't true)
Queer POC get stereotyped daily as either aggressive in bed (black men) or horny all the time (latin men)
You get pigeonholed into a box. Gay asians and gay black men are the least replied to on dating sites and even trying to talk to them on a platonic level you will get ignored.
And not just by white guys you will get ignored by other queers of color who are stuck on the white is right mentality.
So before trying to shut someone down as wrong why not ask why that is instead of assuming something you have no idea what is going on. We can all learn from each other.
Having to deal with 'passive aggressive' friends who smile in your face & then post anti-gay Facebook statuses. 
Gay men can be really cold & calculated, or at least my first bf was. 
that's better than many people 
