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Tournament: 💎 DIAMOND HIT 💎
Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 6,659
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Quote:
Originally posted by PhreshDiamond
Shouldn't you be busy sending the judging panel, long lost friends PM's to help you stay in
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aciid
Citrus is playing? Didn't he just win? I thought he couldn't host drag race? Fishy.
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Looks like he got his priorities straight!
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Member Since: 3/27/2012
Posts: 27,951
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aciid
Citrus is playing? Didn't he just win? I thought he couldn't host drag race? Fishy.
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This game will take anyone for hits :0
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aciid
Citrus is playing? Didn't he just win? I thought he couldn't host drag race? Fishy.
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 15,907
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Where ya go citrus sissy
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aciid
Are you that fake pokemonster Abyss used to bring to the chat?
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I'm sorry, who are you?
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 15,907
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Quote:
Originally posted by MattyTacos
I'm sorry, who are you?
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Quote:
Hey what’s your name isn’t Pauline? Shouldn’t you be at your job dear?
Churning out all that vanilla cuisine, while me and my crew pioneer.
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My song, its impact.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aciid
Citrus is playing? Didn't he just win? I thought he couldn't host drag race? Fishy.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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Quote:
Originally posted by Corsola
Idk her its my first season sis
ps. we haven't talked in over a year teach me how to write
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How is life
Quote:
Originally posted by Aciid
Citrus is playing? Didn't he just win? I thought he couldn't host drag race? Fishy.
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I decided to join 10 minutes before the deadline because I was bored while writing a paper. Who knows when I'll drop out.
Quote:
Originally posted by PhreshDiamond
Shouldn't you be busy sending the judging panel, long lost friends PM's to help you stay in
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Shouldn't you be busy cleaning the shite off the Weezing plushie you use as a butt plug
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 15,907
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Citrus fleeing the thread faster than the viewers did on her drag race season.
edit: oop here she is
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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Call me when you can make it past the applications in Drag Race
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 15,907
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I never applied but ok. weerk.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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Because you know your place
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Poor phresh, ha only iconic thing is this thread already being overshadowed by this amazing gif
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Well anyway, I decimated you hos in my reviews.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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I still need to review these last two songs, fff
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 15,907
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gladion
Poor phresh, ha only iconic thing is this thread already being overshadowed by this amazing gif
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yet you still can't stop talking about me. #impact.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 14,949
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Quote:
Originally posted by MattyTacos
I'm sorry, who are you?
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It came off shady but I just wanted to know if you were cause I can't quite locate who that was. I think you are, that bitch who used to thirst for Shawn with him on showdown.
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 6,659
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gladion
Poor phresh, ha only iconic thing is this thread already being overshadowed by this amazing gif
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yw for posting it first
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Hugamari's Comments
Batch 3, Part 2
(thanks for the custom banner  )
TheCheetahwings – Saving Grace
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say] I really enjoyed the relative light-heartedness of this entry. You didn’t get lost in your metaphors and you have an obvious grasp on technical parts of writing, so the only thing I can really say, as far as criticism goes, is that it’s a bit forgettable – I don’t think I’ll remember this in like…2 rounds from now. Everything you have here is good, if not great, but not amazing. It’s going to get you a good placement on this challenge, but I’m left here wanting to see you really floor me. I believe in you!
OreGuy – Still Love
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say] Just from the first verse alone, I have some comments. “Their sounds are scary” was childish sounding. That’s not a problem in itself, but I take it from the theme of this entry, you’re not writing from a child’s perspective. Word choice has a lot with how you perceive the characters in a song or story. “I’m standing here with this / Umbrella and tears” I would avoid breaking your sentences up like that. “I’m standing here / With my umbrella and tears”, although it doesn’t fit the meter you made, is an example of breaking a sentence apart in a way that isn’t off-putting. (You could make your way work if you were singing it, but we don’t hear what you hear!) I also thought your use of “bliss” was there for rhyme’s sake, and other words would’ve taken its place better. There were a few examples like this spread throughout your entry, but since I focused on the first verse, that’s what I went with. You were also looking for “confessed”. I’m not sure if you sent your entry to anyone, but if not, it might help you in the future.
Dylobs – The Pretentious Song Title
Well, you might see yourself in that rose petal, but I see myself in this song. Yozakura says HI. No, but let me tell you about your song. I think the second verse is the highlight. It’s where it goes from art project to…art project that you don’t need to say “It’s art YOU DON’T HAVE TO UNDERSTAND IT!!!”, in other words, that’s when it felt like the purpose was exposed. If I had to give you a critique, it’d be that your entry felt particularly wordy for the Twitter challenge. You met the criteria for the challenge (albeit barely), and seeing as I know you’re actually low-key brilliant at writing concepts, it felt like a wasted opportunity from you. I liked this entry, but I feel like there was more to be done with it. I would’ve liked to see this entry later, and something that showcased your originality more, as far as structure and concepts go, here.
Gladion
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say] Alright, this song about king of pop Gladion, slay me! No, but seriously, this feels like another example of what I have always felt about your writing. You have such great ideas; your problem is executing them. This is one of the times you did it better, though, so kudos for that! Anyway, I want to give you a few examples of what I mean. The bridge is the biggest example. “Thinking about you gets me nowhere / But without you feels like a nightmare” YOU WERE ONE WORD AWAY FROM BRILLIANCE. Change thinking to dreaming, and wouldn’t you know it – a couplet that sums up your song perfectly AND hits hard. Something else is that in your verses and chorus, they have 5 lines, but you didn’t need them.  You could get your idea across just fine with 4, and it would’ve helped a lot with your word count. Going back to the bridge, though, you DID get it right with the first 2 lines. Even though it implies this guy doesn’t even exist, that would kind of be an amazing ass plot twist, and it was the standout line for me! It really shows me that the ideas are there.
OnikaSlays – False Awakening
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say] “Desire burning like a wildfire” delete this! Let me be serious now, I’m not going to tell you your entry was good or bad. It was typical. The best advice I can give you is to be more adventurous in theme, or try and think of more novel ways to convey a familiar theme. Obviously, no idea is a new one, but some are thought of more than others! That’s just something to keep in mind for later rounds, and maybe even anything you might write on your own ambition. For what you wrote specifically, using “in” twice in the first line was very off-putting, more so because it was the first line. A rough start. The second line was better, although it sounds a bit disgusting. Your use of tattered was redundant and only there to fill your rhyme scheme, and “beautiful disaster” is basically a cliché at this point. Don’t do it. I do like the concept of having a ‘false awakening’, but the way you executed it felt a bit tired, but it at least tells me you do have ideas!
UFO – Swimming Backwards
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say] Confusing. That’s a word I’d use to describe your entry. I feel iffy trying to critique anything because I do not know what you’re trying to convey here. I would’ve appreciated an explanation on this one, to be honest. (I know I’m a bit outspoken about how I don’t read those, but this is a special case.  ) I can’t really begin trying to describe what this is. Is it a dream journal? An acid trip? You had interesting imagery, but it doesn’t mean anything if I don’t know what it represents. I can try to give you a more helpful critique if you wouldn’t mind telling me what your goal was with this song, and what you tried to make it about.
Auburn – Feel (Interlude)
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say] I’m gonna keep an eye on you. You intrigued me with this entry, simply because I feel like you’re holding back from us. I see so much potential in this, and I really wish you’d done something other than an interlude, because I think it limited you in a needless way. You did well from a technical standpoint, and you sufficiently handled the challenge, but something about this just leaves me wanting something more, and I’m hoping that comes in the form of next week’s entry.
Xedretinz Lododnz – Raging Fire
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say] I think you could’ve omitted the (3x) part. That’s minor, but I’m starting with it anyway! What I find confusing is that I believe that this is metaphorical, but it feels too literal (although if this is literal, it’d slay for a Lord of the Rings soundtrack or something.) Some more specific things: DELETE “down/frown”, it’s too forced  “mind/humankind” are in the same boat. NOT ALL YOUR RHYMES WERE BAD, THOUGH. For instance, I liked “darker/power” even if their status as slant rhymes could be questioned, it felt more natural than most of your lines. You really could have done more with the bridge, or omitted it altogether. As it stands, it does literally nothing for your entry, and on this challenge, every word counts. You do have a fairly good grasp on the technical side, though, so I would try to have less forced rhymes and try not to sound so literal if you’re being metaphorical.
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