For a Thursday...
20 Videos Not Worth The Tape It's On
Not Included But In Reality Should Be Like #7 "Piece Of Me" by Britney Spears
I knew someone would try to find their home on the list and ta-da, Brit spins her way into annoying me some more by bitching about the same **** she always does and makes it for those who have been rendered deaf by her stupidity via X17.com. Seriously Britney, there's an easy way to avoid the paps: go away. And don't wear a topknot. Or take strange men to the potty, Or leave your blinds open. Or look like a trainwreck who bought new poodle hair. Very simple.
So, back to the actual countdown:
No. 20 "What Goes Around...Comes Around" by Justin Timberlake
I hate the damn song since it's 9 minutes too long for whatever his point is, so trying to a stylish movie video for it makes my teeth set on edge. Especially when you look sorely vacant and have zero appeal with Ms. Johansen.
No. 19 "Hump de Bump" by Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Seriously guys, why are we having a block party? No, seriously? Have we run out of all possible ideas for music videos that you just say **** it and come up some lameass nonsense. Hell, a homage to Scooby Doo would make more sense with the song (as it is) than this. Unless you support neighbors getting into rivalries over party-hosting.
No. 18 "Because Of You" by Reba McIntyre and Kelly Clarkson
Let me repeat: showing domestic abuse, even if set in the 1940s, is ******** and wrong. Seriously, is the only way to portray this song (which on its own is pretty before Reba raped it with her nose singing) by having someone getting the **** beat into them? If it's about family issues, why not show us something like Kels video, where there was NO abuse (close but none in the past) just absent parents. That makes more sense for the song. And no more Rihanna cuts on 40-year old women, plskthnks.
No. 17 "Amusement Park" by 50 Cent
Neon not so hot, even if you're using a park for an illusion for your bed. Like you're a good ****. All that neon, lack of other background sets, and videhos makes it just another lame boring and overall stupid rap video.
No. 16 "Stronger" by Kanye West
Meanwhile Kanye does the reverse and makes me blind. Yes, it's an homage to
Akira and Daft Punk Is Playing At Tokyo. But he also has Cassie in it and Cassie makes everything ******. And it's so dark I can't see **** besides the neon lettering or the reflections in Daft's helmets.
No. 15 "Got It From My Mama" by will.i.am
And then we have will setting the ideas of beauty back 50 years by ridiculing women's mamas. And then making a video soley based on bikinis, making the song sound worse as it's crap next to bikinis. Which, to me, means both are useless as entertainment.
No. 14 "She's Madonna" by Robbie Williams
Hairy Robbie in drag. Really, what else do you need to hear. Besides seeing Alexis Arquette mugging in the video.
No. 13 "From Yesterday" by 30 Seconds To Mars
Clocking in at 14 minutes, it's a pretty video if you can pry your eyes open. And ignore Jared Leto in The Crow makeup. I just don't understand what this video has to do with the song at all, besides getting to shoot in China. Which is fun but at 14 minutes we need a damn purpose. Hell, R.Kelly has politically correct terminology for those below 4'11", gay clergy, women with multiple names in his Trapped saga and I can figure that out easier than 30Sec.
No. 12 "What I've Done" by Linkin Park
If Bono was a size 0 and had an ass, he'd make WID, I suspect. Sure, it's about problems with the world...I think...but why the random assortment of clips from the Land of Suffering? Would it make a better point to pick a damn crisis and try focusing?
No. 11 "If Everyone Cared" by Nickelback
If "What I've Done" was manned by Canadian assholes.
No. 10 "Umbrella" by Rihanna
The coloring is way off! Be it in silver or orange, Rihanna looks good only when away from the setpieces and comanding water. The tech is iffy, the art direction is terrible and she cannot dance in fetish heels.
No. 9 "Whine Up" by Kat Deluna
So my hate (which died AFTER the video) is known, but the video is a riot in stupidity. Mostly in what they make her wear - formal sparkle shorts, snap-at-the-crotch jumpshuits - while trying to make her l0ook hot. Too bad, since she looks like she's ten and found her sister's "sexy" clothes and is playing Pusscat Dolls with her friends.
No. 8 "Wall To Wall" by Chris Brown
The dancing is herky-jerky, the video is a pale homage to "Thriller" and the final dance sequence set in the hall is far far FAR too empty to look anything other than amateurish. And Chris still looks 7, not like he's a playa to a bunch of vamp women who wouldn't look his way if he was just off the street.
No. 7 "Rockstar" by Nickelback
Taking the RHCP route is sad, even with celebs. Especially when the song is ass and needs to die.
No. 6 "The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani and Akon
Between the corporate sponsorship deals, seeing Akon for no good reason, watching Gwen play Rapunzel and having the Harajuku Girls return for no reason, this video was aggravating and overly gold. Tone the gold, lessen the sponsors, remove Akon and just maybe I can see without a glare of assholeishness blinding me.
No. 5 "Freakdum Dress" by Beyonce
In case you were wondering, Beyonce is still psychotic. And thinks men are dumb as bricks to be tricked by a ho dress. Sasha, we
KNOW it's a ho dress. That's what we call it, especially at a club. It doesn't win us, it makes us **** and run. And the low budget scheme is in full effect, from the no set to the fuggliest outfits Tina Knowles has ever made on poor defenseless underpaid dancers.
No. 4 "Easy" by Paula DeAnda
This is, as she says, so damn easy. Ho suspenders, microdresses, Wilmer Valderama, guys not wearng underwear with their looooooooooooow rise jeans, people thinking she and her cross-eyed faces is hot. Seriously, it's like a masterclass in what women desperate for a hit record should not do unless you want to be a pass around at the next Houston rap/r7B/whatever convention.
No. 3 "Give It To Me" by Timbaland, Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado
For a horribly produced, edited, mixed, fitted song it's only fair to make a "live" video for it using the same camcorders used in the Blair Witch Project. Look, just because Timba ***** gold doesn't mean he can make lame ass travelouge videos and expect me to shoot my wad in joy because he's done a great video.
No. 2 "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne
I don't care if it's supposed to be an upgrade on her talent. It's ****. It's a lot of ****, one becuase Avril is fug with a red wig. It's horrid because the punky rawk grrrl DANCES. IN HEELS. And it's crap because it suggest that women are bitches and when women fight, men win (tm Lina K from the SuperFromage 2007 special)! And when I quote a comment from a Jessica Simpson video bash, then clearly you suck.
No. 1 "Better Than Me" by Hinder
At least I know if I (or Britney) do a lot of meth off the stove, Hinder will play us to death. Sure, there's a message that cooking meth on a spoon is bad, but I still say the bigger message is Hinder is a **** band with greasy hair who needs to shower and can ruin life with one note. And then play at your funeral as a punishment for using drugs. Learn that lesson.