Christian Juan Zapata: C-section baby, who blessed planet Earth, the ecosystem and evolution itself, April 28th, 1989 in Brooklyn Hospital, New York.
From the moment the umbilical was clipped and the placenta gripped, his mother was able to see, if only for a second, beyond those protuding, pop-up book lips, a promise. It may have seemed ephemeral, and too mysterious to come to fruition but what she saw was...what would inevitably become...a MUSICOLOGO.
-"OH YES SHE DIIIIIID!"
At the impressionable age of eight years old...his first album...his own cherished CD to love forever-and-ever-and-always was bestowed upon him:
TRA...err... PLA...err...that's not it :-\
AHEM, JANET JACKSON's The Velvet Rope.
"NAH THE FIRST TWO WAS RIGHT YOU AINT HAD TO CROSS OUT SHEEEIT!"
Since then, the Chosen One has amassed over 200 albums in both compact disc and MP3 format, learned umpteen katrillion songs word-for-word, delved deeply into Spanish language music, and even flirted with songs by French, Brazilian and German musicians.
"PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE BITCH!"
And here I stand. Nineteen years in the game, and eight years into the new milennium, one foot planted on solid ground, the other aimlessly in mid-air with childish illusions and visions of l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-lollipops dancing in my head. Still, applaud my progress. I traversed the murky Shontelle swamps. I braved the blistering cold of Big-Ass-Nosed Bareilles. And although it was looking type greasy out there for a minute, I rappelled up the rocky ass ridges of Raven Symone's stomach. Bitch got a donk, but it's on the wrong side.
Still, I prevailed.
Just when I thought I'd made it, I looked up above me and I saw something that left my jaw agape, half in utter exasperation and the other half at what the **** my eyes were seeing. This rotund mass of monotone, faux-fashionista head with as many irrelevant reinventions as the Power Rangers past the 3rd season...towering over me was...
the forehead.
Undeterred, I decided to keep pursuing musical nirvana..and just when it was within my grasp...
a fivehead.
I started to get tight, I'll admit. :-/ The defeat and rage surging through me had almost shut me down, but I kept my head up and soldiered on...
that is....
until...
the sixhead.
,,,,.
At that point, I threw my **** down and said **** it. Ain't no use in chasing a receding hairline.
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100%A.
(noun): 1. an overall feeling of invicibility. 2. the new 69. 3. 2:31 into Kat DeLuna's song "Run the Show". 4. an culmination of the year as summarized by THE hundred best songs of 2008, English, Spanish, rock, rap, pop, hip hop, dance, electronic, country, metal, r&b, merengue, reggaeton and whatever the hell my #77 song is classified as. 5. A party being hosted in TWO places, ATRL, of course, and my just launched blog, www.d-antinicerocks.com[
B]6.[/B]trumping the odds when all is stacked against you.
And what better way to kick off this off than the new textbook definition of 100%A, than the following video and indisputably, the biggest milestone of the year 2008. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the President-Elect, Barack Hussein Obama.
The lists begin tomorrow...or shall I say later today kids. And don't forget...
The year of 2008 saw the resurgence of the actual music video, and provided a nice refreshing punch of "wake-the-****-up" that the industry had been missing a while. So sit back, relax and enjoy....
a jilted lover splatter gore!
Self inflicted gore!...
Gore in the form of gumballs! ... :ghost:
And....
perhaps,
THE BEST PERM OF THE YEAR!!! =-o
Here's the top 15 videos of 2008, palomones.
15. Brandy, "Long Distance"
By far, the coolest transition from black and white to color the world has witnessed since Dorothy did it back in Oz.
And yes, the civil rights movement and desegregation came in at a close second.
In all seriousness though, beautiful video all around.
14. Lloyd feat. Lil Wayne, "Girls Around the World"
The true wonder of this work of art is neither how the girls' eyes are blinding bright lights, nor the outerspace vibe conveyed in the video itself, if not, how homeboy managed to get away without one solitary product placement for, say an S-Curl or at least his local salon. Or even Ashanti, who took time off from the 3rd leg of her The Declaration world tour to flatiron this (too) pretty boy's naps. Regardless, this one deserves one big
OOOH CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILD!!!!
[ 13. Janet Jackson, "Rock Wit U"
The concept is gayer than Lance Bass monitoring a playdate between Clay Aiken and Ricky Martin's kid, but does it not make it all the more artsy? A clear throwback to the 80's and very much resembling the legendary film Party Monster, this was a shoo-in to this party, even if Janet couldn't exactly fit through the doorway.
12. Kanye West feat. Dwele, "Flashing Lights"
The concept of the video was lost upon simpletons who loved Rihanna's "Disturbia" clip (), but went over my head it did not (). One of the most intriguing things to come outta hip hop this year.
11. Ciara feat. T-Pain, "Go Girl"
Super C gets Robo-C on our asses, with this kinetic, futuristic vid for the song that may or may have not, singlehandedly annihilated her career. Even if, the highlight of her videography, and the best thing this decade's answer to Janet has yielded.
10. Britney Spears, "Womanizer"
You know the story...girl gets fame, fame ruins girl, girl gets her revenge by castrating any and every naysayer that had her out for the count. Iguanna be damned, the video that will cement Brit-Brit's spot as the Queen of Pop.
Oh, and bitch's body!
9. Disturbed, "Inside the Fire"
Oooh! Testosterone-driven 'roid rock and suicide! A bloody match made in heav...hell.
8. Ashlee Simpson, "Outta My Head"
Jew schnoz long gone, Ashlee Simpson gets pretty. Pretty damn weird. Rubiks Cubes, Gulliver's Travels and hidden pictures of Pete Wentz' dick! Nah, just playing on the last one.
7. Santogold, "L.E.S. Artistes"
Any explanation I could deliver can NOT possibly substiute for you drawing your own conclusions. ODD.
6. Erykah Badu, "Honey"
The 2nd most bat-**** crazy woman in neo-soul (out of all two there are?!) makes her return to scene, popping up on the covers of some of the most defining albums of all-time. LFRR @ Riding My Hip. BTW, DO support your local mom & pop record stores and save them from extinction.
5. Ashanti, "The Way That I Love You"
Upon finding out the man she murdered in this vid was also the human representation of her career, Ashanti was pissed. :scary:
The kings of geek-rock return with this, a moving yearbook of the First Graduating Class of YouTube. So nice to see Chris Crocker, Tay Zonday, Kelly (!) in one place, and if you blink, you might miss, my favorite, Charlie the Unicorn in this spectacular vid.
Who'dathunk anything having to do with the Vocalizer of Music would be this visually appealing?! The most pleasant suprise this year.
2. Gnarls Barkley, "Who's Gonna Save My Soul?"
****ING. BEAUTIFUL. There is no way for me to explain this video without ruining it for you, so just watch, Kleenex at your disposal. Just WOW.
1. Hot Chip, "Ready for the Floor"
Once again, unexplainable. Not out of consideration for your stupid ass, so much as I have no clue of how I go about explaining THAT. Visual ****fest, all in all, and you'll agree with me and my claim of this being VIDEO OF THE YEAR.
And if not, surely you can find your way the **** out my blog.
#1- IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII put you onto that Long Distance Brandy video.... that day @ the McDonalds while you were chowing down ur lard breakfast & said it had to "grow on you" or you had to "see it again" GAG
#1- IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII put you onto that Long Distance Brandy video.... that day @ the McDonalds while you were chowing down ur lard breakfast & said it had to "grow on you" or you had to "see it again" GAG
#2- why isnt it higher up on the countdown?!?!??!
#3- ARG
LFRRRR. When considering the other 14 vids on the countdown, LD ain't ****. you prolly didnt even watch some of the ones you didn't know. STAN
AND BY THE WAY, THATS WHY I MADE YOU JUNIOR EDITOR ON MY BLOG FOR ****S SAKE, REORDER THEM THERE FOO.
.
), but went over my head it did not (
). One of the most intriguing things to come outta hip hop this year.
Even if, the highlight of her videography, and the best thing this decade's answer to Janet has yielded.
