Well after I took a long shower and let myself calm down...I decided to post my feeling out on Myspace. Here is my Myspace blog.
Quote:
Lately I'm been depressed. I think it's because of lack of friends. Like just in the past two hours I've cried three times. The last time was bad. I had tears down my face. One thing to know though...
I don't call other people to hang out with. It's just not me. I usually wait for people to call me before doing anything.
And 2nd of all...just because I'm depressed doesn't mean you have to worry. I won't kill myself or anything. I'm not like that. Thanks to Xena/Hercules they taught me so much about life. Which is why I'm such a kind hearted person to the heart even though I don't show it. If it wasn't for that show...would I be dead now? I don't know. I think this show has touched me in my heart.
Firstly...I cried big time last night because well it wasn't because of my no friends life but more because of...Why is there no Xena Movie yet? Incomplete by Backstreet Boys...the lyrics and the whole song fits the ending of the show and I happened to cry. And someone made a music video for the show along with the song. But enough about that....I'm just saying....(If you saw the way the show ended and followed the series you would understand).
I feel like I am pushing my mother away. I was listening to music and I was feeling kind of low and she came in and started asking me questions. I sort of ignored her and just didn't answer her. Is this a side effect of being depressed? I'm taking it out on my mother?
It's like in the past year besides the bowling league with work...I've only hung out with two people. Tawny while seeing Saw 3. And Matt while bowling one night. And both times I felt good. I was actually hanging out with someone. It's been a while since I've hung out with a friend now. And I feel like no one wants to. I've tried to be friends with some people in the past couple of months...but nothing yet. When Matt wanted to bowl with me that one day...I was in complete aww. Because someone actually wanted to hang out with me. When he asked me if we wanted to go bowl together my heart jumped out of my chest almost. But that was a while ago.
I just want to hang out with someone and feel like I'm actually loved. I'm at a point where I feel like no one loves me or likes me for that matter. I feel like people ignore me or they just don't care. I just want to have a good time with people. I don't know what else to say. Only that I hope I feel better about myself in the coming days. And I think the thing that sparked my depressment is I've been listening to sad, slow loves songs lately. I dunno. Something sparked and I just couldn't stop crying. Anyways...if you read this, I hope you understand that all I'm looking for is some friendship. Or maybe I just need to take the step further and ask people to do something with me and not wait for them to ask me to do something. I dunno. I just feel like I am not loved. Sometimes I feel invisible. I just want friends...that is all.
And to top it off, I've seen a couple of movies by myself, even in the theaters. I saw Resident Evil 2 by myself, and I saw Final Destination 3 by myself. I watched Snakes on a Plane by myself (at home), I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre by myself (at home). And tonight I'm going to watch Saw 3...by myself of course.
Kevin
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During the movie (Saw 3) I was thinking maybe I should just delete my blog. So I decided I was going to. Then when the movie ended and I came on my computer and check myspace....a big smile came across my face. Why? I noticed I had two comments on my blog. One from Tom and another from Shaun. It made me feel good. They were their for me. They actually cared. They even wanted to hang out with me now. Shaun left me a comment saying how we should do something this weekened like Sledding, Bowling, Movie...etc. And to top it off....later last night, Shaun called me and we actually talked. We talked about what we could do but I work the whole weekened so nothing could happen. So I made a promise to him that I would call him back on my next day off. I feel so happy now. I just hope I don't have another case of depression.
And now I'm finally 21. Today is my birthday. Wish me a Happy B-Day! That would be a appreciated. I might drink tonight depends on whether or not Sandra or Heather make me go to a bar. I personally don't want to drink but we'll see what happens. I also received money from my Mom. I can't believe I'm this old!!
NP: Ciara - I Preceed <333
Thank you!
I'm just horney. And seeing hot pictures of shirtless men...
...so hot! I like there hard rock abs and body figure....damn. I need a boyfriend now! I want to suck him too 
so yummy...:P
, lol
