that's literally all i know about ireland's history
nnn. no. probably something about the collapse of the aristocracy in Ireland following the independence movement and I'd relate it to Subomie's position on the panel.
I want you to discuss in the thread about who you girls thought had the best and worst entry this week. Get your digs in by Friday, August 20th @ 7:00 PM EST.
Chanel DiAngelo
Quote:
Originally posted by X/O/X/O
Welcome, to all 3 people that view the thread other than the participants, to the first ever Fruit Roast! The name speaks for itself, so I’ll try to lay off the gay jokes (Though, some of these other queens might try it because either they couldn't Google any better ones or their humor wasn't considered PC & "integration-friendly").
Starting off this roast has already proven to be difficult, considering two of the now-five members of the panel have gotten themselves banned, an abandonment of duty I haven't seen the likes of since the Costa Concordia disaster.
We'll start with Darcy Edwards, who hasn't seen relevancy since the View last won an Emmy, whose fame has trickled down to barely even being able to get someone to reply to his PM's, and whose asshole could give the Grand Canyon a run for its money. His iconic avatar is permanently embedded into my mind, displaying the desperation and horror I know lies behind his screen every time his comments go ignored. Unfortunately, Darcy is one of the two judges who got themselves banned (for what reason, remains a mystery, because I have yet to see anyone pay much attention to anything he does enough to report or warn him).
Next, we have Subomie, one of my actual favorite members of the site. With a love for April Carrion and Wilhelmina (the relevant Ugly Betty character), one could call his taste unclockable, but that one would be alone. People seem to consider him nice, but to me, he always seems like he has something in common with the wide-and-widely-known MusicLoverDude...
And the third judge on our panel is keshaspearsxo, one with Helen Keller's eye for style and a Phyllis Diller-meets-Stephen Hawking sense of humor. I-- along with everyone else-- was shocked to see pears as a judge, considering he'd already had his own private roast after the trainwreck that was his ratings for the Season 7 Fashion Rate of RuPaul's Drag Race. Like Darcy, pears also managed to get himself banned, bringing a great relief to the contestants, but unfortunately, pears remains a heard-but-not-seen entity around us now as Citrus continues to deliver his confusing critiques.
Fourth, and newest judge, who was shoehorned into the judging panel due to a shockingly devastating shortage despite claiming she was above, is TheOnlyOne. Known for her pretentious entitlement about her personal opinions compared to anyone else's and a ruthlessness last seen in a new strain of cannibalistic piranhas, she boasts a stability level comparable to ATRL's server. Judging may be a new thing for her, considering she's as talented as a goldfish and her taste can be summed up by the amount of Wal Mart receipts she stashes away in her dresser. She is so pretentious, one would think she was Anna Wintours, but she can't even manage to get a job at MediaTakeOut. She may act as if she deserves to be treated like a queen, but it seems that her kingdom may be the only thing smaller than her brain. However, I give her props for hosting every Drag Race-related rate, an ironic feat considering how little she care's about anyone else's opinion.
And last, possibly least, but everyone's favorite, our host, Citrus. As everyone knows, Citrus stans for Cher, and his frequently-used-as-a-reaction-gif avatar of her merely reflects his plastic and emotionless demeanor that we see with every post; and while his RuPaul-lite puns that come with every official Drag Race post are a breath of fresh air, it still reeks of imitation along the lines of Chad Michael's impression of Citrus' favorite. As the only member of the panel that isn't a total has-been or barely-was, I was shocked that Citrus couldn't manage to land a better line of people to put next to him and make himself look better, but that may not be my biggest concern about this game. At the end of the day, I do commend Citrus for being a legend to all of us, and hosting this game, though I don't know how hard that is considering there are half a dozen members here who have given less effort into their work than the Titanic's lookout did.
And now, I present to you a queen who needs, or, well, deserves, no introduction (mostly because she's done nothing note-worthy in all 3 weeks we've had her)-- Carmen Scarlett!
Carmen Scarlett
Quote:
Originally posted by mxtthewdelrey
CARMEN SCARLETT: FRUIT ROAST
Thank you Miss Chanel DiAngelo. You know – for someone who calls themselves Chanel – you really sold yourself cheap in the last challenge.
Fun fact for the audience – the only other DiAngelo I know plays a rapist in a television show.
Thanks everyone for turning up to the very first Fruit Roast. I’m so excited to be here with all of this talent. No of course I don’t mean the other girls.
It’s so lovely to see you ATRL Drag Race judging panel. I haven’t seen this many banned gays since Russia!
I sure look up to you guys. I mean – Citrus – over 10,000 posts in 2 years is seriously a huge achievement amount of posts. Please get a life.
Citrus - You've won nearly as many games on ATRL as Bey_rihstan has dropped out of. Heads up – it’s definitely gonna feel like a soliloquy later when she’s on because no one will be listening.
Literally Citrus – how many games have you won in two years? You’re head is so far up your ass – how is DivaDown doing in there? Seriously gurl – when you chose “Boddum” as your surname we didn’t mean for you to take it so literally.
Keshaspearsxo - I did have some stuff to say about you, but I misunderstood the assignment. I thought that I might have cracked the code, but the only crack I see is whatever you were on when you decided to rate Kennedy Davenport’s “Death Becomes Her” as a 10 for the Season 7 Fashion Rate.
TheOnlyOne (of the judging panel I actually kinda care about) – I’m so glad you’re a judge here now! I mean – I’m pretty sure you already look over us and judge us over on the Drag Race thread – but to have comments too? You’re spoiling us.
TOO – With all the time you spend with the rates on the Drag Race thread and now you’re coming over to the Games section to judge this? Gurl – you spend nearly as much time on Drag Race threads as Citrus spends on being an arrogant idiot.
Keshaspearsxo and Darcy - I can't really read you because you haven't been able to post anything. How am I supposed to read something when there's nothing there? Get your god damn act together girls.
Subomie - I keep picturing that you look like your icon. I'm about 99% sure I'm going to be disappointed. I feel like a lot of girls on ATRL try to make themselves feel better about the way they look by putting hot people as their icon. Just face it everyone – you’re all ugly girls. Keshaspearsxo – you’re not only hiding your ugliness with Leonardo DiCaprio as your icon but you even have an ugly personality to match.
TOO is hiding behind Violet Chachki as her icon, but actually TOO is a lot like Violet. Both ex-p0rn stars. Although I seriously gag for Violet Chachki, for TOO, I just vomit. She is that sickening.
Subomie is currently competing in ATRL’s Next Top Member. Meanwhile, keshaspearsxo is competing in ATRL’s Next Bottom Member.
If we all lived in keshaspearsxo’s world where ugly things are pretty, then keshaspearsxo would be the hottest guy going.
Citrus gurl - do you believe in life after love? I don't know whether I do but I still find it more believable than some of these girls' lip-syncs. I guess if you can believe in that bull-sh1t, you can believe in anything.
And finally – one last thing Citrus - At least quote YSL when using one of her insults to Bey_rih as your user title thing.
This challenge was super difficult because it's so damn hard to read a panel of judges that are literally more boring than Honey Mahogany's wardrobe.
Kaftan indeed.
Thanks everyone for coming, next up it's Anna Williams. I'm just gonna go and take a nap though. Reading that tired ass name made me so damn sleepy. If she can keep up that boring act, maybe you could consider her for the judging panel next season?
DevonRoars – I seriously can’t believe you managed to be even lazier with your drag name than you did with your Best of 2014 lists.
A fun fact about Anna Williams – Her sixth most played artist is the one and only Iggy Azalea!
...
I can’t believe the audience is still here! No, but I do love these girls so much. They're all talented in their own special ways. Good luck to everyone and good night everybody! ♡
Anna Williams
Quote:
Originally posted by DevonRoars
So- How y'all doing tonight? Good? Good.
You know I was raised in Chicago.. Southside so you know I'm one of those bitches who will call out a bitch
Just kidding I'm actually the biggest ***** you'll ever meet, no backbone -- Have you seen my old blogs?,
but I mean I can be a bitch.. In an e-mail or on a pop music forum..
I swear these judges are a mess. So you saw Chanel's mess of an act, right? Bitch has won 2 challenges so far.. I guess sucking a head literally gets you ahead!
Well let's see there's a Kesha stan.. Yes I said Kesha stan.. The nerve of this Ke$ha stan to call me out for not bringing enough
to the competition well let me sprinkle some glitter on my ass and call myself A Neil. Is that bringing it Pears?
Seriously some of these judges are a hot mess and need to sit down.. Darcy, bitch you named yourself after the dumbest show in Canada. CitruPaul is it me or did I see you change
your avi last week.. Stick to Cher. Now Subomie I love you, but you're so gay even your asshole has a lisp.
Michelle I saw your choices in the drag race thread and I can now see that you're living proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
It's kinda hard pleasing a group of gays when you're a bottom so thank you for being such a great top.. notch audience!
Ladies and gentlemen give it up for Koko Khalyan
Koko Khalyan
Quote:
Originally posted by jpow
Koko Khalyan - 1st Annual Fruit Roast
Thank you Anna Wintour, I mean Wilson…… oh, it’s Williams! I once knew an Anna Williams, but she was such a bore. Wait, that’s this Anna. Sorry!
I hear that Anna has named herself after a video game character in a fighting game Tekken. I tried finding information on this character, but due to how boring she is apparently, the only two things I could find was that she’s constantly overshadowed by her sister, and that she works on corner and charges a very low price. Nothing is worse than a boring hoe. But I guess that’s what drew our queen to that name.
Anyway, I’ve been blessed to be here at this first annual Fruit Roast. This roast is not only named after Citrus’s name, but his taste in men! He likes them almost as fruity as Pears, though I’m unsure if anyone likes that much fruit. But with Pears being banned now, Citrus’s taste in men is now mildewing.
Chanel has stood out in this competition so far, congrats to you! You might be able to call her the top queen so far! Every queen needs a king however, and you know what the king of fruit is? A durian. The durian is known was the worst smelling fruit in the world, but that was until Chanel appeared on this show, and now the durian is the second worst smelling fruit.
Not all of us queens here are fruity however. Poor Kaeli, she’s more like a vegetable. Currently, she’s dressed in a potato sack, and like a sack of potatoes she hasn’t done anything all competition.
Speaking of not doing anything, Mimi Imsickened came into this show with a vengeance to redeem the name of Mimi. But little does she know, Mimi Imfurst carrying India Ferrah up the stage weighs less than the dead weight Ms. Imsickened has been in every challenge.
You know what’s worse than a dead weight contestant? A dead weight judge! But unfortunately, that is what happens when you get banned before the second challenge. Poor Darcy. When DripDrop changed her name to Darcy Edwards, I thought it was a good chance of pace. But then I noticed her wanting to join the legendary Haus of Edwards with Alyssa, Laganja, and Shangela. She might have luck in joining the Haus, but only if she can get everyone’s coffee faster than Vivienne.
Per the rules, I’m supposed to roast all four judges. But I can’t remember a thing about Subomie or anything he’s done all season….
Moving on to our new judge, TheOnlyOne. You’ve done a lot for Drag Race on ATRL, so kudos. But don’t let anyone see you smile - you have as many teeth as your favorite Violet has inches in her newest corset.
So maybe this challenge will inspire A.Nell to attempt to quit again. I would love to see Citrus yell at A.Nell for the numerous quitting, just like Tyra yelled at Tiffany before she was eliminated. Unfortunately, Citrus just doesn’t care about A.Nell at all, so that would never happen.
Again, I want to say how thankful I am to be here! The next queen up to present should be wrapped up and sent away like a bad Christmas present but unlucky for you, she wasn’t. Here, serving charcoal realness, Nellie Boddum!
Nellie Boddum
Quote:
Originally posted by DivaDown
"Isn't Koko Khalyan amazing? Well, I mean... no she's not. Word of advice Koko, go back to posting irrelevant YouTube videos of asians. Maybe cooking rice would be better? Oh ****! Racism is Wilhelmina's thing! Anyways... let's get to the main event! I'll keep it short and sweet, unlike that prolapsed Essie Jae Sherbet. It shouldn't be #Pray4ATRL, it should be #PrayForMyColon. Anyways... time to get to the butt of the jokes (no, not you A. Nell, the important people)!
Subomie Mathews I'm not sure which part is worse: you being named after a side of beef or you being completely forgettable? Who are you?
Darcy Kressley, where art thou? Oh you messy Boddum, you! Maybe next time use your head, there haven't been any complaints... yet. Why are you even a judge? Can I see your qualifications? Nevermind. I see all the qualifications needed right under your name you banned bottom feeder.
Pears Rice you are as messy as Ke$ha's first week sales of Warrior. I understand why you like her! We miss you as much as Ireland misses its potato famine. Subomie Mathews must know much about that!
Michelle TOOsage, my love. Your icon pic just doesn't work. You're not a winner... BUT, just like Violet's ****, no one would give a **** to see you in one. Kidding. There would be one... the only one. How... or more importantly... WHY would you be good as a judge when your favorite movie is Battleship! Step one should've updating your taste cuz my lord that's embarassing! Stanning needs to have limits because of you!
CitruPaul, Queen... MUTHA. You're so old, you were Adam & Eve's neighbor. Your social security card is etched in stone, mawmaw! The time has come... for you to lipsync for your liiiiiife... LITERALLY! You don't have much time left! Aw... it's ok. We still appreciate you as much as you appreciate your Senior discount at the local buffet! Was that a fat joke NOT directed at Mimi Imsickened or her fav? Shockerrrrrr! CitruPaul, I have a serious question to ask: have you found someone? To take away the heartache? To take away the loneliness? *Cough* Probably not! But in all seriousness, we love you CitruPaul... in the same way we love Donald Trump!
And now for some more irony: someone who's neither smart, sweet nor colorful & as relevant as her fav Ciara! *blows a kiss & kicks my heal up* Oh wait, who is it again? *Lets out a fart* Miss Frosh Kit! ~"
Smarties Skittles
Quote:
Originally posted by getback
Thank you Smelly Bottom for your “fantastic” introduction.
Welcome ladies and gentlemen, how’re you doing?
Some of you might not know this, but before this roast, we were asked to ‘rip the judges a new asshole’. I just don’t understand, how the f*ck could we do that when they were a bunch of assholes themselves? Hashtag #assholeception!
TheOnlyOne, everyone has been wondering why you stan for Violet Chachki and her tiny waist. I think the answer is very simple: opposites attract. Violet is small where it needs to be small, and you’re small where it needs to be big.
Subomie, even though your name is the Japanese name of Budew, I think there’s another Poison pokemon that suits you better: Garbodor.
Everybody knows Lana Del Rey music increases suicidal rate, but only a true Lana stan like Darcy Edwards can kill themselves off ATRL by sharing “High By the Beach” download link. Give it up for Darcy everyone!
Pears… Your taste is so terrible, you must’ve been the chef in Temple of Doom. I have just one thing to say: PLEASE STAY FOREVER BANNED
Now on to the grand high bitch herself… Citrus, what made you think you’re qualified to be the main judge if you’re the only one in this world stan for Chad Michaels? That’s why this whole panel is so tragic. We love you, but don’t squeeze so hard, or you will run out of juice and your vagina will become drier than Dida Ritz’s knees.
Thank you for having me here. It’s my please to bring you the next “entertainer”: Mimi Imsickened - the infamous low-rent version of Mimi Imlast. Be careful, you may get literally sickened by her.
Mimi Imsickened
Quote:
Originally posted by MiMiLamb
Pears - The nerve of you to hint @ me in the kik chat that I don't need to roast all the judges. Are you really that insecure? You're such a joke. That's why you're getting these lashes first. When you did your fake cut marks on your wrists on tinychat, I thought they were real. Not because it was convincing, but because I wanted the satisfaction of knowing you self harmed so bad that I deluded myself into believing those marks on your limp wrists were real. I wanted to wallow in the thought of a rusty, jagged blade ripping your skin apart because I couldn't do that to you myself.
Citrus - Another fagggot with a fruity name. You and Pears have one thing in common, you both satiate your need for attention through a webcam. You like to spend time in nature. Hopefully a rat sneaks into one of your Brokeback Mountain tents and you become the vessel for the resurgence of the next bubonic plague and die a slow, painful death before the cure is created.
Subpar - I can fit my thumb through your tooth gap
dARSEy - While I was writing these I felt kinda bad, but not for you. Like, I just don't care about your feelings. I would NOT bat a smoky eye if something unfortunate happened to you. These other queens don't want you here either. They called for that TOO member to replace you. Even Dancehall is only using you to get further in this game. No one respects you, no one loves you.
Bareback bottoming, write a good song and take a shower. Our next queen has only done one of these this past month. Please welcome Scarlett LaPierre
If I forgot to include you then that's a drag in itself.
Scarlet LaPierre
Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
ATRL's Drag Race Fruit Roast
Welcome again to ATRL's Fruit Roast, a name with about as much thought in it as "Mimi Imsickened". I would like to thank everyone who could attend, including our judges Citrus and Pears and Darcy--oh, wait. But without further ado, let's get started, and please avoid posting download links of "High by the Beach".
Our first judge, Pears, is known for having the songwriting skills of Stevie Wonder... and the fashion sense as well. Pears' poor taste has made Kanye interrupt award winners onstage and almost caused Joan Rivers to make a show called Straight Eye for the Queer Guy. Like Santino, his critiques are puzzling and likely the result of multiple illegal drugs. And also like Santino, Pears kisses Citrus' ass so much that he uses a fruit-themed nickname despite being a Britney fan. As a great queen once said, please stop immediately.
Our next judge needs no introduction... because no one knows him. Poor Subomie. Between Big Brother and The ATRL Elite, you've been beaten more often than Susan Lucci at the Daytime Emmys. I would have made the joke about Katy Perry at the Grammys, but that would have been lazier than Pears' critiques. Subomie is the Ivy Winters of the judging panel. He's personable and on point with his critiques, but he's as forgettable as Mimi Imsickened's Pokéthread subtitles. He blends in more than a Kecleon and has the personality of a Sudowoodo. He's treated like a Feebas because he's not even well-known enough to be a Magikarp. Jokes aside, Subomie, you're our Milotic and we wish you the best in ATRL's Next Top Member.
TheOnlyOne, welcome to the judging panel, even though you took longer to come out than Joey Graceffa. I don't know you well yet, but, much like Willam, you seem to be a fan favorite and a hot-ass mess. Many of your posts seem blunt and egotistical, and I wonder if each critique is going to be an episode of TheOnlyOne's Beatdown. I'm interested in getting to know you as a judge and a person. I would advise you to not disqualify yourself like Willam, but who would want to have conjugal visits with you?
Darcy, I'm sorry about your ban, but I feel for you. Listening to Lana Del Rey's voice would knock me out for a month, too. I see why you like her, considering you've both struggled with relevancy since the Born to Die era. You've had more work done on your lips than Detox, and, let's face it, your bussy tastes like Pepsi cola because you can't afford Coke. We love you when you're no longer young and beautiful because that ship has long since sailed.
I first met Citrus as a Cher stan, which didn't take long since there are fewer of us on ATRL than people of color in the upcoming Stonewall movie. We ended up hosting the 2014 2015 Cher Crew Awards, which was delayed more than Closer to the Truth and flopped harder than the Stans Behaving Badly challenge. I would congratulate Citrus on winning the last cycle of ATRL's Next Top Member, but I think it's going to be the last time he successfully tops anything. Hell, Citrus has a bigger gap between his legs than the Dressed to Kill tour. Drags aside, Citrus, I am happy to know you and you remain one of my favorite members here. We love you, Citrus.
Our next queen recently won a challenge for a song about ****ing a guy for sweet tea, which also happens to be Wilhelmina's hourly rate. Like Mariah Carey's residency in Las Vegas, this queen is heavily populated by gay men. Please give a sticky and sweet welcome to Carrie Messiah!
I want you to discuss in the thread about who you girls thought had the best and worst entry this week. Get your digs in by Friday, August 20th @ 7:00 PM EST.
Carrie Messiah
Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
Hello! Hello! Let’s give it up for Scarlett LaPierre. Wasn’t she a hoot?
*crickets*
Yeah, I agree.
But tonight is a celebration of the talented judging panel we’ve assembled for this competition, a panel that for some reason keeps growing. At this point we have more judges than Chanel (XO) has friends and Wilhelmina (YSL) has back-up hoods for the KKK meetings she hosts every weekend.
I guess I’ll discuss pears first so we can get rid of the trash right away. First, I don’t understand how Pears even got banned considering her fave hasn’t put out an album in ages, a successful single in even longer, and won’t be putting out anything until she admits she was lying about the Dr. Luke drama. Pears is like her fave in a similar way; she refuses to admit that she’s a one-note songwriter and keeps playing Platinum Hit for some reason. She’s also like Kesha in that the majority of ATRL has forgotten about her.
You have to give it up for Darcy, who at least has an iconic avi, which is one more iconic thing than any of the other judges have. You might know Darcy as ‘the trans judge’ or whatever since on certain days she claims to identify as a female, but on other days insists she wants to keep her dick. Considering how little there is going on there, I don’t see what the big deal is in just chopping it off.
Speaking of dicks, Subomie at least deserves some credit for being the only original judge who hasn’t been carted off to banland. Then again, it’s kind of hard to get WPs when you have no personality. But really, Subomie may actually be my favorite judge since she became a Mariah stan for a couple of weeks to take part in the biggest ATRL rate of all-time. But that’s how Subomie works; she can only stay relevant by attaching herself to other people’s projects and hope for some residual shine.
And then we have the afterthought judge, TheOnlyOne, who only joined the panel when Citrus lost two of her real judges and her three back-ups refused to judge a game as bound to flop as this one. It makes sense that TOO stans for Rihanna, since her judging position is a lot like #R8: delayed and unwanted.
And that leaves only Citrus, our beloved host. Even though we all feel embarrassed for Citrus for spending hours watching RuPaul clips on YouTube and writing several drafts of all of her messages in this thread, at least unlike Udders Tutu (Tymps), Citrus knows how to properly run a game on ATRL.
Even if they have their flaws, all of our judges at least have a little talent. So, switching gears then, let me introduce the next queen: Ellie Sherbert or whatever. Now you all probably know Ms. Sherbert as the queen who…. Actually, you probably don’t know her at all since she’s had zero impact in the game so far. She even failed to make an impression in the songwriting challenge, but then again, that shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise given her back-to-back losses in Platinum Hit. Did any of you have the chance to look over the rap song she submitted? Even the rap Kaeli Soliloquy (Bey_Rihstan) didn’t write for “Sweet Tea, Sweet D” was better. You would think that after a long history of entering games, becoming overly cocky, then being eliminated, she might try a different gig, but she’s still at it! Gotta admire that perseverance. (Here’s where I’d work a #Pray4Sam joke in, but that attempt at a trend failed so miserably I’m sure none of you would get it.) She did win Big Brother once, though that shouldn’t come as a surprise considering how the bitch backstabbed me behind my back last week in another game, but let’s end on a positive note: once she comes up and finishes her routine, the night can only get better! So bear with her for the next 3 minutes (like her elementary school boyfriend had to the night she lost her virginity) and welcome Jessie J. Sherbert to the stage!
Essie Jae Sherbet
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Thank you for the introduction, Carrie.
Considering you idolize Mariah Carey I was expecting you to know a thing or two about roasts, but it looks like that doesn’t extend past the dinner table.
I didn’t anticipate jokes as tired as Mariah’s vocal cords from you, but alas.
Hopefully one sweet day you’ll realize that drag just isn’t for you, honey.
But we’re not here tonight to discuss trivial matters like which queen is the biggest drag (we all know it’s Wilhelmina) we’re here to celebrate the wonderful, glorious, enigmatic and elusive judging panel.
So elusive that in fact two fifths of the panel can’t even participate anymore due to being forcibly removed from the site.
Darcy Kressley, where do I even begin?
You claim runner up in ATRL’s Next Top Member like it means something. What is a runner up besides the first loser? You were beaten worse than you beat your face every morning, noon and night.
You were banned faster than most queens can find a hook-up on Grindr, yet what’s more embarrassing is that you have no iconic reads or clocks to show for it, just the shame of having to watch from the sidelines.
Pears Rice. You remind me a little bit of myself.
That is if I were a good for nothing, overzealous troll who relishes in the discomfort of others.
You could be easily mistaken as younger than Louie Sebert, and that is not a compliment when that means anyone who may be interested in you at a gay bar is a potential child sex offender.
You, keshaspearsxo, exposed yourself as a Britney stan by revealing you own her first two albums on physical disc. Your attempts at covering it up by saying they were gifts didn’t work either, honey. Oops!...
Instead of writing “songs”, perhaps you’d be better off writing your permanent resignation letter for CitruPaul given your early forced removal from the panel.
Now, let me welcome Michelle TOOsage. She’s a new face to our panel, but don’t let that fool you into thinking I’m going to lessen the lashings. Oh, no dear.
If you think you can just come up in here and critique me after being God knows where for the past three rounds, you best think again. I am Essie Jae Sherbet, queen of everything sweet. You have to earn the right to judge this, sugar. Luckily for you, I’m willing to give your musty ass a chance.
Just because you own the RuPaul’s Drag Race thread don’t think that makes you entitled to anything. You’re in our domain now. Hopefully this isn’t all TOO much for you.
Now now now, don’t think I forgot about you, Subomie Matthews. We all appreciate the way you’ve stuck with this competition like nail glue. You’ve had the head to not get banned when you have a reputation to uphold. Unfortunately, your reputation is, like Darcy, just being second best.
From ATRL Elite to ATRL’s Big Brother 11, it seems you’ve perfected the art of how not to win. Hopefully you can make it all the way to second place in ANTM this time, instead of pulling out again.
You must enjoy being second best. Why else would you agree to play second fiddle to the far more admirable and capable CitruPaul?
Which brings me to dear CitruPaul, the self-proclaimed head high bitch herself.
And if I didn’t know any better, I would say you were high when selecting that name. Why Citrus? I know… you used the grapefruit technique on your man, didn’t you? Nasty.
Or was it a nickname you received for being a sour bitch? Maybe you smell like pith? Your spray-tan is too orange? Perhaps it’s just because you’re such a flaming fruit.
Your graphics game is about as strong as a chemotherapy patient’s eyebrow game.
Like Cher, you’re the cockroach of the drag world. You’ll never be succeeded because you’re never going to ****ing die. Hurry up already, will you? A bitch ain’t got all day.
Love you Citrus.
Next up is all queen, no drag, Kaeli Salami. Or something like that.
Kaeli has enough oestrogen in her system to power a self-sustaining float at Gay Pride.
Even though she has nothing down there, that doesn’t stop Kaeli from being quite the dick.
Kaeli has to put so little effort into looking like a woman that she often doesn’t put in any effort at all… into anything.
Without further ado, please welcome Kaeli Soliloquy!
Kaeli Soliloquy
Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
Udders Tutu
Quote:
Originally posted by Tymps.
Thank you for that lovely introduction, Kaeli Soliloquy! And let me just say, you were completely robbed in the Drag Name challenge as your last name perfectly encompasses how no one wants to talk to you. Now why don’t we dive right into things hunties?
Citrus. I am so proud of you! After the forgotten messes that were ATRL High and The Sleaze (surprisingly not a game about you) you finally managed to make a tournament that will last more than a month and that more than two people care about! You’ve always been the king of keeping promises. Yes, always. Now, I’m aware that I probably shouldn’t be dragging you given how after countless days of giving him salty, sweaty head Matty finally declared you a “top member” (how anyone thought you were a top is beyond me). Unfortunately my head game is not as strong as yours. You’ve just gotten more practice than me! I’m still shocked you’re able to run cross country or even stand up after all the time you spend on your knees.
Darcy Edwards. Another top bottom member. Queen of the dumpster. I’ve known you for three years and I’m still 98% certain that it is a wig. 98%. To be honest, I admire you. I wish I could be as unabashed and wild as you in Jennifer Jeremy and Monicas CRAZY CAR RIDE. And it’s true, I’ll never write a literary masterpiece like Sweet Coffee. I just can’t think of lines like “Jeremy's back arched up as all Danny's juice enterd his body. Letting out a two big moans that were in sycn” on my own.
Pears aka Feelslikeapear aka Ribcage. You are my inspiration because you are my one true thinspo. Not all of us can have the body type of a screwdriver. Your enigma popstar lyrics in Platinum Hit were a little too much for me, but it’s easy to understand your Drag Race rankings as they’re completely devoid of taste! Now, I know your brain is still ****ed up from drinking puke but saying Mimi Imsickened is one of your favorite drag names in this competition is still unexcusable.
Subomie. Hi!
TheOnlyOne. Nice to meet you, I guess! It’s nice that after being so irrelevant you weren’t even asked to judge this game despite being the Drag Race thread OP, you fingered enough assholes to get people to plead with Citrus and make you a judge. Can’t really say much else because I have never seen you before but based on that Top 100,000 Looks thing you’re doing the Drag Race thread, at least you have a lot of time on your hands. Congrats!
Up next is staple racist and grade-A bottom Wilhelmina, who was lip syncing for ha life in the very first round. Good luck henny!
Wilhelmina
Quote:
Originally posted by YSL
Everyone give it up for Udders, not only has her performance thus far been lackluster, but her jokes tonight were “udder” sh*t. Start packing, you might be going home queen. But enough about that lactating c*nt and moving onto another queen who can’t get enough milk down her throat... Chanel.
Let's be real, if anyone can get by with a name like Chanel, she has to be blowing one of the judges. Darcy, I'm talking about you.
Darcy is such a sl*t, she's had more dicks inside of her than a Republican convention. And several of those dicks came out painted worse than Michelle TOOsage's face. Her face is so beat, even Chris Brown thought her makeup artist was doing the most.
But the real tragedy isn't TOOsage's contour around her double chins, it's the fact that bitch Kaeli is STILL here! She’s been serving Aaliyah teas this entire season. And by Aaliyah, I mean dead.
What? Too soon?
Speaking of the dead, Pears is another one who is about as useless as a corpse. I'm starting to think CitRu only added her to the panel to show diversity. What better way to show your support to the special needs community than by having our very own retarded judge? Come on everyone lets hear it for Pears! Wait, slow down... don't clap too fast, she needs time to process everything I've just said.
Subomie, don't think I've forgotten about you. Everyone's favorite judge. Aww, just look at him, that face only his incestuous mother could love. The Rachel Dolezal of the panel, Subomie is one of those zodiac cusp babies who can't decide if they're one sign or another. Is he an Aries? Is he a Taurus? I'm thinking a little bit of both. Sometimes he can be a bit of sheep, following everything CitRu has to say, other times his talk can be all bullsh*t, again, like CitRu.
But you know, flaws aside, I actually love the judges. They all have that something special, je ne sais quoi about them, and I don't mean Pears.
Subomie has the fat and jolly thing going and it works for him. Darcy is always nice when you need a quick release, Pears is...well Pears and TOOsage is always willing to lend a hand or a brush, though I highly advise against using it.
And lastly, we have Mother CitRu. So generous and so kind, giving hope to queens like Carrie and making them think they have a shot at a career. Is someone who still loves Mariah in 2015 really America's Next Drag Superstar? Maybe a decade ago, when CitRu was at her peak, but now?
Even at her peak, people thought CitRu was sooo damn witty with her one liners but the truth is, she has more ghost writers than Beyoncé… allegedly. Let's just say she won't be winning any Emmys for original screenplay any time soon. But who needs an Emmy when you can win an Oscar for Best Actress? Seriously, CitRu is so talented, week after week she compliments majority of these queens but her personality is faker than Cher's third nose. Mother, you inspire me to be faker, I mean it.
Anyway, I'm sure you've all managed to get more wasted than I did backstage, so I suggest you untuck right now and piss right into Yuri Null’s mouth because watching her get a golden shower will be far more entertaining than listening to what she has to say up next. Thank you all and good night.
No really, go home, shows basically over.
Yuri Null
Quote:
Originally posted by Dancehall
Thank you Wilhelmina for that lovely introduction. For just thirty cents a day you too can make a change in the lives of at risk children with lofty dreams. We started with basic reading and writing and are hoping to teach YSL some social constructs next. But we need your help. Please consider calling 1800-CIT-GIVE
Now, I like to thank all my warm up acts by name. But I unfortunately, I can't. But you're not missing much, with names like Smarties Skittles and Essie Jae Sherbet, I'm not sure what I did wrong to end up with these heavy set men.
The judges aren't much better. Poor Darcy Kressley is only here because Matty won't let her judge ATRL's Next Top Member. But actually, that's a lie. Darcy isn't even allowed in this room. Tragic. Even more so when you realize that she'll be the first to read the roasts.
Michelle TOOsage, I need to drag myself first. I've been on this horned up queer forum for five years. Five ****ing years with you lot of trash. I have never seen you post. I have never heard your username or seen your avi. I think I shouldn't waste my time trying to research you when I know I can just do a who? and save myself some time.
Pears Rice, can I be honest for another moment? Y'all are really some nobodies. I have no clue if your'e username is kesha's pears xo or Kesha Spears XO. Was Keshapears taken? Just really, I can't even pretend to care. I know we're all here for A. Nell to have another breakdown and respond to everyone who even mentioned her name.
Subomie Matthews, you're part of my extremly gay trinity. You, Darcy and Citru manage to make bottoming a defining characteristic on the forum members of gayteenforum.com graduate to and think that is impressive and commend you for being born this gay, I can't think of anything besides including this cheap meme,
You're easily worth two linked jpegs though. So another:
(Just two though.)
CitruPaul, I still don't believe this trainwreck of a game will finish. Half of your judges are banned, and by the rate that I'm reporting Submissive and TheOneWhoICan'tRemember the other half will join them soon. I just wouldn't be surprised if the third attempt of an atrl Drag Race ends up next to your attempt at atrl High anytime soon. Hoping it doesn't! But history isn't on our side sis! But really I want to thank you for this thread. I know for many people it's been a Born Brave Bus type of environment and that's always a positive. So thank you for housing some weak twinks.
Next up in the only drag tribute act to pay homage to a man, straight out of 2009, Lady "HausofNiko" Royalty. I'll be in the restroom turning tricks and reimagining water sports for the twenty first century if anyone needs me.
Lady Royalty
Quote:
Originally posted by HausofNiko
Thanks for the intro Yuri Null, didn't know they let basic b**ches in here, speaking of basic b**ches, which of you nasty teen mom trash left their kids here? Oh wait, that's just A.Nell. I'd go in on you, but your more sensitive then your fake t**s, so I'll save it for when you grow up. Douchebag. Oh, Sorry, I was just whispering about Keshaspears, seriously, why did they let HIM be a judge? His experience in drag is almost as dull as Kaeli's personality. Oh and it's so nice to have a kind judge like subomie, he is seriously so positive, which is the same thing the doctor told him on his STD test. Gonorrhea? Positive. Syphilis? Positive. No, no, I kid, but someone I'd really like to drag is Chanel DiAngelo, Chanel may be on the top of this season right now, and that means a lot to him, especially because it's the only thing he's ever topped in his life. Does anyone else smell hot glue? Oh it's new judge Michelle TOOsage, I couldn't see through all the botox, the only thing more fake then Michelle's personality is her lips, weave, eye-lashes, boobs, and pretty much everything about her. And what kind of name is Mimi Imsickened? Sounds like it's what you get when you combine Mariah Carey and a sick cow, oh wait, that's a bit redundant isn't it? Oh and I almost forgot about Essie Jae Sherbet, but that's pretty easy regardless, just a Kesha wannabe, which is kinda strange, why would you want to be irrelevant AND a recovering alcoholic? Young, stupid, and lame. That stands for self-proclaimed racist christian YSL. If anything he deserved to be banned instead of the good drag sis Darcy Edwards (btw your username is more tragic then you getting yourself banned, honestly with a name like that you deserved the ban).The only thing more disappointing then YSL is Citrus' excuses for these horrible challenges! A popularity contest? I thought this was drag not 3rd grade.
Speaking of 3rd graders, A.Nell, it's your turn for an attempt at dragging people, if you need some Kleenex you can pick it up at the office after recess, good luck!
A. Nell
Quote:
Originally posted by jax.
Thanks for the introduction Lady Royalty. Until I saw the lineup I forgot you were still in the game. Sorry. Congrats on making it this far though! It's just that you're not all that memorable. I'm obviously not the only one that thinks that, judging by the views you get on YouTube.
The definition of messy ass twink, no not you Chanel. I'm talking about CitRupaul. CitRupaul, you're such a messy ass hoe. No one even has to really try and get you naked. If there's a tinychat happening you just flock to it as if it's just another Cam4 show. More people have seen your dick than have watched Lady Royalty's YouTube vids.
Speaking of dick, Subomie. It's really a shame you are the only original judge besides Citrus to not be banned. With every day I wake up I close my eyes and cross my fingers in hopes that my reports went through and you finally reached ten points! It's always so disappointing to still see you around. You're like the Simon Cowell of the panel without the wit. We still love tolerate you though.
Who doesn't love Pears? Actually, don't answer that. Pears, I remember when you first caught my eye. I was browsing the blogs section and I saw a blog you made about your rib cage. Since then you've continued to prove yourself as a ****ing psycho. With every post you make, I wonder, "who did this to you?" I'd give you a hug and let you know it'll be alright but I'm scared you'd pull out a knife.
While we're on the topic of things we don't want touching us, Darcy. All jokes though. Darcy, you're meant to be someone. You remind me of someone on the Walk of Fame... The street performers. Did you think I meant someone with actual talent and a career? Please! And you know, not the good street performers with the elaborate costumes or anything. More like the street performers who have track marks, smell a little, and their Batman costume seems to have been found in a dumpster. Or what Darcy knows of as home.
It was great to see TheOnlyOne announced as a judge. After two judges getting banned, Citrus finally decided TOO should join the panel. TOO is like Michelle Williams. You're only really here because a spot needed to be filled. But we all shrug our shoulders and move on with our days because like Michelle, no one really cares except one or two people. It's a shame that after five years on this site that people still scratch their heads and go "Who?" at the mention of your name. It's impressive though at you having the fourth most popular thread in Celebria. Congrats! It only took you three and a half years.
Thank you to the audience for coming tonight. You guys were almost as loud as Wilhelmina was when she saw she was sitting so close to a black person. Thanks for coming.
Chanel DiAngelo
You’re spoiling us. 
