3 STARS
I've been feeling lightheaded, with ringing ears. But it's not the flu -- it's the first stage of Britney fever, a result of exposure to her extremely catchy new single, "Hold It Against Me." It's the first cut released from her upcoming, still-untitled March album (her first original material in two years).
The tune starts with straight-up dance beats, soon joined by robotic Britney vocals wrapped in a symphony of Auto-Tuned warbling and buoyed by a sea of glammy-electro pop beeps and buzz-saw bleeps. Just as you're ready to dismiss this song as more bloodlessly robotic, over-processed pop, Britney stops barking to the beat and, in the acoustic bridge, actually sings. The lyrics start with a Groucho Marx-inspired line -- "If I said I want your body right now, would you hold it against me?" -- and have the depth of a puddle. Still, Britney pulls it off -- and without a cigar or bushy, bouncing eyebrows.
My prediction is 400-500K right now. She's going to break Taylor's record & the Hot 100 #1 might be easier to snatch then I first thought. This is even exceeding my expectations.
Thanks you guys for the comments on my mini-poem/war chant. 
