WARNING: This episode may be offensive for some readers
DIMAS PETTIGREW'S BEST OF 2013
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your hosts, Nick and Drew!
*live studio audience cheers as Nick and Drew walk to the stage*
*Nick and Holly greet the audience*
*audience cheers*
Drew: “Hello and welcome to another Best of 2013 Double Bill special!!”
*audience cheers*
Nick: “It’s too bad that Holly couldn’t be here tonight with us, it was because of her humiliating documentary aired in the public television last night.”
Drew: “Many of you have known that Holly was born in Netherlands and spent her childhood there. Well, you may take a look on the clip.”
*clip airs*
Narrator: “Holly Alexandra Alvarez now known as Holly Cotton was forced to get kicked out from her parents’ home in Amsterdam, Netherlands, by his abusive father right after his divorce from his overbearing wife. The experiences changed her forever, her mother decided not to keep her as she tried to forget the past with her husband. Holly later ended up adopted by a interracial gay couple, in which she was still sick of it. That experience made her changed so much."
*clip stops*
*audience boos*
Drew: “Hold on, hold on, she’s still our host! Hold on! She’s still nice, everyone, hold on.”
*audience cheers*
Drew: “You’re just kidding, right? You guys still like Holly?”
*audience cheers*
Nick: “Let’s forget about that stupid documentary, we’re going to see the video number 35.”
Drew: “In case if you don’t know, Holly isn’t here because she’s afraid to be humiliated, same like Taylor Swift’s I Knew You Were Trouble.”
#35. Taylor Swift – I Knew You Were Trouble (31816 pts.)
Nick: “Drew?”
Drew: “Yup?”
Nick: “We forgot to tell who will be performing here!”
Drew: “Oh, I’m so sorry, I was watching the documentary about Holly, but at least you reminded me. Well tonight we have Bruno Mars!”
*audience cheers*
Nick: “We also have Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z!”
*audience cheers*
Drew: “As well as Delta Goodrem and Rihanna!”
*audience cheers*
Nick: “And you also forgot to tell the nominations!”
Drew: “ME?! Why blame me, Nick? You didn’t tell me!”
Nick: “Fine, here are the nominees for the Best Rock!”
Best Rock:
Imagine Dragons
Maroon 5
OneRepublic
Paramore
The Script
#34. Justin Bieber feat. Nicki Minaj – Beauty and a Beat (32180 pts.)
Drew: “You don’t need to be mad on Holly, guys, the good news is she’s not here, we’re not allowed by the producers to call her here, we even disabled her television and internet at home.”
Nick: “Yes, that’s a good idea that Holly won’t be here tonight, she’s safe here. Today we’re also speaking about the top 5 worst artists of 2013! Worst artist number 5 goes to Greyson Chance.”
WORST ARTIST OF 2013 #5
GREYSON CHANCE
Drew: “Well, why Greyson Chance is one of the worst artist, that’s because the fact his songs never charted on the official chart like Billboard, The Official Chart, ARIA, and many more.”
Nick: “Why everyone in Asia loves Greyson Chance? I don’t think so, he’s not the hottest artist like Rihanna, Justin Bieber, or even Taylor Swift.”
Drew: “He’s not popular enough I think, why the hell everyone loves Greyson Chance, seriously.”
Nick: “I would rather love Justin Bieber than Greyson Chance.”
Drew: “So… you want to date him?”
Nick: “What?! No! I’m not dating guys!!”
*audience laughs*
Nick: “Drew, I want to watch the documentary about Holly again to find out her true identity.”
Drew: “Well, while we’re watching the documentary again, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Bruno Mars in the Live Lounge.”
*audience cheers*
#33. Lady Antebellum – Downtown (32723 pts.)
*Nick and Drew still watch the documentary on the iPad Air at the backstage*
Producer: “Nick! Drew!”
Nick: “No! We’re not done with the documentary yet! Drew, you watched it, so you’re going to the stage.”
Drew: “Oh man, we’re doing this together!”
Nick: “No, I’m watching it, dude, you’re going to continue hosting anyway, by the way, you’re revealing the worst artist number 4 of 2013.”
Drew: “I’m not ready for that, dude! Okay, I’m continue watching, ladies and gentlemen…”
Producer: “Delta Goodrem is still in the green room, Drew.”
Drew: “Damn it! *goes to the studio*”
Nick: “Yeah, Drew, hell yeah, I’m still watching this sensational documentary.”
*Drew back to the studio*
Drew: “Okay, guys, I’m sorry for that because we’re supposed to watch the documentary. Before we’re revealing the video number 32, the worst artist of 2013 number 4 is… Austin Mahone!"
WORST ARTIST OF 2013 #4
AUSTIN MAHONE
Drew: "Why? At first, same like Greyson Chance, he never charted on any official charts, his music video for Say You’re Just a Friend copied 2NE1’s I Am The Best. His music is kinda annoying and boring for me, so I hate Austin Mahone personally, seriously! Oops, I’m sorry if I’m offending his fans. Okay, Delta Goodrem will perform up next after the video number 32!”
#32. OneRepublic – If I Lose Myself (32970 pts.)
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome The Voice Australia judge, Delta Goodrem!
Drew: “That was OneRepublic’s If I Lose Myself at number 32 of 2013, and thanks for Delta Goodrem’s perfomance too! You know Ryan Tedder, OneRepublic frontman, is also producing her upcoming album. By the way, we’re wondering whether OneRepublic also won the Best Rock, or Imagine Dragons, Paramore, The Script, or even Maroon 5. Here we go, the winner of the Best Rock goes to… *pauses 5 seconds* Imagine Dragons!!”
BEST ROCK
IMAGINE DRAGONS
Drew: “Congratulations to Imagine Dragons for winning the Best Rock!!”
*audience cheers*
Holly: “Drew!! *arrives bringing Nick*
*Drew and audience gasp*
Drew: “Holly?!”
Holly: “You!! *points on Drew* You!! *points on Nick* You!! *points on audience* You!! *points on camera*”
Drew: “Well, the video number 31, please?”
WARNING: This episode may be offensive for some readers.
DIMAS PETTIGREW'S BEST OF 2013
Drew: “Holly, what in the hell…”
Holly: *pushes Nick away* “Drew, you’ve never told me that there’s a live show tonight!”
Drew: “I’m so sorry, Holly, I’m so sorry I haven’t told you! I’m sorry!”
Holly: “Well, guys, audience, producer, and viewers all around the world, you know most of you have watched the documentary entitled From The Gloomiest Girl of the World to the Epic Celebrity Bitch: The Holly Cotton Story which aired on the public television last night and also became viral on the internet. Yes it is true, many of you have known that I have spent my childhood in Amsterdam, the city where I was born. But you now know that I ended up adopted by a gay couple after I got kicked out by my abusive father… this is true, you may wanna take a look.”
*clip airs*
Mystery Woman (Holly’s Mother): “Well, she was just a pretty, happy little girl, but when she got adopted by a gay couple, she had changed. She was fierce, tough, merciless, we were terrified by her. She always had a terrible dream about his father attacking her.”
Luke (Celebrity Games co-star): “That was back in 2012, when I got the role of the second season of Celebrity Games, while I made it, but my Unnatural Murders co-star, Ashley, got an car accident, I mean not an accident. Her car was pushed off the road into the river. I’m still wondering whether it was Holly.”
*clip stops*
Holly: *says as Nick and Drew walks away to the backstage* “There you go, it’s all true. But to those of you who would view this as some sort of weakness, let me say this: I am immensely powerful and terrifying. Little Holly Alexandra Alvarez died after her dad continued abusing her, and from the anger was born from a gay couple, Holly Cotton, the most famous celebrity bitch! Now, this is the last anyone needs to address this issue, ever! I consider the matter resolved. Okay then, here are the nominees for the Best American Act!”
Best American Act:
Hunter Hayes
Justin Timberlake
Phillip Phillips
Selena Gomez
Taylor Swift
Holly: “There you go, Florida Georgia Line featuring Nelly – Cruise was the number 30 of 2013. Well… uh…”
Nick: “Holly! Holly!”
Holly: “What?!”
Nick: “Well, I’m really sorry to hear about the horrible things about that gay couple and your abusive parents…”
Holly: “Nick, I really forbid you to talk about this any further during the double bill special show now.”
Nick: “Well, it makes sense that… you’re… you’re mean…”
Holly: “*angrily* Stop it! Stop it! This is unacceptable!”
Nick: “I’m sorry, Holly.”
Holly: “*back to normal* Well, we’re going to see the worst artist of 2013 number 3, it’s Frank Ocean."
WORST ARTIST OF 2013 #3
FRANK OCEAN
Holly: "Even though he won a Grammy, he was the first ever African-American musician to fall in love with his same sex, which is generally unacceptable in African-American music industry.”
Nick: “Holly, you’re offending…”
Holly: “Quiet, Nick! If you want to see the real African-American music, please welcome Jay-Z!”
#29. Bruno Mars – When I Was Your Man (34243 pts.)
Holly: “Well alright, Bruno Mars – When I Was Your Man is our number 29 of 2013. And we’re revealing the worst artist of 2013 number 2, which is Macklemore and Ryan Lewis."
WORST ARTIST OF 2013 #2
MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS
Holly: "Their single, Thrift Shop, reached number one on Billboard Hot 100 and later the rest of the world, Can’t Hold Us also reached number one. The both singles are really terrible in my ears and annoying for me, it was not one, but two of the worst singles of 2013, I mean ever! Ever! Ever! Macklemore and Ryan Lewis are f****** terrible!! Their singles are piece of f****** s****!”
Drew: “*arrives* Holly, you better watch your language, we’re live, we’re on air, you know that children are…”
Holly: *cuts* Well, Same Love also their most terrible single of all time, and it’s really terrible as well! Well… I’m… I’m discombobulated. *pauses 5 seconds as Drew leaves* What’s next? We have Rihanna performing on the live lounge, so please enjoy.”
*back to the back the studio*
Drew: “*whispers to Nick* It’s no use! Holly stole the show.”
Nick: “*whispers to Drew* What should we do now?”
Producer: “If Holly’s behavior is gone too far…”
*cuts to the live lounge*
#28. Lady Gaga – Applause (34475 pts.)
Holly: “Well, that was Lady Gaga with Applause, which was number 28 of 2013. Well, we’re now revealing the WORST ARTIST OF 2013! It’s Baauer with his infamous Harlem Shake! Harlem Shake is the most terrible viral video of all time! It’s also the worst song of all time!! It’s the f****** worst of all time!!”
WORST ARTIST OF 2013 #1
BAAUER
Drew: “Holly! Please stop it!”
Holly: “What?!”
Nick: “Look, we know it’s really terrible what happened during your childhood, I think you have to rest and take a break from the show, the producers have asked us to…”
Holly: “Nick, Drew, stop it, stop trying kicking me out!”
Nick: “No, we’re not trying to kick you out from the show!”
Holly: “Well, that was Nick and Drew, who attempted to steal the f****** show from me…”
Drew: “Holly, seriously, you need to watch your language or… *Holly touches her forehead* Holly, Holly, you’re alright?”
Holly: “Well, we have to reveal the video number 27 right after JT’s performance.”
#27. P!nk feat. Nate Ruess – Just Give Me a Reason (34563 pts.)
Holly: “You’re back in the “Best of 2013”, Just Give Me a Reason is at number 27 of 2013. After the performance, Justin Timberlake won the Best American Act of 2013, here’s the clip.”
*clip airs*
Drew: “Justin Timberlake! *runs to the backstage*
Justin Timberlake: “Yeah?”
Drew: “I have the Best American Act award trophy for you!! *gives the award to Justin Timberlake* Congratulations! Is there anything…”
Justin Timberlake: “*cuts* Thank you very much! I’m so happy and proud to come back to music industry! I’m so grateful! I want to thank my wife, Jessica Biel, my fans, RCA, Jay-Z, and so much, much more! Thank you so much! *changes attitude* Do you have any idea what happened in upstairs?”
Drew: “No, no idea.”
*clip stops*
BEST AMERICAN ACT
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE
Holly: “Congratulations to JT for winning the Best American Act, he deserves it. Um… Finally…”
Luke: “*from the backstage* Hi, Holly.”
Holly: “Lu… Luke? What the hell are you doing here?”
Luke: “I’m sorry to interrupt you, but because of your meltdown, Celebrity Games got cancelled after only two episodes of the season two, the network has asked me to speak with you about your attitude overnight. It’s hard to say this, but… because of this… the producer has let you go.”
Holly: “What? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Luke: “It means… I’m so sorry, you’re already fired.”
Holly: “Okay, what the hell? I can’t be fired, I’m the host.”
Luke: “Holly, you’re okay? Holly?”
Holly: “No!”
Luke: “Holly, look at me, look at me, you’re in the studio now, and you’re fired.”
Holly: “F***! F***!”
Luke: “Holly, are you with me?”
Holly: “F***!”
Luke: “Holly?”
Holly: “How dare you f****** abuse me, ****ing dad! You’re the f****** worst c******* dad ever!”
Luke: “It would seem that we have lost Holly to a complete mental breakdown, due to her sudden confrontation with long repressed trauma. I will personally see to it, poor Holly gets the help that she needs and does not return to the air for the rest of the episode. That’s all for tonight’s double bill special, here’s video number 26, goodnight everyone!”
Holly: “*pulled by the producers* F***! F***!! Let me f****** go!! Ugh!”
I like Beauty and a Beat I like Greyson If I Lose Myself, Imagine Dragons, Delta, Counting Stars, Cruise! Macklemore as worst artist too? :rip; Applause and JGMAR WHAT ABOUT US <33333333
Drew: “Well, yesterday was horrible, wasn’t it?”
Nick: “Today is even worse, most of the fans are going on strike in front of the studio building! They threaten to destroy us!” They even want to attack us! But thank God, there’s security and police blocking us and the producer.”
Drew: “Okay, what the hell happened with them? Where the hell is our audience?”
Nick: “They’re part of the protesters, Drew. After last night happened, there was a petition to bring Holly back to the show, it was made by a group of single mom, dancer, unemployed, and dreamless three young men, it drew over 100,000 signatures, but the producer announced that Holly won’t be back for her attitude last night, this drew fans’ anger, who are currently protesting in front of the building!”
Drew: “Damn, just show the video number 25 already!”
#25. Selena Gomez – Slow Down (35876 pts.)
Drew: “We’re safe, aren’t we?”
Nick: “We’re still technically, we better blame the producers for this. Producers, why the hell did you fire Holly?”
Fat female producer: “I don’t know, Holly’s attitude changed a lot since she came to the studio last night.”
Drew: “So it was your plan?”
Fat female producer: “Well, I don’t know.”
Nerdy male producer: “It was my plan, I’m afraid Holly’s gonna be humiliated on air, and she was humiliated and fired for her attitude related to the documentary.”
Nick: “Well thank you for your confession.”
Nerdy male producer: “No, I believe the protesters are attacking the police and security officers and we’re going to be attacked, so let’s just carry on.”
Black female producer: “Not until we strike the fans who are demanding Holly back, we’re still having time to tell that Holly will never ever come back to the show because she was fired as a host!”
Nerdy male producer: “No, everything is good!”
Drew: “Okay, you’re the executive producers here, I realized your meaningless life are for this one.”
Nerdy male producer: “My life is not meaningless! Man!”
Black female producer: “It’s not gonna hurt, we’re gonna die immediately after the attack, and we failed to finish the gigantic top 150 of 2013 countdown. I’m going to quit.”
Nick: “No, no, no, you’re still under contract for executive producing ‘Best of 2013’!”
Nerdy male producer: “Yeah, I know! Let’s just run here.”
Drew: “Alright, you’re all chicken, I guess you’re all fired.”
Black female producer: “You know what? Screw you! You’re badasses! I hate you, after Holly got fired, I hate you for your both attitudes!”
Fat female producer: “Yeah, before I get out of here, I have few things to say! You’re soulless! And The Secret Wizards: Reawakening is not epic! You heavily promoted the 3-part finale as the epic conclusion, and it’s not epic at all!”
Nick: “No, no, how dare you mocking The Secret Wizards: Reawakening although it was the most read Indonesian language story on the blog!”
Black female producer: “I hope the new season of The Secret Wizards got in the same fate as Celebrity Games!”
Nerdy male producer: “I want to punch your face! I want to punch your g****** bitch face!”
Fat female producer: “Watch your language, mate, we’re live.”
Drew: “Okay, thanks for your opinion, mate. And here’s video number 24.”
#24. Delta Goodrem – Dancing with a Broken Heart (35883 pts.)
Nick: “Drew, what the hell are you doing?”
Drew: “Nothing…”
Nick: “Are you using magic on them, Drew?”
Drew: “Nope.”
Nick: “Well, Holly is really troublemaker, like the video number 23, it’s Olly Murs – Troublemaker.”
#23. Olly Murs feat. Flo Rida – Troublemaker (36341 pts.)
Drew: “Nick, the security and police get weaker! The protesters get stronger! We’re getting panic! And we…”
Nick: “Drew, stop it! Don’t panic, we’re safe! Here’s video number 22 to cheer you up.”
#22. Hunter Hayes – Wanted (36582 pts.)
Drew: “Oh no…”
Nick: “What?”
Drew: “One of the fans tweeted that they’re almost here! They attacked the security guards! They’re almost here!! They’re almost here!”
Nick: “We’re staying here, mate, I’m with you. Like the video number 21.”
Drew: “No, not that!!”
#21. Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko – Stay (38363 pts.)
Nick: “As you can see guys, we’re moments away from the attack of the protesters because of the firing of Holly for her bad attitude, and we’re currently live right now. Let’s get the final comments from the three executive producers who failed to escape. Any final words?”
Fat female producer: “*in panic attack* Uuuuh…”
Nerdy male producer: “Why don’t you leave us alone, you cocksuckers!! I hate you!!”
Black female producer: “It’s not our fault to cause this! It’s not our fault to fire Holly! It’s her fault!”
Nick: “Okay, executive producers, thanks for your final comments and goodbye forever. Drew, are you ready, mate?”
Drew: “Crap! I’m not ready to die! We still have the new season of The Secret Wizards to be available!!”
Nick: “Quiet, Drew!”
*protesters arrive and start attacking the studio, making the executive producers running in panic mode*
Drew: “S***! S***! S***!”
Nick: “Here we go! Here we go!! RUN!!! *runs alongside Drew through the emergency exit*”
Nick and Drew: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!!!!"
*the protesters keep attacking the studio, then many of them see the camera and attacked it until it went off air*