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Discussion: Straight crush experience?
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 6,625
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Ok so I finally finished reading the thread and now I gotta post my first story (Though I have more .
So I realized I was probably gay at like 9 years old, but I kinda repressed it until I was about 11 or so. I'm a Boy Scout also, so I was around a lot of close guy friends around the time I kinda realized my sexuality a second time. This guy, we'll call him C., is like two years older than me and was (and still is to me) one of my cutest friends from scouts. We were on a campout and boy scouts roughhousing can be ****ing messy, and we were playing manhunt (glorified tag) and he pushed me up against a wall, and it was like the middle of winter so he had on this leather jacket and it was at that moment in my head I was like "Oh **** I find both this situation and him very hot" and I started secretly crushing on him HARD.
Out of our core group of friends though we were like probably the least close to one another, and at the time I was an annoying 11/12 year old, so I feel like that's why we didn't get super close at the time, and about two years after I first started crushing on C., he ended up getting a girlfriend that basically got him started on popping pills and it was a total mess, he left scouts and got sent to like a wilderness rehab up north and then to a boarding school
I didn't even hear from him again bc he didn't have internet access until he came back to town at the end of his senior year. We started talking again and he was like "sorry I left you guys were really my best friends and I should've realized that" and I thought it was very sweet.
C. ended up going to college about an hour away, and since he was clean and in a good place we kept in contact, I secretly still had a little bit of a crush on him but I'd moved on to another straight guy at the time. He ended up getting engaged to a girl at like the beginning of 2015 after 3 months of dating and I was like ![Doc](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/atrlers/doc_zpsc886535c.gif) but still happy for him.
Here's where things get juicy:
In May, I was hopped up on pain meds from getting my wisdom teeth extracted and it's a few days later. I'm checking snapchat and I see he's posting about how he "cant wait to get blackout drunk" and "life is ****ing ****" and I message him because I'm concerned about him relapsing or something, but he tells me that him and his fiance had broken up and that he was okay just taking it hard. I told him I'm there for him if he ever needs to talk, and I don't see another message from him for about 3 hours till I wake up from a nap and see this:
GIRLS when I tell you that it was like 12 year old me just emerged, like I was dying, I didn't wanna save the messages so I screenshotted them with my mac so I could make sure they were real when I wasn't doped up ![JonnyϟLightning](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/atrlers/jonny_zpsc73391c5.png) I even told him I used to have a crush on him and we laughed about it, so like I was right all along and he wasn't straight
I know he's dating another girl now but I hope once I get my **** together and get on his level of hotness that maybe I can ask him out but like it's months later and I'm still shook by this
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 5,549
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Quote:
Originally posted by BYoncé
Ok so I finally finished reading the thread and now I gotta post my first story (Though I have more .
So I realized I was probably gay at like 9 years old, but I kinda repressed it until I was about 11 or so. I'm a Boy Scout also, so I was around a lot of close guy friends around the time I kinda realized my sexuality a second time. This guy, we'll call him C., is like two years older than me and was (and still is to me) one of my cutest friends from scouts. We were on a campout and boy scouts roughhousing can be ****ing messy, and we were playing manhunt (glorified tag) and he pushed me up against a wall, and it was like the middle of winter so he had on this leather jacket and it was at that moment in my head I was like "Oh **** I find both this situation and him very hot" and I started secretly crushing on him HARD.
Out of our core group of friends though we were like probably the least close to one another, and at the time I was an annoying 11/12 year old, so I feel like that's why we didn't get super close at the time, and about two years after I first started crushing on C., he ended up getting a girlfriend that basically got him started on popping pills and it was a total mess, he left scouts and got sent to like a wilderness rehab up north and then to a boarding school
I didn't even hear from him again bc he didn't have internet access until he came back to town at the end of his senior year. We started talking again and he was like "sorry I left you guys were really my best friends and I should've realized that" and I thought it was very sweet.
C. ended up going to college about an hour away, and since he was clean and in a good place we kept in contact, I secretly still had a little bit of a crush on him but I'd moved on to another straight guy at the time. He ended up getting engaged to a girl at like the beginning of 2015 after 3 months of dating and I was like ![Doc](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/atrlers/doc_zpsc886535c.gif) but still happy for him.
Here's where things get juicy:
In May, I was hopped up on pain meds from getting my wisdom teeth extracted and it's a few days later. I'm checking snapchat and I see he's posting about how he "cant wait to get blackout drunk" and "life is ****ing ****" and I message him because I'm concerned about him relapsing or something, but he tells me that him and his fiance had broken up and that he was okay just taking it hard. I told him I'm there for him if he ever needs to talk, and I don't see another message from him for about 3 hours till I wake up from a nap and see this:
GIRLS when I tell you that it was like 12 year old me just emerged, like I was dying, I didn't wanna save the messages so I screenshotted them with my mac so I could make sure they were real when I wasn't doped up ![JonnyϟLightning](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/atrlers/jonny_zpsc73391c5.png) I even told him I used to have a crush on him and we laughed about it, so like I was right all along and he wasn't straight
I know he's dating another girl now but I hope once I get my **** together and get on his level of hotness that maybe I can ask him out but like it's months later and I'm still shook by this
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Omg sis, don't let him go! Has he ever come on to you in any way or are you pretty sure he still just sees you as a friend?
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,014
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I've been reading all your stories for like and hour and half and right now 'No Air' started playing on Spotify and I'm crying
My story: I have a massive crush on my straight best friend. We know each other since, like, we were born I guess, but my crush on him started like two or three years ago. During that time I've been in a relationship and I was deeply in love with that guy, but even when I was in this relationship, I always felt something special for him, like I love him more than just 'my best friend'.
I have to mention that he was on a relationship with a girl for three years.
Well, here comes the best part. They ended the relationship two years ago and just this past october he told me he finds guys attractive and he thinks that he's bi. What's the first thing he said to me right after that? 'But not you, you're like my brother'. And now he's always talking about how good looking that guy is and stuff like that. And this is my life right now ![rip](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRLSmilies/rip_zpsec10ede9.gif)
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 12,538
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Yes, three years ago. It was the first and last time (so far). My story is nowhere near as interesting as yours, so I won't bother ![:'(](images/smilies/images/smilies/cry.gif)
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,920
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I've literally been pretending like I'm over the entire thing I'm going through when in reality I just want to text him as much as I did before
I just don't feel (never did) sexually about him... it's very emotional and I can't find a way to fix this
He hasn't seen or responded to my one week old message, (he's always been annoyingly slow with FB to everyone though, and he tends to message on the weekends) and I don't want to message him again because that'll only take me back to square one. I need to find a way out.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,373
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All of these stories have me mentally bawling for the third time ![skull](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/faces/skull_zpsksni5fmm.gif)
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 3,581
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Yeah all my crushes were strictly platonic. Never had sexual fantasies involving them bc I feel like that would degrade my mental image of them.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 5,549
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Quote:
Originally posted by JonginBey
Yes, three years ago. It was the first and last time (so far). My story is nowhere near as interesting as yours, so I won't bother ![:'(](images/smilies/images/smilies/cry.gif)
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Sis, I want to know everything. Spill!
Quote:
Originally posted by yamiyuuuu
I've been reading all your stories for like and hour and half and right now 'No Air' started playing on Spotify and I'm crying
My story: I have a massive crush on my straight best friend. We know each other since, like, we were born I guess, but my crush on him started like two or three years ago. During that time I've been in a relationship and I was deeply in love with that guy, but even when I was in this relationship, I always felt something special for him, like I love him more than just 'my best friend'.
I have to mention that he was on a relationship with a girl for three years.
Well, here comes the best part. They ended the relationship two years ago and just this past october he told me he finds guys attractive and he thinks that he's bi. What's the first thing he said to me right after that? 'But not you, you're like my brother'. And now he's always talking about how good looking that guy is and stuff like that. And this is my life right now ![rip](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRLSmilies/rip_zpsec10ede9.gif)
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Sorry to hear. Maybe he'll come around. Feelings can change so quickly. I went from viewing my best friend as a friend to the love of my life to most definitely just a friend. Just hit the gym, get a nice outfit, and show him what he's missing!
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,757
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Quote:
Originally posted by Raster
Yeah all my crushes were strictly platonic. Never had sexual fantasies involving them bc I feel like that would degrade my mental image of them.
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Is that normal? I could never fantasize about my crush in a sexual way. It felt disrespectful.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 1,957
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I was in Year 9 (around 13 or so) and had a crush on this really cute guy in my year. He kinda looked like Louis from One Direction. I wouldn't speak to him very much but when I did I just couldn't. All my friends knew I crushed on him and there were some gay rumours I really wanted to believe about him.
Anyway, he messaged me after we got our GCSEs (aged 16) because we took several of the same classes, and I remember dying when I got that Facebook message. We stayed at the same school until we were both 18 and continued having classes together. We used to share notes and test each other too.
Fast forward five years (we're 21 now) and we still speak every single day. He has a girlfriend, has known I have (had... maybe) a crush on him for years, and we argue/insult each other constantly, but he's always the first person I go to when I need advice. He even said for £100 he would let me give him head. But I wouldn't want to risk that friendship would I
So I suppose I got off lucky, he was my first (and only) straight crush and I still speak to him daily eight years after I met him. He knows more about me than anyone else on this planet, and he's one of the few people I have no problem talking to about anything. Now if only he would send me a few nudes... ![eli's_rhythm](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/atrlers/eli_zps0932edf9.gif)
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 7,037
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I have a massive crush on (more like in love at this point with) my straight best friend and it's hard because he gives me mixed signals. He most likely knows I like him like that because I've given it away too many times without needing to say a word.
We're extremely close like a couple, spend a lot of time together and touch each other a lot. I could go into it all but I'm not really in the mood to remind myself that he will never make love to me because I have a penis.
It really is a nuisance falling for someone you can't have. I wish I could get rid of it, but the only way is to get rid of him and I can't do that to him tbh. He also loves me a lot I know, but just not sexually. Nothing I can do really but hope my sexual attraction to him dissipates. Our friendship bond is too strong for me to throw away just because he won't sleep with me. ![:'(](images/smilies/images/smilies/cry.gif)
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,920
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mettaton
Is that normal? I could never fantasize about my crush in a sexual way. It felt disrespectful.
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SAME.
My current straight crush, I had a deep emotional thing for (it's slightly less deep now but still there) but never anything sexual at all. Like I could never get off on him. Or get off on something else while he was in my mind.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 5,549
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Quote:
Originally posted by IMadeYouReadThis
SAME.
My current straight crush, I had a deep emotional thing for (it's slightly less deep now but still there) but never anything sexual at all. Like I could never get off on him. Or get off on something else while he was in my mind.
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That's kind of how I was with my crush on my high school best friend. It wasn't so much a sexual attraction as it was an emotional connection.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,920
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Quote:
Originally posted by ThugginGrande
That's kind of how I was with my crush on my high school best friend. It wasn't so much a sexual attraction as it was an emotional connection.
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Welp this thread really is making me feel much less alone with respect to what I've been going through...
I havent been in contact with him in about a week and I really hope this continues... that's the only way I'll work my sh*t out...
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,381
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When I was in year 11 I studied art and often people who were in the year above doing A Level art would work in another part of the room. There was this SUPER hot guy who would often be there at the same time as my lessons and I immediately had such a crush on him. He's really handsome and is really athletic because he plays rugby and yeah
That continued for a year or so but as quite a low level thing really. However, the next year when I moved up I was doing art for a level too and he was still. This meant that often I'd have frees or lessons in which I'd work in the art room at the same time as him. We got to know each other more and would often chat as we'd often see each other due to the way our timetable worked out. To keep it short, my crush on him got more and more intense the more time that I spent around him, and I was desperately looking for signs he might be gay and also trying to spend as much time around him as possible. It was such a mess and really stupid looking back now as I spent a stupid amount of time there doing random things that I didn't really need to do just for a chance to get to be around him. We did talk quite a lot and grow a friendship and got on well (I thought, at least). He'd also be sometimes be doing things that I'd desperately interpret as a sign he was interested; such as sitting really close to me or leaning on me or whatever).
I kept trying to get over him but couldn't and it was so difficult. He is literally so my type and so attractive and even though on paper we may not have matched up as such, I feel that in reality we would actually have complemented each others strengths and weaknesses really well. He then left to go on study leave which finally gave me an opportunity to get over him as I needed to be away for prolonged periods for any chance, and it did work to an extent. He came back in to get some stuff one day though and then it set my progress back to zero
Recently I followed him on Instagram because I feel like I've managed to stop obsessing over him sufficiently so as to try and just maintain the friendship I felt we developed. Especially so as he's left school now. But it's kinda awkward because he's not followed me back and it's been several weeks so I feel kind of dumb now
I hate the situation so much because not only as we are gay do we have to contend with the general nature of crushes anyway, but also have to first work out whether people are gay/bi/closeted etc which makes everything so much more stressful and difficult. And then it's even harder not to obsess over people we do have crushes on because there's so much of a smaller pool of people to pick from, compared to being straight
I feel like all of what I've written is going to be unreadable and confusing but oh well
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 5,549
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Quote:
Originally posted by WalkingOnCharts
When I was in year 11 I studied art and often people who were in the year above doing A Level art would work in another part of the room. There was this SUPER hot guy who would often be there at the same time as my lessons and I immediately had such a crush on him. He's really handsome and is really athletic because he plays rugby and yeah
That continued for a year or so but as quite a low level thing really. However, the next year when I moved up I was doing art for a level too and he was still. This meant that often I'd have frees or lessons in which I'd work in the art room at the same time as him. We got to know each other more and would often chat as we'd often see each other due to the way our timetable worked out. To keep it short, my crush on him got more and more intense the more time that I spent around him, and I was desperately looking for signs he might be gay and also trying to spend as much time around him as possible. It was such a mess and really stupid looking back now as I spent a stupid amount of time there doing random things that I didn't really need to do just for a chance to get to be around him. We did talk quite a lot and grow a friendship and got on well (I thought, at least). He'd also be sometimes be doing things that I'd desperately interpret as a sign he was interested; such as sitting really close to me or leaning on me or whatever).
I kept trying to get over him but couldn't and it was so difficult. He is literally so my type and so attractive and even though on paper we may not have matched up as such, I feel that in reality we would actually have complemented each others strengths and weaknesses really well. He then left to go on study leave which finally gave me an opportunity to get over him as I needed to be away for prolonged periods for any chance, and it did work to an extent. He came back in to get some stuff one day though and then it set my progress back to zero
Recently I followed him on Instagram because I feel like I've managed to stop obsessing over him sufficiently so as to try and just maintain the friendship I felt we developed. Especially so as he's left school now. But it's kinda awkward because he's not followed me back and it's been several weeks so I feel kind of dumb now
I hate the situation so much because not only as we are gay do we have to contend with the general nature of crushes anyway, but also have to first work out whether people are gay/bi/closeted etc which makes everything so much more stressful and difficult. And then it's even harder not to obsess over people we do have crushes on because there's so much of a smaller pool of people to pick from, compared to being straight
I feel like all of what I've written is going to be unreadable and confusing but oh well
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Oh sis, if he won't even spare you a follow back on Instagram he's not worth your time!
And yeah, it's difficult for gays because straight is just the default. A straight girl or guy can try to get with someone of the opposite sex and be confident that that there's at least some chance they'll reciprocate the feelings. They don't have to ask their sexuality. We gays have such a small pool of dating options and sometimes we can't even figure out who's in that pool. Also, there's an incentive for gay guys to stay closeted whereas there isn't an incentive for straight guys to come out as gay, so that's why we often don't give up easily on our "straight" crushes.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 8,150
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I've read through this whole thread, the feels ![weeps](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRLSmilies/52b0f867.gif) , anyway time for my story
So, last year there was this guy at my work, let's call him Kenny, who at first I though nothing of. I was kind of in my own group and world at the job with the guys I hung out with but I noticed him, we made small talk a couple times but he kind of initiated the relationship we had. I'm not that judgemental but he kinda looked 'hood' to me, and his friends seemed that way too so I kept my distance.
Eventually we worked in close proximity one day, I was newer and he really helped me out, he was the opposite of everything I thought about him (don't judge a book by its cover girls ![weeps](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRLSmilies/52b0f867.gif) ) he was kind, accepting, very intelligent, he had a very bright future for himself and he also had a great work ethic. He didn't have a car though so I had to drive him home (or to one of his friends houses a couple times) ![skull](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/faces/skull_zpsksni5fmm.gif) . I didn't mind though ![Gay Cat](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/random/cat_zpsebvh5uip.png) we had AMAZING conversation, far more than I could have with my main idiotic friends and he always paid me compliments. He told me I was smart, attractive, bright etc. Everything I would love to hear but I told him the same things too because he really was. He also talked a lot about his female conquests and it would low key turn me on
I started catching feelings FAST, like I couldn't stop thinking about him and it didn't help that he would STARE me downE at work. I remember once I caught him staring with the most beautiful smile on his face ![smitten](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ebf69f50.gif) , I smiled back and almost died inside, one time I caught him staring and he didn't even think to look away we just looked at each other for a couple seconds without saying a word ![rip](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRLSmilies/rip_zpsec10ede9.gif) he would always find me wherever I was to talk, and even made a gesture to invite me inside his hotel room once (he had to live there because one of his roommates from his last house was involved in gangs and got shot ![skull](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/faces/skull_zpsksni5fmm.gif) , he lived in a rougher side of town) he made me feel so ethereal in a way because he always told me about how I'm meant for 'big' things and don't belong in a place where he is. I also remember that there was this one gay guy a asst. manager who was trying to pursue me, he would flirt and hit on me and invited me once to see a movie with him (I turned him down because Kenny was all I saw at that job anyway ![smitten](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ebf69f50.gif) ) Kenny would get defensive and always asked me about him and if I needed him to tell the guy to back off. I was just falling harder.
Eventually, fall came and I went back to school (which is out of state) and I haven't seen him since, I thought about him a lot but obviously I'm over it now as its been a whole year since I last saw him but sometimes my mind wanders and I really hope he's doing good for himself. He was from a pretty poor background but was saving up to attend college and no matter what I hope life works out for him, he deserves it
I'm getting teary eyed sis, why does life have to be this way? ![weeps](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRLSmilies/52b0f867.gif)
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 11,858
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I had a crush on one straight guy in college last year (we were in the same class). He was really hot and the way he would come into college riding on his moped and looking all good used to make me blush. He also had a tattoo on his arm too.
I normally used to sit outside some of the time during break and he would come and sit opposite me. We never spoke tho ![skull](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/faces/skull_zpsksni5fmm.gif) .
In late June last year, I decided to leave the college so I haven't seen him since then. But in October (same year - 2015), a period came where I couldn't get him out of my head. I was searching for him on Google, searching for him on Facebook, searching for any Instagram profiles of him, searched for him on Twitter and searched for his friend on Facebook so I can look under his friends list for my crush. I didn't find any link tho.
Afterwards I started crying because I was thinking about how I ****** everything up and talking to him and getting to know him could have been my opportunity. I was at the peak of my social anxiety at the time so that caused problems. He also used to give me looks sometimes as if he wanted me. He was also the first guy I've ever had a crush on (I'm bi). I still think about him sometimes even when I'm listening to certain songs. I used to dream about him, fantasize about him etc. I was a mess
I love you Josh ![kiss](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRLSmilies/a5f1210c.gif)
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 51
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OMG so, I kind of have a long story too. When this guy and I first became friends, he was my cousin's best friend, and prior to us becoming friends, we hated each other because a couple years prior to that he was (apparently) jokingly being mean to my cousin, and I pushed him into my cousins snake tank, and it kind of cracked, (I was an angry child.) But we first became friends when my cousin and I started hanging out a lot, and he was over all the time. He asked me to hold his drink for him while he rode his dirt bike around with my cousin and a couple of his friends. Then he asked me to jailbreak his iPhone, and I did, and then he asked me to come over his house to stay the night, like without my cousin. Over the next couple months, we hung out a lot and developed a really solid friendship, and I started to crush hard on him. This was the first time I ever had a big crush on a guy, and he WAS perfect. He was a football player, and had amazing biceps and pecs. At one point we were hanging out constantly, especially once we both started driving. He would drive to my house, pick me up, and we would go hang out at his house, and then he would drive me home, or I would drive to his house right after he got out of football practice, and we'd hang out all night. Some of his family members started to get suspicious that we were in a secret relationship, because we were together so often, so he started dating this girl, and I loathed that bitch because she was taking my man, and he always wanted me to hang out with them, and it was literally the most painful thing I had ever experienced (at the time). I would go to his football games (he went to a different high school than I did) with his sister (who was also one of my best friends), and I ended up making a bunch of friends at that school, and at one point, I even wanted to transfer schools just so I could spend more time with him. I was constantly doing anything I could to make him happy. Buying him things, doing his homework, waiting on him hand and foot, and then we ended up not talking for a while, mostly because he started taking a lot of opiates, and turned into a huge asshole, someone I didn't really want to be aroun, and when we started talking again, he was in a relationship with another girl (who he is still with currently) and they are now engaged. We don't really hang out or talk much anymore, but I find myself thinking about all the amazing times we had together when we were best friends. I wish he wasn't afraid of his family disowning him, because I have a feeling he is bi, because too much happened over the course of our friendship that led me to believe that he had feelings for me, but that ship has sailed because he is not a drug-addicted asshole, he also gained a lot of weight, and even though he probably has his muscles under his fat, I just don't find him attractive anymore.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 611
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I've been crushing on my straight friend for over 2 years already and it's killing me in the inside ![JonnyϟLightning](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/atrlers/jonny_zpsc73391c5.png) .... last time that we hangout was about three weeks ago when we went to the gay clubs at the Castro (I convinced him to go because he didn't want to feel uncomfortable there) we got drunk and I ended up grabbing his junk and I felt that he was hard ![JonnyϟLightning](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/atrlers/jonny_zpsc73391c5.png) ...
his birthday is next month and I'm thinking of giving him a Britney Jean that night ... what should I do ?
Come on! Help out a sista! ![JonnyϟLightning](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/korn0818/ATRL_Smilies_All/atrlers/jonny_zpsc73391c5.png)
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