“Cry Baby” (2001) Here to Heaven
Hot 100: —
Days on TRL: —
Overall score: 5.60 High score:9.4 (Ace Reject) Low score:1 (MWB)
Better known as Meadow Soprano, Jamie-Lynn Sigler made a brief foray into pop stardom at the height of the show's popularity with this rancid ditty that sounds like a parody of everything people used to criticized Britney Spears for. Despite sharing a name with the Princess of Pop's sister, music royalty was not in the cards for Jamie-Lynn. She later apologized for her flop album, telling Page Six, "I hated every moment of it. I was faking it the whole time.”
Best bit: None of it quite reaches the level of campiness this song needs to work.
The music video... is a mini-movie that should be subtitled Revenge of the Sorority Sisters.
“Don't Say You Love Me" (1999) Shades of Purple
Hot 100: #21
Days on TRL: —
Overall score: 5.53 High score:10 (PeopleLikeUs, CoolestPerson12) Low score:1 (BlueTimberwolf)
Norweigan duo M2M (named for members Marit and Marion) made a true splash in the U.S. with their debut single "Don't Say You Love Me," which went gold and nearly reached the top twenty of the Billboard Hot 100. Despite the teenagers' chipmunk voices and a featured spot in Pokémon: The First Movie, the sweet guitar-driven pop resonated with more than just Radio Disney audiences, finding its way onto Felicity and Beverly Hills, 90210, and earning them a spot opening for Hanson on tour.
Best bit: The breathy, acoustic first verse grabs the listener with its cool ambience.
The music video... feels surprisingly timeless with its drive-in theater setting. (There's also an awkward Pokémonversion.)
Are you ****ing kidding me?
This song is the definition of bubblegum pop. I loved this song when it was getting constant radio play on Radio Disney.
“I Must Not Chase the Boys” (2003) Replay
Hot 100: —
Days on TRL: 1
Overall score: 5.74 High score:10 (V3$$3L.) Low score:2 (Ace Reject)
Swedish girl group Play returned in the spring of 2003 ready to conquer America. Gone were the pigtails and the bubbly feel-good pop for which the Land of ABBA is known; in its place, the girls served sex appeal and a hard rock-infused sound. With a big promotional push, "I Must Not Chase the Boys" cracked the TRL countdown and drove Play's album to a #67 debut on the Billboard 200, but this new approach still wasn't enough to fully break into the U.S. market.
Best bit: If it weren't so relentlessly ugly, this would a perfect theme song for ATRL.
The music video... is an unsettling peek inside Max Martin's Home for Wayward Girls. (If it's not available in your country, you can watch it on Dailymotion.)
I'm gonna have a busy week and I don't want to miss a lot of positions.
