13 Things You Need To Do To Prepare For Madonna’s “Rebel Heart” Tour
1.
Watch Every Madonna Music Video Ever
That’s right, all 68. From “Everybody” to “Bitch, I’m Madonna.” NO SKIPPING! This will take about five and a half hours, so set aside an afternoon, mute your ringtone and fire up the YouTube. You don’t want to be caught off guard when someone references “Dear Jessie” and you can’t remember what color the elephants were… PINK! They were PINK! Know the facts.
6.
Download Grindr (Again)
If you don’t already have a (or every) hookup app, this is the time to get one. You are guaranteed to meet your future husband and/or the best sex of your life in that stadium. Literally hundreds of homosexuals will be zero feet away from you. Cast a wide net, but remember only to check your messages when the queen is not present on stage. She hates to be ignored.
7.
Update Your Emergency Contacts
Because, bitch, you just might die. Literally die. Have you seen Madonna in concert before? This might be too much for your nervous system to take. Make sure you have a living will, and are wearing you’re medic-alert bracelet if applicable. Remember to drink plenty of water before, during, and after the concert.
For MDNA we knew like 12 years beforehand that the stage would have those platforms and the world's largest TV screens or whatever tf. 
