Quote:
Originally posted by Badger
Drew finishes his lentil and soy bean Vietnamese salad lunch with a grimace. It is days like these where his motivation for Veganism wears thin. He bolsters himself with a reminder that meat is murder and causes cancer. His mind travels back to his successful article on the subject a few days earlier, and he finds himself craving that attention again. In order to get that buzz, his next article needs to latch on to a very prolific subject, but what does he choose? Miley Cyrus' latest antics? No, too passé. Another one of Donald Trump's controversial quips? Too negative. A subversive piece on why Azealia Bank's homophobic rants are beneficial for the LGBT community? Definitely not; his editor warned him he'd be on probation if covered the female rapper yet again. So what to write about?
His overweight middle-aged coworker Janice who wears a necklace with her cat's name on it turns the radio back on in the cubicle next to him. For the third time this morning the office is filled with the sound of strident soulful vocals accompanied by melancholy strings. The lightbulb above Drew's head illuminates. Of course! Adele's magnicificent, triumphant return to music is surefire clickbait. But it's not enough simply to detail her stats, there needs to be a compelling angle.
After minutes of staring into space in deep thought, Drew flexes his fingers, rearranges his fingerless gloves and gets to work:
As Drew hits send to his editor, Adele's voice rises to a crescendo, and the entire office descends into floods of tears and imitated belts. The young journalist tries not to feel too pleased with himself, and makes sure to send his article to Adele's Twitter in the hopes that it goes viral. The radio finishes Hello and immediately follows with Someone Like You. As the chords of the piano play out, Drew is taken back to that fateful train journey when a beautiful woman ignored his well-meaning smiles. Life can be cruel, he thought, but at least I have Adele to keep me warm in these lonely winter nights.
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Perfect, except for the bolded sentence. Drew is clearly supposed to be gay. He tweets things like:
@DrewKardashianWest ME LISTENING TO #HELLO
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